I can't do anything! First time mommy troubles

Re: I can't do anything! First time mommy troubles

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  jodiedrich18 member

  September 2016

  Haha, they are sweet angels....but even more so when they agree to nap once or twice a day!
  
  Most will suggest trying a carrier to baby wear while you get things done. This can let your little guy be close to you and "involved" with things. Lets both hands be free so you could prep food or wipe things down, etc. For me, LO never cooperated much in a carrier at this age. I brought her Pack n Play with some toys down in the living room and would move it back and forth between there and the kitchen so she could see me and I'd narrate all the things I was doing. Honestly, I never got more than 10 or 15 minutes together at a time with this strategy, but doing this 2 or 3 times over the course of the day, I could at least get some basic food together, a load of laundry, some things cleaned, etc. I'm a morning person so I would use time in between LO waking at like 5 and then sleeping until up at 7 once or twice a week to do something.
  
  Does DH have weekends or any days off during the week? Days off where there are 2 people to take care of baby is a good time to do a bunch of food preparation for the next several days. Portion out meats in bags, cut up things, assemble all things in containers, etc. If you can swing it budget wise, cutting corners to get some parts of your meal pretty made or prepped already (boxed deli sides, pretty cut veggies at produce, etc) more expensive but less time.
  
  Also, my best advice would be to not stress about all chores. Decide which of the house things are most important and do those (cooking you said is a priority). Little nice to do chores are obviously wants, but for me, I don't stress and just accept that more mess is going to accompany this stage of life and LO needs the attention much more than any chores. I would rather spend time on LO, the essential household things, and time for myself when I'm home and just zone out all the other little things. 
  
  Hang in there! it gets a bit better over the next few months....but then you'll hit crawling and moving everywhere stage so work those creative juggling skills now!
  
  

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  linzoirv member

  September 2016

  I have advice for dealing with natural hair and having a little one.
  
  My son is 5 months. Since he's been born, I can count on one hand the times I've been able to do my hair. It's long and very thick, so twist outs and braid styles for me take at least 2 hrs. 
  
  Right now, I survive by keeping protective styles in. Think about getting some Senegalese, goddess braids, or kinky twists....something that is cute and low maintenance. 

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  mrsdash16 member

  September 2016

  I know how you feel! Hang in there mama! As they say "this too shall pass". I'm a FTM, my daughter is 12 weeks. She's also generally a good baby but wants to be entertained and has always (from birth) been very alert and awake. We never had that sleepy newborn phase and it has taken a lot to get her to nap during the day. For a while my days were a lot like you described, but it's gotten better. Every mom and baby is different. This is what has worked for us, but I know it won't work for everyone. 
  
  First off, my husband leaves for work at about 8:30. I asked him if he would mind  getting up about 30-45 minutes earlier than he needs to so I could get in a shower. He was more than happy to do it, especially since I do everything in the MOTN. (She's EBF and DH is a really heavy sleeper. It would be too much effort to wake him up since there's not that much he can do anyway.) During the morning time, he's on baby duty and he actually really enjoys having some special time with DD before he leaves. On nights when DD has kept me up a lot I have to decide if I want a guaranteed shower or if I'd rather try to sleep in. But the option is there and I still get some "me time".
  
  Next, I started putting her in her bouncer/swing/play gym more so she'd get used to them and learn how to entertain herself. She'd usually protest at first but I'd stay and play with the toys a bit and sing to her. My baby is not a "0-60" baby who goes from happy to full on screaming in no time, she kind of wimpers and whines a bit first. If she's fussing like this, I give her some time, try to get her interested in the toys, books, swing, whatever it is. Once she settles in a bit I'll bring the laundry in by her and fold it while I talk to her. If she starts getting worked up and crying in earnest, I'll pick her up and change the activity, but if she's just whining I wait it out. Not everyone is ok with doing this, but I realized one day that I was trying way too hard. If DD was my 2nd child instead of my 1st there is NO WAY I'd be able to devote as much effort and time to keeping her entertained. It just wouldn't be an option, and she'd be ok. This doesn't mean I'd just leave her alone for hours on end, but it gave me some perspective so I wasn't quite so hard on myself. It took time, but I've found that she's now able to do longer stretches in the bouncer or under the play gym and she's happy. She still starts whining a bit at first, but once she notices the toys she starts playing and forgets she's upset. I keep her in the room with me so I can talk to her if she gets fussy, but I can get stuff done (yesterday I ironed 9 shirts while she played and felt like superwoman!)
  
  Last, I made nap time a priority. Like I said before, she was never a great daytime sleeper (she'd be awake for 3-4 hour stretches and then sleep for only 20 minutes at 1 week old). I finally figured out that I needed to help her sleep. I put her down for a nap every 90minutes or when she starts showing drowsy cues. As she gets older she's been going some 2 hr awake stretches. In order to nap my LO needs: dark room (trash bags over windows), white noise, pacifier, and swaddle, Not looking forward to when she starts rolling and I can't swaddle her anymore. But for now I'll deal with the sleep associations if it means having a more rested baby. In the beginning it would take 45m to 1hr to get her to sleep and she'd sleep for 15-20 mins. We kept with it and after a week or so she started taking longer naps and going down faster. Now she usually takes 3-5 naps a day ranging from 30mins to 3hrs each. It's inconsistent from day to day, but it's still time to make a sandwich, prep dinner, or take a nap myself!
  
  We still have rough days- those wonder weeks are no joke! But it's helped me stay sane and showered! Hopefully at least one of these suggestions can help you get some time to do the things that are important to you.
  

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  momofmanyinthemitten member

  September 2016

  I highly recommend teaching baby to play independently. Even my high maintenance baby (#1 of 4) was able to do 20-30 min in her crib alone by 6 months. I would turn on her mobile or give her a couple of toys/books. Start with a few minutes and add on every couple days. My 2 girls (5 and 2) will play quietly in their rooms for over an hour. My extroverted 3 y/o will play for about 30 min before looking for someone to talk to. LO will do at least 20 minutes in his crib. This is how I get my daily shower in and sometimes an afternoon break, since my only napper at this point is my 4 m/o.

  
  

   
  
  

  

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