Anyone else anxious/panicky?

nicklesb · August 2016

Maybe it's because I waited til I was 42 to have a kid but lordy lord do I get mini panic attacks when the reality of this (planned) baby in my womb hits sometimes. Most of it has to do with the reality of playing host to another physical being, the concept of the gestation period still being another six months, and just the overall: "Did I make the responsible choice??"

jem89 · August 2016

I have a roller coaster of emotions but they vary from elated to panicked! I totally feel this way. It's scary. It's new. I have 3 kids but adding a fourth is an overwhelming thought.
If it is any comfort to you, I can say that I randomly panic but I also know that it's incredibly amazing to be a mother... Women are amazing. We somehow can just step up to the plate and do it. So I am confident in you but it's fair to feel this way.

MrsNap_515 · August 2016

I had a huge panic attack last night, to the point I got aura's in my vision, I had to go lie down until it passed. I'm very nervous, with twins on the way, my 4 yr old DD and worrying about finances down the road...it's overwhelming! thankfully for this board we can all vent to each other and sympathize!

onefootinthebayou · August 2016

Every day. I never wanted kids so out of nowhere I've done an entire 180 on literally one of the most important & significant life decisions, all because I fell in love w/someone. It's just not something I ever envisioned or wanted for myself. Now the feelings of panic and doubt are REAL - but I have a really good support system IRL and here in this group that are helping assuage the fears. I was in a real dark place last week, really wishing we hadn't moved forward with this. I shared that feeling here and the advice I got was so helpful. I needed the perspectives of others to get out of my own head about this. I'm feeling much better now (that could change again but for now, I'm good!)

I've also never suffered from anxiety before but I've been getting bouts of panic and upset feelings, which I think would be described as anxiety. I find that cooking, reading, working out, and talking to other people who are in 1st tri or have kids (and are happy w/their decision!) are really helpful.

And I'm 40, so I'm with you on the timing. I'm really well established in my life and I've worked hard to get where I am. I had an adjustment period even just getting married b/c all of a sudden I had a whole other person to consider in my daily life...now I'm going to have another one, that is going to be more fragile and demanding than a husband! Haha. It's not that I am selfish and only want to take care of myself, it's just that I was so autonomous for so long that an addition of this magnitude into our lives at this stage is going to have a really big impact.

@nicklesb it's going to be a wild ride, but we're in it together!

Liss_37 · August 2016

every single day. I'm 37 so I understand the feeling of being older, and then we found out that we are having two which makes me even more scared. But I just try to remind myself that everything will be amazing, and even tho it'll be hard, it's worth it. but it sure is terrifying!

Minger86 · August 2016

I already have a 4 y/o and still sometimes feel panicky about having another. Mostly about the finances and asking my employer to let me go part-time (and what I will do if they say no). But, at the end of the day, this baby is going to make our family more whole, and bring so much joy to us, DD and our parents. The finances are just that - and we always figure those out anyway. I think these feelings are normal.

MrsPope1770 · August 2016

I'm definitely nervous, mostly about the whole second child deal (will my DD be okay, will she understand, etc). She's 17mo now, and will be 3 weeks shy of her 2nd birthday when this LO is here. I know she will be okay, but the fear of her hurting and/or not feeling just as loved is breaking my heart!

knirish1 · August 2016

I'm with you. I'm 37 and have a 2 year old son. I'm well-established in my career and life and know what kind of changes had to happen to work in my son. They were all completely worth it. He is a joy (even though he is 2 and can definitely be trying) that I hope everyone who chooses to can experience. I also remember what my mom used to tell me when I was nervous about trying something new: It's good to be nervous. It means you care and want to do your best.

peony2418 · August 2016

YES! Every day. I think my mom thinks I'm weird because she asked the other day "are you excited?" and my response was "yeah, I guess. I'm not big on change." I was just being honest. LOL. I go from being excited, to being totally freaked, back to excited, back to freaked. I think it's all part of it. I'm not one of those people who embrace change...you've got to pull me kicking and screaming. I got married when I was 25, and thought by 30, I would be ready to start having kids. 30 came and I had a panic attack to my DH about not being ready. Fast forward to 36, and I'm still not sure I'm ready, but I'm going to have to be!

I share the same concerns as some of the PP's. I've worked really hard to get where I am in my career, and I'm not sure what the next steps are. Part-time, full-time, work from home a couple days a week, I'm not sure. That's concerning me too.

There's just so much unknown! And that is so unsettling to me. Apparently I'm more Type A than I thought. LOL.

alexxapplepiee-2 · August 2016

Well, I was not panicky at all when we first found out we were expecting but the minute the doctor said two, I got really nervous. Then of course, I decided to go online and read about them and found out all the risks of them sharing a placenta and so on, so that made it worse. I'm doing a lot better but it's still really terrifying to think that this is my first time and we have to do everything double. I'm petrified that I'm gonna mess up because I've always been that person afraid to hold someones baby.

sammajane19 · August 2016

i get overwhelmed sometimes. this is my first pregnancy. i follow a lot couples on journeys through pregnancy and parenthood on youtube, and the other day i watched a video about a couple who just gave birth (literally like, 2 days ago) and brought their baby home. the entire video was more or less them talking about how unprepared they felt the first few days home, and how hard it is, and how mama is getting 2-3 hours of sleep between trying to breastfeed and pump, and how she's crying a lot. it was NOT a good idea for me to watch that ha. i just broke down, and started wondering if we have what it takes. my husband is a wonderful guy but i get panicky that he won't clean or help out much around the house when the baby gets here, because he doesn't do that any of that much now. ugh!

anyway i think it's normal to panic. you've got this mama. we all do. we can do this.

jem89 · August 2016

@sammajane19 I do think that's normal of the first few wild days but it's surprising how quickly you get into the baby routine. Before babies, I used to *need* 10 hrs of sleep per night so I was pretty unprepared for having less than a minute of sleep over 3 days. As pathetic as it sounds, if I could do it, most people can lol.

nicklesb · August 2016

@jessjoelmasse Thank you for the reassurances, having been a mom already!

@MrsNap_515 Riding that panic wave out...I hope they get less and less for you. I feel like distraction is also key. The board is indeed invaluable.

@onefootinthebayou You got my tears flowing this morning, girl. We have a lot in common (age, established career, finding the love of our life and doing a 180 on having kids). Thanks so much for the good tips, distraction is good. I found meditation helps a lot, so I'm going to be doing more of that.

@Liss_37 Yes, that is a good concept: to remind myself that it is going to be an amazing experience. It is a miracle, after all.

@sammajane19 For me, sometimes I feel like reading too much on pregnancy makes me too nervous, so I have to step away from it! Thanks for the supportive words. #WEGOTTHIS

jmacd22 · August 2016

I'll be anxious/panicky this whole pregnancy because I'm PGAL

katem-3 · August 2016

I was so set on starting a family and now I have moments of 'why did I rush it?' and 'what if this wasn't the right timing?'. I know everything will work out but since I haven't been able to discuss with anyone besides H yet it is freaking me out a bit.

Also, we just told my in-laws last night and they are going to spills the beans the moment I have told my parents. At 10w3 it scares me a little that everyone we know will know before I hit 12 weeks. Thank god I was able to convince H to wait until we had our ultrasound before telling anyone! AHHHHH!

kiyamurph · August 2016

This was me when I was pregnant with my 2 yo. We weren't actively trying for a baby, but we weren't preventing it either. There would be times when I would think, what the hell are we doing?! Why are we having a baby? Even now I find myself asking myself that sometimes. My 2 yo sleeps through the night (took a long time for that to happen!), is day potty trained, and is getting to be independent, and the thought of starting all over again with the sleepless nights makes me nervous. Like others have said though, as moms, you just get it done. Even on very little sleep, we just make things happen.There are so many beautiful moments in between the ugly ones that makes it all worthwhile.

@sammajane19 If there was anything that I wish someone would've told me before having a kid, it would've been to prepare to not beat around the bush with your husband and let him know you need help. I'm going to be honest here: I spent the entire first year of my son's life resenting my husband. I felt like I did ALL the work with our son. It didn't help that I breastfed for 2 years, so I was the one who constantly got up through the night. It wasn't that my husband just sat around and did nothing all day, but anytime I needed help, I always had to ask. He never took the initiative to do anything on his own and it pissed me off royally. He also travels quite a bit for work, so it was even harder to do things completely by myself (we don't have family around to help). I thought when he would come back home he would give me a break, but he didn't think that way. We were already having other issues and through counseling (which was SO helpful), I finally realized that I needed to stop waiting for my husband take the initiative because it just wouldn't happen. I spoke with him about it and I told him how much it bothered me that he didn't volunteer to do anything. Having a baby made me truly realize the difference between men and women and our instincts. Things are much better now, but what I'm saying is if your husband isn't already helpful around the house and such, he more than likely won't be helpful after your little one gets here and you may find yourself resenting him for it. Don't do what I did and wait around for him to help. Speak up immediately and tell him what you need.

chrlyr · August 2016

I'm anxious/panicky basically at all times. I worry about all kinds of things - mainly the health of the baby. This sounds crazy, but I think the process was easier as a FTM because I didn't know what to expect. Now I'm comparing this pregnancy to my last and thinking "Oh, this should be happening now and it isn't and now I'm freaked out" or "this didn't happen last time and now I'm freaked out."

HoneyBee517 · August 2016

OMG.. Yes. Every day. I'll be 39 by then time #2 arrives and the fact that it wasn't planned has sent my anxiety over the edge. DD will be almost 3 years old and I'm so worried how it will affect her, juggling work, finances, etc etc.. DH has to keep reminding me to breathe and take it one day at a time.

Spartanrd4 · August 2016

Well at my appoinment today my heart rate was 130...I think it's safe to say I was a little anxious lol!

Cbeanz · August 2016

Having babies is way better than not having babies.

I never once thought I'd ever have kids at all! But here I am getting ready for #3. Holy crap!

knirish1 · August 2016

@mcdonald-bailey I'm PGAL, too. It can definitely make you more anxious, but try to remember that this is an entirely different pregnancy. Nothing or everything may be the same as previous ones, but that doesn't have any significance. You've got this!

jomarma · August 2016

Absolutely, especially since this baby is an accident

I'm in love with the baby and we're so excited, yet each day I worry and feel anxious about so many things-- the timing, if the baby is healthy since I wasn't planning on having a baby, if we're going to be able to adjust our schedules/routines/finances... so much to worry about. I just have to tell myself to take it one day at a time.

BaylieGirl · August 2016

Yes! Anxious all the damn time. I made the mistake of googling day care costs in our city and nearly had a panic attack. Then I swing the other way and fear my anxiety over having a baby is going to subconsciously cause a misscarrage and I get anxiety over that. I feel like part of my morning sickness nausea is caused my my constant anxiety and worry.

sammajane19 · August 2016

kiyamurph i think you're right, i need to be honest and upfront with him right from the start. because i can honestly see myself getting into the exact same situation that you were in...resenting him for never taking the initiative. i mean, he'll eventually do the things i ask him, but he never thinks to do them on his own, and then i feel like a nag. ugh! thanks for your honesty about it. it's great to hear other people's stories/perspectives.

UnicornsPlease · August 2016

Yes, yes, yes. Everything makes me nervous. This pregnancy has been textbook so far (knock on all the wood), but at least once a day I'm convinced something is going horribly wrong. I mistake gas pains for cramps, maim my boobs daily (you know, just to make sure they're still sore enough), and have recently been panicking because my nausea faded. But you know, I'm 10.5 weeks...that's *supposed* to happen.

THEN I think about omg nothing is going to go wrong and there's going to be a real live BABY, which is a whole new set of panicky thoughts. What will I do about work? About childcare? My husband has never as much as held a newborn or changed a diaper, how is that going to work out? And what about the dogs? What if the dogs are SAD? What if the dogs hate the baby and try to eat him/her? Etc. etc. etc.

Based on the number of responses to this post, I'm thinking it's normal, all of it. I started prenatal yoga this week and found that I felt really good and grounded after class, so that's something. One day at a time, right?

nicklesb · August 2016

@UnicornsPlease What helps me with the anxiety sometimes is knowing that my nervousness is transferred to the baby. So I try to calm myself down. That and when I go into panic mode from thinking about something, I immediately change the subject in my head.

ladyoriza · August 2016

I had childhood cancer. It was considered sporadic and my chances of passing it on are the same as someone without my history. My son so far has perfect vision. I am so concerned that I was selfish in having another. Like I'm pushing my luck. None of my doctors are concerned. Just me.

ccook1211 · August 2016

Yes! Ever since finding out we are expecting quadruplets I have been a mess with anxiety and stress. I'm constantly worried that something will happen to one of the babies. Then I panic when I realize that we are really having 4 BABIES. The fear sets in when I think about how the heck we are going to do this. Then I start to feel sad when I think about my son. I wonder if we made the right choice to give him a sibling and we definitely got more than we expected. We are very blessed and thankful for what we have been given but also very scared and nervous. We are also in the process of planning our move from Arizona to New Hampshire to be with our family for help and support. I feel like a crazy person lately and feel like life is happening too fast!

kjd291 · August 2016

Yepp. I think it's just part of this process. Always something to freak out about. I was starting to do better as I came out of the first trimester...along with Seeing baby on US at 12weeks! But this week I felt a couple of small contractions after over-exerting myself and it freaked me out, and I'm so anxious now about the littlest feelings in my abdomen.

jenny0228 · August 2016

I am anxious a lot of the time, too. Similar to many of you because of PGAL, and the fact that I'm 39 and will be 40 when I have this baby. I live in a small town and I'm anxious about being an "older" mom. I know it's not as unusual as it used to be, and if I still lived in NYC or in Boston I don't think I'd be in quite the minority I will be in where I am living now. But that makes me anxious. Being 50 when my kid is 10. Most of my friends my age already have 10 year olds. Those things make me question if I made the right choice, but I'm already so in love with this little being that when I really think about it, I know that we are doing the right thing. We didn't want kids for so long, and I met my husband in my mid-30's. I just try to remind myself that this happened now for a reason, and I'm lucky it happened at all. Plus, 40 is the new 30, right?!?

nicklesb · August 2016

@jenny0228 Heck yes, girl!! I have a different surrounding - having lived in the cities of San Francisco and Los Angeles, most of my friends and the women of my neighborhoods are starting out late 30s, 40s, if having any kids at all. There are also a lot of multiples because of IVF! The one thing that I think is great about having kids later is that they get all the wisdom I've racked up til now. There is a big difference in just a matter of five years. I think our situations are going to turn out more fantastic than we can imagine

loveyoga7 · August 2016

MrsPope1770 said:

I'm definitely nervous, mostly about the whole second child deal (will my DD be okay, will she understand, etc). She's 17mo now, and will be 3 weeks shy of her 2nd birthday when this LO is here. I know she will be okay, but the fear of her hurting and/or not feeling just as loved is breaking my heart!

@MrsPope1770 This is exactly how I feel. My DD will be turning 3 when the new baby arrives and I am also nervous that she won't feel as loved because the new baby will take up all my time and attention. I have a friend who said she gave her DD a special bracelet the day her 2nd baby was born and told her DD that she will always be special and loved because she was Mommy's first baby. I plan on doing something similar for my DD.

marion0209 · August 2016

I am 39 and feel the same. I often think about those 20 year olds who have kids and look so confident and wonder if there is something wrong with me! But then I also think that if others can do it, so can I. As long as there is love and support, its all that matters.

kiyamurph · August 2016

@marion0209 I'm pretty sure those 20 year olds are faking it! Think about how you were at 20 and how you thought you knew everything and knew yourself, only to look back and realize that you didn't know a damn thing. Now add a kid into the mix and I will bet money that they're not as confident as they look!

jmacd22 · August 2016

@kiyamurph I wouldn't go as far to say faking it. I had my first child at 21 and I think I was confident when I was pregnant. Even more so than now because I didn't even think about things possibly going wrong, didn't have things like a birth plan, just winged it. I don't even think I stayed up on things like what week I was. I just knew my due date and about how many months I was. There were no fancy apps like there are now. By far my easiest, stress free pregnancy. I can even feel the difference in my body. I feel like I breezed through that pregnancy and my pregnancy last year took a toll on me. Made me actually wish I had another when I was younger.

kiyamurph · August 2016

mcdonald-bailey said:

@kiyamurph I wouldn't go as far to say faking it. I had my first child at 21 and I think I was confident when I was pregnant. Even more so than now because I didn't even think about things possibly going wrong, didn't have things like a birth plan, just winged it. I don't even think I stayed up on things like what week I was. I just knew my due date and about how many months I was. There were no fancy apps like there are now. By far my easiest, stress free pregnancy. I can even feel the difference in my body. I feel like I breezed through that pregnancy and my pregnancy last year took a toll on me. Made me actually wish I had another when I was younger.

Good point. And I'm sorry if what I said may have come across as offensive. I think about how lost I was at 20 and had I thrown a kid into the mix, I don't know what the hell I would've done except to just get through it.

jem89 · September 2016

@marion0209 I was 22 with DD1 and I was certainly not confident but I also think I underestimated the challenges so during my pregnancy, I never considered loss or complications an issue. I guess ignorance was blissful for me. However, there seems to be judgment if you have children "too" young or "too" old and there seems to be odd expectations on either extreme too (young parents should have more energy and older should have more wisdom). Ultimately, I feel like nobody knows exactly what they are doing all of the time. We are all sort of winging it and we are all going to struggle at times. There are some genuine strengths to being certain ages so I am of the belief that your child/children will benefit from your specific age. Just remind yourself that you are the perfect parent for your child, biological or chosen (I do not know if that could sound offensive but it helps me when I stress out.)

BaylieGirl · September 2016

What kept me up all night worrying about is how DH and I don't have family to help us when our baby comes. Being older our parents aren't in the shape to watch a baby even for a short time. Our fathers have both passed and my mother in law has had a serious stroke. My mom's dealing with dementia. It's sad to think I won't have a mommy there with me in the delivery room or helping out with the baby. They say it takes a village but I feel I dont have a village any more

jem89 · September 2016

@BaylieGirl I am really sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the stress and sorrow of what you are dealing with but I will say that we can all create our own village! You might make some close friends that fulfill those needs and desires. I was suprised by how many friends I have made that have become my go-to for babysitting or advice.

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