Check-In/ Intro August 5

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? Feel free to rant and vent, this is a safe space where we offer support and compassion

GTKY: What is your favorite recipe to make? Share it with us!

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

Can I come hang out here again? I noticed this check in hasn't been started in over a month. It really sucks to be back here. I don't want to repeat my traumatic story again, so if anyone wants some reading material, it's on my BMB: (I'll get the link in a second). But I had a large subchorionic hemorrhage, and a D&C when I was in ICU to prevent further blood loss.
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12685036/tw-limbo-land-with-sch-t-p-please/p1

*ETA: Also, not to promote my own blog, but I wrote the whole past week's experience in my blog that's in my signature, if anyone wants to read a more thorough story. There is a link to a song on there at the bottom of my most recent post if anyone is religious and wants a good cathartic cry. **end ETA

Right now I don't know how I'm feeling. I have thought of I don't want to do this again for a while, and I know medication is probably in my future, and I truly don't know how I feel about that. If I want to do medication like Lovenox and prednisone. I can't do prednisone for my blood sugars. So this sucks. I'm in drama mode still. My blood results for all the possible reasons baby isn't growing past 6 weeks should be back in about 2 weeks.. so I'll know more then.

ETA: recipe.. I'm just gonna skip to food. I craved a Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad and croissant from Cheddars last night after my D&C, and I want another.

EverythingsBetterOutside · August 2016

@Sugargirl1019, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is terrible enough, but the never-ending drama and emotional roller-coaster you've been through makes it so much tougher. I hope your bloodwork gives you some answers.

I've been doing mostly okay lately, the random crying jags are rare now, but I am sad that I feel like my summer was wasted and I'll probably be Super disappointed when my next cycle starts. My stepson visits his mom in the summer, so these 2 months are the only couple time my husband and I get. We got our BFP the Sunday before SS left, then the bleeding started that Tuesday. Along with the drama of miscarriage (our only BFP after a long time trying and getting an infertility diagnosis) which actually turned out to be ectopic, we were also told no sex until the bleeding stopped and my betas became negative. Finally got negative beta the evening of 7/22, but stupidly didn't take advantage of the sex ban being lifted because we were leaving early in the morning for our road trip vacation. Alas, AF came on 7/23. So while we were technically allowed to have sex at this point (but ONLY with protection for now) heavy bleeding made it not too feasible. AF continued through this Monday, and Tuesday I was scheduled for a HSG to see if my tubes were clear. Then I learn that the HSG can cause spotting/bleed for a few days, and here I am bleeding again. SS returns next weekend, so out of the entire summer I'll maybe have had one week total without bleeding. Ugh! I'm so frustrated and disappointed by all this.

The good news is our sex ban is lifted today! I got a methotrexate injection on 7/5 for the ectopic, and my RE said we need to wait a month before TTC again because that stuff is toxic and very bad for babies, so now we're finally clear to ditch condoms and stop all the medical monitoring.

iceandsnowflakes29 · August 2016

Hello all,

Although I can no longer get pregnant or ttc without IVF, I've been hanging out here because I'm really alone IRL when it comes to support for pregnancy loss.

I'm struggling with everything.

I've never been a bible thumper but, always had faith in God. After this latest loss I was so, mad ? that I took down all the religious art work in my house. Really wasn't much. I have 2 crosses hanging in my house that we got around the time we were married and the very sight of them absolutely made me fume and I couldn't stand it. H and I are both catholic and I literally said hail Mary's praying to not loose another pregnancy and well, it happened anyway and I feel like I've lost my faith.

My other issue is that I'm a type A planner and right now I have no plan. I spent 3 months getting my mental shit together after a loss in March and now I have to do it all over again and the task of picking myself of getting my life back is daunting. I feel like miscarriage or loss steals so much of your life. Weeks of limbo, hcg checks, ultrasounds, surgery and it's is draining to my psyche. Hope that makes sense.

Right now my favorite recipe is a bag of Hershey kisses and ALL the carbs!!!

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 I just want to hug you all the time. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I cannot imagine.

iceandsnowflakes29 · August 2016

@Sugargirl1019 I read your story. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. That blood loss is draining. I'm crossing my fingers for you in the future. ((Hugs))

EverythingsBetterOutside · August 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29, I agree that loss steals so much of your life, in a way people who haven't been there don't get. Before it happened to me, I thought miscarriage was one single (devastating, bloody) event. I had no idea about the follow-ups, recovery, weeks of bleeding, etc.

I'm also sorry that this has affected your faith. For someone whose faith has been a big part of who they are, that's a tremendous loss on top of the other losses you've experienced. There was an earlier time in my life when I lost faith, and I felt like I lost part of who I was. It's a lot of loss, and I hope you're able to find some comfort and you have friends and family who are supportive.

For my story, I did eventually find my way back to God. My husband has asked a few times if I'm mad at God for what happened, and (so far, at least) I'm not. In my life, every time I've been through something difficult that has made me question God, eventually He shows me how it fits into His plan, so I've learned to trust Him in the storm. I'm thankful for my faith and relationship with God and that this loss hasn't affected that for me. I hope you get all the chocolate and carbs you can stand and find some people IRL to cry on and grieve with. How's your husband been with this? Is he helpful at all?

iceandsnowflakes29 · August 2016

@EverythingsBetterOutside my husband is wonderful. He keeps his mental crap together better than I do. But right now, that's good because one of us needs to have our head

BBeninate · August 2016

Hi everyone,
This is my first time on this board. I just had a miscarriage on Monday at 6 weeks pregnant. 1st pregnancy.

As far as feelings go I am in a limbo. Part of me wants to forget all this has happened. I don't want to so much forget the excitement on my husbands face when I told him or how excited I was when is saw the test say positive. Just wanting to forget all the pain and disappointment I currently feel. Then there is another part of me that just wants to cry all day.

Recipe: Super good Creamy Tuscan Garlic chickenhttps://therecipecritic.com/2016/05/creamy-tuscan-garlic-chicken/

I am sorry to everyone for their losses.

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

@BBeninate I'm so sorry for your loss. Feel free to type out whatever is going through your head. We will listen and help with what questions you might have! This is a terrible club to be in.

Also, now that my body actually wants food again, I'm making that chicken next time I go shopping. Pinning..,,

weareturtles · August 2016

I'm new here...first check in.
I was 8w+2d with identical twins. Originally it was triplets (identical twins + singleton), but the singleton miscarried at 5w. I had been going in for weekly scans to check on the twins. Scan after scan, things were going well, they were the same size, exactly on target, good heartbeats. Yesterday DH went with me for the first time to see them, and no heartbeats could be found. Some part of me had expected it since I was feeling a bit different the past 2-3 days, so at first I was just numb. DH was devastated. Now I'm catching up with his feelings and can't stand having two dead babies inside of me.

I just want this to be over so I can move on and heal. I'm already feeling discouraged, like maybe we aren't emotionally strong enough to do this again.

Recipe: This is one of my all time favorite Thai dishes - Pad See Ew

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

@weareturtles Sweet girl, I am so so sorry for your losses. Your poor DH wanting to see his babies for the first time. That pain. I am glad you weren't alone. Keep typing out your thoughts here, whatever you want. Typing out my emotions and thoughts helped me.

If you are religious, and want a good cathartic bawl, look up Craig Aven "Perfect Way to Start". It's a lullaby he wrote to his miscarriaged babies. I'm torturing myself with that song, making me cry all the time. But crying is good.

Sugargirl1019 · August 2016

Going off of that build a bear idea.... would it be weird to make a build a bear and request to place two hearts in it, one for each? I'm thinking that would comfort me right now.

emgem819 · August 2016

Hi everyone. Feeling really down right now but trying to hold it together. It's so hard trying to go on with your life as normal when things happen that drag you down. Infertility has been such a roller coaster.

I was 7 weeks pregnant today. At my first U/S last week they told me they couldn't find the yolk sac or fetal pole, and there was an empty sac. Today, they were able to see yolk sac and fetal pole but it had stopped growing. I have decided to do an office D&C tomorrow. They gave me options: 1. natural miscarriage, 2. pills to induce miscarriage 3. D&C at the hospital 4. Office D&C at the clinic I've been going to. I chose #4 even though I will have no anesthesia because I know my clinic and trust them. I don't think I'd be able to handle #1 or #2 because of what was coming out would be so hard to mentally process and make things more painful. I'm not looking forward to the procedure (supposed to be very painful) but I am eager to have closure with everything and just try to move on. The last week I've been able to prepare myself because our last appointment didn't leave DH and I very hopeful so it's been a lot of crying and feeling down. I remember how happy we were when we got that BFP...how we told his mom and my parents and just how unbelievable it all was. Now, it seems like so hard that we'll ever feel that way again and it's just a crushing, deeply saddening feeling. I've been on the Infertility boards and have a lot of ladies who have supported me through this, so I'm lucky to have that. Also DH and my parents have been amazing, so I'm lucky to have them be so strong.

Recipe: I tried this recently and loved how it was a refreshing and light summer meal and oh so delicious: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/capellini-with-fresh-ricotta-roasted-garlic-corn-and-herbs-242499

JAGinMI · August 2016

I guess I should intro myself since I have already been commenting on threads here. I am so incredibly sad that we are all here together.

I had some spotting right at 8w but it was light brown and minimal so no one was worried about it. We went in for our first appointment at 9w6d, and they did the whole appointment and were not going to do an u/s until I asked if we could please do so. They made it happen (thank God bc otherwise they weren't having me back for 4 weeks and the thought of how much longer I could have went thinking I had a viable pregnancy when I did not makes me absolutely sick) and that's when we discovered that baby only made it to 7w4d. They say every pregnancy is unique but the fact that I never had spotting in my other 2 pregnancies AND it happened just 2 days after baby passed away leads me to feel that spotting is not ok for my body. So anyway, we were given all the typical options, and chose to do the misoprostol over the weekend. It only gave me terrible diarrhea but no bleeding or cramping. I went back in on Monday and ended up deciding to go ahead with the d&c. I had the d&c yesterday morning and physically it was very easy and virtually painless. I have had no pain, cramping, and very little bleeding. Emotionally all of this is a different story. It's almost like I am wishing I had a traditional natural miscarriage so it could match the drama in my head. I hope some of you understand what I mean by that, as crude as it sounds.

We are so fortunate to already have 2 healthy children and it's more apparent than ever now how lucky we are. And also I am 35. So I am not sure if we are going to give it another shot or not. Even though I have had 2 wonderful experiences, it's like this one trumps them a million times over and I cannot imagine anything other than it ending in miscarriage again. I just don't know where we go from here. I know the desire for another baby is quite strong so we shall see what the next few weeks/months brings.

GG620 · August 2016

Hello everyone - i am thinking this thread seems the most appropriate place for me at the moment

let me start by saying that I am immensely sorry and my heart goes out to every one of you is/has been dealing with a loss

As a bit of background I have PCOS and super irregular periods (over 60 days without a cycle - average is 40 day cycles) so DH and I were over the moon happy when it didn't take too many months to conceive. Fast forward - fetus was no growing and heartbeat barely there and told nothing to do but wait. Today I started spotting brown and within the last few hours red and a lot of cramping. In a way I am glad it has started so I begin the process of moving on, but I just keep breaking down into crying spells.

I do have a question - did any of you ladies begin with light spotting? I seem to read about a lot of bleeding/rushing out and just wondering what to expect (obviously know everyone is different of course though)

JessyKV · August 2016

@GG620 I spotted for 2 days and then the heavy bleeding started on the 3rd day.

JessyKV · August 2016

I know my loss is still new so I'm hoping this will get better with time but does anyone else struggle thinking about the future. When I was still pregnant I thought of every date or plan in terms of how far along I will be. Now since I've had a M/C every time I think of a future date or plan I think of how far along I would have been and I have a hard time. Like we planned a trip for my birthday and I would have been 18 weeks. I'm having a hard time thinking about going on the trip and not being pregnant. You would think that would make the trip more fun but instead I just get sad. Does that make me crazy?

JessyKV · August 2016

Yes that exactly @MK1013

My husband also said he's not sure he can ever have sex again after he saw me m/c. I get that it was a pretty dramatic experience and he's in shock as well but it still hurts. Plus he had no problem wanting to get busy after my csection or my natural birth and I'm sure those were more gory.

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Check-In/ Intro August 5

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