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April 2017 Moms
Poison&Wine
member
Not cool, SO. Not. Cool.
Poison&Wine
member
Sorry, I'm late! What has your SO done lately?
Re: Not cool, SO. Not. Cool.
Married: 12-04-06
Annabelle: 1-1-08
Patrick: 8-15-10
EDD: 4-20-17
Pregnancy # 6
4 missed chances
2 loving children
1 on the way
@Beckyf321I'm so sorry to hear that! My DH has actually become more helpful. He can tell I'm exhausted all the time, and I still cook him food, so. Lol. But mostly I complain when I do that cause I go through this thing where suddenly I'm starving and I complain the whole time I cook.
@nursejoc I'm sure once you start showing reality will set in for him.
@samdags is he using it both for anxiety and recreationally? Because I wouldn't expect my SO to stop using any anxiety medication just because it's expensive. My PPD presented as a general anxiety disorder and without medication I was unable to really function.
We got into a major fight this morning about things that happened in the past and he can't let go of them and move forward and it's really dragging our relationship down. There has even been talk of separation this morning and I'm so devastated. At work right now and don't know what to expect tonight when I get home
I want to say this to everyone who feels like their partners aren't "accepting" the pregnancy. I can't speak for everyone, but I wanted to share my experience in hopes to give you guys a little encouragement. My DH told me it was difficult for him to connect with the first pregnancy because everything was unknown and he didn't understand it at all. It's not that he didn't want to, it was just easier for him to stay back and let me tell him what to do. He knows now that wasn't the best approach, and that it was very stressful for me to feel alone for a long time. It was a learning experience for both of us, and thankfully we did our best to communicate through it all.
Thankfully, this time is different for him. He already knows the joy that comes with having a child and he can now relate that to this pregnancy, which he says makes him feel more connected already. He's definitely the type of guy that has to experience something in order to understand it. You can explain all day long, but until he goes through it, he doesn't completely get it.
All that to say, I think it's hard for men to understand this part of life. It's scary, and since they aren't experiencing it physically (like baby growing in them physically), it may be easier for them to disconnect.
Like I said, I can't speak for everyone, but I hope that maybe some of y'all are just in the same place we were and that things can and will get better. Patience is reaaaaallllly hard to have right now, but it is still important. Not just for them, but for you, too! Hope that helps some.
looks like I spoke too soon. He just left for work and spent around 30min going on about how I've hurt him so badly with my lies etc (what hurts me so bad is he thinks I lie ALL THE TIME when I don't!) and how maybe separating is the best thing for us. I couldn't say a single word or even make eye contact. I also hurt him when I said I've been fearful of him in the past, but he doesn't see how aggressive he can be. And he knows my dad was aggressive growing up and goes on and on about its all dad's fault I'm ruined etc. It's such a mess!
Thank you you guys all again for your kind supportive words.
I have to work this evening so I'm glad to be getting out of the house. My mind is telling me to stay here for DD and baby but my heart knows the right thing to do is be apart. I can't live my life constantly hearing about all these horrible things I've apparently done to him and why I'm such a terrible horrible person. I have zero desire to try and talk to him tonight because it always turns into why I'm so bad and how I've hurt him so bad and I have a lot of thinking to do
So he comes to bed after me (especially now that I've been hitting the hay at 7). He has 3 things he needs to do before bed.. this has been the same way for 2 years.
1) Security bolt the sliding glass door
2) Turn on the house alarm
3) Turn on the sleep timer on the TV
Not a single night.........not 1 night.......goes buy where he manages to do all three of these things. So I've been waking up when he gets to bed and asking him if he's done each of the things. Then he gets upset that I'm asking! There's also the middle of the night arguments where he's forgotten to turn on the sleep timer.. so I wake up to stupid Michael from the Office being an idiot. If I ask him to turn on the timer and he sleep argues with me about it! He never remembers our arguments, but he's such an ass about it! The last 2 times he's actually lost the remote, and our TV doesn't have a power button on it.. so I had to get out of bed (which really sucks when you're on progesterone suppositories... oh the joy of being pregnant) and search for it at 2 am. This morning I was so tired and hormonal about it, I turned into a pregnancy hormone fulled rampage monster - yelling about how the heck he thinks he will be able to take care of a baby if he can't remember to turn on the sleep timer.
End of rant.. thank you.
Granted, now I feel a bit whiney. My hubby is pretty understanding about weird smells and certain things that just set off my nausea/morning sickness. But one day, it smelled in the bathroom because the toilet got clogged. I was pointing to the bathroom to have him fix it and as I was gagging, he started making gagging noises which of course made it worse. I eventually threw up and swatted him. I was not happy with him that day.
I hear your struggle. I've recently come to the realization that my partner is for sure an alcoholic. I can't believe I've gone this long being in denial.
Pregnancy # 6
4 missed chances
2 loving children
1 on the way