Lack of Questions

AbriannaO · September 2016

I am a FTM and I feel like whenever I go for my check ups that I am lacking questions. The practice I go to is informative and discloses information, but I feel like I should be asking a lot more questions. I usually google search "questions to ask at 24 week appointment," but feel like there should be so much more I should be asking! I have had a pretty easy pregnancy overall, I think - outside of prolonged Morning Sickness, Acid Reflux, and some bad Baby Blues.

So I am curious, what kind of questions do you ask during your check ups? This is my "28 week" appointment tomorrow (I'll be 27 weeks) - and I know I'll be moving into the every 2 week appointments after this one. How should I go in prepared to start this third trimester?

acreight13 · September 2016

Do you have any questions about when to call if you think you're in labor? Also about different hospital policies in the birthing unit like : guests, cafeteria options (some don't have 24 hour service and you'll be hungry!), options for medical interventions and how much of a choice you will have etc.

cgss11 · September 2016

I'm with you..I haven't had many either! My appointments are usually quick because of this. I just try to write down something as I think of it, so I don't forget at the next appointment if I do think of it.

I guess I just feel overall okay, so things must be going well. It's my personality to just take things as they come so that could be part of it too.

dmontgo · September 2016

I have a planner I carry with me everywhere, and when I have a question about *anything*, whether it's what to expect during labor, breastfeeding, birth control, symptoms, etc...I write it down. Then I pull out my planner during the appointment and I ask. I wouldn't limit your questions just to your specific week, though. Pinterest interestingly enough has a lot of great infographics that make me think about different questions, too. We have to be our own advocates

AbriannaO · September 2016

@acreight13 The last appointment I asked about when we should be scheduling a hospital tour so that we can get familiar with everything associated with "the time" - she said most people wait until after 30 weeks. We'll probably sign up for the lamas class and tour in the next week or two. But never thought about the cafeteria part!!! Thanks! The practice is separate than the hospital, so any time I've had questions about the hospital, they've referred me to contact them directly. I know they have a 24 hour visiting period. I know that if I go into labor before 32 weeks that I am supposed to go to a different hospital than the one I normally would deliver in because of the better NICU. I've been trying to figure out when the right appointment is to have the talk with them about the medical interventions and choices regarding birthing - the lovely "birth plan" - so maybe this is the one! Getting a phone number to call for when I think I am going into labor is a good idea - should program that in my phone.

I am not stressing out about any lack of information, which is now stressing me out because I think I must be missing something. I feel like I should be asking a whole lot more during my appointments and don't want to miss out on information because I didn't know what to ask.

yellingbanana · September 2016

Are you RH negative, and do you need the Rhogam shot?

You could ask your provider if they want a copy of your birth wishes prior to going into labor. You'll want to go over your preferences in about a month or so.

At this point, appointments are pretty much checking your blood pressure, urine, and the baby's heart rate and fundal height to make sure baby is doing well. And telling your dr. all of your symptoms. Overall, appointments are pretty quick these days, unless you've got other complications.

slartybartfast · September 2016

Oddly I've also felt like this... Both times.

my next appointment I'll be asking about Braxton hicks - how many are too many ... When should I be trying to calm them down or is my uterus just doing its thing?
and
tdap and flu shot - when can I get those done

eta - oh and can she check my abs for a split

AbriannaO · September 2016

Here is my current list of questions for this appointment:

When will we get the glucose results?

o Next steps if I fail?

o Next steps if I pass?

How do you map the baby’s position?

During the ultrasound, the baby was breeched – what steps do we take between now and labor to get it in the right position?

What can we expect from the appointments from here on out?

How far past my due date will you let me go?

Breast pump script – company said they just need a script indicating lactating without latch, that baby doesn’t need to be here yet.

Who do I call when I think I am going into labor?

What choices do I have regarding the labor and delivery?

- Medication

- For me

- For Baby

- Inducing

- Delayed cord clamping

- C-section vs vaginal

What options are there for medical intervention?

At what point do you make the decision over me for a C-section

How will you monitor the baby during labor and delivery?

At what time will you or the delivery doctor on call show up?

- Who will I be dealing with before, during, and after this?

AbriannaO · September 2016

@yellingbanana I have never heard of anything regarding RH - so I am not sure. I had to switch OB practices around at 16 weeks because my last doctors office was extremely inefficient (rescheduled two appointments 5 times, did incorrect testing, didn't give any information). I know they did not do some blood work which is being done at this appointment (they said it was nothing pressing and would just do one poke instead of poking me multiple times).

@dmontgo I usually write down things in my phone as I think about them, then compile a list right before my appointment. It is extremely hard to remember things, so I try to catch them. I love Pinterest! I've been trying to avoid it some what as it was stressing me out a little (every article is contradicting the last one, why does everyone think you need something different for hospital bags?!?! What is the right answer!!)

@slartybartfast I didn't even think to start asking about Braxton Hicks - I guess they could start at any time. When I had some round ligament pain I called my dr office freaking out because no one had ever told me about it. I asked about the Tdap and Flu shot right away so that I knew when to schedule them. I am getting the flu shot next week (was supposed to be today, but the office called saying they were out of the shot), and the Tdap at the beginning of November when I am 32+ weeks. My husband got them both last week.

acreight13 · September 2016

@AbriannaO Sounds like you have a pretty good list. I was very lax my first pregnancy and just tried to get info on a need to know basis as too much can feel overwhelming. The only other question I just thought of was what the policy is for going past your due date. My DS was 18 days late after an induction but I was thankful that they didn't rush to induce right at my due date as everything looked fine.

karmba · September 2016

I feel you on not having questions to ask. Last week I went in prepared, and now i'm going to start keeping a list of questions on my phone so I always have them with me. At my 28 week appointment last week I asked the following:
- Which vaccines they recommend my DH get.
- When I should start writing a birth plan.
- If I am getting a 3rd trimester ultrasound.
- When I can get a prescription for a breast pump.

Kacie209 · September 2016

I never really ask questions either, so I am with you. It makes appointments pretty quick!

However, the next one I may ask about the flu shot. It wasn't brought up yesterday, and I go back again in 2 weeks (when my every other week appointments starts). I am sure I will think of more as the due date gets closer... especially birth plans, etc.

We started Lamaze (or what they really call a Birthing Class) yesterday and just the first class was very informative.

princesslockness · September 2016

For my first pregnancy I was pretty relaxed about it. The biggest thing I ever asked about was PreE because it has a small chance of being genetically linked.

I am a Speshul Snoflake as most of my questions this round revolve around NICU and/or VBaC stuff.

At this point are my chances of a successful VBaC good?
When will you induce?
What type of induction?
How long over due?
When would we just have a RCS?
How much warning for a RCS would I have?
What is the latest gestation before removing my stitch?

What issues are most common in x weeks NICU babies?
What are her chances for going home at 36 w gestation?
Would we be transferred to a different NICU if she came before next app? How?
How long/would I have a room here after my discharge to take care of her? Ronald McDonald house?
If she turns out to be a he, what changes?
Do any of my PTL discharge instructions need to change?
Does my 'modified' bedrest need to change?
Do I need a steroid booster? When?
Anything I should be avoiding right now?
Anything I need to add to diet/routine?

jandd2014 · September 2016

My 30 week appt is on Monday. The questions I'm planning to ask this time around are:
-did I pass the glucose test (I'm assuming I passed since she should have had the results at my last appt and didnt say anything about it.)
-can I exercise at all while on modified bed rest (I had been doing yoga, walking, and swimming before)
-will I have another ultrasound to re-check my cervix (I responded well to the progesterone but now that I went from strict bed rest to modified bed rest, I want to make sure things still look good)
-does she have any recommendations for finding a pediatrician? (We will most likely add Baby to DH's insurance, not mine, so the pedi will not be in the same network as my OB/PCP)
-I got my TDAP last time, what other vaccines do I and/or DH need to get?

Lisa3379 · September 2016

Same here. I will also be asking about getting a flu shot, and a few of you have mentioned TDAP, so I'll probably ask about that. Honestly, this community has covered a lot of things I have had questions about throughout the past few months, so that's been nice.

tinattt23 · September 2016

I also feel like I never have anything to ask so it's always quick in and out visits. Now that I'm with my new (and hopefully final) OB I need the broach the topic of the birth plan. I'm strangely nervous. I need to make sure she's on board with/supportive of med free birth. If she's not, then I need to find someone who is. I've heard stories of OBs refusing the even work with patients taking Bradley classes.

How have you guys brought this up with you OBs without immediately sounding all defensive?

brittnic86 · September 2016

Same here. I never really have any questions...I guess mostly because I've had a pretty easy pregnancy. Mostly I just ask if the babies are doing good lol. This post is giving me some ideas though!

dmontgo · September 2016

@tinattt23 I asked my OB "What can I expect at the birth? Anything I need to keep in mind?" I am being induced for BP, so it's a little different, but he and his PA were more than happy to explain the process. They know I am interested in trying it med-free (if I can do it safely), and so every time they explained a procedure, they would also include what the med-free side would look like. For instance, they explain what will happen if I get an epidural (have to stay in bed) but also what I can do if I don't get one (freedom to eat light snacks and move around).

So I would start with the typical "What can I expect?" question, and then just tell them you're interested in going med-free if safe and possible. Whenever they explain a procedure, just ask what the scenario would look like with no meds. They shouldn't give you a hard time! Be sure of yourself and ask plenty o' questions.

leksiL · September 2016

@tinattt23 i could hardly believe an OB wouldn't work with someone taking Bradley Classes, that seems insane!! What do you think they find so offensive? The relaxation techniques? Lol. Or just that they try to keep you from having interventions? I wouldn't want to see a provider like that it sounds horrible.

princesslockness · September 2016

@leksiL My OB practice- both old and new- won't deliver Bradley class people. It's because of the attitude those in this area have for needed interventions. The examples they have given me were:

1. A lady would not let them inducer her at 40w6d with GD when they saw on US that the placenta was bad and the baby was having less movement and not really passing the NSTs. Al because 'I will DO it when needed, and you are JUST here to catch.'

2. Another lady was labo ring, and when they broke her water it was green, meaning baby had a bowel movement and the likely hood of aspirating meconium jumped like 80%. The have her 2 hrs to deliver before CS, since she was at a 9. She refused, and when baby was born 6 hrs later had an extended NICU because he had too much meconium to be auctioned out safely.

Now I'm not saying that all Bradley class attendees are like that, but from the way other pregnant ladies in my area talk about birth I believe the examples and side with my OBs.

tinattt23 · September 2016

@leksiL I thought it sounded crazy, too. I talked to my doula about it when I was trying to choice between Bradley and Hypnobabies. She did caution that a lot/some Bradley students can get too hung up on intervention free only and lose sight of the line when interventions honestly become necessary, like @Kate08Young examples. So I think OBs just don't want to take on a client they expect to be very argumentative/defensive. FI and I discussed it and felt the general tone of the class fit us best and are confident in our ability (along with the help of our doula) to be able to keep a clear head about when interventions are warranted without feeling like we "failed".

squiddy224 · September 2016

@AbriannaO, I hear you on that one! I'm also a FTM and feel like I have not been asking many questions myself. I am armed with some new ones for my next appointment on Monday though thanks to my newly diagnosed GD. My main one is about my due date... I was previously told that my OB practice would not let me go past 41 weeks, but with this diagnosis they may deliver her at the due date or before she's due. I'd like to avoid a C-section if I can, but I am willing to do whatever is best for her. My pregnancy has been pretty easy so far up until the GD, so I can't really complain! But I do feel like that's why I haven't been asking too much.

Austenista · September 2016

That's so interesting about the Bradley class being banned by some doctors. Just perusing the baby classes my hospital offers, and mine does them right at the hospital with a registered nurse. https://stvhs.com/baby/babyontheway/classes.html

DiFazette · September 2016

tinattt23 said:

I also feel like I never have anything to ask so it's always quick in and out visits. Now that I'm with my new (and hopefully final) OB I need the broach the topic of the birth plan. I'm strangely nervous. I need to make sure she's on board with/supportive of med free birth. If she's not, then I need to find someone who is. I've heard stories of OBs refusing the even work with patients taking Bradley classes. How have you guys brought this up with you OBs without immediately sounding all defensive?

@tinattt23 my suggestion is to be on the 'right' side of that argument. As @Kate08Young has mentioned - Bradley CAN be synonymous with avoiding intervention even when necessary. I believe delivery and language choice affects outcomes so I'd try something like: I'd like to ensure I have the least amount of intervention possible during labor and delivery, how do you suggest we accomplish that'? Then the magic comes when you shut up. Say nothing more. You'll learn quickly how your provider feels about that. Then follow up questions like - if you aren't the provider who delivers me, how do I make sure my wishes are known across the practice?

I'll also say this - in a hospital laboring situation, it will be the nurses (employed by the hospital) who do the pushing PER the OBs. You see the docs so infrequently through the process. I just want everyone to know that you may also need to stand your ground with nurses - and I don't think most women expect to have to do that.

ETA - spelling corrections because my insanely expensive iPhone still can't spell provider or laboring.

AbriannaO · September 2016

@squiddy224 I always just assume that unless I feel something completely awkward, that everything is going fine. Today's appointment, she took my fundal measurement and listened to the heartbeat. Said the baby was growing fine. We went in with our own list of questions that I put above in another comment and she answered them, but it's all just basic information. She likes to avoid c-section births, but will intervene if the baby needs it. Depending on what my blood results are from the glucose test, we will determine more of what the next steps are. She did say that this practice typically will induce you if you are a week late, they try to not wait 2 weeks, but it isn't uncommon for people to go that long. And unless there is a medical reason, they won't induce early. They try to avoid inducing because it has a higher risk of c-section, though late babies already have that risk, so that's why they're okay with it at that point.

Yay to going another 4 weeks (hopefully) to come up with my next set of questions. Maybe by then I'll have an idea of a "birth plan" - though, I don't really have any demands. My main request is delayed cord-clamping, but she said they already do that unless some kind emergency prevents it.

R0824H · September 2016

This makes me feel so much better about asking barely ANY questions up to this point (I've had some and usually don't remember until I walk out lol--> note to self, buy mini notebook for these!)

Thank you to all those that have provided examples of things they have asked or are planning on asking, I'll be hitting up pinterest for more tonight!

Carly79 · September 2016

I was the same way with my first (and similarly with this one). I had a few questions about birth plans and what their guidelines/protocols were. I found that between what they told me as a part of the appointment, what I was learning in the classes I was attending, what I knew from siblings and friends pregnancies and things I'd read, I really didn't have any questions. I felt like when I looked at lists online I knew the answers to a lot of the suggestions so I wasn't going to ask just to ask. Depending on your hospital, ob practice, and classes you are taking, definitely talk through what your wants are for your delivery to understand their stance on it. Just because you want to give birth while standing on one foot doesn't mean they are willing to let you It's good to understand the mutual expectations. Also, I recommend either asking about or taking a class on preparing for the unexpected. My hospital offers this and it talks through inductions, C-sections, and other complications that can arise during labor. It helps level set some things for you to think about ahead of time so you know how it goes. Understanding your doctors views on those interventions ahead of time also makes a big difference.

ETA: I forgot I was lurking on this board and not on my BMB. I'm from January 2017. Thanks.

jptrumptone · September 2016

I actually take notes on my phone all month leading up to my appointment with questions for my OB. That has worked really well to keep me from forgetting exactly what I was wondering abput. Usually I'm asking about symptoms (like why is my arm going numb while i'm sleeping) but I also asked things like "hey do I have any more ultrasounds?" or "are there any issues going to a noisy concert?" Most recently I also asked about PPD/A symptoms so that I could talk to my family members about what to look for (I'm high risk for both because I struggle with depression and anxiety anyway.)

sourlemon · September 2016

@jptrumptone if your arm thing a real question that you haven't asked yet.....pregnancy induced carpel tunnel. It helps to wear wrist braces at night but may not eliminate it completely. It also can hang around a while after birth.

I had it really really bad with dd1. Even with braces my hands would stay numb/painful until close to noon each day. It took about 6 weeks to go away completely after birth.

But definitely still mention it! Just wanted to let you know what may help in the meantime.

Toller · September 2016

@sourlemon 6 weeks to go away after birth?? Mine are currently numb 24/7....I was hoping for a quicker recovery than that but glad you mentioned it so I have realistic expectations.

sourlemon · September 2016

@Toller it goes away faster for some people. I think some of it has to do with swelling putting pressure on those nerves. I swelled up terribly after my pre e/labor/birth debacle and that took forever to get to normal.

Results may vary...and hopefully they will for you!

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