Babies: 3 - 6 Months
desertheart
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Husband Not Connecting with 4 mo old
desertheart
member
My husband loves DD, but I feel that he is just so disconnected from her. Anyone else going through this?
It's not that he doesn't help. He does chores and projects around the house and will change diapers and get her ready for the day. I try to give hubby and DD time alone while I cook, shower, garden a bit, etc. But it just ends up with her crying. I try not to intervene right away, and I try not to tell him how to do things unless he asks. I read that dads have a different way of relating to baby, so I respect that. For example, he likes to lay on the couch and sit baby on his tummy with her back on his legs. I don't think she likes being in this position for very long, but I don't say anything. Many times during their time alone, I will walk in the room and DD is fussing while hubby is on his tablet or phone. I don't like this, but I don't criticize. DH knows how I feel about this bc we've had a discussion before she was even born. He also seems to get frustrated with her easily, because he has trouble calming her. This makes him give up easily.
When DD was a newborn hubby was so good with her, though he'd never even been around a baby. He could calm her and would spend time with her when he came home. It was great. I even got to sleep in most mornings. Then, when she was 6 wk old he had to go to England for 5 weeks. So, we were a part for some time. He came home early July, and things have not been the same. I think he found himself coming home to a baby that was so different than the newborn he left. She was fussy from tummy issues at 3 mo, and now it's that 4 month fussy period. I really though they would be getting to re-know each other, but the disconnection seems to be getting worse. Hubby is also discouraged bc she know longer want to take a bottle from him (or anyone). Oddly two days after he left, she refused the bottle.
I've tried everything I can think of....time alone with her, involving him more in care, encouraging more snuggling, outings as a family. Any other advice??
It's not that he doesn't help. He does chores and projects around the house and will change diapers and get her ready for the day. I try to give hubby and DD time alone while I cook, shower, garden a bit, etc. But it just ends up with her crying. I try not to intervene right away, and I try not to tell him how to do things unless he asks. I read that dads have a different way of relating to baby, so I respect that. For example, he likes to lay on the couch and sit baby on his tummy with her back on his legs. I don't think she likes being in this position for very long, but I don't say anything. Many times during their time alone, I will walk in the room and DD is fussing while hubby is on his tablet or phone. I don't like this, but I don't criticize. DH knows how I feel about this bc we've had a discussion before she was even born. He also seems to get frustrated with her easily, because he has trouble calming her. This makes him give up easily.
When DD was a newborn hubby was so good with her, though he'd never even been around a baby. He could calm her and would spend time with her when he came home. It was great. I even got to sleep in most mornings. Then, when she was 6 wk old he had to go to England for 5 weeks. So, we were a part for some time. He came home early July, and things have not been the same. I think he found himself coming home to a baby that was so different than the newborn he left. She was fussy from tummy issues at 3 mo, and now it's that 4 month fussy period. I really though they would be getting to re-know each other, but the disconnection seems to be getting worse. Hubby is also discouraged bc she know longer want to take a bottle from him (or anyone). Oddly two days after he left, she refused the bottle.
I've tried everything I can think of....time alone with her, involving him more in care, encouraging more snuggling, outings as a family. Any other advice??
Re: Husband Not Connecting with 4 mo old
It could be that he doesn't know what to do, and when she was a NB it was easy. You just cuddled her and she went to sleep. My friend suggested giving him specific things to do....like read a book or here are some baby games. Maybe if he learns things to do with baby, then he will interact with her more.
The secondary problem is that by not connecting with her, he can't calm her. She's only happy hanging out with him for a short time. That means that I never get a break more than a shower or watering plants for 10 minutes, and there is no one else here who can come watch her. We live far away from family and friends. It's also stressful for him, because there are times when I have to be away like a dentist appointment last week.
He did wear her last week and she fell asleep. Maybe I could encourage that more. The only thing is he gets annoyed bc you can't sit with her when you wear her....she hates that.
It seemed like he enjoyed being with her when she was a "boring" NB, not now that she's become an active baby.