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February 2017 Moms
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Rants About Them In-Laws 8/28/16
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Re: Rants About Them In-Laws 8/28/16
Well normally I get along very well with my MIL, even though she and I are very different in most ways. What has been irking me now is that every time I've seen her since we told her we are pregnant w/another boy, she has brought up how she wishes she was having a granddaughter. This boy will make grandson number 5 for her (it is also grandson number 7 for MY mom, who has shown nothing but excitement), and she keeps going on about how good and quiet and cute little girls are. I mean, I understand the slight disappointment (I myself was initially hoping for a girl since I already have a son and a stepson, although I am now excited about another sweet momma's boy) but to keep bringing it up makes me feel kind of shitty, like "sorry this baby isn't good enough and cute enough for you". She also has said we will just have to try for another one to get a girl in the future. Which I have not ruled out a number 3 entirely, but to have her telling me what I should do as far as my reproduction choices, to make HER happy, is kind of irritating me, also considering there Is no guarantee we won't have another boy. Okay, end rant.
It's hard so so hard to let it roll off your back!
Both sides want me to have a girl, all for their own reasons. Since it's my first baby I don't feel too much of a weight on my shoulders about it, but I still wish people would just be excited to love another little human no matter what!!
@Rachelbd That is super rude and annoying, You have every right to be upset.
My IL rant: FIL calls DH last night to try and get us to fly down to CA in 3 WEEKS to watch a baseball game. Apparently BIL is flying out from Texas to go, so now FIL wants to make this a family thing. Which is nice in theory, but we HATE baseball, we live in Oklahoma so we'd also have to fly out, and we're having a baby! Like, wtf? How does FIL not understand that literally all of our money is going towards baby stuff right now, we can't afford $800 in airfare, plus dog boarding costs, plus food and lodging...especially with only 3 weeks notice! And to top it all off, DH just kept acting like it'd be no big deal and "sounds fun" and told his dad he'd have to talk to me and let him know for sure. After he gets off the phone he tells me "I know we can't go, I know we don't have the money and you need the vacation time for maternity leave, I wasn't really going to ask you. I was just going to let you know what was going on, but I know we can't do it" .....uhm....ok, great, so now you're going to call FIL back and make it sound like I'm the one shooting this whole thing down? Great. SO now I'm pissed at both FIL and DH. I'm hoping I can talk to DH about why he can't pin this on me before he calls FIL back later today. I really need him to just explain to his dad why we can't take this trip and not just "Well, I talked to my wife and we can't go". UGH!
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
That's a lot of money just for a baseball game. If they want you to come out so bad, they could offer to pay. But they still can't help that you are pregnant and probably uncomfortable while traveling.
I let her know that comments like that are not appropriate and I don't want to hear anything regarding the sex of my child anymore.
I nip that shit in the bud.
MIL is a very "holier than thou" person. We used to go to the same church for many years (where I met DH). She was once talking up said church to a lady who was considering attending, and she goes with all the usual - great sermons, nice music, blah blah blah. The person is not looking convinced. So she closes with, "And if nothing else, the pastor is nice to look at for an hour!"
I mean, did you just try to pimp our pastor for new members? Did that just happen?
H and I are a team BUT I do all of the financial planning, paying of the bills, and budgeting. If I know we can't afford something, then we can't afford it.
If that makes me the fun sponge, I'll own it.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
Update on the super random baseball trip that FIL keeps insisting on. DH told him we couldn't go and explained why (finances, baby on the way...we don't like baseball!) and he apparently told him that was fine, we'll just have to go next year...and H didn't shut that down!! DH was relaying this to me like he was expecting me to be like "Oh of course we can go next year!
" I got irritated all over again! What makes him think we will be able to afford to go next year when we have a 9 month old?! I told him that was ridiculous, his father has expectations I can't meet, and I can tell you right now I'm not going next year. We'll see what happens, but I guess this just gets me so worked up because his parents are CONSTANTLY trying to get us to take trips to CA and Mexico and they never, ever seem to understand that we can't and won't be able to afford trips like that anytime in the foreseeable future. And DH does nothing to let them know that.
And also, I feel like it's really insensitive to me and DH's part. If we were to somehow conjure up the money to take any one of the trips his family wants us to, I wouldn't get to see me family at all. Both our parents live in the same town in CA, if we have the money to take a trip together, we could see fly out to THAT town and see BOTH or our families. As it is we try to alternate trips so we can each spend time with our parents once a year and not have to pay to board the dogs. And sometimes we don't even get to do it every year, sometimes we have to go every other year. So, by making me take a trip to some random city in CA or Arizona to watch a baseball game, or to Mexico, I lose any and all chance I would have had to see my family. It just pisses me off that it seems like his family is more important than mine.
Sorry for the rant you guys. I just needed to vent that somewhere.
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
Today was the b-day party, so just my side of the family.
For starters, my mother rubbed my stomach TWO more times today after being told not to. The second time I just got up to walk away and she thinks it is a good idea to basically grab my arm and force me to sit next to her while continuing to rub my stomach and lecture me about, "it's not fat it's a baby". This did nothing but piss me off. We are surrounded by people, so I cannot in good conscience make a scene, but I intend to tell her next time I see her that she can either respect my boundaries, or not see me again for at least a month.
Then, she starts complaining in front of the other guests how she has "no relationship" with two of her 3 kids (me + 1 brother, whose house we were at) and only one ever calls to check on her (woe is her!). She just wants to be part of our lives! Wahhhhhh. I just got up and walked off. If you thinking publicly embarrassing me is going to work, you are dead wrong. I give 0 craps about your guilt trip, especially after you repeatedly stomp my boundaries.
Then my oldest brother (idiot extraordinaire) tells me he wants me to make him a website so he can basically con people into giving him money. This is his "passive income" idea. Just no. No, I am not helping you cheat people, and you shouldn't be trying to cheat people. Save your own money like every other adult.
Then he starts bragging about the many thousands of dollars he dumped into his hobby car which doesn't run. He is perpetually broke, and sponged off my parents for YEARS until my dad died (and still does my mom... guess who calls her?). So I make the mistake of asking, where did you get (five figure sum) to dump into this car in a month? Oh... I sold some stuff, got a tax return, and took out a 401k loan. And then he expected to be congratulated for this brilliant plan! The car does not run, and hasn't for years. Are you going to live in it when you can't pay your bills?
I am so over my family today... sorry for the endless rant, I think I needed to get that out. I'm not looking forward to seeing them the next two days.
that.
@ms12345 What are you hoping to accomplish by saying something to your mom? if you hope to change her behavior, you may be disappointed. but if you want to set boundaries or explain consequences of her actions, that may be helpful. i.e. "mom, if you continue to undermine my relationship with MIL you will not be included and it will affect the relationship you have with me and my kids."
Tomorrow we are going out with my ILs and they still have yet to confirm what time we are meeting or even if they got my message on where we are meeting them. They are the ones who pretty much demanded us meeting them for dinner and they never ever call me back when I call them or even acknowledge that I contacted them in the first place. I'm super annoyed and I will probably be back tomorrow night bc my MIL is probably going to say something hurtful or stupid that will piss me off for a good month. Super excited!!!
@kerris713 I hate it when someone initiates plans, but can't be bothered to finalize them. That is just rude and frustrating.
I'm so sorry that your weekend started off like this. I hope you can take some time for yourself to recharge and decompress soon. Is there any possible way that you could dip out of an obligation this weekend to avoid too much stress?
Also, it's not like my mom needs someone to check on her. She is in perfect health, and she's remarried (twice now actually, which is half the reason our relationship sucks these days), so it's not like she's sitting around alone.
@WinchesterGirl I can say that I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people grab me by the arm. For some reason it automatically sets off a defensive alarm in my head. My husband did that once in the beginning of our relationship while we were in a church with many people around us. It was a reaction but I pulled away aggressively and sternly told him never to do that again. I know people around us were shocked and staring but I don't know why it bothers me so much. Other than that, your brother sounds "interesting" to put it nicely, I guess. I suppose we all have somebody in our families who are weird like that. Good luck with the rest of the weekend. I completely encourage you to use the MS/pregnancy card if you need to.
@ms12345 your mom is setting herself up to be disappointed. She doesn't want to throw you a shower but she's mad that your MIL is throwing you one. Your MIL is being very considerate trying to include your mom and asking for her input. If your MIL wanted, she could have just been like "no I'm not inviting anyone from your family. This shower is going to only be for people from this side of the family." But she's not doing that at all. It's a shame that your mom doesn't realize that. I'm sorry.
@WinchesterGirl I hope you made it through the weekend with your sanity intact. Some of that sounds way too familiar!
She just said nothing and looked upset. Ugh.
That super sucks. I do NOT like people to touch me and am fully prepared to yell, "STOP TOUCHING MY BODY!" if anyone other than my husband thinks they get to to rub the bump. Just...no... I'm sorry your mom is being so inappropriate. She's acting like a child and forcing you to spend a lot of energy on her over absolute nonsense. I bet that's so hard to have your own mother act that way, since that's not an easy relationship to take space from or walk away from.