October 2016 Moms
kmvisioli
member
UPDATE WWYD: dog problems
kmvisioli
member
Let me start by saying we love our pet, and have taken good care of our rescue pup for the past 5 years, so this is not something trivial or light for us.
Here's the deal: Our dog is a rescue, and has his set of quirks and issues. One of those is that he is not great with kids, especially toddlers. With our 1-yr-old I basically have to always be in the same room as the two of them, just in case, as we have already had a couple of snapping incidents. With twins coming in the fall, I know I will not be able to referee between dog and toddler plus two newborns, and frankly it is already frustrating and stressing me out thinking about how to manage those dynamics. My H travels for work, so he is gone for 2-weeks at a time frequently, which means the usual attention and exercise the dog gets is gone.
I feel like the most fair thing for our dog is to find a new home for him, so he is not just always getting yelled at and sent outside. My H wants to give it time because he thinks we can manage it. I feel like the bad guy trying taking his dog away, which is awful. What would you do??
UPDATE: Otis was boarded the other day while some reno work was done at the house. After seeing how relaxed and happy he was there, and how much less stressful our day at home was, my mind is made up to find a new home for him. I also noticed that he has developed a bad anxiety habit recently- he has been licking his paws so much that he has created little bald spots and sores
Here's the deal: Our dog is a rescue, and has his set of quirks and issues. One of those is that he is not great with kids, especially toddlers. With our 1-yr-old I basically have to always be in the same room as the two of them, just in case, as we have already had a couple of snapping incidents. With twins coming in the fall, I know I will not be able to referee between dog and toddler plus two newborns, and frankly it is already frustrating and stressing me out thinking about how to manage those dynamics. My H travels for work, so he is gone for 2-weeks at a time frequently, which means the usual attention and exercise the dog gets is gone.
I feel like the most fair thing for our dog is to find a new home for him, so he is not just always getting yelled at and sent outside. My H wants to give it time because he thinks we can manage it. I feel like the bad guy trying taking his dog away, which is awful. What would you do??
UPDATE: Otis was boarded the other day while some reno work was done at the house. After seeing how relaxed and happy he was there, and how much less stressful our day at home was, my mind is made up to find a new home for him. I also noticed that he has developed a bad anxiety habit recently- he has been licking his paws so much that he has created little bald spots and sores
Re: UPDATE WWYD: dog problems
I would exhaust all options before rehoming. That way No one can feel resentment and you don't have to feel as guilty, you did all you could.
It's true that a tired dog is a calm dog, so in some cases I think doggie daycare is a good solution, but that won't fix a dog that is nervous around kids. A behaviorist is also a good option, however you need to have the time to reinforce all the tools s/he gives you in order to make that work -- which I know for me, is basically impossible.
Rehoming your dog through a reputable rescue is nothing to be ashamed about. I'd do some research, figure out what your options are and then present them to your husband as "here's what we can do, and this is what I feel makes everyone safe."
Good luck, and keep us updated!
@samkins Yes, Otis always does so much better when we are able to give him plenty of attention and exercise! Sending him somewhere else for that would just not be our best financial choice at the point, and honestly I don't really see how that is much better than finding him someone who can do that regularly at home for him.
Personally, I'd be inclined to give it a little time, but do so knowing that the outcome may not be what I hope. (Although, as a practical matter, maybe it is better to make the decision before you have three tiny kids on your hands.)
It's really, really hard to grapple with idea that the best thing for your animal and your family is to rehome or surrender him. But, it's the compassionate thing to do if that's what it comes to. You're doing it to give your dog the kind of care and attention he needs to be happy and healthy, and to keep your little ones safe, happy and healthy too.
As much as it would hurt to do, I'd rehome him. I'd cry a lot, (like, a lot) but I'd do it.
My parents had to rehome their dog when I was little, actually, because of an accident that wound up with me getting a ton of stitches as a 9 month old. He was a really gentle dog, but I was crawling around and startled him when he was sleeping and he reacted in an instant. They still tear up when they talk about that dog, but in the end it was the best thing for everyone.
Good luck to you no matter what you wind up doing.
ETA: Good call PPs on the daycare and behaviorist options too!
All of that said, I think your instinct is correct. If he/she is already not trustworthy around one child, adding additional erratic little ones is going to add to his stress. It's not a good living situation for you or your dog and you need to do what's best for most.
Best of luck deciding what to do. I know the stress of that decision is overwhelming so feel free to reach out directly if you need someone to talk to/vent to/stress about it with.
Thanks for the support ladies- I feel like there is often a lot of criticism of people giving up pets once kids come along. I think if we were just having one new baby, that would be a bit more manageable, but the thought of 3 under 18mos is overwhelming enough.
That being said, and since you already have the dog, rehoming can be incredibly damaging to an animal's mental health, and has the high potential to negatively impact future adoptability. Especially an instinctively pack animal, like a dog. Adult animals are hard to adopt out, and factors like color (black, mutt, tabby, whatever) can decrease adoptability. Add behavior issues (depression, abandonment, biting) and the likelihood of the dog being adopted becomes very slim. Sad truth: most adult animals who are given to the shelter to be rehomed because of changing circumstances (kids, moving, financial) end up euthanized. People honestly feel they are doing whats best for the animal, because they are doing whats easiest for their family. These are my experiences from working in a shelter environment.
I would try your hardest to keep the dog, for the dog's sake. Rehoming is not what's best for the dog. Animals take work, and do not adapt to change as quickly and easily as humans do. Work with a behaviorialist. Your older child is getting to the age where he can learn, maybe the hard way, to give the dog space. Hire a daily dog walker, or pay a teenage neighbor. Give the animal routine and someone to bond with on a daily basis, during these turbulent times in your home.
So that said, especially if your dog is already having trouble nipping there really isn't anything to say he'll stop just because your child gets older. I am a dog lover and have two myself but I have no concerns when it comes to them being around children. They've actually turned into therapy dogs of a sort for my neighbor kids who use to be terrified of dogs (because local people here don't keep dogs as pets). But anyway.
Maybe you can find a new home in a local facebook group or craigslist? Or if you have any friends who are animal-adoption-activists maybe they can help? Unfortunately some dogs just don't do well with kids, it's nothing you or your husband have done wrong.
BFP #2 - Feb 2, 2016 --EDD 10/10/16 --Abigail- October 6, 2016. Heart warrior.
October 2017- Began fostering to adopt T, (DOB:November 19, 2013)
Also, it seems like you're looking at the small picture here. The stress of the move to another family would likely be a short term stress. To say that her dog can only be happy in her home (which you had previously described as a poor environment for a dog) isn't a fair statement.
Excuse my defensiveness here... but as I said before, I'll likely be facing the same situation here in the not so distant future and have put a lot of effort into making it so that this is not our reality as well as put a lot of thought into how to handle it, should that be the case. I have to say that I flat out disagree with you on this.
Have you looked at petfinder.com? A lot of people look there for dogs. I am a behaviorist, and I can tell you from first hand experience that even with training you will only be managing a problem. No amount of training will change a dog's personality, you can only hope to change the way he reacts to a situation. Even with that training, you can never really trust he will react the way you want.
From my experience rehoming dogs, the best thing you can do is start looking for a new home now while you are able to keep him with you, and before he has an incident with biting. Once he bites anyone you will have a much more difficult time. You can also give his information to your local shelter but keep him with you, just to broaden your search area.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just to prepare you, a lot of rescue groups or shelters will be very judgemental about you looking for a new home. Not all dogs are meant to be around kids, just like not all people are meant to be around kids. It doesn't make them bad dogs at all, they just can't easily get labeled that way. Good luck, I hope this helps a little.
If you think that there will be even just 45 minutes a day of you-dog time that you BOTH enjoy, maybe it's worth keeping him. I honestly think that with the right routine/precautions, you could make it work safely. Small things like a dog door, dog gates, busy dog toys, a daily dog walker, a fenced in yard, a crate, play dates with neighbor dogs, etc. can make a huge difference. I agree that the dog shouldn't be left alone with the kids, but that goes for ANY dog. If you do decide to keep him, find a place for him that's isolated from kids where he can be safe, happy, and entertained (on his own). A trainer could probably help you establish this and the training to send him there easily on command (plus dog gate to be sure). I also agree that dogs shouldn't just stay in the yard/crate all the time either, but if he's getting an hour or two a day with you and keeping himself entertained the rest of the time, he is doing pretty good IMO. (Think of all the dogs whose owners work all day.)
With that said, if you think you will have ZERO time for him or if you think dog-human time sounds like an extra chore, maybe he would be better off in another home. You'd be happier and he'd be happier. Sounds like you are being smart about how you find him a good home.... Stick to word of mouth. Be cautious of shelters and Internet strangers.
(Disclaimer: I haven't yet had dogs and children together, but I have worked through challenging dog situations. My rescue had serious separation anxiety, I lived in an apt and worked 10 hrs a day plus grad school at night. We were both miserable together for the first 6 months, but we eventually found an easy routine and have lived happily ever after for 4 years. I just really believe any issues can be solved with the right combo of training, toys, routines, and hired services/products. The question is just whether or not it's worth it to you (and it's OK if it isn't, as long as you find him a good home.)
@NicholeL16 I hope you are able to work something out for your dog, too! To encourage you, we have been managing well with just one baby around for over a year now. Dogs generally understand that newborns are fragile, and they learn to deal with the new things (noises, crawling, etc) because they happen gradually. It's a really slow process, but may be manageable for you.
@strickland8052 We have all the things you mentioned, since we have had Otis for 5yrs already. Unfortunately putting him in a separate "safe" space for himself just gives him anxiety and he jumps and whines at the door/gate the whole time- he wants to always be right in the middle of things. I'm glad you were able to find something that worked for you and your dog!
Good luck, and if it doesn't work out and you have to re home, don't feel bad. It happens.
Having children should be a consideration when adopting a dog, and sometimes these are known triggers when adopting/rescuing. I don't know if that was a consideration previously. If anyone considers adopting a pet in the near future, please do your research and ask for temperament tests with other animals/children/food aggression, etc.
It would be one thing if Otis was content to be in a separate space from time to time or to go outside when he feels overwhelmed/anxious, but he always wants to be in the same room as everyone else (while simultaneously not wanting DS to be near him or touching him or looking at him...).
To add: you mentioned triggers, and unfortunately that seems to just be the toddler being in the house. He is totally his normal, sweet self during nap time and after DS goes to bed, and he is actually great with him outside, but when everyone is just in the living room or wherever, he is notably stressed.
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Dropping him off was so hard; even though logically it all sounds right and I know it's the best choice for Otis and for our family, our hearts are hurting. I will say our house has been much calmer and less stressful the past few days, but I miss our crazy pup anyway. Thanks for the encouragement and support, ladies!