Why are people rude to pregnant women?

rachelalana1 · August 2016

I am having an issue. This is my 2nd time being pregnant and having to deal with rude people. I am constantly getting stared at, I am also being asked if I am having twins along with being told how "big" I am. I am fed up. I have gone as far to Google images of women at 28 weeks to see if we are the same size. I wanted to know if anyone else is experiencing the same problem and how you are dealing with it.

tigerfish227 · August 2016

Something about pregnant women makes people forget their manners. I would suggest snarky comebacks (when someone says you look big for xx weeks ago how far along they are, etc...) Or just go for brutal honesty and tell them that their comments are rude and your body is not up for discussion.

maamaD · August 2016

Yes, I have been dealing with the same issue. I am also pregnant with my second and my first is a year and a half. In the past two weeks I have had two different occasions of "OMG your big! When are you due?" And " You must be having twins" .. it makes me upset for a few seconds and then I remember that my husband still loves my body and the important people in my life constantly tell me I look great. Opinions stink.

MrsMaryK2016 · August 2016

I haven't had any comments other thank "look at that belly!" But honestly, I think people are just excited for me and want to share in that. I really don't think it's ever malicious and I'm sure it's not towards you either. I wouldn't take any of the comments to heart and I certainly wouldn't be rude back. Just try to ignore it and keep your head up.

lin3290 · August 2016

I have gotten the same comments. I try to brush them off but it can be hard. I am 27 weeks and this is my first pregnancy. I try to remember that every person is different and that there is nothing to worry about.

Knottie1458416769 · August 2016

What @MrsMaryK2016 said - my mom constantly says look at you, bigger than your cousin and x person at same gestational age - I don't take it offensively. Hr admin says same things at my office, I think they are just excited for me and it's like you know you see a kid a year later and the kid doesn't notice but you are wowed by how much that kid has grown

they are probably just saying your baby looks to be growing well and you are coming along versus calling you fat - no sane person would be fat shaming a pregnant coworker - plus honestly we do kind of look big compared to prepregnancy and that's just what happens

I feel like being big is a good thing

kvruns · August 2016

I believe no one needs to make comments about anyone else's body, ever, but for whatever reason people seem to think that it doesn't apply to pregnancy. That definitely isn't right but I personally don't think the majority people are trying to be rude or mean in saying someone looks like she is about to pop or like a coworker kept asking another coworker if she was sure it wasn't twins. I think we (general we/society) are taking everything too personally these days and end up being offended. If it is really bugging you or someone you see a lot keeps making comments that you find hurtful - say something! Be direct, be snarky, whatever

jenesiso · August 2016

The general public are assholes. No one is ever the ideal ANYthing. You're too skinny, you're too fat. You're too tall, you're too short. You are big as a house at 6 months, are you pregnant at all? You can never win. So don't even let them play that game.

lajoliedreamer · August 2016

I've always been very body conscious and the comments people make are really hard for me. One of my coworkers is constantly saying things like "I just feel like you're so big..." and I just have to keep reminding myself (and her) that I'm small to start with - little boobs and small torso makes the belly bigger, proportionally. I know she doesn't mean it personally, nor does anyone else who makes comments about my body, so most of the time I hold it in and just vent to DH later.

(I'd be lying if I didn't admit to occasionally snapping at someone if I'm feeling particularly self-conscious. If it's someone I know, I try to talk to them later when I'm feeling more collected and just letting them know I've been struggling with body image and apologize for taking it out on them. Even if they don't understand why I'm not thrilled with my changing body, I've never had anyone give me a hard time about it.)

atcwag · August 2016

My MIL said "are you sure there isn't 2 in there?" the other day. Whatever. What a dumb thing to say. With that said, this pregnancy is nearly an exact replica of my first - I look "huge" (I have no torso) and I've actually lost weight, so...yeah.

LadyBugMe101 · August 2016

I just had a cousin tell me this past weekend... "Oh finally you are starting to show there was no visible bump, we thought you were tricking us" really?!?! She was serious too, exchanged glances with her sister. Gah I'm always being told that I don't look like I'm 6+ months. I even had someone say "is your baby growing normally?" Thanks for making my anxiety levels rise. I'm just taller and have a full frame so yes it's taking a bit longer than it would a petite frame to show. I don't know what it is that they feel but I just play it cool and talk to DH about it after. I would never comment on someone else's weight or questioned the health of their baby. Sorry to those of you experiencing comments at work.

srcr2011 · August 2016

I'm sorry to say, but it's only going to get worse once the baby is here. Best advice is grow some thicker skin. Either tell them something back or let it roll off your back. Parenting will much harder if you don't grow some thicker skin.

wolfpackgrl718 · August 2016

I've been getting the twins comment too, amongst other things. I agree with most people on here- that it's not usually meant to be malicious. However, I had a coworker recently asked me twice in a week and then laughed at me. I wanted to throat punch her. I just walked away. I dont get why she needed/wanted to ask again and then why laughed? Ugh. While most people dont mean it mean, I also dont understand why people think they have the right to comment on our weight/size/etc just because we are pregnant. I dont go around asking others about their weight. It can be frustrating.

RhodaMorgenstern · August 2016

Anyone else experiencing pregnancy rage? I was crossing a 4 lane street and some guy honked at me to cross faster. I stood right in front of his car, pointed at my bump and screamed "I'm 7 months pregnant, a******!"

FirstKru · August 2016

I have been getting comments since I started to show at 6 months. I get "you must be having twins" and "you must be due any day now" and "you are so big" when I respond telling them that I know I am big, they look at me again and say "very big"...............

I understand having a thicker skin. I am one to laugh things off and let things slide. But for one, a lot of people DO NOT think before they speak. I don't think they mean what they say or that they mean to come across as rude. In my opinion, if you feel the need to respond back to something like "you must be due any day now?" you can simply say "why don't you ask me how far along I am first before assuming."

I had a woman come to me and say "you are big, almost like you are carrying two in there." Even though I am not having two, I told her I was. And she turned around to look at me, she was in shock and said "oh good luck." That was the one time I felt that someone actually wanted to insult me.

Depending on my mood, is how I answer. Don't feel insulted and answer how you want. I am not nasty or rude back. But in a nice way, I let them know that there is a better way to comment or ask a question to someone who is hormonal. And for those who ask "how far along are you" I thank them for asking me in that way.

carolyn0 · August 2016

I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks these kinds of comments are rude! It amazes me what comes out of some peoples mouths. I actually feel really good during this pregnancy. I’ve had the “sure it’s not twins” comment a few times. But on top of that I get the "you look exhausted/so pale”. Now I have very pale skin, so when people do the “oh you look so pale” thing to me I get very annoyed. What would they like me to do, magically change my skin colour! I’ve even had one person tell me I need to start wearing bright red lipstick. Seriously, if I looked good in red lipstick don’t you think I would have tried that already!

I know we are supposed to be appreciative of people ‘caring for us’ but there is no reason for people to be rude.

lettiebird · August 2016

As a FTM, this has been the most surprising thing about pregnancy so far (at least to me). People who were super close to me and knew what my body usually looked like could see the bump around 5 months, but I don't feel like I got big enough to be obviously pregnant until somewhere between 6 and 7 months. So I've been hearing a crazy spectrum of comments.

There was a day (probably around 5 mo) where my mom said I really didn't look pregnant at all and then later that night DH felt the need to tell me that she was wrong and I did look pregnant. Um? I had no clue how to respond to either of those things. In the span of several hours I heard "your pregnancy barely counts, look how small you are" and "psh, whatever, you're enormous" as subtext. I know they didn't mean any of those things, but I'm new to this and definitely not equipped to respond gracefully to such contradictory statements on top of each other. And I still hear that kind of stuff.

When someone says I look big, I know they're just excited to actually see the baby growing, but it still kind of stings. I've struggled with my weight for years and hearing people tell me I'm big still feels like a slap in the face, even when it comes from family and close friends. I know they don't mean anything hurtful, but words have impact beyond their intent.

And then on the flip side, when people say I'm so small, I feel like I need to defend myself/my baby in some way. I always reassure myself that my pregnancy has been progressing really well, I'm healthy, baby is healthy, and nothing is wrong, but I still get this instinct to give others a reason why I'm not as big as they think I should be. I usually resist that (because how big they think I should be doesn't matter in the slightest), but it's surprisingly tough.

I guess the biggest surprise about pregnancy has been the fact that in so many ways your body isn't yours anymore. I already knew I would have to share my body with my baby (which I'm happy to do), but my body being treated like public property open for debate is really unexpected.

hollowway · August 2016

Every single day. Someone told me I must be having quadruplets, I won't make it to November because I'm so big... a lot of rude comments. Complete strangers.

desoky01 · August 2016

I have often gotten the "you're so tiny!" which for some reason makes me feel less, like I'm supposed to look more pregnant. I kept telling my husband I didn't feel like I looked "pregnant enough" for people at my first shower. Yet to myself I feel huge!

msu_gal · August 2016

I haven't really had this problem. Most people are very sweet and say things like "oh aren't you adorable" which I don't feel adorable, I feel huge so I'm always gracious and say thank you for saying that, I don't feel it.

I also have the benefit of not living by my extending family though... So that could be the savings grace

hollowway · August 2016

One of my favorites, because apparently every 20 something mom with more than one child must go man to man: "does this one at least have the same father as your daughter?" I've been with my fiance for 5 years, this is baby #2 for us. I may or may not have called that man an asshole.

Shima42 · August 2016

You might as well ask why pregnant ladies are rude to other pregnant ladies in online forums. People just don't care how much stress they ladle onto others - they'd prefer to hurt others than deal with their own disappointments. What you're talking about has a name, by the way. These interactions where people try to police your body are called 'microaggressions,' and they are anti-feminist.

People don't really get that my husband and I are actually married and actually tried to get pregnant. We look young and scruffy, him with a beard and me with my unshaven legs, and we're both overweight and like to wear comfortable clothes, so people generally think we're aimless potheads even though we don't do drugs. It has made it uncomfortable to talk to doctors, because we're waiting for the moment when we answer that, yes, the baby was planned - and the doctor moves on quickly like she doesn't want us to know that she doesn't believe us.

LOL you should try being overweight and pregnant! No one says anything to me, because they can't figure out whether I'm just fat! Between that and the scruff, I don't get to talk about my pregnancy with strangers, which takes a lot of fun out of being out and about as a waddling, sweating pregnant lady.

Emmaholmes89 · August 2016

Today I told a couple I'd JUST met that I was due in November and the woman replied that she hasn't even noticed I was pregnant (I was in a flowey shirt) and the guy turned to her and said, "oh you couldn't tell? You can always spot a pregnant lady by how they put on fat around their face. Their breasts and hips look heavier too."

Heavier than what?? You've never seen me before!

So I just sat there feeling like a lump until he finished educating her on how to spot one of our kind

Fullhandsfullheart · August 2016

I've had a ton of people (especially strangers at the grocery store) make the comment "wow, you have your hands full!" I have a 2 year old and 1 year old, so yes I do have my hands full... But the way people say it makes it like a negative thing/ like they feel sorry for me, when in fact I chose to have kids close in age and love it. I know some say it just to make conversation and not intending to be rude, but I never know how to respond and wish people would just keep the comments to themselves. I've been saying "they certainly keep
me busy!" but sometimes I want to say "thank you for stating the obvious.." People just love to make a comment to pregnant women.. It's weird

jenesiso · August 2016

LOL you should try being overweight and pregnant! No one says anything to me, because they can't figure out whether I'm just fat! Between that and the scruff, I don't get to talk about my pregnancy with strangers, which takes a lot of fun out of being out and about as a waddling, sweating pregnant lady.

I was 295lbs. when I got pregnant. FTM. I'm now 320. I have a "B" belly. It took a while for my stomach to actually look pregnant. A lot of things are hard to do being this overweight and pregnant. I now have GD.

But do you know what? It's going to be okay. My husband is supportive and loving and more excited about this baby than I am. This kid is going to be more loved and taken care of than many kids out there. I aim to be the best parent I can be.

Point is, your weight isn't the end all be all. Being a good parent once the kids actually comes is what is inportabt. If someone is stupid enough to comment on your weight, tell them to go to hell. It's your body, you gotta live in it.

And don't give yourself too hard of a time that any of you aren't your normal size 2 anymore. Life is more than what your waist line looks like. Does your baby care? Nope. They just want your love and nothing else. So get over yourselves, you're gonna be fine. (With all due respect lol)

Shima42 · August 2016

jenesiso said:

LOL you should try being overweight and pregnant! No one says anything to me, because they can't figure out whether I'm just fat! Between that and the scruff, I don't get to talk about my pregnancy with strangers, which takes a lot of fun out of being out and about as a waddling, sweating pregnant lady.

I was 295lbs. when I got pregnant. FTM. I'm now 320. I have a "B" belly. It took a while for my stomach to actually look pregnant. A lot of things are hard to do being this overweight and pregnant. I now have GD.

But do you know what? It's going to be okay. My husband is supportive and loving and more excited about this baby than I am. This kid is going to be more loved and taken care of than many kids out there. I aim to be the best parent I can be.

Point is, your weight isn't the end all be all. Being a good parent once the kids actually comes is what is inportabt. If someone is stupid enough to comment on your weight, tell them to go to hell. It's your body, you gotta live in it.

And don't give yourself too hard of a time that any of you aren't your normal size 2 anymore. Life is more than what your waist line looks like. Does your baby care? Nope. They just want your love and nothing else. So get over yourselves, you're gonna be fine. (With all due respect lol)

Ah, I'm not really giving myself a hard time; just saying that comments are tough, but so is no comments. Sort of a commiseration-type thing. I'm glad that you've come to terms with your weight :-)

kvruns · August 2016

At the Dr office today I went back for my GD blood work and the phlebotomist asked boy or girl and I said boy and she goes "that's what I thought. It's gonna be a big boy". I was like errrr what? I Don't have much of a visible bump at all unless I'm wearing certain things so it was a surprise and a really weird thing to say, especially if you work in an OB office.

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