Benched/TTA weekly thread 9/19

mrs35 · September 2016

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer- even if it is for a good reason. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say, and treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and are "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA?

What brings you here?

How long do you think you'll be here?

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS?

GTKY: What is something you do to help you through rough days ttc or otherwise?

mrs35 · September 2016

Are you benched or TTA?
Benched.

What brings you here?
I had a D&C June 18th. After not getting AF after 60 days I went back to my OB and he gave me Provera. I took that for ten days and now 2 weeks later still no AF.

How long do you think you'll be here?
When I finished taking Provera I optimistically started posting in wto but now I am feeling frustrated and not really sure what is going on. Who knows how long I will be here. I never imagined I would be on CD 94..

How have things been going?
I called my OB this morning to see what the next step is. Talked to the nurse and just waiting for a call back from the doctor.

Any R/R/CS?
Not really. Just feeling defeated and scared. I don't know what is going on.

GTKY: What is something you do to help you through rough days ttc or otherwise?
I asked this for personal reasons. Sorry if it's kind of a downer but I could really use some good ideas on how to get through the difficult days. DH is trying to be supportive but it was definitely a rough weekend.

Edit to fix words.

hartmich · September 2016

@mrs35 I saw your post in WTO about the Provera not working and man, that is SO frustrating. I would be beyond mad and probably demanding some answers from my doctor. Unfortunately, there's only so much they can probably do but come on, day 94? That doesn't seem like a "wait and see" situation...

Honestly, I'm interested to see some answers to that GTKY question as well. I actually googled that this weekend and most people said distraction, keep busy, etc. But honestly, sometimes I feel like I've made TTC my hobby and it's hard to get away from it when it's SO IMPORTANT. I realize that's not healthy, but I'm a little nuts. In reality, this weekend I played a lot of games (video and card) with H because that's something I can do where I truly don't think about anything else. Movies, TV, books, I can get distracted but give me something competitive, and I'm all in.

Unknown · September 2016

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mrs35 · September 2016

Thanks @hartmich
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you during this awful time. Hopefully we can both keep busy and keep our minds off of things! I've found playing card games works really well! Competition definitely helps keep my mind busy.

NYTino24 · September 2016

@mrs35 FX AF comes soon. So sorry for your loss and prolonged wait. Focusing on exercise, cooking, scrapbooking, and researching my family tree helped this summer. Pinterest is also great for wasting time. Haha

mrs35 · September 2016

@NYTino24 thanks for the tips!! I usually just start baking everything but I should really start balancing that with excersize!

Unfortunately I think I will be benched for awhile longer. My OB thinks I have a hormonal imbalance. My body never really regulated between when I stopped taking bcp and when I had my loss. When I talked to him today I was prescribed to take 25 days of estrogen and then 10 days of estrogen and Provera together. And then factor in a few days waiting for AF I've got at least another 40 days here.

icecubeinthedesert · September 2016

Sorry long post, lots of feelings today. Fair warning.

@mrs35 I'm really sorry to hear about your loss and can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you are going through just waiting to be able to move on. My suggestion would definitely be to distract yourself in any positive way that you can. I know that when I was tracking my (very irregular) cycles in the 7 months coming off bcp, I could definitely link my stress prior to ovulation and CD of ovulation. In the month where we were closing on our house I didn't ovulate until around CD36 (sorry, I know that doesn't even compare to what you are going through right now). For me, yoga really helps (but if only I could follow my own advice on this one...). I totally agree with other on being active in any way that you enjoy. Over the last few years I've dealt with stress much better by being more conscious of my stress and focusing on what I can control and letting go of what I can't. I don't have much better explanation than that, but I think by consciously deciding to put away my worry, I've had a much happier life. If you have anyone that you can share your feelings with other than your DH, that can be very cathartic. Just make sure you go to someone you feel very comfortable with and will support you. If that's right here at TB, then great!

I do think you have every reason to be concerned about what you are going through. You should certainly fight for the appropriate medical attention. You will get through this tough time, but I know it must be very frustrating!

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? D&C on 9/13 (@12 weeks)

How long do you think you'll be here? My husband and I had a discussion tonight that we want to jump back on the bandwagon sooner rather than later. So once I check with my OB/GYN for clearance, we will likely try again after AF comes.

How have things been going? I went back to work today after taking all of last week off. I had only told my 2 bosses what was going on last week, but decided to tell my close co-workers why I was out. I contemplated all weekend, but ultimately decided that I hate hiding things from people and felt like it might help me move on rather than feeling like I have something to hide. Something about that just makes me feel like it was something wrong (read: I did something wrong), rather than owning that it's something (unfortunate) that happened to me. I certainly don't judge anyone who feels differently about this, I just felt that that was right for me. I won't be telling the entire world, but I will share if I feel it serves me or other going though this tough experience. **Sorry that ended up being a book...****

Any R/R/CS? As I mentioned in TWW yesterday, I think I decided to start temping soon to see if I can detect O and predict AF. Once I find my BBT. On a non TTC/TTA note: I'm getting super excited for next week when my BFF since middle school moves to our city! It's been 11 years since we've been in the same town and it will be so much fun!

GTKY: see above.

Edited because I'm an idiot and must have momentarily forgot the difference between benched and TTA

kiki75 · September 2016

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? MMC - 8/16

How long do you think you'll be here?
Image result for shrug gif

Until my next period. On day 35 and I'm pretty sure I have yet to O.

How have things been going? I was on a business trip last week and during that I quit doing OPKs and temping. OPKs weren't going anywhere and temping was all skewed by the nightly drinking so, I just stopped charting for the time being. Frankly, I think that the travel and the hours and stress of the trip delayed O even further. Last Tuesday looked like it might be the day but I've had no post-O symptoms so I doubt it. That would make it the second false hope for this cycle.

Any R/R/CS?

GTKY: What is something you do to help you through rough days ttc or otherwise? One of the best cures for a rough day for me is to work out (even if I really have to talk myself into it) then go to the taco wagon to pick up tacos or a torta and then eat at home, just me and the dog, while watching one of my shows. Friends are good too but I'm not always up for being sociable in those situations. A walk in the forest with my dog (and MH if he's home) is always good. Journaling helps me to work through my feelings, too.

Edit:
Sorry! Posted before I was ready.
@hartmich I am so very sorry.
@mrs35 That is so incredibly frustrating. FX that the current plan does the trick.
@icecubeinthedesert I'm so sorry.

NYTino24 · September 2016

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Zika exposure

How long do you think you'll be here?
Until end of October

How have things been going?
Just got my short-term disability paperwork started, so I'm waiting to hear from them that payroll deductions will start on the first. So now I'm out for this cycle. We just can't risk GKTFU if something happens to DH on the job because neither of us would have enough income coming in to buy a new house. Looks like Halloween is going to be the start of my FW.

Any R/R/CS? Nope! All I have to say is I am so glad that I have been chatting AF and taking temps for 4 months. Although I'm nervous about being older and waiting, I feel like I might be okay if we get timing right and don't have any other issues (which is possible because I have/had? a blood disorder and DH had some pain the doctor prescribed pills and tighty whiteys for).

GTKY: What is something you do to help you through rough days ttc or otherwise?

I answered above when I didn't have time to post!

@Kiki75 I hope you're outta here fast!

izza2 · September 2016

@Mrs35 - I'm sorry about CD 94, and about having another 40 until things are hopefully figured out!
@icecubeinthedesert - I'm sorry about your loss! I'm glad you and your H were able to talk and agree on when you want to start TTC again. I know a few couples who had a hard time coming to an agreement on whether to start sooner or wait a while. My fingers are crossed for you guys!
@Kiki75 - FX that you ovulate soon!

AFM; nothing new to report on my long-as-heck TTA train. Still another 11 or so months to TTC. H's new job has been treating him better, but he's been working later than expected the last couple of weeks because they've been so busy at the plant so there are more deliveries scheduled. TMI, but we haven't been having sex on a regular basis like we usually do, so part of me is happy that we're not TTC right now because I probably would have flipped out over our lack of timing.

TW: Cancer
My mother's been diagnosed with skin cancer, and is going for surgery in a few weeks, so H and I had chatted briefly over TTC sooner than next Fall. This is just another health-problem to add to her pile, and every time something happens to her it freaks us both out.

One thing we've always agreed on and hoped for was to have another child before she passes away. Part of me feels like we should just drop BC and start right now to up the chances of us meeting that wish, and the other part of me is trying to look at the bigger picture. Our lives are easier now with me going to school PT and him working more regular hours, but our financial situation is still far from ideal. Winters are hard for H's new job - less orders, less driving, so less hours. We're trying to save up for those months so we're able to pay our bills no matter what, but we don't know how things will work out until this winter is up. I'd rather have a rough idea of how the winters will go before TTC then get pregnant and realize we'll be screwed for 3 months of the year.

NYTino24 · September 2016

Ugh @izza2 I wish we didn't have to be adulting all the time! I hope things settle down and improve for you and your mom soon.

mrs35 · September 2016

@icecubeinthedesert I'm sure that stress and bcp are both factors! My mom had some major hormonal issues and ended up needing an RE so I'm wondering if this is just the first time potential issues have had a chance to surface.
I am so sorry for your loss. DH and I had the same feelings it seems you do about telling people. We didn't try to hide it as we didn't feel it was anything to be ashamed of. (Our opinions obviously, I understand everyone feels differently about it) Being open ended up starting some great conversations with friends and led us to discover people we knew that had been through similar experiences. It was nice to have some friends that understood.

icecubeinthedesert · September 2016

@kiki75 I'm so sorry for your loss. FX you O soon. I think I read that some people do not O during their MC cycle, so it's possible you'll get AF regardless.

@NYTino24 I'm glad you're at least one step in the right direction! I know that waiting based on job stuff sucks. DH and I had to wait 6 months to TTC because of my unexpected job change and having to qualify for FMLA.

@izza2 Thanks!

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