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Just venting.

misha0130misha0130 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I did my first dose of cytotec and didn't really have much happen besides cramps and a lot of bleeding. I passed some fetal tissue but the doctor wasn't too convince that it was everything. I have another dose tonight and ultrasound in the morning. Today is is day 5 of this long process and I'm so ready to be done. I feel like I can't start to heal until it's done. I been hanging with my parents since it started, my EX left me when I got pregnant so not much support there. I read where many were going to start trying once they get the ok and I realize that I have no one to TTCAL. Makes me hurt even more and I just want my baby back. I know I should be happy because I have a DD and I love her with all my heart and I know that having a baby cannot replace the one I loss but in the back of my mind I feel like I will never have another chance to have another baby. I never knew I wanted another kid until I got pregnant and I felt my little family would be complete. Now I just feel empty.
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Re: Just venting.

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    Hopefulmommy1980Hopefulmommy1980 member
    I am sorry. It sounds like things have been rough. That feeling of hopelessness sucks
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    misha0130misha0130 member
    Thank you @Hopefulmommy1980. It has been. I think once this is over I can move on but I feel trapped in limbo.
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    Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Omgsh lady, I'm so sorry for how this journey has been from the start. Hugs to you. Peace and comfort you and prayers for a rainbow baby with someone special!

    Me: 27 years old            DH: 27 years old
    Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
    Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
    Married in July 2014
    TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
    BFP #1 3/29/16     MMC: 5/5/16
    BFP #2 7/6/16    SCH, D&C 8/4/16
    BFP #3 12/26/16     EDD: 9/6/17
    My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
    My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: 
    Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
    A1Cs:
    1/12/16 6.7%
    5/25/16 6.0%
    11/2/16 6.1%
    3/22/16 5.8%
    4/27/17 5.4%
    6/13/17 5.3%
               
    "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
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    misha0130misha0130 member
    Thank you ladies! And you're both right. I know I'm not ready to put myself out there any time soon. But I know my special someone is out there and I will be patient. I finished my 3rd dose of cytotec and now that I'm done with the actual miscarriage I think I can work on getting myself right emotionally and mentally. I have a pass with depression and anxiety and I'm scared of getting back to that dark place. I went back to work today and I actually felt a little normal being there. Just going to take it day by day. I'm sending you both hugs and positive vibes. I know we will have our good and bad days. I'm glad we have a place to talk about them.
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    fioripfiorip member
    I'm so sorry, hope you can find peace. Hugs. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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    misha0130misha0130 member
    Thank you @fiorip
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    smallanimalsmallanimal member
    Please take care of yourself.  I am so sorry for your loss.  You know what they say - if you are going through hell (which you most certainly are) - keep going.  Praying for you!
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
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