Showers

lindsey2017 · September 2016

Forgive me if I should have put this in the weekly randoms - but I am starting to talk showers with my family, friends, and work. I know they are forever away, but what is a good number to have? What is too many, and how do you spread the guests? My boss and his wife want to throw me a shower in January, and I know my MIL will want to, possibly my mom's BFF, and my BFFs- I feel like any more than that is too many - or maybe that is too many? I would almost like to have 1 huge shower instead of 4 smaller ones, but I know that won't happen.

Anyone have experience with this? It is a source of anxiety for me as I hate to say no to people when they are offering such a nice thing such as a shower - but then there is the risk of not having anyone to invite after so many - I hate having people have to come to more than one shower if they can help it.

laurennowa · September 2016

It depends on how many guests would overlap and what you can handle. The one that is iffy is the friend shower, but I can totally understand wanting to have a shower without parents, grandparents and aunts. It will be much more relaxed. I did that for my bff who was expecting twins. I did let the ladies know that they weren't expected to bring two gifts, one to my shower and one to the mom's aunt's shower. Whatever you feel comfortable with, is what you should do.

JustAnotherUsername16 · September 2016

It must be wonderful that you are so loved that people are fighting over hosting showers for you! I know it may be a bit anxiety-inducing for you, but perhaps just be honest with them about how you feel and maybe they'll be willing to combine them all together? In the meantime, soak up that love! You deserve it!!

My family is spread across the US and so is DH's. I know my BFF would be happy to host a shower, but I wouldn't even know who to invite, so I will likely just not have one at all. I only even considered registering for our families who want to host a "virtual" shower by sending us gifts.

disneybaby84 · September 2016

So, i moved here in April, I'm a FTM, I'm attending a huge church, there's committees for everything and still getting to know people there. I'm just trying to figure out how having a church baby shower in a big church works. At my previous town, the whole church would have known i was pregnant and I would have already had ladies offering to host. I just don't want to be rude at my new church. Part of me is wondering if once my belly gets big if that will send the message.

MrsNap_515 · September 2016

I guess it just goes by the norm for your family, we have very large families, so we invite immediate, aunts/uncles/1st cousins, close friends/family friends, if we had to include all cousins, forget it we'd need a wedding hall again LOL My baby shower with DD was about 40 ladies

lindsey2017 · September 2016

@DaniBanani16 I feel very grateful that I have so many people who would like to throw me a shower, of course! I ran into this with wedding showers and ended up telling the people that were invited to more than one to not bring a second gift - just to come have fun, so as @laurennowa said, that is likely what I will do.

lindsey2017 · September 2016

@DaniBanani16 I think a virtual shower is an awesome idea!

JustAnotherUsername16 · September 2016

@lindsey2017 That sounds like so much fun! I hope you enjoy them!

kjd291 · September 2016

If you'd rather have just one tell your friends and family who are offering you a shower to communicate and throw one together! And You could have a small "shower" at work with co-workers over lunch or something??

Showers look SO different from person to person. You can have 5ppl gathered for brunch, or 100ppl in a little hall you rent. It's up to you and the people that want to put it on for you: just be honest and communicate your wishes!

lindsey2017 · September 2016

@disneybaby84 are you in any small groups or bible studies that you could share your news with? I think as you start to show it will send the message!

lindsey2017 · September 2016

@kjd291 Thanks, it is also hard to schedule with our birth month due to holidays/new years - January will probably be a big month for most of us!

kjd291 · September 2016

@disneybaby84 I was also new to a very large church when I was a FTM, so I just didn't get a church shower. You can ask someone that's a part of the church leadership if they have something they do for expecting moms...I've heard some large churches do a gift from the church or something. (How big is the church?)) But I'm not sure they would throw a shower for someone that's new and not a member. ((Assuming you aren't members yet?))

ngcsugirl1112 · September 2016

I've already had 3 friends say they want to throw me a shower, so I will probably have them collaborate together and do one large one. I'm fairly sure my parent's church back home will throw me one as well, and my team at work is very excited about my pregnancy so I kind of expect them to do something (not that I EXPECT them to do it for me....but I'm guessing they will do something, if that makes sense). I'm definitely telling them to wait until at least January...with the holidays that's a lot going on

mecoats · September 2016

I'm probably going to have the same type of issue. My family is in WV/MD, and DH's family is in PA/NJ. So, ultimately it will probably be 2 showers, but I have already told my DH to make sure my MIL knows not to do a surprise shower, so I can make sure those that should be invited are invited. I'm hoping my friends (who live in DE) will take the lead and get my MIL involved, but not let her run the show. I think for the WV/MD shower we'll probably suggest just shipping the gifts to our house, so we don't have a packed car. Good luck to you

Either way it'll be nice to be showered with so much love!

kap1988 · September 2016

If you feel like you can handle having 4 showers, I would go ahead and do it. If you do, just make sure that guests don't over lap. If you can't handle 4 showers, which is understandable, especially in January, maybe ask if your MIL and mom's BFF can combine. Then you could have one for work, family/friends of the family, and friends. Or even combine family and friends for one big one. Personally, I don't like going to showers with more than 20 or so people. It's just too many people for the mom to be to be able to visit with and way too many presents to watch being opened. If it were me I would try to do 2 or 3 smaller showers.

lindsey2017 · September 2016

@kap1988 great advice! I would want to visit with guests more than sitting opening presents and when it gets so big its a bit overwhelming to divide time up with everyone.

mecoats · September 2016

lindsey2017 said:

@kap1988 great advice! I would want to visit with guests more than sitting opening presents and when it gets so big its a bit overwhelming to divide time up with everyone.

My co-worker requested non-wrapped gifts at hers too, so she didn't take a lot of time opening gifts. That could be another option too...so you can spend as much time as you want with everyone

Or maybe wait to open the gifts at home.

kjd291 · September 2016

lindsey2017 said:

@kap1988 great advice! I would want to visit with guests more than sitting opening presents and when it gets so big its a bit overwhelming to divide time up with everyone.

My friend had a very large shower with un-wrapped gifts requested. It was a luncheon, with long tables around the room displaying the gifts --no actual gift opening time so that they could just visit!

sunshine507 · September 2016

If it's a shower with unwrapped gifts, is there a period of time for looking at what people gave you & thanking them in person, or does that not happen aside from thank you notes?

kjd291 · September 2016

sunshine507 said:

If it's a shower with unwrapped gifts, is there a period of time for looking at what people gave you & thanking them in person, or does that not happen aside from thank you notes?

My friend just wrote thank you notes! I thought it was great!!! IMO people would rather visit with you--and would probably be relieved to not have to sit for 2hours watching you open blankets and diapers

jmacd22 · September 2016

I will be having 2. A small one at work which they offered to do. A bigger one with friends and family. The one with friends and family will also serve as a joint 30th birthday celebration because my birthday is mid Jan

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

lindsey2017 said:

Forgive me if I should have put this in the weekly randoms - but I am starting to talk showers with my family, friends, and work. I know they are forever away, but what is a good number to have? What is too many, and how do you spread the guests? My boss and his wife want to throw me a shower in January, and I know my MIL will want to, possibly my mom's BFF, and my BFFs- I feel like any more than that is too many - or maybe that is too many? I would almost like to have 1 huge shower instead of 4 smaller ones, but I know that won't happen.

Anyone have experience with this? It is a source of anxiety for me as I hate to say no to people when they are offering such a nice thing such as a shower - but then there is the risk of not having anyone to invite after so many - I hate having people have to come to more than one shower if they can help it.

Several smaller showers are better IMO. Too large a shower and everyone is sitting around forever watching you open presents.

RunBooRun · September 2016

The whole unwrapped gift shower is so rude. I put a lot of thought into my gifts and want to see the mom open it. The gifts are the whole point of a shower. If you want a social, don't call it a shower and expect people to bring a gift.

kap1988 · September 2016

RunBooRun said:

The whole unwrapped gift shower is so rude. I put a lot of thought into my gifts and want to see the mom open it. The gifts are the whole point of a shower. If you want a social, don't call it a shower and expect people to bring a gift.

I agree with this. I often put a lot of thought into a wrapping scheme and picking out the gift and it would kind of hurt my feelings to not even have the gift acknowledged at the shower. And I feel like some people mistake baby showers for weddings. Those attending should be your close friends, not every person you've ever met.

Wishilivedinflorida · September 2016

Agreed @RunBooRun and @kap1988! I will probably end up having a very small shower on account that I've had several close girlfriends move far away recently and I don't have many female relatives that I'm in contact with. Inviting everyone you've met is just gift-grabby. I fully expect to fund this baby myself. Any gifts I get are just the cherry on top and will be so very much appreciated. And to not unwrap or acknowledge gifts and the gift-givers is so rude!

wintersong · September 2016

disneybaby84 said:

So, i moved here in April, I'm a FTM, I'm attending a huge church, there's committees for everything and still getting to know people there. I'm just trying to figure out how having a church baby shower in a big church works. At my previous town, the whole church would have known i was pregnant and I would have already had ladies offering to host. I just don't want to be rude at my new church. Part of me is wondering if once my belly gets big if that will send the message.

Prayer requests get the news out, too, if your church prints the prayer list for members

direwolfmini · September 2016

My SIL is HUGE planner, and she offered to host. We already have a date picked and multiple google docs made for it. I'm 12 w+ 6d and she's had this going since 11 weeks. By we, I mean she did everything and has pressed me to get my friends addresses. Its hard to find a reason when the pregnancy isn't public yet. haha.

That being said, I'm happy to have her. I am NOT a planner AT ALL.

I'm planning on doing one shower, though I suspect that work my do a surprise party/mini shower.

wintersong · September 2016

I would think as long as guest lists don't overlap and people want to do it for you there a no set number. I think throwing yourself five parties would be ridiculous, but I think a lot of people end up with multiple groups who want to shower them: work, church, in laws home town, your home town....

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