June 2016 Moms

Individual or couples therapy?

Lately I just really haven't been happy with how my husband and I have been communicating. Nothing huge or earth shattering. Every couple goes through periods like that, and we have always just worked through it before. But this time I feel like dh isn't hearing me when I express myself, and I'm sure there are things we could both do better to help. 

Ive been thinking of therapy just to help with some of the emotional background, but I don't know if it would be best to go as a couple or on my own. Has anyone tried one or both? What did you find it helped with the most? Or was it a bad experience? My husband hates therapy, so I'm not even sure yet if he would consider it, but I would love to hear experiences. 
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Re: Individual or couples therapy?

  • I go to therapy for myself but its because of my depression and anxiety. I didn't like it at first but now I look forward to it. It's nice to talk to someone that doesn't have a side on whatever is on your mind. I do think in your position couples therapy would be most helpful. You're in this marriage together and should work on it together. Good luck!
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  • We haven't but we are pro-therapy. We've talked about going every now and then for "tune ups" but haven't yet.

    When a friend of mine was having communication issues with her husband, they did couples therapy and individual (both of them did it). They said that doing both types helped their relationship leaps and bounds since the one-on-one helped them focus on their own needs and issues and the couple therapy helped focus on them as a unit. Her husband really didn't like the idea of therapy but was more willing when she said she would be doing sessions on her own too. 
  • We haven't but we are pro-therapy. We've talked about going every now and then for "tune ups" but haven't yet.

    When a friend of mine was having communication issues with her husband, they did couples therapy and individual (both of them did it). They said that doing both types helped their relationship leaps and bounds since the one-on-one helped them focus on their own needs and issues and the couple therapy helped focus on them as a unit. Her husband really didn't like the idea of therapy but was more willing when she said she would be doing sessions on her own too. 
    Same here- we even have the name of someone but always forget to call. DH has been in individual therapy for about 2 years to do depression/anxiety and it has helped immensely. He had a rough family life growing up and needed to work on things on his own. If that's the cause with your H I would say do individual and couples therapy. (If here is a specific reason for his poor communication). If it is just a rough patch in your marriage, which everyone has at least once, then just couples therapy should probably be enough.

    Keep us posted :)
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
  • Thanks for sharing your experiences! I really appreciate it. I don't really have friends I could talk to about it. 

    Dh did therapy a few times in the past for addiction related things and his growing up situation, and he didn't have the best experience, so I know he wouldn't be up for doing individual on his own. I mentioned to him the idea of couples counseling and you would have thought I asked for a divorce. He totally acted like I was overreacting and he thinks we'll be fine on our own. I got him to agree to think about it. I don't know the right answer yet, but will keep working for something 
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  • I think when someone suggests counseling it comes off as an accusation which is annoying because that's probably the reason you want to go, to be able to discuss things at face value, without baggage and misinterpretations. Good luck and please keep us posted if you go and if it helps.
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