Crap you said you'd never do as a parent BEFORE you had kids...

MrsRahl · September 2016

As a STM, I really get sick of all the parenting advice from non parents. I thought it would be fun to share some things you said you would never do with your kids and ended up doing anyway!

Some of mine are that my kid would always eat what we ate (HAHAHA!) they would never eat in front of a TV, always eat at the table (you are seeing the trend here, right?) I also super judged sahm house cleanliness and said "if her house isn't clean, what does she do all day?" Insert big fat foot in my mouth. Now that my other friends are starting to catch uo, I secretly can't wait to watch their feet enter their mouths after all the comments I've gotten. I am feeling a little salty today if you can't tell! Lol!

scgirl6113 · September 2016

I LOVE this thread!

I used to say we'd never eat in front of the TV too. *facepalm*

my biggest is that I used to super judge the Mom in target whose kid just lost it (I'm now mad at myself for this) as being totally unruly and undisciplined. Fast forward to now... I've been that mom with kid more times than I ever care to remember. Sometimes toddlers just lose it and there is NOthing you can do.

I also said we would eat well balanced meals three times a day seven days a week... No comment

lastly we were big "no bribing. Ever. Under any circumstance" people. For the most part this is still true. We try not to bribe at all... Unless we are taking pictures. Then we are all: "do you want an M&M? Say cheese." BAHAHA.

MaryNog · September 2016

What an awesome thread! this is my first child so I can't comment on what I said I'd never do, but I can confess what I used to think about pregnancy: that cravings weren't real (Im such a bitch! I'm sorry, universe!), that maternity clothes were a
marketing ploy (elastic waistbands are amazing), and that pregnancy brain was a myth. I take it all back with a thousand apologies for ever having thought it!

Briala · September 2016

I said I would never let my kids stay up late

but that we broke pretty quickly

Also letting a toddler destroy things I though I would have a mini angel child.... As if I have a destructive little man and I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. And he manages to circumvent every baby proofing device we have come up with

lastly, judging moms with more than one baby carrier or using one of those "stupidly long wrap things", and why on earth would someone oay $300+ on a babywrap it's just fabric! However, I quickly fell down the carrier rabbit hole and could not see raising a baby without a multitude of carrying options. And of the stupid long wraps I now have close to 20 a few of which were pricy and I refuse to add (don't tell my husband he hasn't counted lately)

BrennansMom2012 · September 2016

Hahaha! Love this thread! I said I would never eat dinner with the TV on, my kid would be in bed by 8:30 every night, wouldn't be allowed to use iPads, phones, video games and I would never get up from a meal at a restaurant because of a temper tantrum. Cue to today-our son LOVES to eat on the couch (5 out of 7 nights were at the table), he's usually in bed time routine by 8:30 hard getting back into school mode after our lazy summer, he has his own iPad (no, we didn't buy it for him to use specifically it is our old one that is perfect for ABC Mouse and other preschool apps) as well as "playing" video games with Daddy (he has a broken controller) and on two occasions that I fondly remember we've asked for our meals to go because he was in a rage. To his credit, both of those times he ended up coming down with a cold by the next morning so it was explained.

I admit, I used to be one of those people who always gave my advice because I babysat kids and I was an awesome nanny and that's practically like being a Mom, right? Yea, nothing and I mean nothing makes you bite your own tongue more than having your OWN kid! I too apologize to all Moms that I gave "advice" to and understand completely why they took it with a grain of salt. Lol I will say we don't let our kid run us and I have zero problem disciplining in public. I still hate those parents that let their kid scream in the grocery store for no reason or let them run around like wild abandon. My son tries, believe me, but he knows Mommy doesn't care whose around when he acts up. Lol

karaelaine1991 · September 2016

I think the biggest one so far was that I said she wouldn't get ANY screen time before she was 2, per AAP recommendations. Ha! That's, like, totally impossible unless you're either Amish or WAY more disciplined than me. We now try not to do 2 days of TV in a row and limit to no more than an hour/day. I don't even think about how much screen time she gets with FaceTime but I figure that's more good for her than bad because it helps her develop a relationship with relatives who she wouldn't see very often otherwise. I have stuck to my guns about not installing apps for her to play with on the iPad, though. I'm sure there will be others as she grows older, but she's only 15 months now... which just means I have plenty of time to find out how wrong I was about parenting before I was a parent!

ThePax89 · September 2016

I'd never be a short order cook, my daughter will eat what I eat.

I'll never insult her creativity by giving her light up or sound-making toys.

I'll never use the tv as a babysitter.

ElleMF728 · September 2016

So many of these. I was a nanny for seven years so I definitely thought I had this kid thing down before I had my own. We would always eat at the table which we don't. DH and I were super smart and bought a beautiful, expensive high top right when we got married. Now I hate when the toddler sits there because he is so wiggly and I'm paranoid about him falling. He eats at his picnic table frequently. I really thought bad sleep habits were created by parents who "created" sleep crutches like using swings and vibrators. LOL, that illusion lasted until I had my first who WOULD NOT SLEEP except when being held or in a swing. I don't mean he wouldn't sleep for over 2 hours, I mean he wouldn't sleep at all...ever.

Picky eaters were the result of parenting. Also LOL, DS1 is picky, DS2 eats everything you put on his plate. I think just to sum it up I attributed a lot of behaviors to parenting that just aren't. If having kids has taught me anything its that kids are individuals with unique personalities. You can help shape them, but you can't really change them. They are just little people with likes and dislikes and that's okay. If DH told me he made fish for dinner and I was going to eat it whether I liked it or not he'd be a jerk because I hate fish. Why would I do that same thing to my kid?

ETA: It still drives me crazy when people are consistently late due to "the kids". Once in a while, sure, stuff happens. Baby has a blow out, someone has a tantrum, can't find keys etc. but it's still my opinion that if you are late everywhere you go its rude and poor planning. I have a 13 month old and a 3 year old and can manage to get somewhere on time 95% of the time even when I'm by myself. Yes, I may have to start getting ready 45 minutes or an hour before we leave but that's part of the process.

christac1010 · September 2016

I'm a FTM but I always said I would never make my pregnancy my world or talk about it constantly. Yeah... I catch myself talking about pregnancy more than I thought I would throughout the day. I guess I didn't realize how much it would change my life and how much of a focus point it would be to the outside world.

sagoon · September 2016

Haha, oh man, this thread.

I said I would limit screen time and never use TV as a babysitter. Now I'm like 'who wants to watch Paw Patrol?' just to get 24 minutes to myself.

I said he would only eat healthy, non-processed food. Now we buy Kraft mac-n-cheese in bulk at Costco.

I said I would only buy non-plasticky, no-batteries-required, educational toys. That went out the window by his first birthday.

adorebella · September 2016

It's a little different but I lol at how I thought I was SO tired or SO busy as a single person. I literally had no idea what tired or busy was before I had a kid. For me there's no tired like literally not sleeping for days and still being responsible for the life and caring of a tiny helpless person.

spano41 · September 2016

Mostly screen time. I was very anti screen time, but that went out the window pretty fast when I realized I couldn't have any screen time either and was home by myself all day with no connection to the outside world. Now DD has her own tablet for traveling and we give it to her at restaurants (which pre-mom me would be appalled by). Plus she gets 15-30min of elmo before bed because reading gets her excited and does not help get her to sleep. Sometimes you are just surviving and doing what works.

KarliQ88 · September 2016

I said i would never have kids. Now I'm pregnant with my first and already looking forward to my second! ( haven't told hubby that yet though. Shhhh)
This pregnancy has just gone so great and i already love this little guy so much that I'm like "yea...i could do this again."

LastMango · September 2016

Yep, I'll just repeat what others have said.

No eating in front of the TV. She now eats her breakfast while watching Dora every morning. At least 2 dinners per week are eaten in front of the tv as well.

TV as a babysitter. I'm sorry, but there is no better babysitter than Bubble Guppies and Team Umi Zoomie when you need peace and quiet to get shit done. Plus, they're educational, right?

Bribing. It's a must. Bribing DD with candy is what got her potty trained. I also use it to get her to eat her veggies. Sorry, not sorry.

I also judged parents whose kids threw tantrums in public places. But PP is right, toddlers throw tantrums and there's nothing you can do about it. It's all about how you react.

I could go on but the moral of the story is, do what you gotta do to survive.

emy730 · September 2016

I was adamant about no screen time, and I'm pretty good about it, but yes, she does watch Daniel Tiger and Princess Sofia. I do my best to limit it, but some days, it's all you can do.

I said my kids would eat what was for dinner. Yeah. DD is 20 pounds at 2, and has always been in the first percentile, so if she'll eat it, I'll make it at this point. I regularly feed her pizza and mac and cheese. Don't care!

I am adamant about eating at the table, but I always said no TV during dinner. Well sometimes that's the only way she'll actually eat, so TV it is!

TinaBelcher · September 2016

I don't even have kids yet but I'm eating my own judgey words about those leash backpacks already. 2 suicidal, non-reasoning toddlers in public spaces, solo? Lol right. Hopefully they'll like the stroller and we won't have to use them but I'll most certainly purchase them just in case.

ElleMF728 · September 2016

@tinabelcher that was one of mine too! We use our sparingly for fairs, festivals etc. but its nice to have when your toddler pulls dead weight every time you try to hold his hand. I figured I would get less judgement than I would dragging him around while he screamed. I was pregnant then as well so carrying long distances wasn't going to happen.

curlysue22 · September 2016

Using TV as a babysitter. When there are things I need to get done, it's the only thing that works. I feel bad about it, but remind myself that she gets lots of outside and play time too.

Not making her a separate dinner. I don't regularly break this one, but that translates into our food being "dumbed down" so that we'll all eat the same thing.

Not using a kid leash. I never understood what it would be like to have a runner. When we were in Disney World with a fast 2 year old, we used a backpack that she could wear that had a cord we could hold onto. We didn't use it often, but we needed it as an option. It seemed less leash-like to me.

MrsRahl · September 2016

@emy730 yes to the eating! TV is the only qay some days and I'm just like whatever I gotta do!

@TinaBelcher heck yes to the backpacks. Mine has been a life saver because I have a runner and she is FAST. I always make sure that hold her hand while it is on so that she isn't just being walked on it lol, but that added peace of mind is worth all the judgy looks in the world!

MrsRahl · September 2016

I have a Nanny friend that gives me advice all the time and it makes me ragey! I secretly can't wait until she has kids and realizes what it is like to not be off the clock ever. You get to go home at 5, and not have to stay up all night!!

raquel87 · September 2016

All of these plus I would like to add that I always said I would have my kids say "yes ma'am, no ma'am". Fast forward 7 years later, this past weekend I taught my 14 month old to say boob and I was pretty excited about it!

TexasGal24 · September 2016

I'm a FTM and I've said everything mentioned before. I accept defeat and know that I will end up doing these things at one point or throughout my parenting days.

I will add: I refuse to be a human pacifier. Breast feed until their 2 or 3? Sure, whatever, I don't really care. But using the excuse that your baby fell asleep as they were nursing and the just look so cute so now you can't do XYZ is SO ANNOYING!!! I'm alluding to an actual event that took place. One Thanksgiving we were invited to a friend's house and she used that excuse when her 1 year old fell asleep still latched to her boob. The XYZ she couldn't do? Prepare Thanksgiving dinner...

. She ended up making her 13 year old daughter prepare the majority of the meal while I helped in the kitchen. My thoughts the entire time "da'fuq am I doing in the kitchen and in heels? I could be at a restaurant NOT sweating over the stove, cooking for 10+ people." And for the record: If she didn't feel like hosting, why did she invite us? My head still spins when I think of that. And that isn't the only time she used that excuse, it was just a time that pissed me the f**k off.

Also, I second the ALWAYS late. Okay, it takes you 2 hours to get kids ready and out the door? Start getting ready two hours + travel time early. Don't feel like doing that? Don't say that you're coming. Honestly, I've held events and told someone with kids (who is always late) that the event started 2 hours earlier than it actually did, and she was still an hour late. This same person has showed up to parties at 8:30pm with her children/toddlers in tow because they didn't make it to the party earlier in the day when all the other kids were there (pool party, people with kids left, adults remain and people are drinking but it's not raucus just more adult orientated). She ended up putting a couple kids to sleep upstairs so she could enjoy festivities with the adults.

Is it just me, folks? Am I the oblivious FTM?! Will this be me one day!? Tell me the truth! Because if so, just use the foot in my mouth to strangle me, please!

**My hormones have been raging today**

karaelaine1991 · September 2016

Another one that's not really the same thing, but is along the lines of things turning out differently than I'd thought: we always thought DH would be the "good cop" and I'd be the "bad cop" because he's super nonconfrontational and I tend to be more "take charge of things". Nope. I think it's partially because I'm home with DD all day so I kind of pick my battles and give in more so I won't be fighting her very stubborn will all day. I think that's probably why she tends to listen to DH better haha!

katesmama0706 · September 2016

@texasgal24 I don't think you're oblivious as you're willing to admit that your stance is gonna change on a lot of things. I know I've given in on things out of survival but I've also said "this is the hill I'm willing to die on" (human pacifier ain't happening over here for example)
I think the things that you find super important hold out a lot longer. I'm another who refuses to use kids as an excuse to be late for obligations but I'll also toss my kid in my bed with cartoons to take a damn shower.

emy730 · September 2016

I'm late everywhere, but that's a me problem, not my children. If you've seen those pictures that say, "I'm running late because of who I am as a person,"... those are me.

lydia-deetz · September 2016

I know for me in the beginning, before the baby is old enough to be on a true schedule, I'd be late to things because I refuse to wake a sleeping baby, and sometimes that baby will sleep for 30 minutes; sometimes two hours, and you truly never know.

Once they are old enough to be on an established routine/schedule, you can plan things accordinglh, and at that point, yeah, being late is all on you. I mean, yeah, shit happens -- literally, shit can happen, all over the place, but that's not two hours of delay in and of itself. Maybe things will get more chaotic with more kids. Yeah, they probably will. But I can honestly say my kid rarely if ever makes me late to anything.

MrsRahl · September 2016

@karaelaine1991 that us 100% my husband and I. He is the more chill one personality wise, but is SO much stricter than me. Like you said, I stay at home, so I pick and choose battles he will fight to the death and I'm all like "why bother? Just let her go." Lol

Teach123 · September 2016

I said almost all of these. Then the kid gets here, and you do what you need to to survive and hope you don't screw them up too much.

AshleySparkle720 · September 2016

There are very few things I said I wouldn't do that I have done, but the main one was I said I wouldn't breastfeed past a year. By the time DD was a year old there was no way either of us were ready to stop. You learn to adapt!

agea · September 2016

@christac1010 right there with you, it's pretty consuming!
i am also a ftm... I always said I'd eat the healthiest if my life during pregnancy- organic, no Mercury, hit all the food groups. I definitely overestimated my willpower and underestimated cravings and aversions. I will eat ANYTHING that sounds good to make it through meal time (except those truly off-limit risks)
eating more fast food and junk food than I've eaten since maybe ever (at least as an adult)
also said I'd still go out when pregnant- hang with friends at bars, play wing-woman, socialize & stay out late. NOPE.

mommywesley · September 2016

Lol I love reading these! I don't remember much before kids, I was young, so didn't have a ton of 'I'll never do that' moments prior to having kids!

I will say the late thing...ugh. I have a friend who is ALWAYS late, and yes, she has 6 kids, however it's the stuff that she lives 1hr away and will decide at 45min till she needs to be somewhere (so already 15min late) oh hey, lets STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR which is an 1hr process....W.T.H.! The worst part is, she doesn't call and say oh hey, running late. Ever. She will call 20-30min after she was supposed to be there and say on my way! SO frustrating!

I have 4 boys, and inevitably we are late sometimes, one has to poop, one can't find his shoes, one peed on his underwear while going potty, one dropped something on his foot and is screaming...it happens. If someone is expecting us, we CALL and let them know we're running late. I just don't get the lack of notification!

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