Can I just hate on America for a moment?

newyearsbaby5 · September 2016

Lack of paid maternity leave. I just can't even. I feel very fortunate that I have FMLA and enough sick/vacation time that half of my 12 weeks will be paid, but holy effing crap, why for such a civilized county do we have such horrible policies. Oh, right, because men make the decisions.

My in-laws all live in the UK so I was trying to see with HR if we had booked tickets in advance for them to see the baby (which we probably won't do, because everyone sucks) and the baby happened to come early and our trip fell just after my leave if I could extend it or have a week or so of unpaid vacation. The HR lady just looked at me in bewilderment--like no one had ever asked about extending leave before (and also, I'm planning for worst case scenario--the trip would be planned for during leave, but I know babies have their own plans).

So many mothers don't even have these luxuries and have to go back to work immediately. GAHHHHHHHHH.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

hayhay2501 · September 2016

Girl- I am with you. It makes me SO SO SO mad.

I'm currently living in the UK and my husband and I decided to delay moving to the US just so we could have a baby in the UK and take advantage of the maternity benefits. I feel very very lucky. When we do move to the US maternity benefits will be a major factor when I pick a job. Obviously I wish I didn't have to delay being an ocean away from my family to have my first baby, but it made sense on so many fronts.

I feel for all you ladies and I hope there's change around the corner. I can't even imagine having to go back to work immediately (and then having to pay absolutely unaffordable daycare costs in a lot of cases).

Kurtni · September 2016

I don't work for a company with enough employees to qualify for FMLA. Fortunetly it's a family owned place and my supervisor has already agreed to let me take off as much time as I want (unpaid), but legally they could just decide half way through to terminate me and there would be nothing I could do about it.

emy730 · September 2016

Yep, it's ridiculous.

I haven't been at my company long enough to qualify for FMLA, and while they've agreed to let me take the entire 12 weeks off, legally they are not obligated to do so and could terminate me whenever they want. I did sign up for short term disability, so that will cover 6 weeks at 67% of my pay. They said I could take all 15 days of vacation if I wanted as well, but I know that I'll need some of those days with two small children at home in the winter.

Even if they instituted something where I could pay into a fund (and maybe my company could match and be compensated with tax benefits), I would be okay with that. Mothers are treated so horribly here, even outside of maternity leave. I hate it.

mommy2ane · September 2016

I'm a teacher so I get 6 weeks or 8 weeks off depending on if I get a c-section, but they use my sick leave and after that's all used up, they start taking the cost of the sub from my pay (I'm salary). Then on top of that, it screws up my years of service for retirement. So between the two pregnancies, I'm going to lose two years of service even though I worked a majority of those years. I mean, I get it. Schools have a budget and someone HAS to cover me. And I can't complain too much because I get the summer and all major holidays off but it's still not fun. Thank goodness I pay for disability! That'll cover what they take out for sub pay.

hjmorgan-2 · September 2016

Since I work for the government my maternity leave isn't that bad when I pair it with sick and vacation time.

HOWEVER! I strongly believe in PATERNITY leave. My husband will have to save up his vacation time for when the baby is here. And even then it's maybe a week or two. I hate the idea that he will be back to work when our son is only 2 or 3 weeks old!! I understand businesses need to function, but having a baby is a big deal!!

colleenkevin · September 2016

For those who don't qualify but have employers willing to honor FMLA, would they be willing to complete the FMLA paperwork anyway so you have peace of mind? I don't qualify because I work remote and therefore don't work "at a location where the company employs 50 or more employees within 75 miles", but they honor FMLA benefits for remote employees anyway just out of fairness. With both my last pregnancy and this one they completed the paperwork and filed it, giving me a copy, so it was official and I didn't have to worry about a personnel change in HR or some other weird situation resulting in my agreement not being honored.

karaelaine1991 · September 2016

Maternity and paternity leave should definitely be much better here. I'm extraordinarily lucky that I get to be a SAHM (although we do make a lot of sacrifices to make it work, but we're able to have everything we need on a single income and it means so much to me that DH thinks that having me stay home with the kids is so valuable), and DH has a fantastically generous boss who not only gives him 2 weeks of paternity leave, but also allows him to come to all of my appointments without letting it affect his vacation time. For myself and my family, I have no complaints. But I very strongly believe that every family should be so lucky, and should be able to have this situation if they want it. I know being a SAHM isn't for everyone, but I think it's terrible that so many women have to fight and struggle just for 12 short weeks at home with their babies. Families - both parents and children - deserve so much more than this, if they want it.

Carly79 · September 2016

I'm fortunate that my company offers (and I've been here long enough to qualify for) short term disability at 100% of my pay. They also offer 2 weeks of paid parental leave to be used during the first 12 weeks after a baby is born (this is for either parent). I know a lot of companies don't offer any sort of parental leave and should be grateful for it, where I have a gripe is that if both parents work for the same company, they only get the 2 weeks for use between the 2 of them. I struggle with this rule. Fortunately my husband never takes any time off and has quite the build up so it's not a problem but I still think it's not fair. I'll be able to use my vacation time for my remaining 12 weeks. I get a healthy amount of PTO so that helps too. Our benefits are definitely better than some I've heard about so I'm glad about that. It would just be nice to not have to dip in to my vacation for my maternity leave.

amaren-2 · September 2016

I am very grateful for where I work. They provide 8 weeks paid parental leave. Either parent can take it. For women they can qualify for Short term disability and get 6 weeks. It works out to 12 weeks of 100% pay.

I'm probably going to take ten weeks and then save the other two weeks to use throughout the first year.

Wholesome · September 2016

I used all my FMLA and short-term disability while pregnant. I'm so glad it was there when I needed it because I planned to work until birth and then quit to be a stay at home mom. The cost of childcare is ridiculous too! With the cost of childcare and now skyrocketing insurance costs, working would cover it all but we thought it would be more valuable for me to stay at home and spend as much time with the kids as possible; we're even considering homeschool because our local public schools are too political for us. I wish this was something that had more respect and support too.

TexasGal24 · September 2016

My company doesn't qualify for FMLA but they offer 8 weeks unpaid leave. They make me use all my accrued sick and PTO days during this time as well (I have about 3 weeks saved up). I know they really want to keep me so I'm not necessarily worried about not coming back to a job, but it just kind of stinks. My husband actually gets 6 weeks paid paternity leave, which is SO awesome!

jsl82 · September 2016

ugh I am stuck at a job that I HATE because they are located in NJ vs NY and NJ has one of the best maternity policies in the country (though NY just signed one that will be better). I haven't talked with HR yet, because that woman makes me want to punch her in the face- but another girl is due 5 weeks ahead of me and has been letting me know all about the policies. I have to use 5 of my PTO days for the first week. but we are paid i believe 67% for 12 weeks.

I did have a question about working from home during December and HR looked at me like I grew a second head and said we don't offer extended work from home. I get 2 days a month- that's it. I live on an express stop for the train, so it only takes me 1 hour to commute to work during rush hour- but during the day I would be 2 hours away from my hospital and doctors. By not allowing me to work from home she is basically saying I have to start my maternity leave early and sit around waiting for the baby to arrive. If I lose those 4 weeks at home with my baby I would actually have been better off switching job when any of the recruiters contacting me over the past year. Even under the best circumstances we still have to decide how to make what we have work for our families. I just cannot wait to quit this horrible job after the baby arrives.

Shawlls · September 2016

Hugs to all of you. I am in Canada (and Canadian), and recently turned down a job opportunity in the U.S. because of this. I took a full year with my first, and can't imagine only taking 12 weeks (but realize you take what you can get).

In case some are curious, maternity leave is not as "glamorous" in Canada as some might think (many think it's a year paid). By law, it is a job protected unpaid leave for 52 weeks. Unpaid means your employer does not need to pay you anything, but needs to save your job for a year. That said, anyone who pays into EI for 600 hours prior to their leave (Employment Insurance - which is basically anyone who is an employee) qualifies for it while on leave. The amount is essentially 55% of your earnings, up to a maximum of about USD$2000/month. Some employers will "top this up" - mine does the first 19 weeks at 100%, then it's just EI.

I realize we are lucky, but one thing that is VERY frustrating is that our entire social system and childcare system is built around people taking the year, whether they can afford it or not. As a result, it is VERY difficult to find daycare that will take a child younger than 12 (or even 18) months.

colleenkevin · September 2016

@LilLynch2015 I am in NJ too and it is really one of the best states for maternity leave. If you're a covered employee under NJ policies then you could do the following:

NJ Disability runs 4 weeks before your due date and continues for 6 (vaginal) or 8 (cesarean) weeks after. You need your OB to sign you out as disabled prior to delivery which most will do. You get 2/3 of your wages up to $615 in 2016 during these weeks. Then, when you're off disability you apply for Family Leave Insurance benefits for 6 more weeks at the same pay rate.

Now, for the job protection part, you start your FMLA the day you start disability so you'll burn some weeks pre-birth, but as soon as you're not on disability anymore you're covered under NJ Family Leave Act for 12 more job protected weeks. So you can do 4 job protected weeks under FMLA pre-birth and another 6-8 post-delivery to care for yourself, and then do 12 more weeks under NJFLA to care for the baby.

All in all, if you go on disability early it comes out to 4 weeks pre-birth and 18-20 weeks post birth of job of protected time off, with 4 weeks pre birth and 12 weeks post birth at partial pay.

ETA: Moral of the story - if you take disability before you deliver it doesn't impact the amount of job protected time you have or the amount of paid time you have post-delivery. The story example of "Emma" at this link probably explains it clearer than I did: https://www.theemployerhandbook.com/2011/07/demystifying-federal-and-new-j.html

EISG918 · September 2016

Agree... I have to use all my accrued time for the mat. leave. I have short term disability as well to pick up the rest of it. Last pregnancy, though, there was so much paperwork that I didn't get my check until the Friday before I went back to work! It was a hefty check, so that was nice, but hello....totally could of used that 6 weeks prior... lol

jsl82 · September 2016

Thanks @colleenkevin this clears up a lot and makes me feel better about my choice to stay.

Smiley-1980 · September 2016

I really feel for you all in the U.S. I am also Canadian and will be taking my second year of maternity leave. With my first I took home around $1600 per month and should be around the same this time. In Ontario we also get the child benefit per child so for my one child I get around $310 per month and this will double when the second is born. I am pretty hopeful I won't even have to go back to work after the year at all now. For me it benefits me that I don't make too much at my job because there is a maximum you can receive and for people that make a lot more they usually take a big hit or have to go back early.

nolemama24 · September 2016

I would also like to say how disappointing/sad/frustrating maternity leave is in America. And childcare costs are crazy. I get 12 weeks with FMLA, I need to figure out the rest of the logistics but, I think it's the whole supplement with short term disability as a few of you have mentioned. It just makes me sad. Leaving my barely three month old at daycare will be so hard. The only thing I feel lucky about is that everyone that works at my company is literally a woman, so most of them have been there & understand, and they don't care if you have to leave a little early one day for an appointment, etc. I love what I do and my career but I also love being a mother. Definitely not easy to do both here.

colleenkevin · September 2016

@LilLynch2015 Happy to help

While 18ish weeks with 12 partially paid isn't A LOT of time compared to some other countries, we're in the lucky minority that gets even that much.

It's a lot of paperwork though and, based on my group of friends it seems that a lot of HR depts (including my own the first time around) ignore the additional coverage through NJFLA and only tell people about the 12 weeks of FMLA. This time around I made sure both HR and I have the forms and due dates nailed down already so there's no confusion (they forgot about my paid family leave insurance and I caught them by surprise with a request to complete the paperwork last time).

BrennansMom2012 · September 2016

vgempis said:

I'm a teacher so I get 6 weeks or 8 weeks off depending on if I get a c-section, but they use my sick leave and after that's all used up, they start taking the cost of the sub from my pay (I'm salary). Then on top of that, it screws up my years of service for retirement. So between the two pregnancies, I'm going to lose two years of service even though I worked a majority of those years. I mean, I get it. Schools have a budget and someone HAS to cover me. And I can't complain too much because I get the summer and all major holidays off but it's still not fun. Thank goodness I pay for disability! That'll cover what they take out for sub pay.

What??? Are you in a private setting? I work for a public school district and your maternity leave is completely different from mine and follows FMLA guidelines, I'm also in a very strong teachers' union. 12 weeks with 6 paid from my sick leave, 6 unpaid but if I really wanted to I could take a year without worry of retaining my job--maybe not the position/school I left from but they'd have to give me a job. I also pay into short-term disability to cover the one month I'll be uninsured since I carry our family's policy. I've never heard of a district using your salary to pay for a sub. Can't complain too much? Girl, I feel sorry for you! They're almost penalizing you for having a baby.

lindaisy86 · September 2016

Feeling for you ladies! I'm also Canadian; I will be taking the first 9 months of leave and then my husband will be taking the last 3 months. I am concerned about making ends meet for a full year with one of us only making 55% of our wage but I'm so glad we have the option and I'm sure we will figure it out.
Canadian mat/parental leave is split into two categories - this first 17 weeks can only be taken by the birth mother and is called maternity leave; the last 35 weeks are parental leave and can be taken by either parent consecutively or at the same time but only to a total of 35 (you could take 17.5 weeks each and both be home at the same time). Not to be greedy but if I had to wish for something, it would be to have some kind of protected for the second parent (paternity leave although that term seems outdated...the second parent doesn't have to be a man) even just 4 weeks to take when the baby first arrives. It sucks that my hubby will have to use his vacation when baby comes and will only be home with us for one maybe two weeks.

hayhay2501 · September 2016

Jeez Canada is the place to have a baby! In the UK I get 4 months fully paid (minor gripe in the US my company gives moms 5 months fully paid) and then I can take up to a year off and get paid £600 a month after the first four (like $900). $900 is not anywhere close to what I'm normally paid so I think the most we can afford is eight months. My husband gets two weeks off, which isn't great but I'm so glad he gets it!

Not complaining at all given what the bulk of you ladies get but I'm seriously going to try to have my next baby in Canada ha.

lindaisy86 · September 2016

@hayhay87 I totally hear you! I'm certainly grateful to be having my baby in this wonderfully socialist country. Even more grateful to the strong women and men who came before me and fought for these amazing benefits.

mommy2ane · September 2016

BrennansMom2012 said:

vgempis said:

I'm a teacher so I get 6 weeks or 8 weeks off depending on if I get a c-section, but they use my sick leave and after that's all used up, they start taking the cost of the sub from my pay (I'm salary). Then on top of that, it screws up my years of service for retirement. So between the two pregnancies, I'm going to lose two years of service even though I worked a majority of those years. I mean, I get it. Schools have a budget and someone HAS to cover me. And I can't complain too much because I get the summer and all major holidays off but it's still not fun. Thank goodness I pay for disability! That'll cover what they take out for sub pay.

What??? Are you in a private setting? I work for a public school district and your maternity leave is completely different from mine and follows FMLA guidelines, I'm also in a very strong teachers' union. 12 weeks with 6 paid from my sick leave, 6 unpaid but if I really wanted to I could take a year without worry of retaining my job--maybe not the position/school I left from but they'd have to give me a job. I also pay into short-term disability to cover the one month I'll be uninsured since I carry our family's policy. I've never heard of a district using your salary to pay for a sub. Can't complain too much? Girl, I feel sorry for you! They're almost penalizing you for having a baby.

Nope! Public! I could take the 12 weeks if i really wanted to with FMLA. But they run congruent. So I can't take my 6 weeks guaranteed for maternity and take FLMA for 12 more. It would only be for 6 more weeks and it would still be with me paying the differential. When you're out without pay, does that mean you don't get your health insurance during that time?

It's written in our contracts that any days we take off after our leave runs that the daily sub pay is taken from our salary and we get the remainder. This doesn't matter if it's for maternity, or you're sick. We could also take up to a school year off, with a position reserved for us, but I can't do that since this is my first year.

I don't know if this is my specific district, county or state (California) but this is how it was when I was pregnant with my son in my previous district as well. Except then, I had a lot more sick leave accrued from previous and part of it was over spring break and Easter so it wasn't that bad when I took the time off. I'm also new to my district and not on a permanent contract, so I need to come back sooner rather than later.

cabu14 · September 2016

I started reading this thread.. and I couldn't finish it bc the whole thing gets me so mad. I can't even think about it, but I need to because wtf am I going to do? Gah!!

aishmc · September 2016

@vgempis if you're in CA, you're eligible for CFRA for another 12 weeks after FMLA runs out. That one runs congruent with PFL so you can get 6 more weeks at a percentage of your pay. It only started a couple years ago and is called "bonding" leave. Spouses are entitled to it as well in case you want to stack your leave and hold out on childcare a bit longer.

AshleySparkle720 · September 2016

I have to figure what the heck I'm going to do still. I quit my job once DD1 was born and didn't go back until about a month ago...So I had 17 months at home with her. I really enjoy my current job and plan to announce my pregnancy this week, but want to decide what a fair amount of time to take for leave is before I do so. That way I can give them my game plan. It's a big company in the area, but has very few employees so they don't even have an HR department.

BrennansMom2012 · September 2016

vgempis said:

BrennansMom2012 said:

vgempis said:

I'm a teacher so I get 6 weeks or 8 weeks off depending on if I get a c-section, but they use my sick leave and after that's all used up, they start taking the cost of the sub from my pay (I'm salary). Then on top of that, it screws up my years of service for retirement. So between the two pregnancies, I'm going to lose two years of service even though I worked a majority of those years. I mean, I get it. Schools have a budget and someone HAS to cover me. And I can't complain too much because I get the summer and all major holidays off but it's still not fun. Thank goodness I pay for disability! That'll cover what they take out for sub pay.

What??? Are you in a private setting? I work for a public school district and your maternity leave is completely different from mine and follows FMLA guidelines, I'm also in a very strong teachers' union. 12 weeks with 6 paid from my sick leave, 6 unpaid but if I really wanted to I could take a year without worry of retaining my job--maybe not the position/school I left from but they'd have to give me a job. I also pay into short-term disability to cover the one month I'll be uninsured since I carry our family's policy. I've never heard of a district using your salary to pay for a sub. Can't complain too much? Girl, I feel sorry for you! They're almost penalizing you for having a baby.

Nope! Public! I could take the 12 weeks if i really wanted to with FMLA. But they run congruent. So I can't take my 6 weeks guaranteed for maternity and take FLMA for 12 more. It would only be for 6 more weeks and it would still be with me paying the differential. When you're out without pay, does that mean you don't get your health insurance during that time?

It's written in our contracts that any days we take off after our leave runs that the daily sub pay is taken from our salary and we get the remainder. This doesn't matter if it's for maternity, or you're sick. We could also take up to a school year off, with a position reserved for us, but I can't do that since this is my first year.

I don't know if this is my specific district, county or state (California) but this is how it was when I was pregnant with my son in my previous district as well. Except then, I had a lot more sick leave accrued from previous and part of it was over spring break and Easter so it wasn't that bad when I took the time off. I'm also new to my district and not on a permanent contract, so I need to come back sooner rather than later.

No, I'll still have health insurance through the 12 weeks, until my "unpaid" status kicks in around week 16 when I'm already back to work for three weeks because of the bi-weekly staggered pay schedule I'm on. It's actually about 3 weeks unpaid status (even though I technically take 6) but I have to pay for the whole month. So I'll go back to work in late April but I won't get paid from about mid-May to late June and I'll pay for the month of June's insurance. It's actually quite complicated for me to explain but I understand how it works...if that makes sense. Lol We ended up paying just over $2,000 for our insurance last pregnancy for that month which disability covered almost all of it. I just re-read that and understand it sounds very confusing but I think insurance/FMLA/maternity leave is confusing on purpose. I wish my husband carried the insurance but his district's insurance is pathetic compared to mine. I'm still in awe that sub pay is taken out of your salary.

KarliQ88 · September 2016

It's awful isn't it? My husband makes more than me but i make a decent amount that going unpaid for 12 weeks will affect us. We are so so so fortunate that my husbands job offers full PAID paternity and maternity leave. He gets 4 weeks and women in his company get 6. Of course you get 12 off just not all paid. He woll be taking the full 4 weeks off to be with me and the baby. His boss has been amazing and allows him to come to every appointment. I think it helps his boss's wife is pregnant so he knows how it feels. His company has been wonderful... Mine not so much. I won't get paid but i do have 600 hours of vacation hours. I was a work-aholic before getting pregnant so it paid off and i will be getting paid some through my vacation hours i saved up.
Anyway...yes i agree. It's terrible that now days we cannot offer paid leave to our tax paying citizens who are working hard and trying to raise a family. Hopefully someday this will change but i don't think we will be seeing it with our January babies.

ashanne88 · September 2016

aishmc said:

@vgempis if you're in CA, you're eligible for CFRA for another 12 weeks after FMLA runs out. That one runs congruent with PFL so you can get 6 more weeks at a percentage of your pay. It only started a couple years ago and is called "bonding" leave. Spouses are entitled to it as well in case you want to stack your leave and hold out on childcare a bit longer.

I think you're only eligible for this if your company has more than 50 employees (which I would think a school district would have). At least that is what the HR person told me. For less than 50, you qualify for disability and PFL for a total of 12 weeks (maybe 14 if you have a c-section? I'm not sure about this) at a percentage of your pay. It sucks but still much better than some other states.

aishmc · September 2016

Yes @ashanne88 my pregnancy brain had me jumping to conclusions. My husband works for a school district so I figured lots of employees. The other issue is having to have been with the employer for at least a year.

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