Scared worried — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Scared worried

Father here. 
Daughter is 1yr 6mo

Without going into specifics. Mom and father are not together. Shared custody. 

We recently changed babysitters. Twice. First time was because the friend we were using started charging more and was on the other side of town. 

Second sitter started college and her school offered daycare for students with children. 

Third sitter who I didn't want but she said it was fine. This person has questionable choices in men. Drug users, alcoholics, violent. Plus she didn't pay is when she has my ex watch her kid. 

Fast forward to today she has been there for a month now. Dropped her off and she cries bloody murder and was trembling like she was scared. Latched onto to me and would not let me go. Her mom picked her up and she noticed a sever diaper rash. To the point the rash had sores like a scab that was picked. Took her to the doctor and he said it looked like a staph infection. 

Today same thing. Except this time she cries and shaking was worse. I find out she has a male roommate whom we have never met and that worries me. I myself am a victim of sexual abuse and my mind went right there as I am driving to work. I have been scared all day to the point where I am almost going to leave work to go get her. 

To you parents out there how would you respond to a situation like this? Am I just over reacting because of my own abuse? Or am I justified in worrying. 

Re: Scared worried

  • I think you definitely have reason to be concerned. I can't say whether or not abuse is taking place, but she clearly isn't happy there. I would be wary of any situation where someone who is not the designated caregiver was spending a lot of time in the house with the children. 

    I guess it depends on what you're asking... Should you find a new sitter? Sounds like it. Should there be some sort of investigation? Hard to say... Do you have a way to check out the roommate? A cop buddy who could run you a background check? 

    It's tough when children are young and can't tell you what's going on, but her actions are definitely sending a message. I'm sure it's frustrating to have gone through several sitters and all of the changes that go along with that, but think of the costs of staying with a bad one. : / 

    Good luck. 
    crsanchez87
  • Second PP, I'm not really into someone being at the house who isn't the caregiver. It sounds like you think the caregiver them self is shady, too. I'm big into trusting your instincts, and I think as parents a lot of what we do is going with our gut. It seems to me like your gut is telling you to get a new sitter, so I'm thinking you should listen and get a new sitter. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kid in that situation.

    I'm sorry you've had to go thru so many sitters. It's tough. Hang in there, you'll find something that works.
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  • I agree with the pp.   definitely follow your gut! 
  • Trust your instincts. We put my son in daycare at 4 months, he is now 18 months and we are trying to find our 3rd provider. I don't feel he is in danger, but I changed his from his first provider because the kids were getting an excessive amount of television. Current daycare, I don't feel he is being watched very closely. He gets bit and no one knows when/how. He comes home with BAD diaper rash that no one communicates to us about. And a bunch of other tiny things that I am tired of dealing with. I don't think there is anything wrong with going with your gut and finding a provider you feel comfortable with. As I have been known to say, your daycare provider is an extension of the parenting team and they should feel like a teammate/some one you can communicate with. Changing providers is a pain, but it is worth it when you find the right one. 
  • This does not sound like a good situation. I am stressed and concerned just reading about it. Maybe I watch too many Criminal Minds and SVU shows, but please don't take the chance on a young child that cannot tell you what is happening there. I would do everything I could to find new care that makes everyone comfortable. You should feel confident when leaving your child with someone. I hope it gets better for you and your family!
    virginiaunicorn11crsanchez87
  • edited August 2016
    I'd be finding a new sitter. Go with your gut. If your daughter had no problem going to a sitter before and this all of a sudden started out of nowhere that's a red flag to me. The severe diaper rash also doesn't help. Also, I'd have a huge problem with there being a strange person, especially male, that I don't know and have never met being around her all the time. Not even just that he's there, but you didn't even know someone else lived there until your daughter had been going there a month. I feel like that's something that should have been mentioned. That's three strikes- she's out. Time to find someone else.

    If regular day care centers are too pricey look into in-home daycares and ask to see licensing info. Or check out Care.com, so you can see background checks and references.
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    virginiaunicorn11crsanchez87
  • klirwin82klirwin82 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited August 2016
    I'd remove your child from that situation immediately. A baby trembling when you leave is a sign something is wrong, it doesn't sound like normal separation anxiety.

    You say this person makes poor decisions regarding the men involved in her life - that's a major red flag. You never know when an angry, strung out ex wants to pay her a visit, which just so happens to be the place your child is.

    The male roommate is a no-go for me as well. What's his background? Been to jail? Substance abuse problem? Violent? Do you have a last name? Sex offender? Previous child abuse investigations? Did he bring guns into the residence? All unknowns. No one wants the provider's random friends/"roommates"/weird cousin just hanging around. 

    I feel sick just thinking about this situation. You need to get your child out of there immediately. The fear your daughter displays is really concerning and not all abuse leaves marks. 
    crsanchez87
  • I'm so glad you were able to remove her from that situation.  Hope you find a daycare you like and trust! 
    virginiaunicorn11
  • Great job! Glad to hear you and the mother were on the same page and are working together to find a better situation no matter what it takes. Happy endings!
  • Glad to hear she's out of that situation! Always trust your gut IMO

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