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August 2016 Moms
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Managing visitors

crabcake18crabcake18 member
in August 2016 Moms
im a ftm and knew a struggle after my son was born would be managing visitors. Working really hard to not overwhelm ourselves while having our huge family meet baby. But goodness, people are being rather disrespectful! asserting boundaries to the same family members over again is really giving me anxiety. How are you ladies coping/staying sane amidst sleep deprivation, caring for your baby and meeting family? I'm just being really honest with ppl (hubs is going back to work soon, we already hv ppl coming ect.), snuggling my baby as much as possible, and walking to help cope.
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Re: Managing visitors

  • ebilbaoebilbao member
    With our first, I just let everyone come when they wanted and it was too overwhelming. This time around, I've made DH the bad guy who informs everyone that it's time for us to nap and thank you for coming (i.e.-please leave now). I also
    dont feel as bad saying that this morning isn't a good time or tomorrow would be better. It might sound rude, but just ignoring phone calls and texts until I know what to say works, too.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • kwilliams3402kwilliams3402 member
    We said any immediate family was welcome to visit in the hospital but we did make up and enforce visiting hours and I wasn't shy about kicking people out to feed baby. Visitors were a little tiring, but having a Nicu baby for 5 days actually made having all the family there nice--some could spend time with me and some could keep baby company. Once we got home, we had everyone leave except for my mom, who stayed for a week. We didn't have other visitors. We had a week and a half break before my mother-in-law came to stay for a week. Overall, my advice would be to set clear expectations for visitors, and having some visitors may turn out to be more helpful than you anticipate going into delivery.
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  • crabcake18crabcake18 member
    I definitely think I need to get better at letting people know when it's time to leave. I like the idea of hubs being the enforcer, takes some pressure off me. I think it will get better too once all the immediate family (great aunts/uncles) meet lo too. Thanks ladies!
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  • Katm89Katm89 member
    DH came up with a plan where its an open house day... possibly 2 weeks after the baby.... we'll order some pizzas.. inform them that we will have some pizzas but if they want something else to bring it.. and having visiting hours... and then we will have done it all in one day. I also am not anticipating being too shy to just take the baby upstairs to feed.
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  • bearsandbeets7bearsandbeets7 member
    @Katm89 that's a good idea but it is possible for LO to get fussy from too much interaction. We had DD at the very end of October so she was only 3 weeks old on thanksgiving. We did thanksgiving lunch with my family and then thanksgiving dinner with my inlaws and by the time we finally got home she was really fussy and it just ended up being way too much. Too many people holding her, too much of being passed around, and it ended up being hard on us too. I would just keep that in mind. 
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  • ashleybaker712ashleybaker712 member
    I wish I would have come up with a plan ahead of time. While in the hospital, my mom came and stayed all day for the 2 full days we were there. I tried saying I was going to nap, feed the baby, etc. She wouldn't leave. We don't have a great relationship so it was exhausting.
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  • lotsofsunshinelotsofsunshine member
    I agree with @Fremdschamen , I'm not going to hide in my room to nurse baby. Maybe because I've been down this road before, but its my house. If you don't want to see me feed my kid, there's the door. The only visitor I foresee having an issue with is my own mother. She is very intrusive and will make excuses to keep hanging around. Luckily, DH knows how to handle her that way I don't have to. 
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  • katie121209katie121209 member
    Baby hasn't arrived yet and I'm dreading both hospital and home visitors!! My mom is staying for a month and she's amazing help, not intrusive, will leave me alone for the day if I ask her to. But DH has different family coming to stay every weekend and I just want to cry because they are the opposite of helpful. I'm probably going to end up locking the door to the nursery most of the time while I'm feeding and napping (there is a bed in there.) 
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  • Stephanie7693Stephanie7693 member
    I didn't really have an issue with visitors. Only a few people came to the hospital, and only my inlaws didn't ask first (they did let dh know the day before that they would be up at some point the next day, so it was fine). And they only dtayed about a half hour. The friends and family that came to the house asked first, and nobody stayed too long without being helpful. Part of it is our family is pretty good about things like that, and the other part if we have so few friends! Lol and not once did I feed baby anywhere other than where I was when he got hungry. I did let everyone know when I was going to whip out a boob, but it wasn't an issue for them or me. Maybe my FIL a little, but he tried so hard to look away and be ok with it that it was cute. Especially since the man has no filter on his mouth :)
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  • cinnabonjovicinnabonjovi member
    I think the one I'm gonna have trouble with is my mom. She even asked to be in delivery with me, to which I said a flat out NO. I probably won't mind visitors at the hospital but if people start trying to crowd into our small house I'll probably lose it between guests and the dog. lol
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  • entropicallyfavoredentropicallyfavored member
    edited August 2016
    @cinnabonjovi It might sound a little harsh, bit we told people that we could only take 1 set of visitors per day at our house, and that they would have to get on the schedule.  That worked really well for us and everyone seemed to understand.  
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  • bearsandbeets7bearsandbeets7 member
    We put our foot down with the in laws visiting. MIL is the only one who came and she only visited once but she's been bugging DH about when she can come back. We have a complicated relationship with her so I felt incredibly awkward the whole time she was here and I told DH that I need a few more weeks before she comes back, if she even does. She didn't even hold the baby longer than 5 minutes and kept trying to be an echo parent. Whenever we would tell DD no, she would repeat to DD what we just said and it was frustrating me to no end. She's lucky I didn't end up bitching her out but I was feeling non confrontational. 
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  • kwilliams3402kwilliams3402 member
    cinnabonjovi said:
    I think the one I'm gonna have trouble with is my mom. She even asked to be in delivery with me, to which I said a flat out NO. I probably won't mind visitors at the hospital but if people start trying to crowd into our small house I'll probably lose it between guests and the dog. lol
    We told people before baby arrived that we would only have one set of visitors at a time once we got home from the hospital, and they all had to fit in the guest room. Totally support you on this!
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  • tmk0325tmk0325 member
    Since we have two babies and need some help the only way we have allowed visitors is if they are able to come and help with a feeding. They have to be willing to come during a scheduled time (on a 3 hr schedule) and have to be able to give a bottle with us. I like visiting but not when I have shit to do or need sleep.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • kwilliams3402kwilliams3402 member
    tmk0325 said:
    Since we have two babies and need some help the only way we have allowed visitors is if they are able to come and help with a feeding. They have to be willing to come during a scheduled time (on a 3 hr schedule) and have to be able to give a bottle with us. I like visiting but not when I have shit to do or need sleep.
    One baby here, but we haven't been shy about putting visitors to work and having that expectation up front. 
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  • crabcake18crabcake18 member
    Love that you ladies have been putting your visitors to work! Some people have brought us food but lately visitors have been showing up very late and saying they'll bring food and then not which is not nice. Thinking we're at the end of visiting now and I'm so relieved it's over. My (new) stepmother told me yesterday that she can baby sit anytime which she's mentioned each time I've seen her, (LO is only 3weeks old!!) and when I joked "maybe in six months" (hoping this would make her stop) she lectured me on not forgetting about my marriage, ugh! #awkward #whydopplforgetwhatitsliketohaveababy
    #longesthashtagever
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