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September 2016 Moms
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Annoying Moms
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I'm hugely pregnant with baby number 3!! And I am always getting advice or tips about things that I have mastered. How do you respond to the critics without losing patience??
Re: Annoying Moms
I get first time parents preaching to me about breastfeeding or what caused our youngest son to "get" autism all the time and I just hear what they have to say, hold my tongue if I feel like I'm really going to lose my mind and let it out later. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you and your family and unless they are there pitching in 24/7 then their opinion or advice doesn't hold much merit. But it's always good to hear them out you never know if you'll learn something new
No one has offered advice, outside of gentle encouragement to get a csection. (And that advice is coming from people familiar with my last experience.)
I am so done hearing breastfeeding advice. If I want advice I will ask. After getting a ton of advice that I don't want, I posted an article to my Facebook page about how breastfeeding is a choice, my body my choice etc. I explained that I am going to try breastfeeding but if it doesn't work out, I will not feel guilty about switching to formula. Most of the comments were like "great you will feed your kid." A few people went on and on about how important it is breastfeed and how spiritual or beautiful etc. I don't care. I am very ambivalent on the topic. My sisters and I were bottle fed, my husband was breast fed, we all turned out great.
And things like "You can definitely travel 10 hrs by car (that is 10 hours without making extra stops to accommodate a baby, btw....) for Thanksgiving - we drove that far when our daughter was 6 months old" (because apparently a 6 month old is the same as a two month old, and also our kids will be identical). Or my kid was 10 lbs, so yours will be, too. Like wtf?!
I'm with you @Rebecca&Raphael on the breastfeeding advice. I will say that I am proud to be a formula feeding mom and I will tell anyone who asks what my plan is without regret of my choice. It is my body and it is my choice. I even had to put DH in his place when he tried to convince me that I should try it this time because I didn't do it with the boys. I kindly told him that I have never had that desire to breastfeed and formula feeding works for us as a family and our careers and until he can start producing milk out of his boobs to share the job then to zip it. LOL We as mom's know what we can handle and know when enough is enough. At the end of the day, happy and healthy babies are what matter.
@PoodleDoodleOoo I got the same thing from some friends/co-workers regarding some products I was looking into because their kids didn't like it or they know of a friend whose kid didn't like it. I bought it anyway because it's what I want for my kid. Now if people come ask me about a particular product or category of products (i.e. double stroller, car seat, etc.) then I will tell them what I've had experience with and why I like or dislike that product.
I take given advice with appreciation as much as possible, because I know everyone is just trying to help but sometimes the advice is laced with condescension and that grates on my nerves. I know I'm new at this. I'm a FTM so, no, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but if I'm really really struggling then I'll ask. Until that point, only gentle suggestions are necessary. I don't need to be told how to do it.
Good Advice: "I had trouble BFing in the beginning, if you do too you could always try (blah blah blah), it worked for me!"
Bad Advice: "BFing is difficult and you'll probably have trouble. You need to do (blah blah blah) to make it easier."
@Trgree1712 I am with you on the "perfect" Facebook moms. I have a friend who is constantly doting on how great her kids are and how they just love each other so much, how smart they are and how they can do no wrong. **Gag me please**
Please start posting about your real life and stop being fake... Be like me, my kids are amazing, they fight all the time because they are brothers and that's what they do, but they are smart, drive me crazy and I love them regardless of the hell they put me through.
To her credit, my friend looked like she wanted to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment. I felt bad but I had to make an excuse to leave, and immediately texted my friend from the car and was like "it's totally not you... I think you know why I had to go, come over for tea later".
ummm wat? If I go to a theme park I assume the ride is safe even if it looks like the scariest ride ever. Maybe it is a bad assumption but I really find it hard to believe you can blame the parents.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
I have been told "Oh, you'll change your mind on that!" one too many times. How do you know I'm going to change my mind? Maybe I will, but maybe I won't! You're assuming that because I'm a FTM and (legitimately) don't know how difficult things can get that I'm making pie in the sky plans that I won't be able to achieve.
Case in point: Cloth diapering. I've had mothers practically roll their eyes at me in that "knowing way" and say things like "There's nothing wrong with disposables" and "You'll get so tired of that" and the ever dreaded "You'll change your mind." Only to find out that said ladies never even TRIED cloth diapering. So, how do you know?!
And no, there's not a darn thing wrong with using disposable diapers. Just like there's not a darn thing wrong with deciding to dye your hair brown instead of blonde. It's a flipping preference for goodness sake.
- My other cousin (R) is currently pregnant with her first baby and she's had a very rough time of it. Even now, after several days of testing, her doctors can't determine whether or not the baby has Down's. And she's had a bunch of other complications too. So we were all at a family party chit chatting about pregnancy and labor and motherhood - it was me, a friend with 2 kids (A) and R at the table. D walked in and I could tell she was listening so I tried to include her in the conversation. Well, she immediately started ranting about, "I LOVED being pregnant so much! And labor is so easy - you just have to trust your body. It knows what to do." STFU! I outright told her that I had a textbook easy pregnancy with Piper too and since then it's been all downhill. Seriously, I almost found myself wishing hemmorhoids on her for Baby #2.
- Another time we were at dinner and she was watching me feed Connor. C is very self sufficient with feeding himself, but he's a typical 1 year old hot mess while he's doing it. So I take his shirt off, pile up his plate and figure it's easier to clean him later than to ruin my own meal worrying about a mess. D witnessed this and kept making all kinds of under her breath comments about "I've NEVER seen a child eat like that before...." C also packs it away. He eats like a horse. And you know what? I don't care, because 90% of what he's eating is fruit/veggies. She also started making all these sanctimommy comments about moderation and portion control. Basically insinuating that I need to put my freakin' 1 year old on a diet. EFF YOU!!!
Piper, 4/10/10
Connor, 3/16/15
Morgan, EDD 9/22/16
@Flowr4246 I can only hope that her 2nd pregnancy/labor is as enjoyable as this one has been. By enjoyable I mean a freaking living hell. I had the glorious pregnancy with my first and now I would give anything to have that back.
Like your cousin in law, I had a doctor telling me that my son needed to be placed on a diet at.... 3 months old. Um, the kid is still on formula and that formula has to have rice infused into it because of his acid reflux. He was always in the 70s and 80th percentile for height and weight and while he was a little plump, he has since leaned out and barely weighs 40lbs at 4 years old. Some people whether they be family or professionals just need to learn to shut their mouth!
Basically, I know HER, and I know that when the chips are down, when she would be really struggling to find her footing as a mother, altruistic concern about the environment was not going to be at her mind's forefront.
It was not long before I would have been able to say "I told you so" had I actually been rude enough to tell her so. I know plenty of women who cloth diaper and it works for them. I myself have a few cloth diapers that LO uses in the evenings before bed. But it is not for everyone, there is no doubt about that!
I think some of the automatic pessimism stems from an idea that if someone is doing it different or if there's a "natural" label smacked on to it, then that someone must think they're doing it better than anyone else did.
I'm glad you were able to let your friend make her plans without popping any of her hope bubbles, though I get that it's hard if someone is coming off any shade of sanctimonious about their preferences.
Surprisingly, my bitchy grandmother was the one most excited we were doing cloth. I think she was more impressed by that than the fact that I graduated my nursing degree program... she's weird.
And for me it's not about the money or the environment - cloth diapers are straight up CUTER than regular ol pampers with stupid ol elmo on them.
But when I told a few people we were even just considering cloth they looked at me like I had three turnips growing out of my head.
I couldn't handle the smell.
Sebastian 3-11-14
Simon 5-2-15
Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
Not sure if her math is correct, but that's probably a lot less than what she'd spend on diapers if she went with disposables.
In the end, I feel like any thing to do with babies, there's things people say are a "must have" that aren't really a must have, and you need to pick what works for you. For us, used was just fine, we don't need the weird bio-liners, and Tide works just as good as those frou-frou cloth diaper detergents.
We're getting more than 24 diapers just so we won't have to do quite as much laundry on the regular. We've also got extra inserts (more inserts than diapers). Our stash is going to cost us about $250 (that's the diaper covers, the extra inserts, and 100 "flushable" inserts for convenience). Our cloth diapers are adjustable so the same covers will fit a newborn up to toddlerdom. So we've got 2 years of use out of ours for $250 -plus, probably, $100-$200 for new inserts as old ones wear out. Total of $350-$450 for 2 years.
Let's say you go with Huggies brand and order off Amazon - You can get a month's supply of huggies (246 diapers) for $33. So $250 will get you about 7 months of disposables depending on how often your LO potties. So for 2 years of disposables it's about $857.
If you go with a more expensive brand like Pampers then you're looking at $60 a month for diapers, thus twice that number in a 2 year period.
While, yes, cloth diapers are cheaper on the face of it, your time has a value. And you spend a LOT more time cloth diapering than you do using disposables. (And I'm sorry, but anyone who says otherwise is delusional). Cloth diapers have existed a long time. If disposables weren't easier, they wouldn't exist.
It's just that each person has to determine if the value of their time and effort is outweighed by the difference in price between disposables and cloth, or whatever other value you put on the other side of the scale (like the environment.) That equation will work out differently for different folks, obviously.
You have to be REALLY committed to how diapers look in order to cloth diaper JUST because they're cuter!
Also if you really do need the stuff in which your child craps to be beautiful, you could go honest co. They're some of the most expensive diapers on the market, but they sure are cute.
Considering cloth diapering would not make me look at your like you have three turnips growing out of your head. But if it was JUST because they're cute, then yes it would.
She also backs powdered tide! And there are forums out there that will tell you exactly which cycle setting to use for your exact machine. We're not buying into that overpriced babyganics crap you see out there (ripoff!)
To each their own though. I don't judge anyone for doing one thing or another. Baby's are humans and God, look at us, were all a different mess in our own way. What works for one dies NOT work for all
When we tell people they immediately look at us like we're crazy, but once we explain they're almost always on board. Why can't people ever believe on the face of it that we would make a rational, well thought-out decision?! I hate always feeling like I have to defend our decision; and, that now instead of feeling like I'm going with what works for us and staying flexible I'll be made to feel like a failure if we switch to disposables!