Intro and in need of help

adoannie614 · September 2016

Hello all-

My name is Anne and this is my first post. I'm 37, and have been trying to conceive for about 10 months. Hormones, HSG, and sperm counts have been normal, but my ultrasound showed a polyp. I underwent a hysteroscopy with removal of two tiny polyps on Friday, and am recovering well. As I am recovering this weekend, I find myself slightly obsessed with what happened Friday and an overwhelming feeling pregnancy never happen. My GYN, who is a friend, didn't seem too optimistic that this was the cause of us not getting pregnant. Friday was surreal as I am a surgeon myself, and had my procedure where I work. So now everyone knows my business, even through everyone was wonderful to me, which is worse than the procedure. Has anyone else had these overwhelming feelings after big events in the infertility workup? I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow and have something to do. I don't like feeling out of control of my feelings.

Thanks-

Anne

PS I just found out today I'll be deploying in the next few months. Talk about additional pressure to get pregnant.

GoldenKeys · September 2016

Hi Anne, welcome to the board... Your feelings are quite typical, as the infertility treatment journey is a huge emotional rollercoaster that can make the most sound-minded woman occasionally feel like a lunatic.

Oh and a silver lining about people knowing your business is that after you pass a few months of treatment, you probably won't give a crap that everybody knows your business. I used to be very modest and now I'll tell people about my cervical mucous and follie count without batting an eye.

Sharing with other people definitely helps with the 'feeling out of control'. We're all going through the same thing. Try not to pressure yourself -- not that it hurts your chances, but it just makes you feel more awful about it. Good luck with your deployment!

hoffmanr7 · September 2016

Hello. I am sorry you have to be here but glad you joined us. I understand it can feel a bit weird having everybody at work know your business but,as @GoldenKeys said, after a couple of months it shouldn't feel as awkward. I was the same way but now have no trouble telling people about DH and I's infertility problems (maybe not all the info, but enough for them to get what's going on). It actually is a big load off my mind.

Bababatty · September 2016

@adoannie614 Welcome to the board! I'm sorry you find yourself here, but it's a very supportive place. Even if your DX ends up being "Unexplained," there are many people here who have a similar DX and can commiserate. Will you be going to/have you already seen an RE? I'm glad you're recovering well after your polyp removal!

I can definitely commiserate on the overwhelming feelings after big events in the IF treatment process. When we got our BFN after our first IUI the other week, I spent the better part of an afternoon crying in my office. I had never had that reaction in the previous 14 months of trying, and I was already convinced AF was coming, so the result wasn't a shock. I was shocked at how upset I got.

It's all perfectly normal, I've found. I think a lot of us get overrun by emotions, often at the most surprising times, because IF is an emotional roller coaster.

I, like you, hate this idea of being out of control. As my mom pointed out, that's probably one of the things I've found most frustrating about all of this. Even in the relatively controlled IUI and IVF process, you still can't control the end result.

Excuse my rambles. Good luck and join in in!

Jaje09182010 · September 2016

It is such an emotional roller coaster! And there are definitely days that seem way more hopeless than others. I also agree about the having other people know about what you are going through getting easier- or at least more normal.... Good luck!!!

adoannie614 · September 2016

All, thank you. I know what I'm searching for doesn't exist, for someone to say, "It'll be ok, you can get pregnant." But knowing I'm not alone is a start. Thank you for your kind words.

I haven't gone to a RE yet. The one here in my town is pretty bad, and I'd have to travel to a major city about 2 hours away to see one. It would be really very hard with my work schedule. I have been seeing my friend, who is an in house OB/GYN, who has gone through fertility treatments herself. She is comfortable managing the initial things. She keeps telling me she'll get me pregnant, and I trust her.

What is everyone's experience with RE? Cost? Time? Ease to work with?

I appreciate rambles. I need them.

Bababatty · September 2016

adoannie614 said:

What is everyone's experience with RE? Cost? Time? Ease to work with?

I have enjoyed working with an RE because I feel like we have a game plan rather than spinning our wheels fruitlessly. My biggest issue--and all practices are different--is that this is a big practice and it can be hard to get someone to call you back if you have a question. Some people are able to email their doctors directly, which would be nice. As for cost, I live in NYS and we have an insurance mandate to cover IUI, so the cost has been negligible (watch, I'll get home and have a pile of bills). I know I'm very lucky. There are others that have a better idea of the OOP costs for IUI; I'd ask on this week's check-in thread. I know IVF can be $16000+.

Time: My RE does all of the monitoring in the morning before work. I'm usually in and out in 1/2 hour. I will say that I had to go in for u/s three times the week before my IUI, which would be an issue if it's two hours each way for you. Maybe you can work something out to do the monitoring with your current OB.

I'm sorry the RE in your town is no good. I'm glad you're able to work with your OB/GYN for now!

adoannie614 · September 2016

How has your IUI and oral experience been? I'm concerned of the hormone affect. I've got a stressful enough job without having to deal with crazy hormones.

ReesaAnne16 · September 2016

Hey @adoannie614 welcome! I didn't have any side effects on letrozole when I had my first IUI; clomid I've heard though can have some weird side effects.

Bababatty · September 2016

@adoannie614 Clomid dried up my CM, but no other issues. No issues at all on letrozole for me. Ido think many people have side effects on Clomid, but I'm not sure the percentage.

lablover78 · September 2016

Hi welcome & thank you for your service! I'm also 37- have been ttc for 3+ yrs. I do have times where I feel like it is not going to happen but I've met so many amazing people along the way who have positive stories so I'm still hopeful. I pay cash for everything since I have an individual health insurance & nothing is covered. RE#1 Rx clomid & did monitored cycles (ultrasounds/trigger injection) for $600. I believe the IUI was also $600 but I didn't do one. When I had to wait 3 months to see her to go over next steps I randomly consulted with RE#2 who takes a different approach and tests your dna to look for genetic defects including MTHFR as well as signs of inflammation. He is treating me with a combo of meds - off label use as a vasodilator for better blood flow- supplements, dietary recommendations & exercise regimen. since July I have paid for mostly testing and medication totaling about $3k with him. Everyone I have met who has been through infertility & is now a mother always says, 'it's not our timing' so I try to remember that & have faith. This is a great group!

adoannie614 · September 2016

Today was a better day. Talked with some physician friends who were incredibly sympathetic. I also had to tell me boss so he could try and work my deployment, that was a nice conversation!

Picked up my letrozole today. The other doc who was in the OR friday wrote me the rx until mine gets back from vacation next week. We are going to get aggressive!

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