GTKY: Parents/In-Law Edition

pinkshades05 · September 2016

Tell us: who do you prefer, your parents or your in laws (or SO family)? And do explain why. If you love both that's fine, too!

KirstinH88 · September 2016

I definitely prefer my family. While they have their own quirks/flaws, they are my family. I do love my MIL though (even though she has a big mouth and didn't keep our pregnancy secret a secret). She is an amazing woman who cares and does so much for her family, including me. The rest of DH's family...meh. They seem fake and only friendly when they need/want something. I try to keep my distance as much as possible

rachelgreene-2 · September 2016

I prefer my parents (obviously) but I also love my in laws. As long as we don't talk about politics (MIL is conservative, I am not) we're good. They have always been very nice and welcoming to me for the past six and a half years. We are getting married next month and haven't told told them yet since it's a surprise - my parents know though.

Every time we talk my MIL asks about when I am going to be "legally her daughter" and of course the ever popular grandchildren discussion. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming but I know she's just excited and it comes from a good place. I am so excited for her reaction when we tell her I'm pregnant. FIL will be excited too but he isn't as outwardly emotional.

With that being said, we only see them about two to three times a year since we live 6 hours away and one state over.

pinkshades05 · September 2016

I prefer my parents over my In-Laws but my MIL and FIL (divorced) can be difficult. I get along ok with FIL but I've pissed him off in the past with my honesty (like when he asked me about collecting 4th Edition To Kill A Mockingbird books...I told him it was stupid. He bought 20 copies hoping to make a profit and ended giving most away.) He's now moving across the country and away from his kids and grandkids to be near his family but also to date different women. He's definitely a character.

My MIL is just a bubble off. I think she means well, but then she doesn't stupid things like let her cat sleep on the bed we were supposed to use when we visited despite me being highly allergic. (The cats bed was on our bed...you just can't make this stuff up). OR leaves her 13yo daughter to live with her dad who was using meth and acting physically aggressive. I called CPS on that one but nothing ever happened. She just has terrible judgment. Let's just say I would never trust her with my kids.

Ekzerr · September 2016

My family for sure. FIL isn't bad but MIL is a whole different story. They're divorced and she is the most controlling, rude, pushy, weirdest person I've ever met. Last summer she didn't talk to us for 4 months when she found out that FIL (her ex husband) would be allowed to babysit DD.

***TW*** She wanted us out of her life because even without any proof she said FIL would touch her in places (she used MUCH more vulgar words that I will not repeat as they still make me sick to my stomach) and do things to her ***end of TW***

My BIL's are ok as well but DH and older brother have had issues and their relationship isn't great, but I really like his gf and their son is pretty cute.

My family is amazing and supportive and we're really lucky to have them

schef070911 · September 2016

I'm really comfortable in my own family (just because I'm turning into a carbon copy of my mom as I age - ha!), but TBH I am fortunate to have the in-laws that I do too. FIL mansplains things to me every once in a while and MIL is a constant worrier (already worse since we announced to them this wknd!) but they are both sweet and helpful to us and I'm so thankful for them.

shaunessa · September 2016

My side fo' sho! I like my in laws, but they never have any fun and/or speak to their extended family. With us, its all about la familia! Sure, we may get mad at a cousin and not talk for a while, but we always find a way to forgive and forget. They hold grudges, and sadly its just them and us when we have holidays. I'm used to having 20+ people over for holidays, birthdays, etc. Keeps it fun and interesting!

lovelongdog06 · September 2016

I prefer my in-laws. *gasp*. They're young and fun and adore DS and have never been anything but awesome to me. They also make a considerable effort to visit even though they live halfway across the country. My parents are divorced, and I adore my dad, but my mom took off with some old dude when I was in high school and we basically haven't had a relationship since that wasn't drama and her being a scary control freak. I'd rather cut her toxic self off completely, but my sister is still in high school and so I stay as cordial as possible. My dad doesn't get away from work often and has only seen DS a handful of times, which makes me incredibly sad.

chelle087 · September 2016

I prefer my family over my in laws . My husband actually feels the same way. His family tends to be super dramatic and tends to go over the top with certain things. We are way more low key and so is my family.

NESeattlite · September 2016

My family by a landslide. My ILs are so difficult, came over from an old Soviet country and barely adapted to life in US (even though it's been 35 years). They are old beyond their years, like 65 going on 90. It's like I'm dealing with DH's old line grandparents rather than his parents who are the same generation as mine. But, we see them once a year or less since they're afraid to travel so it's not a day to day issue. DH has little relationship with them and I didn't even meet them until nearly 3 years into dating. He has no siblings.

herewegrow · September 2016

We have an interesting situation... Both of our parents are divorced so we have four sets of parents. We live with my mom and she's a little nuts, but obviously we have a great relationship. I'm a major daddy's girl and he spoils my girls rotten, he's super involved. My FIL and SMIL are awesome, very supportive, and involved without giving us over the top advice. My MIL and her husband I could completely do without. She abandoned my husband at 11 but essentially acts like it never happened and she didn't miss his formative years, is on her fourth marriage, and her current husband gives me the super creeps. She also is terribly over sensitive and I can't deal.

catem07 · September 2016

I just spent almost two weeks with my ILs so that colors my opinions right now. I prefer my family, mostly just because I can be totally honest with my mom. If she's being ridiculous I just say so. I don't feel comfortable doing that with MIL. My MIL is pretty great in how she treats me, but sometimes I can't stand how she talks to FIL. My inlaws are also big worry worts while my family is more freewheeling. We see my inlaws a lot because they live only 2.5 hours away, and they just built a vacation house so I'm sure we'll be spending even more time with them.

visualcircus · September 2016

In laws hands down. Weird, I know, but I'm lucky I married into a family that gives me the love, warmth, communication that I needed. My inlaws have visited us numerous times, and Skype each week with our son.

As for my family I'd describe it as perfect looking on the outside but cold on the inside. My mom is controlling, lays down guilt trips, gets offended easily, stays mad for a long time, easily doesn't talk to me for months, critical, passive aggressive, and is generous with non-solicited advice. And my dad doesn't do anything about it. I feel like a constant fixer upper project whenever I'm with them and can do nothing right, and definitely don't feel safe sharing what's on my mind.

I love both sets but dealing with my family takes a lot out of me.

peachy0709 · September 2016

What if it's neither?

My parents are fine, but they definitely have their issues. My ILs and I use to be close and then they become monsters when DD was born.

HGRich · September 2016

Both for sure. If course I'm much closer to my mom and dad. I was a daddy's girl and my mom and I talk a lot. She's been my sanity through being PGAL. But I like my in laws. My MIL is a germophobe and doesn't like staying at our house because of dog hair. And my FIL is rather a goofball and thinks he's funny and isn't. But other than that I don't really have any complaints. DH has three sisters and I get along with them fine too.

STM2017 · September 2016

I love them both. I definitely have a softer spot for my parents over MIL and FIL. My MIL can drive me insane sometimes but I know she means well. Both of us have awesome siblings but I'm definitely closest with my sister. DH's siblings are his half siblings and the youngest one is 16 years older than us. So the age gap definitely factors in as we don't have as much in common with them as we do with my siblings.

pammasu0909 · September 2016

I definitely prefer my parents to my MIL. My MIL is over-protective, judgmental, and has crazy anxiety issues. She yelled at my 3 year old for walking with a fork at his birthday party because she was afraid he would fall and get hurt. My parents are my parents. They've watched DD for almost a year while I work and I have no regrets.

BluesGal10 · September 2016

I prefer my family, just because we're more laid back and I like our holiday traditions better. DH's family is awesome, too, but I swear the whole family has ADHD and doesn't know how to relax. They wear me out, and their holiday traditions are less traditional than I'm used to (carry-ins for dinner instead of the big Thanksgiving/Christmas feast, don't go to a grandparents' house, but revolve around the aunts/uncles homes, white elephant gifts instead of buying everyone a gift). To each their own, I'm just used to my side's way of doing things and prefer it.

shaunessa · September 2016

BluesGal10 said:

I prefer my family, just because we're more laid back and I like our holiday traditions better. DH's family is awesome, too, but I swear the whole family has ADHD and doesn't know how to relax. They wear me out, and their holiday traditions are less traditional than I'm used to (carry-ins for dinner instead of the big Thanksgiving/Christmas feast, don't go to a grandparents' house, but revolve around the aunts/uncles homes, white elephant gifts instead of buying everyone a gift). To each their own, I'm just used to my side's way of doing things and prefer it.

because my in laws don't speak to extended family, and my MIL doesn't cook...we've had to do Thanksgiving at Sirloin Stockade before

I completely get where you're coming from!

rachelmiller03 · September 2016

I would pick my family over the IL's. My mom is super laid back, and I can tell her exactly what I think without hurt feelings. I get along really well with all of my IL's-- all 3 SIL's and my MIL, but I just want to smack my FIL sometimes. He is immature, and holds grudges, and believes he is the smartest person alive! He didn't attend DS 1st birthday party because his daughter (DH's sister) would be there, and he is currently mad at her for God know's what. The kicker- he has never had a real "job" in his life. Luckily, he and MIL are divorced (I don't know how she put up with his ass for so long).

BluesGal10 · September 2016

@shaunessa - That sucks! Since my in-laws live 5 hours away, we split and switch our holidays, so this year is Christmas with them, Thanksgiving with my side. We'll see what happens next year, as my side will get our LO's first Christmas, DH's will get the first Thanksgiving. His parents usually come up around New Years on the years we have Christmas with my side, but I wouldn't put it past them to find out if they can just come to Christmas to see the baby's 1st one. No biggie, they'll just see our traditions are more fun. Haha!

papps101 · September 2016

I'm in the neither camp too. Lol I love them all but they are all crazy.

rachelgreene-2 · September 2016

kcasset said:

What if it's neither?

My parents are fine, but they definitely have their issues. My ILs and I use to be close and then they become monsters when DD was born.

That is one of my biggest fears. I have a good relationship with them but I've heard so many stories of relationships changing after having a grandchild. It's happened to one of my closest friends. She was super close with her mother in law before they got married and when they had their son, her mother in law flipped a switch. The newest issue now is that the mother in law is telling their son that she is also his mom. She will not let him call her grandma and expects him to call her mommy. The poor kid is so confused and every time my friend tries to explain to her son, that she is his one and only mom, he cries and says that he was told me has two mommies. She spoke to her mother in law about it, and nothing changed, even after her husband spoke to his mother it's an on going issue. My heart breaks for her and every time she talks about it, you can see how distraught she is.

Cook3133 · September 2016

I like them all the same. Love my daddy

. I'm the baby and my dad will always be my hero. I have an ok relationship with my mom, we're working on it. She Pentax stuff up and closes her heart off but still talks to you, it's not ok with me. But like I said were working on it. I like my siblings, my 2nd older sister is a pain to me and I don't understand her logic in life, like at all. My brother is cool, my oldest sister is 9yrs older so not much of a relationship there.
I have the best in laws!! I rarely see them lol. My husband is 13yrs older than me so my in laws are all older. His oldest sister is awesome, such a sweetheart, the next sister is crazy (only seen her 2x in the 11yrs we've been together, she's the total black sheep) and his younger sister (10yrs older than me) is pretty cool. I have 3 sets of FIL & MIL. My biological MIL is a sweet old lady who has a tad bit of dinentia, her and her husband live the closest to us. My biological FIL is a very nice man and him and his wife live a few states away. We see them 1-2x every other year. And then the father who raised my husband is also awesome! He (and his wife) live about 8 hours away. They are all very open and loving of me being the second wife who was much younger and are so good to our boys.

i totally deserve these good in laws to because my first husband family were in laws from hell!!! So glad no kids came out of that marriage!

schef070911 · September 2016

@RachelGreene What the heck?!?! That is messed up!! That poor confused kid!

STM2017 · September 2016

@RachelGreene, that is seriously disturbing. What on earth?!?! I would be livid if my MIL did that!!! I get mad when she calls DS "her little boy", I've even said "no, he's my little boy". If she told him to call her mommy, I would lose my freakin' mind. That poor kid!!! I would definitely be putting my foot down and telling her off.

Also, I think it depends on your MIL. My relationship with my MIL has definitely changed (for the worse) since DS was born. I had 0 issues with her before, but now she drives me insane. But my sister has only been closer with her MIL since her kids were born. Totally depends on the person.

dam0ne4 · September 2016

Hmm it's about equal. They're both great in different ways and both exhausting in different ways. We are very lucky to have them. My SIL is the sister I never had, but my H's brother and his wife are jerks.

My daughter is my parents only grandchild so they dote on her like crazy. She's the 5th for my in laws but the youngest.

My MIL loves me so that helps even though she is a bit much at times

chelle087 · September 2016

@RachelGreene, I agree. That's totally messed up. Like @STM2017 I also go nuts when my MIL refers to DS as her little boy. She does it with all of her grandchildren and it makes me cringe every time I hear it.

rachelgreene-2 · September 2016

@schef070911 @STM2017 @chelle087 I know. It makes me cringe every time I think about it and I can feel anger bubbling up just thinking about anyone forcing my child to call them mommy. Her mother in law helps with the child care since both her and her husband work, but she is seriously considering child care at this point. He just turned three so it will be a matter of time before he starts school anyhow. At this point I suppose they can spend the money on child care now or therapy later.

I don't foresee my MIL doing something like that, but neither did my friend.

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