DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
September 2016 Moms
seitzy3
member
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Toddler Sleep Advice
seitzy3
member
Okay ladies, I am desperate to find a solution and help my 3.5 yo stay asleep at night. We have been going on week 5 of non stop wake up calls that last anywhere from 1-4 hours. Before that I had a couple good months of sleep and before she moved into her big girl bed she was sleeping 12 hours straight.
very rarely does she ever say it's from a dream/nightmare. She only tells me she just wants to mommy to sleep/lay with her.
Usually, I wouldn't be stressing AS much as I am now, however, there is absolutely no way I can continue to get up with her while getting up 3 or more times for a newborn. She already has a special blanket she has had since birth but it's not doing the trick anymore.
Out of desperation I even tried giving her a binkie back at night. It worked one night. I've tried no night lights, night lights, we have a sound machine and the list goes on.
I am looking for any tips or advice to maybe help her stay asleep and not cry for mommy.
What I have tried: Binkies, bribing with a prize in the morning, tried getting her relaxed and telling her that mama needs to go back to sleep. She just screams and screams which then wakes up her little sister in the room next to her. Anyone have ANY advice?!
very rarely does she ever say it's from a dream/nightmare. She only tells me she just wants to mommy to sleep/lay with her.
Usually, I wouldn't be stressing AS much as I am now, however, there is absolutely no way I can continue to get up with her while getting up 3 or more times for a newborn. She already has a special blanket she has had since birth but it's not doing the trick anymore.
Out of desperation I even tried giving her a binkie back at night. It worked one night. I've tried no night lights, night lights, we have a sound machine and the list goes on.
I am looking for any tips or advice to maybe help her stay asleep and not cry for mommy.
What I have tried: Binkies, bribing with a prize in the morning, tried getting her relaxed and telling her that mama needs to go back to sleep. She just screams and screams which then wakes up her little sister in the room next to her. Anyone have ANY advice?!
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Re: Toddler Sleep Advice
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Transitioning my DD to a big girl bed was the HARDEST act of parenting I've had to date. She did the exact same things you're describing and it was awful. We were all sleep deprived and it was just a mess. Once I laid down the law and she realized I wasn't playing her games anymore, she basically shrugged it off and started going to bed/staying in bed without issue.
Good luck!
Piper, 4/10/10
Connor, 3/16/15
Morgan, EDD 9/22/16
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Find something she is DYING to have...create a sticker chart in which she has to stay in bed however many nights in order to get it.
There are also lamps that glow green based on a timer indicating it is ok to wake up (many kid clocks can do the same).
I have also come across a sleep superhero girl (she is a stuffed doll) that glows in the night indicating that she is protecting the child that she is sleeping with. Not sure if a book goes along with her.
Consistency. No means no. It'll get harder before it gets easier I'm guessing.
I'll add that if you are going to move them into the same room eventually, I actually recommend doing so while DD2 is still in her crib. The only thing that prevented complete chaos for us was having DS2 confined during the transition. We went through another little adjustment phase once he moved to a bed, but it was pretty easy.
@noelani42 we actually do have a lock her on her door. Long story short, our master is downstairs and her bed is upstairs. She was coming out at night and traveling in the dark through the house. We decided it's safer for her to be in her room than getting hurt navigating the whole house in the dark, especially going down stairs. The kicker, she literally tries to kick the door down. Which, wakes up Cameron. I'm seriously so confused!!
@runningisrad i probably could be more strict with her. Last night enough was enough and I walked out and listened her to bang and scream for 10 minutes while I just cried. It's hard to just listen to her like that especially when she is waking up her sister.
@PSUBecky23 that's exactly what I do almost every single time. It works sometimes where I can just say "mommy is staying here for 5 minutes then she needs to go back to her bed" and I give her a kiss and hug and walk out. It's not always that easy and I've been trying that route every single night for the past week without budging.
I am am afraid she might have some sort of anxiety or something? I just don't understand how she went from an amazing sleeper to this. I am going to have a chat with her pediatrician since I've tried basically everything (besides the sticker chart)
last night was particular hard and led to me having a panic attack at 2am.
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Not sure if Amazon has any updated ones since this article came out, but thought this may help you
Do you have a monitor in her room? I remember we went through a phase with DS1 and I showed him where the camera was and that mommy can see and hear him if he needs to talk to me. If he needed something, then he could just call me over the camera (not scream and cry) and I would respond immediately, but refuse to go into his room.
you chicks are great. from most of the responses so far, i feel like i need to be more strict with her. i just feel at a loss because it breaks my heart to listen to her scream like that. then of course i just worry too much about Cam getting up, however @fireflygirl12 Cam doesn't stay up long when she does get up....buutttt i think that is because once Cam gets up I rush upstairs to get D quiet again.
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Yep. I think DS2 wasn't as good of a sleeper as a baby b/c we would always rush right in out of fear that he would wake up DS1, rather than letting him fall back asleep. It's hard.
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
I'm wondering along with the clocks if I should offer to take her to the store and pick out a "protection buddy" or something along those lines that she can sleep with. Or do you think that is just rewarding her behavior before it get's better???
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
i dont know if any of this would help her, I know jt would help me for a night or two and then I was right back at it. I think it would've helped me if mom knew to say to me, "nothing bad will happen to me, or anyone in our family, or anyone we know or care about if you tell me what you're afraid of". (Yes, she would have to list all of those possibilities, because, anxious) Lol
Maybe along those lines you could try a lavender EO spray to act as protection from whatever she's scared of. (It's monster spray in my house.) Lavender EO has soothing/relaxing properties too. I make one with just water and oil.
get attention. If you honestly think she's afraid, then I think getting her a buddy would be a great idea. I know you said one time she was shaking when you went in. I was legitimately terrified when I was a kid and my bunnies helped me a lot.
We did let her sleep in bed with us one night, however no one got any actual sleep as she decided to play with the dogs and try to play with my face and my husbands face.
Have you tried a night light?
I started to learn what things he would ask for and gave them to him right before bed. Our bedtime routine is long, but it works. We do potty, bath, brush our teeth, read books, small drink of water (like minuscule), the potty again, then pick out two toys to take to bed, then prayers, rub his back, lay with him for a minute or two, then it's goodnight. I told him that if I had to come in there, for any reason, then I would take away his toys. I only had to do that a couple times then he learned I was serious.
FWIW - we also have one of those kid clocks that turns green when they can get up. It's great!
Like pp said, attention is attention. It's hard, but as long as you know there's nothing "wrong" and she just wants to be with you, you need to be firm. I think giving her a few minutes of mommy time, right before she goes down may help too, since it sounds like that's what she really wants. You might also need to talk with her, on her level, to tell her how important it is that everyone sleeps in their own beds. It will probably take a few nights and it might get worse before it gets better, but once she realizes she can't play you anymore, she'll give it up. Like others have said - be consistent. Hang in there mama!
Anyway, in April, we started telling him before bed that he would get a reward if he stayed in his room all night. Surprisingly, that worked for him. If he woke up and cried in the middle of the night, DH would go in there and firmly tell him "You have to lay back down and then tomorrow mommy will give you xyz." For a few nights he did cry out for us a few times but we just stayed really consistent and said you have to stay in Calvin's bed, you can't come in our bed and reminded him of his reward. He got it after a few nights and the rest is history. We stopped rewarding him after about 6 weeks and he kept sleeping.
Once he realized that no matter what, we weren't letting him back in our room and we just kept telling him to lay back down, he stopped crying for us. He started looking forward to getting his prizes--which were usually DD munchkins or something else equally terrible like a cupcake or going to the playground. I would have fed him donuts every single day at that point if it meant that he would sleep through the night!! I saw you tried rewards already though...I guess I would ask her and see what she wants her reward to be and then give it to her in the morning. That's what we ended up doing with Cal--he would get a choice of a few different rewards before bed.
It's too bad that the paci only worked for her the one night because if a reward system didn't work, if I were you, I would give that thing back in a heartbeat if it would make her sleep!! We actually just took DS1's away like 3 weeks ago and I was so nervous that he would go back to not sleeping without it, but he has been fine thank God. But believe me, if not having the paci would have interrupted his sleep, I would have given it right back. With a newborn coming, I think the top priority is just getting your other kid(s) to sleep in any reasonable way possible! I know a 3.5 year old having a paci isn't ideal but you can always work on that later when she is sleeping well again. Good luck!!
@Tippy05 our situations sound similar. I also have a strict bedtime routine with her. Potty, brush teeth, get a glass of milk or water, read a few books and then I will rub her back for a few minutes and leave. It's never an issue when I leave then but in the middle of the night it's a different story. Hoping it gets better soon, thanks!
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
I would suggest temporarily using a lock to keep her in her room. The first few nights you may have to stay by the door and sing or soothe, and there will certainly be a lot of tears, but the most important thing is that you do NOT give in and go into her room or lay down with her or this behavior will likely continue. Every time you go in it is reinforcing the behavior.
If that seems too harsh then start taking things away. I still have evenings/nights that are challenging with DD, but I can tell when she really needs something or when she is just playing me for attention at this point. I am now quick to get stern with her and start taking away privileges. It's hard, but a mama's gotta do what a mama's gotta do. You could take away her blankie and say "the next time you get up or cry for mommy, the blankie is mine" or something similar with another toy that she sleeps with or wants in bed with her. You could buy her a new toy to cuddle with and use that as leverage also.
I would make sure to try any new plan ONLY when your DH is there to help partner you through it. If she knows that daddy isn't there to step in, it will be impossible to enforce on the first night or two.
I used this site as reference A LOT with DD1's sleep and it was enormously helpful. There isn't as much information about older toddler's sleep, but here is an entry you might find helpful:
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/when-your-kid-wont-stay-in-bed/
I know it has to be so hard on you right now. I am thinking of you and hope you can find a solution before baby arrives
she has been sleeping in her Big girl bed since late February. The transition actually went really smooth and she slept like a champ. Then around her 3rd birthday at the end of March everything switched. It was on and off, she would sleep great for a couple weeks then have a horrible week and so on and so forth. Then I had a couple good months from May-June. July hit and she's been up every night since. I think I may have gotten two, maybe three nights of actual sleep since then.
We do have a lock to keep her in her room since she learned how to break open the baby gate and venture downstairs to our room multiple times a night. The problem is that when she wakes up she starts kicking and banging the door on top of screaming. So naturally, I just run upstairs because Cams room is right next to hers and I don't want two kids up.
H doesn't arrive back home until Thursday so I will take your advice and not try taking anything away until he is home to help! Thanks so much, I'll get to reading tonight
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
I wanted to mention (not in a judgy way, just sometimes things are more clear to an outsider) that it would be helpful to have a concrete plan for yourself for consistency - either you don't go in her room at all no matter the behaviours, or you go in right away, do a couple soothing things, leave. Something I noticed about the scenario is that you sometimes wait about 10 minutes to go in. In these situations, it would be better to go in right when the crying happens or never, otherwise she is learning the duration of crying and the loudness and the other behaviours (sounds like kicking the door leads to you coming in) has to last for 10 minutes in order for you to come. This means she will continue to do those things for that amount of time (and longer if you don't come). Does that make sense?
I want to warn you about something if you do decide to stop going in her room - it's something called an extinction burst. This is when a previously reinforced behaviour is no longer being reinforced (is being put on "extinction"). When this happens, the severity of the behaviour increases in many ways - how long it lasts, how loud it is - and other behaviours might start to happen. It's as if the child is saying "wait what? This used to work and mommy would come. Maybe I need to scream louder. No? Hmm. Maybe I need to kick the door harder and for longer (so proceeds to kick the door for 30 minutes instead of 10). Still no mommy. Maybe I need to just keep crying and she will come (cries for an hour)". When this happens, it is even more important that you DO NOT go and see her. Otherwise, your progress will be lost and she will now learn THOSE behaviours and that level get her attention and she will ramp it up the next night. It's like when a kid cries once for candy and doesn't get it. So they keep crying and crying and whining and hitting and finally the parent gets fed up and gives them candy. They now know what "worked" and will always go to that level of behaviour when they want candy.
The extinction burst would be terrible for a few days but if you stick to it, it should go away fairly quickly. Like others have said, DONT do it when your husband is gone. You'll need support!
If you think you want to try a soothing routine each time instead of ignoring her, I'd suggest bringing in a timer with you that is always set to the same time (say, 5 minutes). You tell her you'll sit with her until the timer goes off, then you leave, no matter how much she protests, and you stick to this every night, no exceptions (and she only gets this once a night, so you don't go back if she cries again). She will learn this very quickly as well and know that you won't stick around forever. She will either get bored and stop calling for you, or she will enjoy her 5 minutes a night but will eventually stop having behaviours when you leave.
Best of luck and I hope nothing I said sounded preachy. I just want to help because it sounds like this is a massive source of stress for you!
she sometimes will whimper but mostly rolls over and goes to sleep on her own. It took 2 full weeks of tantrums and tears though. She loves Elmo and the book, Elmo got a big bed, worked very well for her. We probably read it 20 times a night before bed. We also keep her bed full of her blankies and favorite baby dolls. Good luck! It's so tough and the mom guilt is intense! Just remember you are teaching her a life skill to sleep alone and fall asleep on her own.
Last night went okay. I went up there right away and told her I would stay with her for 10 minutes then go back downstairs. After 10 minutes I gave her a kiss and hug and started to leave. Instead of crying she just begged for me to stay and watch her sleep and lay with her. After another 10 minute conversation explaining things, I gave her another kiss and hug, tucked her in and bolted out of the door before she could get another word in. After that she slept through the rest of the night.
I asked H to go shopping while he was out of town and bring her back a protection buddy of some sort and give it to her when he gets back. Hopefully by sticking to a plan we can get this under control by the time Ava gets here.
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16