Baby shower dilemma

joyful08 · August 2016

Hi everyone,
i need some advice. My mom and some of her friends are wanting to throw me a baby shower. My mom asked me what date I wanted to do it but then has turned down all of them. I would really prefer to do it the first weekend of December. She says that her and her friends have some event going on every single weekend in December for our church. She wants to do it in January. I just feel waiting until January is cutting it close and waiting until the last minute. Would it be too early to have it in November. I'd be 29/30 weeks the weekends right before thanksgiving.
What should I do? Just let it be in January or have it early? Am I being ridiculous for not wanting to wait for January?

Eta: due date 2/1

scifichick09 · August 2016

I'm having mine either the first or second week of November. Me and the hostess's all agreed that was the best time for everyone. I don't think November is too early, especially with the holidays coming up.

Edit: My due date is Feb. 4

expandcontract · August 2016

You're not being ridiculous for not wanting it to be in January. I think most of us are having ours in early November to avoid the holidays. Please see the "Ask a STM 8/24" thread for more discussion on this topic.

Edit: Corrected the thread and it deleted part of my post.

skiingstark · August 2016

I am having mine late Oct because I have a fall break then and the other dates all start running into holiday issues.

blush64 · August 2016

I don't think November is too early due to the holidays in December. If your mom and her friends are fine with November I think it's a fine time to have it. If they really don't want to do it in November I would stick with what they want since they are hosting.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

I think November is ideal. Mine is in October. Now that's early, but my host has her reasons.

joyful08 · August 2016

@blush64 I agree I am definitely not going to demand a specific date and if January is what works best I'll go with it because I'm just grateful they are throwing me one. But she did ask for my preference on a date so I'm going to tell her that too.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

November should be fine. My first kid was early and my shower was scheduled and ended up being the weekend after he came out of the NICU. Someone picked us up a car seat and a few people brought outfits and small gifts to the hospital and then the hospital itself gave us plenty of diapers and wipes. It worked out.

musicinmysoul17 · August 2016

@joyful08 I'm having this same issue and I'm due 1/30.

MrsDrKirkpatrick · August 2016

I don't think November is too early, and I say January is cutting it close. Moms usually leave with a ton of stuff from a shower, you need time to sort through that, get everything organized and so on. Having the shower in November will give you time to do that.

Gretchypoo · August 2016

I am having a shower Jan 7 but I'm due 2.17 so I will have over a month to get organized. plus, my family doesn't do huge showers with big items-- we'll do that ourselves. but I don't think November is too soon!

AliJorgensen29 · August 2016

My DS2 was born on 2/17 and we had a baby sprinkle in January. I think either is fine

glitterdragon-2 · August 2016

I guess I'm weird. I had my son in March and my shower was late February. It didn't bother me.

edelat11 · August 2016

Def November!! The earlier the better

SweetT · August 2016

I would be pretty turned off by a November shower for a February baby unless there was some circumstance that warranted it. Like mom having to fly to the location etc.

BumpasaurusRex · August 2016

I dont think November is too early for a shower but I also don't think January is too late, either.

I think there's some exaggeration, in general, of needing to have all baby items so far in advance of the arrival. There would still be plenty of time to get everything done so I'm partial either way.

SweetT · August 2016

With my first my shower was mid September and I was due mid October and she came almost a week early. It was plenty of time for me personally. But the crib was delivered earlier and I had all the furniture so all I had to do was wash stuff.
I think my post came off a little harsh but I'm always skeptical, I have some gift grabby family members who would only be thinking about making sure people had money for gifts before the holidays.

joyful08 · August 2016

@SweetT I definitely didn't take it too harshly. That's why I wanted everyone's opinion because I am worried it will come off the wrong way if I have it in November. I am just also worried about having the baby early and not being prepared. But I definitely think that I am being too worried because I'm sure I could do it in January and have plenty of time to prepare. Decisions are hard.

jstringfellow19 · August 2016

I was due Mid May with my first and I had my shower on March 1st I think. I was in the same situation with having events every weekend up until April. It was a little early, but it gave me more time to prepare! I would say do what works for you and the hostess!!

HeatSparks · August 2016

As a guest, I personally would prefer November because December is just crazy anyways, for everyone. January would be perfectly fine, but I can understand you/any mom wanting to have time to plan and fill in the blanks and rest. But I might be the wrong person to ask about etiquette; I don't get offended easily and that seems like a waste of a good side eye.

pennylucille-2 · August 2016

This is something I haven't even thought about. I know my friend and my mom are probably going to work together on a shower, but we haven't even discussed when. December definitely is hard because people are so busy. I think everyone knows that, and because of the time of year, I don't think anyone would really be put off by a November shower. I think I'd be ok doing it in January too, but definitely in the beginning of January since I'm due the beginning of February, and that would give us a few weeks to get everything organized and buy what we still need to buy.

fourPsinapod · August 2016

On my timehop, I realized I had my baby shower today for my late-Oct baby due date. It was Labor Day weekend and didn't get many attendants - I thought more people would be traveling to our hometown to do family cookouts but that didn't work out. So, my thoughts are closer to the holidays are not always good. I prefer earlier bc if I need to exchange something or finish up my registry, I have time to do so. Also, making sure you have time to write thank you cards bc that is always time consuming.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

It's funny how different the norms are. In my circle, two months out has always been the norm. I actually suggested January for mine but my host (MIL) absolutely refused. She likes to lay low after the holidays. I'm pretty self conscious that it is now in late October. Even though there are good reasons, namely several VIPS who will be gone the first week of December, three family birthdays the second week of December, and another shower in H's family in November that they want to give a little space to, I'm so concerned that a typical guest will be thinking along the lines of what @SweetT said, or that I just want to hoard stuff as early as possible. I've just had to let go and realize it's not my party to plan.

We popped some big stuff (car seat and stroller) on our registries for the future discounts, but now I'm wondering if I should take it off until after the shower so I don't look gift grabby. I try to be pretty traditional about this stuff and I feel so awkward now.

imalwaysme79 · August 2016

I'm due 02/20 and I'm pretty sure my shower will be January 7 or 8. On top of all the holidays, my birthday is New Years Eve and my sister's birthday (who will be a co-host of the shower) is New Years Day. I'll be just shy of 34 weeks that weekend, and I think it will work out well. We'll probably end up buying a lot of the big stuff we need at the beginning anyway (car seat, stroller, PnP).

catmommac · August 2016

I'm due 2/3 and my shower is Oct. 1. It's insanely early and I wasn't comfortable with it, but my mom wanted to throw me a shower (since it's our first child and her first grandbaby). My parents are snowbirds and leave in the fall. They've already pushed back leaving for AZ (from MI) by 2 weeks for my shower. My dad's back hurts due to cold so I'm willing to have the shower early for my parents. My mom even wrote on the invitation that it was so early due to my parents leaving for AZ.

BlondePeanut · August 2016

My Mom is planning my shower....and she refuses to let me take part, she wants it to be a surprise event that I don't have to worry about helping with at all. So I am not sure when it will be, but if I had to guess, I am assuming late October or sometime November. In mine/Dh's families we will be celebrating: a late Nov bday, Thanksgiving day, 2 Dec bdays, Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, New Years, and 3 January bdays. The bdays are for immediate family members so we will be celebrating those with family get-togethers. It is beyond hectic for our families once mid November rolls around until mid January. I may very well sit out some of them since by then I will be bumping into the 3rd trimester and I also work full time which includes some of those holidays (I know, it blows lol)

WinchesterGirl · August 2016

I am not sure when mine will be yet, but I think I would be ok with November or January... most guests would appreciate skipping December in my area - frankly, a lot of people are strapped right before and after Christmas.

Amber_Waves · August 2016

Our baby shower is also in November--we are probably only having one, thrown by DH's family. It will be for both DH & I and men and women will be invited. I think November is perhaps a little early, from strictly a calendar perspective, but DH's sister lives in Europe and this is when she's visiting. Also, my MIL is really anxious that if we wait we'll have a baby shower in a blizzard (we live in the midwest) and no one will come. Add holiday craziness to the mix, and November is just the time that makes sense.

DH's family is the type to want to absolutely spoil people at showers/weddings/etc so in some ways it will be nice to have it early as we can fill up the registry with stuff and still have plenty of time to buy important remaining items.

birdiejo · August 2016

@Xstatic3333 I don't think that seems gift grabby. The baby shower I went to recently had the big stuff on there. I think for people who would even be bothered by that type of thing would realize it was for completion or parent gift...that type of thing. I don't know if I'm wrong because I don't really think twice about something like that.

poetryandoceans · August 2016

I know I am socialized out by the time January rolls around. Never mind how your guests are going to feel, are you going to have the energy as an 8 month pregnant woman fresh off the holidays to be the centre of attention? Some people thrive off that, but I'm going to need at least 2 solid days alone in my room before my baby shower to be able to cope. Trying to do the shower after the busiest social time of the year? Yuck. November all the way.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

@Xstatic3333 I've been to showers where total rando's like the mom to be's grandmother's next door neighbor who got an invite only because grandma insisted ended up buying the stroller and car seat. Some people are super generous and some people like going in on joint gifts. I don't think it's gift grabby.

Gingersnap · August 2016

I was 8 months pregnant at my shower and it was a great time.

Amber_Waves · August 2016

@poetryandoceans

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/mn/t7hwg95t05sc.jpg

I'm going to need 2 days before and 2 days after.

poetryandoceans · August 2016

@Amber_Waves I need my bubble!!

pennylucille-2 · August 2016

Xstatic3333 said:
We popped some big stuff (car seat and stroller) on our registries for the future discounts, but now I'm wondering if I should take it off until after the shower so I don't look gift grabby. I try to be pretty traditional about this stuff and I feel so awkward now.

I dont think that's gift grabby either. We will definitely be putting big items on our registry, as I know that a couple family members will probably want to get us a large gift, and they'll want to know specifically what we want. Having a large range of items on there gives everyone options. As long as you have some small, low priced options on there for people, I don't see a problem with it.

emilykathryn86 · August 2016

We are doing November for many of the reasons already mentioned here.

One of my biggest fears with January was it getting canceled due to a winter storm. DH and I both have winter birthdays and I feel like winter always ruins our birthday plans so I don't want it to ruin something else!

Plus I feel like people would think "Seriously? Another event?" if it was right after the holidays.

yogadevil · August 2016

I'm due January 28, and my 2 sweet cousins are having a small get together for me in mid October. They're both flying in from opposite sides of the country and wanted to do something for me, but I wouldn't call it a traditional shower (I'm registered but it's a private one just for completion discounts). I don't really see the issue whenever someone chooses to have a shower, but I know it's tougher around the holidays to schedule yet another thing in

FreeTheElf · August 2016

I'm due Feb 14 and I believe we're doing November 26th for a shower because my mother is hosting and I let her decide. She is terrified of snow (even though we live in New England) and doesn't want there to be a storm, even though it's at her house. I am also in my SIL's wedding in December a week before Christmas, so between the planning, wedding prep, and still trying to visit a bunch of family for the holiday, we're going to be busy...and after the holidays we're going to need to chill!!

I don't think it's too early, if it works for the hostess and your family. My mom said the only downside is people like to come to showers closer to your due date and see "your big baby belly" so they can oooh and aahh at its size. I'm okay with them not doing that.

Patience7150 · August 2016

@Xstatic3333 I also don't see that as gift grabby. I see our registry as a personal "buy this stuff" list for myself. Ain't nobody got the time for multiple lists!

I have no idea when a shower will be or if we're even getting one. The "benefit" of waiting forever to tell people is that no one has time to plan anything. I personally would prefer November, however...because it's Minnesnowta and January is always the coldest month.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

Thanks guys. I normally wouldn't hesitate but I'm afraid that the early shower may already seem gift grabby and I don't want to compound that. I may leave the infant seat and car seat cart but take off the convertible car seat and jogging stroller until after my super early shower has passed. They'll still be plenty of time for us to buy them ourselves with completion discounts.

fourPsinapod · August 2016

I'm a STM so my registry now is just a "things to buy" list so that I get my completion coupon and cash back on those purchases.

However, to speak to big ticket items, when I was a FTM with a shower, people went in on bigger items. And also, if they couldn't find someone to do that with, they got gift cards and said in the card "towards such and such item" or whatever. Do what makes you feel most comfortable but do not forget to put it on there later for the perks of cash back and coupons!

In my area, the book or diaper raffle thing is pretty common but I just choose not to participate if I've gotten something more expensive and no one seems to bat an eye. Honestly, I see more talk about it on TB then I actually do in real life. I asked my sister and mom not to ask for additional gifts when planning my shower but if I was never a member of TB and saw how it might be perceived, I would have never thought twice. I just figure if people don't want to do it, they won't and it's whatever. I guess personally I wouldn't ask for anything specific (it is generous enough for them to offer their time to be there) but I hadn't really thought too much of it if someone else did.

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