*TTCAL Check-In Week of 9/12**

RiverSong15 · September 2016

@chloe97 I agree on that front. I tried searching the IF, HIgh-Risk, and TTTC board for info on APS and can't find much of anything. It'd be nice if there was more traffic over there.

waitingforblueskies · September 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): I am new. Just posted my intro last week, but I will put a brief one here. 24, married for a little over 2 years, first loss about a month ago, "trying again, but not trying again" for a while.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): I am currently in the TWW phase (I think). Things are a bit wonky. DH and I were not expecting me to ovulate as soon as I did and BD on 9/5 and that afternoon I took an ovulation test (just to start seeing if they would get darker and BOOM. So...we BD a few more times that week and here we are.

3. Rants/raves: RANT: There are currently several teachers in the building I teach at who are pregnant and every time I hear them complain about how terrible it is to be pregnant, I WANT TO SCREAM. I have been excluding myself from a lot of social situations with them (like lunch in the staffroom), but now I feel like they think I am rude. Ugh. I don't even know. RAVE: My husband packed my lunch this morning because I overslept.

4. GTKY: Tell us about your history with The Bump. How did you find the Bump community? What made you start participating in The Bump? Do you participate in any other TTC forums?
I used The Knot for my wedding stuff a couple years ago, so I sporadically creeped on the Bump, because hubby and I spoke about not wanting to wait too long to try to get pregnant. I started participating last month when I got my BFP and was in the April 2016 Club. I have never participated in any other TTC forums, but I did creep them.

BitterBetty12 · September 2016

Hey ladies! Gah I hate being back at work only because I miss being able to check in here more regularly! I promise I will be back for comments sometime this week but for right now I am going to selfishly post and ghost.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): WTO, CD7

3. Rants/raves: The reality is that my anxiety is kind of out of control right now. I haven't felt this lost in terms of how to help myself in years. Every time I feel like I maybe have a handle on something for a second, something else happens that pushes me right back over the edge. The only thing that is helping me right now is how busy I am at work. Yesterday I stayed at work doing things and then went shopping and took the long way home just to avoid being at home by myself (DH was working until 9 pm). When I finally did get home I felt so overwhelmed I just started crying. Part of the problem is that I rely WAY too much on H to help me through these tough moments. He doesn't even have to do anything but when he's home I feel so much better and am able to calm down. But he's a pharmacist and works a retail schedule. And this is his long week. He's working this weekend and I'm desperately trying to come up with things to do so I don't have to sit at home by myself. I've been so anxious I even briefly considered TTA, which is the absolute last thing I want. I don't think I will. But I would be surprised if this anxiety doesn't affect this cycle either way.

4. GTKY: Tell us about your history with The Bump. How did you find the Bump community? What made you start participating in The Bump? Do you participate in any other TTC forums?
Honestly, I don't even remember. I have been thinking about TTC long before I knew I would actually start. And I used to look things up and I'm pretty sure it landed me in the bump forums pretty frequently. When I was ready to start TTC I think this was the first place I thought of. And that is all probably why.

chloe97 · September 2016

Thinking of you @BitterBetty12. I've had the same thoughts about needing to get my anxiety under control before TTC. I'm in the TWW so if I'm pregnant, I will just have to deal. After 2 losses there is no way that I'm not going to have some major anxiety issues.

I'm a big podcast person- so I started a new one called Anxiety Guru. It's a guy, I'm really not sure if his credentials- sounds like he's an anxiety coach? Anyway, he's had some great ideas about strategies to control anxiety. I just listened to one so far, but found it helpful.

Another thing I've tried doing is crying more. May sound counterintuitive, but my anxiety is the manifestation of my grief and my grief needs to be released somehow or it becomes anxiety. I let myself start to think about how unfair it is that I'm suffering like this. Eventually the water works start flowing. I do a lot of my crying in my car on my 1 HR commute. I know it's hard to find time and space to cry if you don't get a lot of time to yourself.

BitterBetty12 · September 2016

@chloe97 You are SO right about crying helping. I tried to keep myself from crying in certain moments where I felt like it just wouldn't be productive. But I found that keeping it in just made me sad and anxious while on the verge of tears for the rest of the day. Crying is incredibly cathartic. It gives me the time and outlet to acknowledge that what happened to me IS unfair, and it does suck so incredibly bad. I also do a lot of my crying on my commute. Sometimes I even intentionally put sad music on. I need that time to grieve and mourn, because even though the rest of the world is going about their business, I can't just pretend that I'm the same person I was 5 months ago. I also love the idea of listening to a podcast. I am going to try that. Thank you so much for the recommendation!

RiverSong15 · September 2016

@chloe97 and @BitterBetty22 - you can add me to the Commuting Criers Club. What is it about the commute that lends itself to that? Perhaps it's the transiton between two places (work and home) where I keep myself too busy to cry. But I've definitely been that weirdo tearing up in the car.

I hope you both find good ways to deal with your anxiety. It's a bitch to deal with and I'm sending good vibes your way.

TScalei · September 2016

@riversong15 @chloe97 @bitterbetty12 - You can add me to that group too. I think its just time that you are really alone with your thoughts and it all just kind of comes out. I agree that its good to feel how you are feeling. I think its okay to feel sad, bitter, angry and after all that we have been through its hard to "relax".

@bitterbetty12 - My DH and I work opposite shifts so I totally get being alone. I have walked around the mall plenty of nights just because I don't want to go home to an empty house and my thoughts. I definitely rely on my DH a lot too and just feel so much better when he is around ( which unfortunately is not a lot bec of our work schedules). There are so many other factors that just makes this process more difficult. Hugs to you this week!

BitterBetty12 · September 2016

@RiverSong15 @TScalei @chloe97 We can be the car criers club! It's weird that it is so helpful for all of us. I do think there is something about the transition from one part of your life to another (work to home) that has something to do with it for sure.

Thank you guys for always being here to listen

DungeonTrollMel · September 2016

BitterBetty12 said:

@RiverSong15 @TScalei @chloe97 We can be the car criers club! It's weird that it is so helpful for all of us. I do think there is something about the transition from one part of your life to another (work to home) that has something to do with it for sure.

Thank you guys for always being here to listen

Count me in. I still cry once or twice a week on the drive home. It's basically the release of all the triggers during the day that I have repressed so I don't cry at work

yolandamunoz · September 2016

Oh I forgot to do my check-in!

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):
I am currently WTO for the first time in months. I got my first OPK yesterday and I will start testing tomorrow, that will be CD12. If i don't get pregnant now, next cycle (october) we will try a medicated cycle with Femara and estrogen.

3. Rants/raves:
RANT: I've had bronchitis for over 3 weeks, have taken antibiotics, antivirals, and all sorts of things and still not ok. I am really sick of it because my energy levels are at 50% ... ohhhh and I need my energy to BD :P

4. GTKY: Tell us about your history with The Bump. How did you find the Bump community? What made you start participating in The Bump? Do you participate in any other TTC forums?
I found the Bump through The Knot. I joined the Knot when I got engaged and started planning my wedding. Then, as we decided to start TTC, it seemed like a good idea to start lurking at the Bump, finding out all the information to be prepared TTC and all. I've been active at my BMB when I got my first BFP in january, and then moved to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss in february. After my D&C I moved on to TTCAL and have been here ever since. I find that the ladies here are so welcoming and supportive, I am really thankful to have found this board, that helped me so much during both of my losses.

BitterBetty12 · September 2016

@DungeonTrollMel In May/June I was having an issue because I was actually crying on my way in to work, which was a total cluster f*ck because trying to stop and actually get myself together was impossible. Of course that was directly post loss. Crying on the way home is definitely a lot better. You're also right that it's a release of all the things that have been building.

TScalei · September 2016

That's exciting @yolandamunoz! I'm sure that's a great feeling to be back on track. Fx for you this cycle!

roxgibbons · September 2016

Super late check in this week. It was a rough week and a lot going on not just with TTCAL, but just life so I needed a small break.

@DungeonTrollMel A very happy belated birthday to you. I hope you had a good day and did something nice for yourself (besides the probing). I think we are cycle twins again.

2. WTO CD 7 on 6th and most likely last medicated cycle. I started taking Letrozole and Menopur on CD 4 until Friday and u/s scheduled for Saturday to check on progress.

3. R/R. Monday was my EDD. I cried a lot that morning and decided to stay home from work. I just couldn't deal. I looked through all of the things I had from that pregnancy and decided I want to get some form of a memorial box and tuck it away somewhere. On Monday I had my baseline u/s and was thinking how shitty it was getting a baseline on what was supposed to be my due date. I also decided to do the whole mess of blood work my RE ordered. I repeated CD 3 labs and he ordered all the chromosome tests, and blood clotting panels. Everything looks normal so far and I'm glad that my CD 3 labs are in normal range. I'm doing better now and I guess just moving forward with this cycle- It's been a year since I started working with the RE and it's been such an emotional, painful journey filled with highs and lows but definitely more lows.

4. I started participating on the Bump last year when I started working with the RE. I only participated on the Infertility board. It was good and there are many knowledgeable people on there. After we found out about our pregnancy, I briefly joined my BMB and lurked on Pregnant after 35. After our loss I hung out mainly on the Miscarriage/Loss board, which led me to all of you lovely ladies and I pretty much only participate on this board now. I honestly can say I could never have gotten through all of this without all of your support and kind words throughout this process.

I hope everyone has a good week. I'll check in on the individual threads and catch up on everyone. Have a great day

*TTCAL Check-In Week of 9/12**

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