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September 2015 Moms
dAsch14
member
Are we creating a terrible habit?
dAsch14
member
I'm getting worried that we're creating a bad going to bed habit with our LO.
DS is 11 months old. At bedtime (around 7pm) we take a bath, get into a onsie and sleep sack, then read a book in the living room. Then LO and either DH or I go to our "big bed" and have a bottle. Then lay down with a pacifier and go to sleep, still in the big bed. LO usually falls asleep in 5 to 45 minutes after getting his paci. Once he's deep asleep (as signified by his paci falling out of his mouth) we move him to his bed.
He sleeps all night (until 7am) in his bed about 5 out of 7 nights per week. When he wakes up he usually plays in his bed for a little while before crying for us.
He falls asleep in our bed flat on his back with no blankets. DH or I will lay next to him in bed, but we don't snuggle or hold him while he's falling asleep. We just keep him from sitting up and trying to crawl around.
As of now, this system is working for us, but I'm worried that it's not necessarily something we can keep up with. We just can't get LO to calm down without laying with him in the bed. I feel like we should be putting him to bed awake in his bed by himself.
Should I just wait to worry about it when it becomes a problem? Or should we practice a new going to bed routine now?
DS is 11 months old. At bedtime (around 7pm) we take a bath, get into a onsie and sleep sack, then read a book in the living room. Then LO and either DH or I go to our "big bed" and have a bottle. Then lay down with a pacifier and go to sleep, still in the big bed. LO usually falls asleep in 5 to 45 minutes after getting his paci. Once he's deep asleep (as signified by his paci falling out of his mouth) we move him to his bed.
He sleeps all night (until 7am) in his bed about 5 out of 7 nights per week. When he wakes up he usually plays in his bed for a little while before crying for us.
He falls asleep in our bed flat on his back with no blankets. DH or I will lay next to him in bed, but we don't snuggle or hold him while he's falling asleep. We just keep him from sitting up and trying to crawl around.
As of now, this system is working for us, but I'm worried that it's not necessarily something we can keep up with. We just can't get LO to calm down without laying with him in the bed. I feel like we should be putting him to bed awake in his bed by himself.
Should I just wait to worry about it when it becomes a problem? Or should we practice a new going to bed routine now?
Re: Are we creating a terrible habit?
Start a new routine where you do everything the same, but just put him in his own bed. You or DH will probably still need to lay down with him for the first week while he falls asleep, then wean him off of that.
It's definitely not too late to change a bedtime routine but I wouldn't let it go on much longer.
George (3)
STing can be more difficult in a certain window IMO. When you have a baby or toddler that is older but too young to understand change they can become very resistant. However, once you get to a certain age you will be able to better explain why things are changing and what your expectations are etc. I believe my 3 year old would be capable of something like that but of course there is also boundary pushing at that age so it may not necessarily be easy then either.
I think that as long as you and your husband are comfortable with the arrangement there is no problem with continuing but it never hurts to be aware of certain complications that could possibly come up and form a plan of how you will deal with them should you find it necessary.
TLDR: I don't think it is a bad habit as long as it works for you guys but it may lead to new developments in the future.
If your LO is anything like mine there is no amount of sleep training or routines that would get him to happily sleep in a crib all night. I think some babies can go down in a crib no problem and others not so much. They are all so very different.
@lovelee85 I came across a blog that I was reminded of when you said your friend made that comment. It was something like "answers she really would like to give about co-sleeping / attachment parenting instead of being polite." When people would say something about marriage / sex life being negatively impacted, her real response would be not at all, infact we just had amazing sex in your guest bathroom while you were watching our kids. I don't remember the whole thing but it got the point across that you don't need a bed to have a great marraige or sex life. Anyway get creative with your answers!
#rantover
Like I mentioned, we don't sleep together. It is not a family bed. DS sleeps in his own bed all night and through the night most of the time. Plus, DH and I do get an hour or two to ourselves after we move LO over to his crib.
However, it does make me concerned about having a babysitter put him to sleep or when he stays with his grandparents over night. But for some reason, he does take naps on his own at daycare and sleeps really well for the grandparents when they babysit. Maybe he just goes down better for people that aren't DH and I?
Sometimes I think he doesn't want to sleep when we're around because he misses us so much during the day
It's not judgemental to dislike CIO when it has been proven that babies aren't able to self soothe.
I do believe that there is too much pressure from everywhere nowadays which tells us that babies need to be taught to fall asleep by themselves. This in itself goes against what is natural for a baby, and is only so that the baby will fit into modern society so the parents can go and do other things.
The only reason I was so harsh (but not too harsh) is because the OP felt a little like I did when I was wondering if cuddling my baby to.sleep can be harmful.for the baby. Isn't it sad that in this fast-paced modern life, mothers are being made (by society) to feel bad for doing what just comes naturally...cuddling their baby to sleep.
If I sound judgemental for trying to tell the OP that it's ok to cuddle her baby, then so be it.
But she had someone say some rubbish to her like "well unlike you, I like my husband too much for co sleeping" too much for co sleeping"..come on guys..just because she cuddles the baby to sleep.
How is it that the most natural thing to do has become the unnatural thing to do. That's not right!
I 100% agree that as society we need to stop shaming moms for doing what comes naturally to them if that means sleeping with their babies/children. The solution is not to start shaming moms who may find that that particular arrangement doesn't work for their families. In a few (short) months we will have 3 children, the oldest of whom will be 3 years old. I do think cuddling DS2 to sleep every night would become more complicated when I have a newborn to care for and a 3 year old to get to bed as well. They will all need/want mommy at bedtime and while I try my best, I admit I am not a perfect person or perfect mother.
I also want to say that there is hardly a scientific consensus on sleep training either way. I could point out several reputable sources that state exactly the opposite of what you have claimed. The word proven suggests there is no disagreement and that what is really opinion is fact, which in this case is simply not true. While I'm sure that Sara Rockwell is very well respected in her field she is an expert in gentle parenting and attachment theory so it stands to reason that her beliefs would be geared more towards following that particular philosophy. There are many pediatricians and parenting "experts" who differ with her ideas and theories and who also have studies and research that support their conclusions.
https://googleweblight.com/?lite_url=https://raisedgood.com/cry-it-out-iceberg/&ei=LKvhYpki&lc=en-ID&s=1&m=584&host=www.google.co.id&ts=1473385925&sig=AKOVD64IbJH3ed6-PF08R0GAuocSWKDNmg
eta I do have to be sneaky the rest of the night though, if she sees, hears or smells me its all over...