3rd baby... venting a little

mamatowildones · September 2016

I think there are a few of us mamas on here with a few babies already. Is anyone else feeling like people start to not only get less excited, but judgmental a little bit with baby 3 or more? I felt our first was just an over the moon excitement for everyone on both sides of the family and all of our friends. We had been together for 7 years and married for 2 more and everyone was thrilled. DS2 came 2.5 years later and while everyone wasn't nearly as shocked/thrilled there was still a lot of happiness and anticipation. But honestly, this time I'm feeling really kind of hurt by people. Mainly my mother. She doesn't seem excited at the prospect of another baby and keeps making comments on how many people don't have large families anymore, how hard it will be to have 3 under 5, etc. Does she think I don't know that? This wasn't a surprise, we wanted our kids close in age and we are beyond excited to see our family grow. It makes me sad and frustrated! Some of my friends are more excited for us that our closest family members! I totally understand that there is nothing like the experience of your first pregnancy, but isn't 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.... just as wonderful?!
Thanks for letting me get that out!

bacorrea · September 2016

Hugs. That's super frustrating. There is definitely a "stigma" after 2 kids. Try not to let it get to you! This baby is a blessing and y'all are doing what's right for your family. The rest of the world doesn't get a vote in your family planning.

Hopefully your mom will come around.

geoffandjen728 · September 2016

Yup. I haven't told anyone yet. My mom went around telling people I was going to give hand me downs to some new moms in the extended family a year ago (when DS was just a baby still) She never asked me if we were having more. When I told her that we weren't ready to pass along baby stuff yet she flipped out on me. (Mind you- she herself gave birth to 3 and told us many times she wanted more)
hurts. There are no reasons whatsoever to support her idea that more than two kids is such a bad idea. Makes me sad. Hurt.

JCWhitey · September 2016

That sucks that you are getting those reactions. I'm having my third. So far everyone I've told have been super excited. My mom cried. But I live in an area where big families are pretty normal and most of my extended family members have 3+ kids. It's not a shock to anyone that we are having a third.

ShadeofGreen816 · September 2016

I'm sorry that's a crappy reaction!! Know that we are all excited for you!! I have a friend who is due with #2 in march and her LO will be 14 months at that time. She has gotten similar reactions but I'm so excited that we get to be pregnant together!! Hopefully as people get used the idea they will be more polite at least if not excited!!

chickyclg · September 2016

I am pregnant with #3 but I think my circumstances are a little different. I think that everyone is shocked that I got pregnant without help and they are calling this a miracle baby. We have definitely been told that it will be hard since we will have 3 under 2.5 though.

chickyclg · September 2016

On my last BMB there was a girl pregnant with her 9th though

SparkySunDevil · September 2016

My family is all very excited. Most of my coworkers are also. But I have had a few coworkers and frequent customers ask "on purpose? Are you excited? What are you gonna do if it's another girl?" Yes, i prayed for and took medication to get pregnant with this baby. And I'm ecstatic, but guarded. It's still early. And if it's another girl? I'll love her very much.

hp_momma · September 2016

Number 3 for me too... We haven't told anyone yet and I think I am more hesitant this time because of the possible reactions. I think I'll be even more hesitant announcing the gender if we have our third girl because of people's "oh are you sad it's not a boy?" "Will you try for another boy"? Etc.

flychick-2 · September 2016

I totally get this. DH and I are afraid to tell MIL because she'll be angry. Can you imagine? My parents will be ok and I hope excited. Really the only person I know will be truly excited is my 6 year old who has been requesting another baby for a long time.

vrj0522 · September 2016

We also live in an area where big families are not uncommon and both DH and I come from families with more than 2 kids and our families know we want more so we don't expect such a reaction from family; however, I have been amazed at how everyone else always assumes that because we have a boy and a girl we are done having kids. It drives me crazy. The awesome part here though is that it is YOUR family so you don't owe anyone an explanation for how you plan your family. Sorry you're getting grief already!

mamatowildones · September 2016

I am so thankful to have other mamas understand. Wow! Thanks ladies!! It seems like a few of you have 2 girls. We have 2 boys and I'm totally sick of people asking about what if it is another?! Ummmm my boys are amazing and I will be thrilled to have another. Honestly people are so frustrating. Glad to be in good company here!

tumbleweed-1 · September 2016

I thinks it's cool that you are having a third kid. I'm one of 5 (but one was a half sister who lived in another town, so 4 kids in one household). I loved having siblings. I'm glad there are moms on here who are having 2+ children. Where I live, I hear a lot of opinions on how families should only have one child, if they must. It's nice to get other opinions here. I've always felt that 3 kids would be right for me. My SO is an only child so 3 sounds like a lot to him! We're only pregnant with #1 right now.

CherryBananas · September 2016

I'm so sorry that some of you ladies are getting these (or expecting) these negative reactions. That makes my heart sad. I'm a little suprised that people not involved in your family's baby-making are so opinionated about it! I'm glad you have friends that are supportive and happy for you

kat81 · September 2016

I was anticipating these reactions. We didn't tell anyone and then I likely started to miscarry yesterday. If/when we tell anyone about the miscarriage I also think there will be less sympathy about it for this reason (though admittedly, I think I'm a lot less sad about the miscarriage than I would have been if it was my first pregnancy.)

Yiggle09 · September 2016

I know I am just on number two but other than my immediate family none of the "friends" at work are all that excited. I work in a busy hospital xray department so when I get pregnant it means I am taken out of working in the OR or gastrointestinal fluoroscopy. I am the third pregnant girl in the department. The other two are first time moms and a month apart due in early and late january so my getting pregnant- even though everyone knew we were going to start trying very close to DS was almost like a groan. "Your pregnant too" instead of congratulations. Now the other pregnant moms are lazy as f and using this pregnancy to get out of anything they don't want to do but everyone knows my pregnancy track record so they really shouldnt groan lol anyway I felt like I needed to vent along with you. I am so sorry your getting that reaction. My friend just had her second baby it was a girl she already had a boy and someone on her fb page goes congratulations now your family is complete. When did 2 babes one of each sex make your family complete? Not in my book not at all.

Candy_bandit · September 2016

I'm putting this here because I don't know where else! So I'm 5 weeks, looking at my boobs today they are looking like they did when I was breastfeeding. Lo and behold- squeezed them and yep, lactating again. I feel like this is really really early for this- any of you 2+ ladies have any experience? I'm not sure if I should just leave them, or be expelling? I was really prone to clogs with my daughter and am having visions of first trimester bs and clogged ducts for the next nine months and am pretty freaked out!

chickyclg · September 2016

jamielynn3280090808 said:

I'm putting this here because I don't know where else! So I'm 5 weeks, looking at my boobs today they are looking like they did when I was breastfeeding. Lo and behold- squeezed them and yep, lactating again. I feel like this is really really early for this- any of you 2+ ladies have any experience? I'm not sure if I should just leave them, or be expelling? I was really prone to clogs with my daughter and am having visions of first trimester bs and clogged ducts for the next nine months and am pretty freaked out!

1) @jamielynn3280090808 wow that's a hard tag lol.

2) Probably not a good idea to expel if it's not hurting or anything, I've got that loveliness going on too, I think it's from the increased progesterone.

3) There is a symptom thread that this would fit perfectly in, I'm sure there are other moms that also are experiencing this.

sqfibemom · September 2016

My gosh yes! This is number 4 and the amount of times I've been asked if this was planned or when were gonna stop is ridiculous! Thankfully my parents are really excited, as are the ILs, but our extended family and doctors are less than enthusiastic

schnitz9 · September 2016

@chickyclg I remember her. She had 9 already and was having her 10th! She actually had her oldest give her an U/S because they were in school to be an U/S tech. She was soo sweet and helpful to us FTM's. Glad to see another feb 15 here!!!

mcvgal · September 2016

Yiggle09 said:

I know I am just on number two but other than my immediate family none of the "friends" at work are all that excited. I work in a busy hospital xray department so when I get pregnant it means I am taken out of working in the OR or gastrointestinal fluoroscopy. I am the third pregnant girl in the department. The other two are first time moms and a month apart due in early and late january so my getting pregnant- even though everyone knew we were going to start trying very close to DS was almost like a groan. "Your pregnant too" instead of congratulations. Now the other pregnant moms are lazy as f and using this pregnancy to get out of anything they don't want to do but everyone knows my pregnancy track record so they really shouldnt groan lol anyway I felt like I needed to vent along with you. I am so sorry your getting that reaction. My friend just had her second baby it was a girl she already had a boy and someone on her fb page goes congratulations now your family is complete. When did 2 babes one of each sex make your family complete? Not in my book not at all.

I couldn't figure out how to quote just the last part. When visiting DHs cousin over the summer she mentioned that it's scientifically proven that a family of four is complete because the sell china in sets of 4 and most cars seat four. After laughing at that "science", I simply stated that it is possible to buy a bigger and additional sets of china.

chickyclg · September 2016

@schnitz9 hey girl!

ETA: I was too excited to see another Feb 15'er here. She was a doll, now all I can think about her is how did she have so much energy? I feel so exhausted with the twins lol, and she had 7 more.

emilyalso · September 2016

This will only be my second, but I am anticipating a bit of 'surprise' from people because (s)he will only be 18 mos apart from DS. If people ask inappropriate questions (Was this planned? Did you want two so close?) and I am feeling kind, I will say "Why do you ask?" This turns the burden of explanation back on them and hopefully they realize they were out of line. If I am feeling less sugary, I may say "I don't think that is an appropriate question to ask someone." #boom

mamatowildones · September 2016

emilyalso said:

This will only be my second, but I am anticipating a bit of 'surprise' from people because (s)he will only be 18 mos apart from DS. If people ask inappropriate questions (Was this planned? Did you want two so close?) and I am feeling kind, I will say "Why do you ask?" This turns the burden of explanation back on them and hopefully they realize they were out of line. If I am feeling less sugary, I may say "I don't think that is an appropriate question to ask someone." #boom

Seriously. I hate those initial questions that people come up with! I need a sassy come back!

JCWhitey · September 2016

mamatowildones said:

I am so thankful to have other mamas understand. Wow! Thanks ladies!! It seems like a few of you have 2 girls. We have 2 boys and I'm totally sick of people asking about what if it is another?! Ummmm my boys are amazing and I will be thrilled to have another. Honestly people are so frustrating. Glad to be in good company here!

I had a friend who had 3 sons and I asked her if they were thinking of more. She said "Yes, but.only if I could be certain it was a boy. Girls kind of scare me now." She had a fourth boy and couldn't be happier. Sometimes the perfect family isn't perfect for everyone. I always say that I have the million dollar family, but I want to be a billionaire.

HungryRunner76 · September 2016

Baby #3 for us too. #1 & 2 are 15 months apart and #2 & #3 will be 17 months apart. Besides the panic attack I've had over 3 under 3, I know my MIL is going to give her snide opinions and comments (you don't "need" three kids - 2 is plenty, you're going to have your hands full, etc). Plus I hate when anyone asks if its planned. No one needs to know what goes on in my bedroom. Plus if I say anything other than yes it was planned then it seems like I don't want my child.

mcvgal · September 2016

I told my mom today and she completely caught me off guard with her reaction. She didn't sound too happy about the news. I hope that changes here in about 7 months or so.

Ambethsco · September 2016

I was just complaining about this to DH. Most of the family was excited, but we've been getting a lot of silent pauses followed by "you know how that happens, right?" It's always special when your father in law brings up your sex life in conversation.

Klee_NC · September 2016

We sent a super adorable video of my very excited four year to my mother in law a week ago today.

She has yet to say anything.

But it I don't care. Not even a little. If she doesn't care, neither do I. Less people I have to hand my baby over to when it's in my arms.

kat81 · September 2016

Klee_NC said:

We sent a super adorable video of my very excited four year to my mother in law a week ago today.

She has yet to say anything.

But it I don't care. Not even a little. If she doesn't care, neither do I. Less people I have to hand my baby over to when it's in my arms.

Is it possible she didn't watch the video yet? I am always slow to watch videos people send and then might forget to do so altogether.

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