Baby #3. Considering getting my tubes tied.

brittneybea · September 2016

Hi mamas.

I am a mom of 2 and currently pregnant of course. Due feb 1st. I have a 6 year old boy and a 15 month girl. Baby 3 is so far a surprise.

I believe this is it. I want to tie my tubes. Official birth control. No more pregnancy scares no more children. Husband is also considering a vasectomy.

Ive spoke with my obgyn and if there are no complications i can get it done the day after delivery.

Any other mamas out there in the same boat. No matter how many children. How did you know the last was your last.???

srscott3 · September 2016

I am a FTM, so no info for you here.

However, I ask (very kindly) that you please read through the thread entitled "Disappointed and Guilty" so that you may understand why your thread topic is not going to be appreciated right now, or possibly ever.

The discussion of preventing children is not going to be an accepted topic (edit: right now, after a heartbreaking loss) in this BMB. I wish you all the best as you search for that connection with other moms, but I highly advise (in the most non-bullying way possible) that you seek those connections elsewhere.

UPDATE/EDIT: After talking with and gaining insight from other regulars on the board, I don't think the topic of permanent BC should be banished all together. I'm sure there will be a right time and a right forum so that moms choosing to go that route can have a supportive place to discuss that option. To any members of our BMB who were offended by me saying that this shouldn't be discussed ever, I apologize to you all

Gingersnap · September 2016

A Mom just had her second loss in a row here, this topic is horribly badly timed.
Please be aware of what is happening before you post next time.

MrsDrKirkpatrick · September 2016

I'm usually not the one for snarky comments, but one of our moms just had a second trimester loss for the second time. No one cares when you stop having kids. How about you decide what's right for you, obviously no one can tell you what to do with your body. Maybe next time do a little lurking before you ask us a question we can't answer when a mom who just experienced a loss would give any thing for ONE healthy baby.

jodiewingert · September 2016

This is baby #3 and was a complete surprise. I will be getting tubes tied and Dh will be getting a vasectomy!

Gingersnap · September 2016

jodiewingert said:

This is baby #3 and was a complete surprise. I will be getting tubes tied and Dh will be getting a vasectomy!

Please read the comments ahead of you.

MamaCoffin · September 2016

Dirty lurker.... Former member of this BMC.

I have two children. My third pregnancy was a surprise. Actually a birth control failure baby. I was shocked. And terrified. But then I was thrilled. I saw a heartbeat. It was really there. I loved my baby.

Then it was taken from me.

It didn't seem right. Why would life give me a surprise like that only to take it away? I desperately wanted it back and spent the next 7 months trying to get pregnant. Then I did. And I was due in February. I joined this board. I became friends with a lot of the women here.

Then that baby was also taken from me.

You are COMPLETELY entitled to your feelings and desire to not have any more children. People who don't want children should not have them and they have every right to do whatever they want to make sure that doesn't happen. But you are in the presence of a group of women who have desperately tried and many who have lost. Be aware of your surroundings. This is NOT the place to spread this message. Especially not today.

mrslittlemac · September 2016

@MamaCoffin! ~hug~ good to see you around, hoping you are doing as okay as possible. I think of you often--hope that doesn't come across as creepery, I just wish you the best!

Gingersnap · September 2016

MrsLittleMac said:

@MamaCoffin! ~hug~ good to see you around, hoping you are doing as okay as possible. I think of you often--hope that doesn't come across as creepery, I just wish you the best!

+1
Please feel free to jump in whenever you want, once a F17 bish, always a F17 bish

brittneybea · September 2016

@srscott3 @Gingersnap_mama @MrsDrKirkpatrick
I did experience a loss. I was only a few week along. It was my 1st pregnacy over 6 years ago. I understand a child you will never know until the end. I've considered donating my eggs or even being a surrogate.
I wasnt asking to those who had experienced a loss specifically. I dont mean to aggravate the bull.
I looked through every single forum and have not found one topic on this subject. This is a group of ftm stm and so on.
If you dont ask you will never know.

brittneybea · September 2016

@jodiewingert how did you come to this decision together. I feel like this is my family and no matter what happens these are my kids this is my family.

brittneybea · September 2016

I feel like everytime i try to jump into this group to gain information and maybe some mom friends. I get shut down and shut out. What is worse than mean girls is mean moms. I wasnt being rude and i wasnt asking a direct question. But i suppose you all wear pink on Wednesday.

srscott3 · September 2016

@brittneybea I updated my original post yesterday..it wasn't so much the topic (because there will likely be a time and place for that on this board). We only meant to express that the timing of this post wasn't great. The member who experienced her second 2nd-tri loss in a row is still a member of our community and still reads our threads. And this loss only happened in the past couple of days.
I'm sure if you stick around here and participate in our regular threads the women of this board will be a great resource.

Xstatic3333 · September 2016

Additionally @brittneybea the general protocol around here is to introduce yourself, participate in other threads and get to know people, not just start a new thread to ask a question your first time in. This is a community, not a place to just ask questions like some other pregnancy boards.

brittneybea · September 2016

@Xstatic3333 yes a community that shuns mom for their decisions. I have nothing to say on certain posts, not my situation, not my concern. Not going to put my input on the subject. I have introduced myself i do respond to topics that concern me.

expandcontract · September 2016

@brittneybea so what you're saying is that you don't really have a desire to support the community here. And you're only interested in topics that concern YOU?

MamaCoffin · September 2016

brittneybea said:

@Xstatic3333 yes a community that shuns mom for their decisions. I have nothing to say on certain posts, not my situation, not my concern. Not going to put my input on the subject. I have introduced myself i do respond to topics that concern me.

No one was putting you down. I even showed support for your decision. I simply stated why it was inappropriate to have the conversation at the time. The women in this group have become friends and built a support system. You all have the same thing in common. You're all due in February. Many of you have other things in common. I guarantee you aren't the only one who plans on this being their last baby. Had my pregnancy been successful it would have been my last. I too would have been exploring the options of tube tie and vasectomy. The issue here is you walked into a room of women sharing the grief of a friend and proclaimed (whether you realize it or not) "MY DECISION TO NOT HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CONVERSATION YOU'RE HAVING RIGHT NOW". We are simply asking you to be aware of what's going on. I'm not even an active member of this board and I still understand the current mood.

expandcontract · September 2016

brittneybea said:

@Xstatic3333 yes a community that shuns mom for their decisions. I have nothing to say on certain posts, not my situation, not my concern. Not going to put my input on the subject. I have introduced myself i do respond to topics that concern me.

I had no problem with you before you said what you said in bold. You basically just said that you don't give a damn that a valued and loved member just went through a horrible loss and you don't care because it doesn't concern you. Wow.

Xstatic3333 · September 2016

Look, we try to make the way things go around here super clear. There's a "read this first" post at the top for goodness sake. Starting a whole new thread just to ask one question is frowned upon, and if you've really been around you'd know that. I have no problem with your decisions. I agree 100% with how @MamaCoffin phrased things on that topic. I do have a problem with your etiquette.

It has been a frustrating few days of people stopping in to take from this community without giving.

MamaCoffin · September 2016

I also want to add that I didn't share my story for sympathy or attention. I shared just to give another example of why this post wasn't the best. I'm in a good place now and a lot of that is in part to the support I've received in this community. We're all going through shit. And that's ok. But the support system in place is designed the way it is for a reason. It's important to be sensitive to that.

MommaBean · September 2016

In addition to grieving, your post also came after several rude drive-by randos that had people really frustrated. In all, it was just bad timing, IMO. If you read the FFFC thread you'll see we talked about this thread and I think it's a perfectly valid discussion to have with a group of moms. I'm pregnant with my second and we're not sure if it'll be our last. I think you know it's time when you would react to a late period with "oh shit" instead of hopeful excitement.

fourPsinapod · September 2016

I just looked at your old posts and you said your EDD was Jan 20th? Maybe those J17 moms will accept you and your super self centered ego. But we don't roll like that.

FWIW, this would have been a GREAT conversation had it been done at another time. You haven't even participated in this board at all and now all of a sudden want to discuss this heavy topic during our board grieving for a member? Have some tact.

ETA: and even if you are Feb 1st now, seriously, check out the straddling board. You really might like it better there.

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Baby #3. Considering getting my tubes tied.

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