@OrangeEv right? The guy at the bank made me tear up the other day because I was so flustered with his terrible customer service.
@Kaessi aww I'm sorry you have to go through that! When DH and I aren't talking, it makes the entire day just super weird and sad and awful. Hopefully you guys can patch stuff up tonight.
@Kaessi happy anniversary, I'm sorry it's being so shitty. Would you like me to throw some shoes at him? I can aim for his face or balls - I can usually hit one of those two places
@Kaessi - I'm so sorry love... What terrible timing. If it makes you feel better to just sob, let it out. My doctor told me the baby doesn't know when I'm stressed (told me this when we spoke about my dog issues when they were first happening). So if you need to, let it out girl! Xoxo
Aww thanks guys, I appreciate the support more than you know. And @laurapcos - that made me laugh. I would like to specifically request the balls please.
So much work. On the bright side, overtime is now authorized. (Unlike last month when I got in trouble for working too much. Sorry I'm new and it takes me a while to do things that other people know how to do, but I digress). So yeah, lots of work that I don't know how to do is overwhelming and anxiety inducing. I guess on the bright side, overtime is going straight into maternity leave hours.
I don't know where to post this or even if I should but I'm struggling...throughout this pregnancy my H has had periods of acting completely selfish & for lack of a better word, like an ass. He has fought me & given me push back on almost every single thing pertaining to this baby - which is why we're a approx. a month away and still have absolutely no names picked out. But on top of that, he's just making life in general really difficult. We'll have a few days where things seem okay, even good - and then he's right back to where he was. We were going to therapy for a bit but then he just quit & is unwilling to go back because he feels "it's stupid." I'm still going on my own, but I really benefitted from him being there. I think some things probably hit too close to home though & he doesn't want to face them. I am 100% aware that he is scared shitless about this child coming into the world & the responsibility that is going to bring. He feels he's losing control and is acting out over fear...I completely get that...but I don't know how much more I can take. He knows how I feel and how it's affecting me mentally, emotionally and physically...yet it's not stopping him which leads me to believe he doesn't care...and then my anxiety hits along with the despair and it's just a horrible place to be in, especially now, when all I want to be is joyful about this time that I've longed for most of my life. I just feel sad, alone & worried about our future. I want to believe he'll settle down once she's here but I have my doubts at this point. Don't really know what else to do or how to properly handle this.
@Kaessi :hugs: sorry you're going through this. I hope for the best that the arrival of your LO will put life and your relationship into perspective for you and your DH.
@kaessi I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. This is NOT the time you need more stress! Your partner in life should make it better, not worse. Right now I think you should figure out how to take care of yourself. You can't waste your energy worrying about him, especially if he's not going to worry about you. You should be able to have him for support, but if that's not happening, find other avenues. You and your baby will be amazing and hopefully your husband will get it together, but even if he never does, that won't change how great of a mother you will be and how wonderful your bond with your child will be. You just need to be able to focus on the positive enough to get yourself through this tough time. And the game-playing part of my mind says that if he is behaving in such a way that he is not showing any concern for how he is affecting you, then turnabout is fair play and may (or may not) even jar him into some sort of realization.
@Kaessi I'm sorry for your troubles. Me and my H had some serious issues this summer and we're still working hard on them substantially, but we are making progress. I completely know the feeling of not being able to take it anymore. My circumstances weren't quite the same, but long story short he can be a ungrateful assclown.
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@Kaessi I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, especially so late in the game. @RainMira9e had some good advice about needing to focus on yourself. Chances are your DH will come around once you've settled into a routine but you need support NOW.
I was up for several hours crying, mostly about my aforementioned fears about having a c-section and my parents visiting. But now I have another reason. We are flying to the US over Christmas to see my family and best friends. My dad's parents live within driving distance of my parents but my mom's parents are in Florida and it's simply too much hassle to fly down there with a newborn for two days. Well, my grandparents finally decided to come to me and I was so excited. Yesterday I found out my grandfather has been refusing to do his PT and there's no way my grandmother can transport him alone so they're no longer coming. I'm especially sad because the reality is that I don't know when we'll be able to get to Florida and they're not young anymore. Now I'm trying to rearrange our summer vacation to "pass through" Florida, but the effort and expense will be huge. Just, ugh
@kaessi I can understand where you are coming from. I had some similar issues with H when we had number 1. And he's 6 years older than me and i just couldn't understand how he was just so immature and a lot of it stemmed from being scared. We got married when I was 20 weeks so it was like marriage and baby and non of it was planned before hand. And it was in hindsight prob too much for him. I am also a get it done person and don't care for bullshit and he's a bullshit person. So it was hard to find a balance.
I'm not gonna lie our first few weeks home were really really hard and we had some big tiffs our first year. He would say he was going to store to grab something quick and the store was legit across the street and he wouldn't come home for a couple hours- wouldn't answer the phone and wouldn't offer an apology. He would be having a drink at his favorite bar. But it was horrible. I had the baby blues and was crying a lot- and he would tell me I couldn't be home alone with the baby (which I was completely capable of) but then would leave me for hours.
It was something we eventually worked through after lots of screaming and tears. And while he doesn't disappear one me anymore, I really don't ever have him grab dinner for us because he will bring home cold dinner so he can have a beer at the bar and I get too aggravated.
My H is a great father and he's done a lot especially with this pregnancy but a lot of the time it's too much for him to also take care of me or be that in charge person that I am if I am out. He can take care of the house but emotionally he can't support me.
Marriage is hard. It can be selfish and it can be heart breaking.
My advice is to keep pushing forward, keep going to therapy and hopefully H will turn a new leaf. It's horrible but I always think that I will be okay on my own if I have to be and that kinda helps push me through.
I just wanted to send my support to you, @kaessi. I think your thoughts about your Dh's fears are on track. The first few years of marriage were the most difficult for my dh and I, and we had a lot of big changes. I tried to get dh to go to counseling, but he hated it. We ended up compromising on me going weekly, and him going every other week to once a month as time progressed. I really worked hard to find joy for myself and with what I did. I understand how hard it is to find it. Even if he isn't an active participant in some of the pregnancy things, still try your best to come up with a list of names, packing your hospital bag, etc. Still consider your dh, but put the baby and you first. I'm thinking about you, and if you ever want to private message here or on Fb, I'm always available. You've got lots of support from all of us moms here. Xox
I too don't really have additional advice, a lot of good has already been said. My thoughts are with you and I hope life turns around for you soon. Hugs - xoxo @Kaessi
@Kaessi I don't have much to add but I agree with PP - take care of yourself and your baby, and hopefully he will come around. My husband and I have had our fair share of rough patches and I know it's hard to think of anything else, but I hope things turn around for you soon
Thank you guys so, so much for the support. It truly means more to me than you know, and I'm so grateful to have y'all as an outlet to vent to & get this stuff out. It's just been pretty rough lately and being so close to the end of pregnancy is only intensifying everything I believe. I'm doing my best to push through - some days are better than others! Hoping this is just a rough patch & things will eventually improve. Thanks for all the advice, words of wisdom, and for letting me know I'm not alone!
Hang in there @kaessi. Hopefully it's just a short phase.
I I cried this morning because H went to run errands and wash my car and I wanted to spend time with him. Then I cried when he came home because I was telling him that I was sad that he left this morning instead of hanging out with me. Then I started crying when we were leaving to go to lunch because I'm just so uncomfortable and then I burst into tears when we got to the sports bar for lunch/football because I want a fall beer. #hormones
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
lol @mrscorker I'm sorry, I totally get it though.
@kaessi - I'm so sorry. What awful timing. PP's had excellent advice, and I have to +1 that you need to do what you can to forget about him and his issues for the next weeks/months and put yourself and baby first. Be there for him if he wants to open up, but you aren't going to fix what's broken with him right now. I'm not going to lie, newborns are EFFING HARD and the first 3 months or so can test even the strongest marriages. You are going to need support and it sounds like he's not gearing up to be a dependable support person.
If you haven't already, now is the time to start thinking about who in your life is nearby and able/willing to help out with you and the baby once it arrives. Now is the time to tell them about what has been going on with your husband, and to let them know you will need them - either physically in person to help around the house, watch the baby for an hour or two while you get a massage/go for a walk/take care of YOU, or just to be a listening ear.
I am a huge advocate for pulling away from a relationship once it becomes harmful- whether that means for a short time or, if need be, longer term. Marriage is hard work but everyone deserves respect and consideration from their partner. Pulling away can have a nice "cold water" effect too, and may shock him back into reality. And if it doesn't, then well, you've already done what you can. You have a small person to think of now.
I cried today because I told my mom and sister (she's up visiting) I would be at the house by lunch and when I got there I realized I had a text from them saying there were going for a walk. I can't get for walks and it was so damn humid. And then I felt horrible because LO was asking me what was wrong, "mama what's wrong". I hate LO seek me upset!
@ByeBabyBunting oh shit I'm sorry! Was it a surprise or did you guys see it coming? My DH keeps mentioning his fear of being laid off because work is slow and just the threat is enough to stress me out so you go ahead and cry because that's what I would be doing too! *hugs*
so sorry to hear @ByeBabyBunting .. hopefully he can find something soon!!
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
@byebabybunting so sorry to hear that. Such a stressful time to be laid off. Did the give him any kind of lay off package?
i got laid off right after LO turned 1 and it ended up being being a blessing in disguise. I ended up getting a better job with a higher pay. Hopefully it will be the same for your DH!
Re: Why my pregnant self is crying - September 2016
@Kaessi aww I'm sorry you have to go through that! When DH and I aren't talking, it makes the entire day just super weird and sad and awful. Hopefully you guys can patch stuff up tonight.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
So yeah, lots of work that I don't know how to do is overwhelming and anxiety inducing. I guess on the bright side, overtime is going straight into maternity leave hours.
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
:hugs: sorry you're going through this. I
hope for the best that the arrival of your LO will put life and your relationship into perspective for you and your DH.
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
I was up for several hours crying, mostly about my aforementioned fears about having a c-section and my parents visiting. But now I have another reason. We are flying to the US over Christmas to see my family and best friends. My dad's parents live within driving distance of my parents but my mom's parents are in Florida and it's simply too much hassle to fly down there with a newborn for two days. Well, my grandparents finally decided to come to me and I was so excited. Yesterday I found out my grandfather has been refusing to do his PT and there's no way my grandmother can transport him alone so they're no longer coming. I'm especially sad because the reality is that I don't know when we'll be able to get to Florida and they're not young anymore. Now I'm trying to rearrange our summer vacation to "pass through" Florida, but the effort and expense will be huge. Just, ugh
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
I'm not gonna lie our first few weeks home were really really hard and we had some big tiffs our first year. He would say he was going to store to grab something quick and the store was legit across the street and he wouldn't come home for a couple hours- wouldn't answer the phone and wouldn't offer an apology. He would be having a drink at his favorite bar. But it was horrible. I had the baby blues and was crying a lot- and he would tell me I couldn't be home alone with the baby (which I was completely capable of) but then would leave me for hours.
It was something we eventually worked through after lots of screaming and tears. And while he doesn't disappear one me anymore, I really don't ever have him grab dinner for us because he will bring home cold dinner so he can have a beer at the bar and I get too aggravated.
My H is a great father and he's done a lot especially with this pregnancy but a lot of the time it's too much for him to also take care of me or be that in charge person that I am if I am out. He can take care of the house but emotionally he can't support me.
Marriage is hard. It can be selfish and it can be heart breaking.
My advice is to keep pushing forward, keep going to therapy and hopefully H will turn a new leaf. It's horrible but I always think that I will be okay on my own if I have to be and that kinda helps push me through.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I I cried this morning because H went to run errands and wash my car and I wanted to spend time with him. Then I cried when he came home because I was telling him that I was sad that he left this morning instead of hanging out with me. Then I started crying when we were leaving to go to lunch because I'm just so uncomfortable and then I burst into tears when we got to the sports bar for lunch/football because I want a fall beer. #hormones
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
@kaessi - I'm so sorry. What awful timing. PP's had excellent advice, and I have to +1 that you need to do what you can to forget about him and his issues for the next weeks/months and put yourself and baby first. Be there for him if he wants to open up, but you aren't going to fix what's broken with him right now. I'm not going to lie, newborns are EFFING HARD and the first 3 months or so can test even the strongest marriages. You are going to need support and it sounds like he's not gearing up to be a dependable support person.
If you haven't already, now is the time to start thinking about who in your life is nearby and able/willing to help out with you and the baby once it arrives. Now is the time to tell them about what has been going on with your husband, and to let them know you will need them - either physically in person to help around the house, watch the baby for an hour or two while you get a massage/go for a walk/take care of YOU, or just to be a listening ear.
I am a huge advocate for pulling away from a relationship once it becomes harmful- whether that means for a short time or, if need be, longer term. Marriage is hard work but everyone deserves respect and consideration from their partner. Pulling away can have a nice "cold water" effect too, and may shock him back into reality. And if it doesn't, then well, you've already done what you can. You have a small person to think of now.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
i got laid off right after LO turned 1 and it ended up being being a blessing in disguise. I ended up getting a better job with a higher pay. Hopefully it will be the same for your DH!