Team Green Questions

vino831 · August 2016

Okay mamas here goes....

As soon as I got this BFP the thought to be team green occurred to me. This is very not my personality. I found out at 15w with DS. Paid to go to a standalone speciality clinic not associated to my dr bc I was that impatient! (I REALLY wanted a boy lol)

I love the idea of it being a surprise this time. But now at 12.3 I feel like I spend every day coming up with reasons why it's illogical to wait.

- Not wasting %50 of our time thinking of other gender names!
- Prep: New boy? None. Girl? Much more
- longer mental prep: I'm slightly (okay I'll be honesty - EXTREMELY TERRIFIED) of having a girl. I mean there is part of me that loves the idea - I mean I need someone to pass down my awesome dresses, purses, hats and jewelry lol (lbh she'd probably hate it all) But I was raised by a Single father with my brother. I feel like I would have NO idea how to raise a strong confident your woman. I raise my glass (of chocolate milk right now) to you mamas with girls. I've seen it with my niece's and friends. It's no easy task!

So (finally) my questions for you team green mama's.

STM - did you last time? Do you think it would be just as exciting fining out by us?

FTM/STM- why are you team green?

Its strange I feel like my desire for it to be a surprise isn't justification enough. Lastly I'll add that EVERYONE thinks I'll cave and so now I feel like I'm just being stubborn. Annddd... my hubs (while supportive regardless) wants to know.

I just want to make a decision so I can stop thinking about it.

Thanks you wonderful ladies!

meq124 · August 2016

I found out with DD because I really wanted to but DH wanted a surprise, so I told him this time we will be team green. I have come to accept it and finding out see is nowhere near the forefront of my mind anymore and I am getting excited about the thought of finding out in the delivery room.

I will say when we found out we waited until the ultrasound to find out even though we had the labs done that would tell us because there is something exciting about seeing the baby and finding out vs getting the phone call.

Ultimately I am sure you will do whats best for you, although I have faith you can stick it out

I am stubborn too and at this point can't turn back since we told family we were waiting.

pinnerk · August 2016

I'm a FTM but I do have a 9 year old step son. My BF feels that being Team Green is sly for ALL the reasons you listed above.
I want to be team green because I just like the idea of a surprise.
Also way back in the day when my mom did the ultrasound to find out what I was going to be, they told her a boy. And I am 100% female lol.
Plus I kinda like the idea of the doctor saying 'its a boy!' (I also just want boys but I'll be happy with a girl of course)

Burrberrymum · August 2016

I found out at the ultrasound for my first, I was just super excited to know everything so I can decorate the nursery and buy specific colours etc. I was raised by my dad as well, but I have a sister and we barely have any boys in the family. My sister has 2 girls, My dad has 4 sisters, I have 2 aunts on my moms side, no uncles or brothers. I was terrified of having a boy because everything I ever knew was about girls. I wanted to have a girl, and I had no desire to wait until birth to find out.

This time, for LO#2, my mindset is completely different. I have gotten over my fear of potentially having a boy (kind of).. I just want a healthy baby and I will take the rest as it comes. I decided to be team green because there's very very few surprises in life that are good ones, so I want to experience the shock factor right then and there, we know whichever way it goes we'll be completely ecstatic and in love.

Also, what I've learned so far is that babies really truly do not need much. I'm trying something new with this LO and going very basic, buying the least amount of things, only complete essentials, so sticking to neutral items will be really easy for me. So the feeling of needing to prepared isn't there for me as a STM like it was as a FTM. (As strange as that sounds?)

shae86 · August 2016

I'm a FTM and team green. I'm a Type-B, go-with-the-flow kind of person. Spontaneity and surprises make me happy.

I'm totally okay with doing everything gender neutral because 1) I don't like gender stereotypes (pink for girls, blue for boys, etc.) and 2) it would be pretty easy to transition the nursery and accessories over from this one to baby #2. Of course I'm curious to know what this baby is, but I'm also really excited to have it be a complete surprise the day I deliver. Plus, it's going to drive my friends and family nuts, which is an added bonus.

If you're having a hard time deciding what you want to do, maybe don't put pressure on yourself to decide right now. Let it be known that you'll try to be team green, but if one day at 18 weeks you wake up and need to know, then give yourself room to change your mind.

vino831 · August 2016

@pinnerk I totally agree. I'll be just as happy to have a little girl. Juuuust a bit intimidated lol.

@meq124 that's EXACTLY how I feel. I told everyone I'm waiting - so dang it I'm waiting.

@shae86 man your description of yourself is so calming. I wish I had some of that in me lol. And you make a really great point about the nursery. DSs room in a vintage Americana (totally made up) theme. Not that a little girl can't be patriotic... but it's all boy in there.

Linds1083 · August 2016

We are team green for our third baby! It's been fun for us to wait until delivery each time. It makes the experience in the delivery room more fun, I think! We have always set up a neutral room with grays and white. I have found that people will wait and buy gender specific clothing once the baby is born. And I always bought a few girl or boy specific outfits for the hospital for fun.

nursemama-2 · August 2016

I'm going to blunt here, but I think it's bull when someone says "I don't know how to raise a girl/boy". None of us know what we are doing with any sex, you figure it out just like you did with your boy. I have one of each and they truly aren't that different. I want to raise a strong and independent child regardless.

I've been team green and team finding out. The only thing that really would differ is gender specific clothes. I online shopped in the hospital and they were at my house shortly after we got home , so the reason of having to prepare so much more isn't really valid to me either. It might change room arrangements, but most babies are in the parents room for a while anyway.

brobertson13 · August 2016

We didn't find out with our first, and we aren't this time either. It was tempting with DS1 at the US but after you get through that then it's like, well we had our chance too late now! I will say it was SO AWESOME finding out at birth! Plus I feel like I got treated extra nice by the nurses because they were so excited that I didn't know. They kept saying, "You're our favorite patient today because so many people already know what they are having and we love surprises!" Also I feel like I pushed him out faster because I was so excited to see what was in there! And you avoid those negative comments from people during your pregnancy, for example "Oh wait until she's a teenager, good luck with that!" Or, "Well boys are wild so you will have your hands full!"

Schumerator · August 2016

I have always been type A, thinking I could never ever wait to find out the sex, and then a year before I got pregnant I totally switched my mindset for unknown reasons and desperately wanted to be team green, which DH did not like because he really wants to know. When we found out we were KU, he conceded and said it was fine to be team green, and now in the past week I've changed my mind again and want to find out! I'm not usually this indecisive, but my point is, do what will make you happy! If it's an experience that is really important to you to have then stay strong! If you really want to know, find out! You will find out one way or another, so in the grand scheme of things, I think just doing what feels right for you and your family is what's best

sorry if that was just rambly and not helpful lol

howdthathappen · August 2016

I feel like either you have the personality for team green or you don't. I don't...for basically all the reasons you mentioned. Sounds like you might be in the same camp. Although I don't blame you for holding out on the stubborn front just to prove everyone wrong. haha
I know this isn't normally the case, but I also know more than one person who got their team green accidentally spoiled by a nurse/tech/etc and if i'm going to find out I want it to be on my terms with my husband with me. I couldn't take that risk.

MrsNap_515 · August 2016

STM here- we were Team Green with DD, it was definitely hard to hold out that long, but I can't stress enough, how powerfully emotional that moment was when they took her out and said "It's a girl!" I just remember shaking and crying being so incredibly happy and overwhelmed with love, it made those 9 months so very worth the waiting!!!

This time though, with twins, we are going to find out, because if there's a boy or two in there, I need to budget/plan for all new clothes, etc, thankfully our big gear was neutral from being team green, so high chairs, rock n play, strollers, etc, are all good to use again, i just need to add more gear to account for 2 lol

KellyT22 · August 2016

I was team green last time. It was a little bit of a challenge to get ready for the baby, but I bought some essential gender neutral items and waited until after DS was born to buy everything else. He spent the first few months sleeping in my room, so it didn't really matter than I didn't have a perfectly decorated nursery. Plus he was preemie and clothing sizes never matched up to seasons so it's been nice to buy as I go.

It wasn't always easy not knowing, but it meant so much to DH not to find out. Once I got passed the anatomy scan I thought there was no going back, BUT I ended up having two more ultrasounds after that so the temptation was pretty great. We didn't have that "It's a boy!" moment because unfortunately I was not awake for the birth. A nurse told me when I was waking up in PACU. I was so drugged up that it was a very anticlimactic moment.

This time I'm still undecided about finding out. DH does not want to. I kind of want to find out, but then again it's really fun to have that surprise to look forward to at the end.

vino831 · August 2016

@NurseMama hey thats cool. Everyone is totally entitled to their opinion. Perhaps your opinion developed after having both genders? How old are yours?

I mean I don't think there will be any difference when they are younger. Both boys and girls are gonna cry that their sandwich is cut wrong or they got the wrong color cup lol.
My concerns are more when they get a little older. I've had pleanty of mama's talk to me about the differences between raising their preteen/teen boys and girls and again I've seen it with family and friends.

Again growing up with an insensitive man (good father just his personality lol) who raised me and my brother. I joined the army, so always around men. I work in cybersecurity. Only woman on my team the last 5 years. So I feel like I have a knowledge gap. I know you said none of us know what we're doing and I agree. But I feel like if as a parent you had a decent parent you learned something from them so you have a better starting point.

I had zero role model as a mother. I KNOW it sounds silly but these are the things I think about - When are they allowed to shave? Where can they shave? When should I talk to them about their period? How do I raise a confident caring woman? How in the world do I balance being the parent but having that great relationship I would really desire with a daughter. (bc not a single woman in my entire family has a relationship with their own mother and I'm terrified of that)

I know it will all come. I know probably almost every mama has concerns one way or another. I'm not saying I cant. I'm not saying I'd be upsetif we had a girl. I'm saying I'm nervous. I'm saying I believe I will have to make some adjustments.

vino831 · August 2016

@Schumerator haha not ramby at all! Sounds like where I'm at! And tbh we can spend the next several months being wishy-washy if we want! At the end of thr day I know it's all about personal preference and 6-7 months from now it won't matter lol but I love hearing yalls situations! "Stay strong" -- I think I'm realizing maybe that's all I needed to hear! So THANK YOU!

@brobertson13 how cool!!! You've totally got me excited about waiting again. Especially the pushing faster comment hahaha I love that! I mean hey, we need every ounce of motivation we can get during that time right?!!?

Jen524 · August 2016

I am totally a type A planner and we are on baby number 4. We were team green with 2 & 3 and will be with this one as well. With our first, I wanted to find out, but she was stubborn and the doctor wasn't very confident in his guess and we would have had to pay out of pocket for another ultrasound since it wasn't necessary. I hated that worse because we kind of knew, but the doctor was not sure so we really couldn't plan since he wasn't confident. We bought all the big stuff gender neutral and had some essential baby clothes in greens and yellows. Once we had her then we went out and bought girl clothes.

MrsNap_515 · August 2016

@NurseMama some people need to plan, I think it's great that you were able to online shop from the hospital, but there are some who can't afford one stop shopping, I personally, with a mortgage, insurance, daycare, bills, etc, cannot afford to do shopping like that all at once, I need to budget, and do a little at a time over a longer period of time, so yes, I think planning is a very valid reason for some moms out there.

kiyamurph · August 2016

I'm very laid back and have a go with the flow personality, so it's easy for me to be team green. Plus, like Shae86 said, there is that part of me that knows that waiting will drive some family members nuts (namely my very selfish MIL who I can't stand), so there is that. But we're mostly team green this time because we just genuinely want to be surprised. The nursery is already gender neutral and all of the big gear items are too, and even if we have a girl this time, she'll still wear plenty of hand me downs from my son. Of course we'll get "girl" clothes down the road, but we have plenty of gender neutral 0-3 months clothes. If we have a boy then we're all set. I love the idea of the doctor saying what we have when he/she arrives and I think waiting makes me anticipate the birth so much more. I do have a feeling it's another boy though. With my son I was 100% sure, never had a doubt, so I didn't mind finding out at 20 weeks. This time though, even if it is another boy, it'll still be a surprise simply because I could always be wrong!

RunBooRun · August 2016

I'm team green. FTM and I'm planning on having at least one more, so I don't want my gear to be super gendered. I'm also leaning towards grays in the baby's room, so that can go either way and can be added to when they arrive.

You don't really need anything different to care for boys vs girls, except for gendered clothes. But I've been told that newborns tend to live in sleepers for the first few months and those can be really neutral. Plus I know that the grandmas on both sides will go crazy when we find out at birth and show up with a ton of clothes.

I'm planning on buying going home outfits that I like for each gender, but other than that, the baby can live in yellows, greens, grays, and navys for a few weeks.

wintersong · August 2016

I really want to know, but for more of an emotional reason than practical one: I want to bond with my baby by name. I want to be able to talk to little Alice or George and imagine them in my minds eye as not just a newborn but person with a name. I realize lots of women can do this with nicknames like Peanut, I just can't. I don't really care about buyingmuch yet because we already have a full gender neutral wardrobe and baby has no nursery.

My husband wants to wait for an also emotional reason. He wants the surprise. He wants to be able to hand me a baby and tell me it is a girl or boy.

Your reasons aren't silly...they are your instincts, and that's okay. Whatever you decide, it will be special whenever you find out.

loveyoga7 · August 2016

Burrberrymum said:

I found out at the ultrasound for my first, I was just super excited to know everything so I can decorate the nursery and buy specific colours etc. I was raised by my dad as well, but I have a sister and we barely have any boys in the family. My sister has 2 girls, My dad has 4 sisters, I have 2 aunts on my moms side, no uncles or brothers. I was terrified of having a boy because everything I ever knew was about girls. I wanted to have a girl, and I had no desire to wait until birth to find out.

This time, for LO#2, my mindset is completely different. I have gotten over my fear of potentially having a boy (kind of).. I just want a healthy baby and I will take the rest as it comes. I decided to be team green because there's very very few surprises in life that are good ones, so I want to experience the shock factor right then and there, we know whichever way it goes we'll be completely ecstatic and in love.

Also, what I've learned so far is that babies really truly do not need much. I'm trying something new with this LO and going very basic, buying the least amount of things, only complete essentials, so sticking to neutral items will be really easy for me. So the feeling of needing to prepared isn't there for me as a STM like it was as a FTM. (As strange as that sounds?)

@Burrberrymum

These are my thoughts exactly as a STM, I am terrified of having a boy. I have a two year old girl and would like another girl. I grew up in a household of all girls (two sisters and my mom). My poor dad was outnumbered. I know nothing about boys but I sure I can adjust if I were to have one this time around. I want it to be a surprise, just struggling with not knowing until the birth date.

nursemama-2 · August 2016

@vino831 I've done it both ways. I liked knowing ahead of time better, I didn't get that huge "it's a girl" moment in the delivery room because of complications. I think your worries about raising a strong independent woman are totally valid. I just don't think finding out 20 weeks sooner will change that, KWIM?

vino831 · August 2016

NurseMama said:

@vino831 I've done it both ways. I liked knowing ahead of time better, I didn't get that huge "it's a girl" moment in the delivery room because of complications. I think your worries about raising a strong independent woman are totally valid. I just don't think finding out 20 weeks sooner will change that, KWIM?

Absolutely 100%!

kap1988 · August 2016

@longliveregina Well said! I'm having a hard time comprehending that there is a living being inside me. It feels very surreal to me. The latest ultrasound did help. But I feel weird calling the baby it. I feel like knowing the sex, and the name, is one more big fact about the baby that will help me envision and bond with him/her.

MyDG620 · August 2016

I was Team Green my first time around and this time I will be finding out the gender. I think the biggest piece for me was that I felt like I "knew" that the baby was going to be a girl so I got attached without even knowing 100%. The baby came out a boy and it was a HUGE shock for me.

nursemama-2 · August 2016

@vino831 FWIW I think you'll probably do just fine. The fact that you're so aware and really want to do the best you can is what a little girl needs.

LMS817 · August 2016

FTM and Team Green.

We really want the surprise at delivery. My husband has this vision of running into the waiting room to announce "It's a ___!!", I want him to have his moment. I prefer to get our large items in gender neutral patterns/prints to be easier for the future children we plan/hope for. I'm not a frilly person and if it's a girl, I want to avoid all the pink as long as possible (from well-meaning family and friends).

Finallyhismrs07 · August 2016

I am a FTM and we are team green expecting twins. It is something that is important to my husband (and always has been, even going back 10-12 years when we were talking one-day hypothetical kids-he always said he wanted to wait to find out. I told him I was okay with it. Tried to change his mind when we found out we were having 2...to no avail. Now I am pretty on board (also it is driving our family crazy - which is always kind of fun).

The only thing that has made me question it is if something goes wrong (as some have mentioned above) and we miss that "moment" that I think he is looking for. It is kind of making me wonder if we are making the right choice. Hmm...

Cbeanz · August 2016

I have to say, I really don't think this is about being "prepared" or "planning." It's about delaying gratification. We all want to know. We all want to have the right items ready for the baby. I'm the most type A planner and I've never procrastinated in my life. But if you want to be surprised in the delivery room, it takes a heck of a lot of restraint with all of today's technology. Once you know, you can't un-know.

I want to echo @MrsNap_515 's statement about how incredibly powerful and emotional it is when your baby is born and your husband gets a front row seat to see who this new family member is. There's nothing else like it in the world.

So stay strong Team Green people!

KellyT22 · August 2016

@cbeanz THANK YOU! I hate when people say "I'm too big of a planner to be team green". You can be a planner and be team green! It is definitely more about restraint and patience.

wintersong · August 2016

LMS817 said:

FTM and Team Green.

We really want the surprise at delivery. My husband has this vision of running into the waiting room to announce "It's a ___!!", I want him to have his moment. I prefer to get our large items in gender neutral patterns/prints to be easier for the future children we plan/hope for. I'm not a frilly person and if it's a girl, I want to avoid all the pink as long as possible (from well-meaning family and friends).

Holy jamoly. I do not want anyone haning around in the waiting room when I am in labor, lol. I'm still surprised that this is a thing, although I guess you see it in movies all the time.

ihateusernames* · August 2016

We "found out" with both my boys... Except with my last son they told us it was a girl. So we have this huge box of nb girl things now, and of course lots of baby boy things and gender neutral. So my planning was super squashed.

I can always give the the girl stuff to someone in the future as a gift so it doesn't feel wasted.

So im ready for any human baby now.

And be I told my midwife that we were team green so she promised to help me stay strong

Bluebird2318 · August 2016

Well, I'm not sure my reasoning will help you much, but I will try.

I'm Team Green as a TTM because I already have one of each, so the novelty is now in the surprise. I planned a neutral nursery with my first despite finding out ahead of time, and it worked out great: everything was perfectly reusable for my second. Unless you feel very strongly about purchasing for traditional gender norms, there's not much of an advantage to finding out over not. If you plan on having multiple children, the unused names may come in handy later (DH and I spent exactly zero time coming up with a boy name when I got pregnant with DS because it had been decided since the birth of our first).

I will say though, from experience, that there is no difference in raising a baby boy versus a baby girl. I've raised both of mine with a neutral mindset. My daughter (4) recently started expressing a preference for traditionally feminine things, but she came to it independently. My son tends toward feminine things (he loves pink, big sister's clothes, etc) as well as more "masculine" interests that his sister doesn't care for (cars, trucks, trains). I think part of that might be influence from idolizing big sis, but none of it has to do with what's between his legs either way. Prior experience with either gender is equally valuable, regardless of what sex/gender yours turns out to be. They'll fill in the gaps naturally and so will you.

ETA: Just food for thought: you've grown up and worked in a primarily masculine environment, and yet you are a perfectly functional woman, yes? Happy, healthy, confident in who you are as an individual; that's what matters. If you didn't get there through traditionally feminine routes, your daughter doesn't have to either. As far as discussing periods/puberty, you have the benefit of experience to guide you somewhat. How much would you be able to guide a son through male-specific puberty concerns? I don't mean that condescendingly whatsoever, just suggesting that personal experience as well as research are both valuable. You're bound to encounter areas where you need guidance either way.

Want a personalized experience?

Team Green Questions

Re: Team Green Questions

Choose Another Board

Search Boards