Hi. So glad this thread is here right now. This morning I had an RE appointment to get CD3 testing done. This afternoon I had lunch with a friend. She shares the news that she is pregnant. On accident. She forgot to take her pill once.
@felix08 That's the worst. Even worse than the Facebook announcements because you have to keep a brave/happy face. I hope you at least got dessert out of that lunch!
@swanbrooner Um, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I don't really know what they're referring to because I've been lurking here since December and recognize a lot of their names, and don't notice many huge changes. Except -- when there are random posts that violate TOU, I think the responses are much gentler than they used to be. But that's it.
@felix08 Ugh I'm so sorry. That is so hard. I live in fear of pregnancy announcements on those hard days...
@swanbrooner I agree. I don't get what they are even referring to. Yes, we are typically nicer now, but we haven't changed that much... It kind of makes me sad that they react that way.
I don't really have my own WTF today. Actually a pretty good day! I'm home "sick," preparing for a job interview by watching Bones and putting away laundry.
Me: 32 years old
DH: 33 years old
Married in May 16, 2015
TTC #1 (on and off) since September 2015 DS1 Due 6.7.2021
@swanbrooner@hartmich I agree!! I was thinking the same thing. I've been actively participating since April/May, but recognize many of their names too. And I don't really think there have been a TON of changes...at least not anything "for the worse" and that's how they are making it seem...hmm...
I had to go read to see what you guys were talking about and all I can say is huh? We've had some drive-bys the last 2-3 days but it's not like the board is "cluttered". People are more polite on average to the drive-bys but there is still some flaming. I only started lurking in late March but really, not much has changed since then.
Let me start by saying @felix08, that sucks. So hard. I'm just really sorry that happened to you.
But I'm also going to try to explain what I actually think about the other stuff brought up (@swanbrooner@hartmich@KirstinH88 and @Maggie1202), but it's going to be hard. Because words are hard. But here goes... I've been around since January, posting since April and, while I get mildly insulted (for lack of a better word?) when old regs allude to the change in the board, I guess I also see where they're coming from. This community is built on the personalities of its members, and it seems like there were a lot more old regs with more flavor in past months. I am, by no means, one of those old regs or a poster who exhibits a huge amount of personality, so I guess that's partly why I feel slightly insulted when those comments are posted. Because I'm part of the change they don't like seeing. Yes, there are a ton of newbs and we tend not to flame the more innocent mistakes anymore, but I don't think that's what the comments are really getting at. People are coming in and posting in WTO and TWW, but a lot of people (me included) aren't coming back, commenting back and forth, and growing the relationships a lot the ladies used to have on here. Although there are certainly some of you who are really great about this- and I think you're the ones who feel uncomfortable when you see the comments about the change in the board. Then, there's the other side of me that gets annoyed because they're coming back and posting on the grad thread because they're pregnant. I'm still stuck here, not pregnant, in an apparently lame community, while they're off on their BMBs and coming back to criticize. I know that's a little snippy, but the passive aggressive nature of the comments is I think what really gets to me. At least @MonaLisaRalphio just came out and said it. FWIW, I miss the old regs too. But I still like being here. *steps off soap box*
@RedBreast35 I mean, do you guys really want to know what our (edited because I don't want to speak for other people) my concerns are? Because you know I'll tell you.
Let me start by saying @felix08, that sucks. So hard. I'm just really sorry that happened to you.
But I'm also going to try to explain what I actually think about the other stuff brought up (@swanbrooner@hartmich@KirstinH88 and @Maggie1202), but it's going to be hard. Because words are hard. But here goes... I've been around since January, posting since April and, while I get mildly insulted (for lack of a better word?) when old regs allude to the change in the board, I guess I also see where they're coming from. This community is built on the personalities of its members, and it seems like there were a lot more old regs with more flavor in past months. I am, by no means, one of those old regs or a poster who exhibits a huge amount of personality, so I guess that's partly why I feel slightly insulted when those comments are posted. Because I'm part of the change they don't like seeing. Yes, there are a ton of newbs and we tend not to flame the more innocent mistakes anymore, but I don't think that's what the comments are really getting at. People are coming in and posting in WTO and TWW, but a lot of people (me included) aren't coming back, commenting back and forth, and growing the relationships a lot the ladies used to have on here. Although there are certainly some of you who are really great about this- and I think you're the ones who feel uncomfortable when you see the comments about the change in the board. Then, there's the other side of me that gets annoyed because they're coming back and posting on the grad thread because they're pregnant. I'm still stuck here, not pregnant, in an apparently lame community, while they're off on their BMBs and coming back to criticize. I know that's a little snippy, but the passive aggressive nature of the comments is I think what really gets to me. At least @MonaLisaRalphio just came out and said it. FWIW, I miss the old regs too. But I still like being here. *steps off soap box*
Yeah hi, so about the bolded. No. Just stop. I know most of these ladies and their back stories from lurking and interacting with them and they spent their time on this board. Months. If not years. So yeah they have every right to come back and post on the grad thread and be happy for their pregnancies. I have my pity parties wondering why I'm not pregnant yet but I never let that take over my happiness for those regs that come back to tell us about their success and how they're doing. Plus it's in a separate thread for a reason. If you don't want to read it, don't open it.
Married 07.21.07 DS#1 01.23.09 DS#2 08.01.11 TTC#3 08.31.15 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17 Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19 Left tube removed dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis BC: February-October 2019 TTA: November-December 2019 NTNP: January 2020!
As an 'old reg' who is trying so hard to keep up participation in the current culture, I can tell you that I understand their concerns. And I agree with them. A lot of you don't know this, but not all of the old regs got pregnant and moved on. As a matter of fact it's kind of offensive to hear that. Because some of us are still here trying our best to wade through the new waters even though we don't enjoy things as much. And other of us got frustrated and just don't post here anymore, but are still actively TTC and hoping to get KU soon, like the rest of us.
This place used to feel like refuge for us. It was organized in a way that made us feel safe. Meaning we didn't have to worry about seeing things we didn't want to in places we didn't want to see them. We knew how to interact and where to interact, and we all formed genuine relationships with one another. And we kept it this way by making sure we allllll not only sought out advice but offered it.
And we banded together when someone came in here and broke a rule. Because we were honestly friends who bonded over a common desire to make this community a place we enjoyed participating in. And that often meant telling people who didn't do their part to read the rules before they joined that their posts weren't appreciated. Did people get turned off by the board because of it? Absolutely they did. But it's because those people weren't the right fit.
Now I come here everyday and see that the number of drive bys has increased substantially. And no one can actually say how they feel because everything is sunshine and rainbows. We're so afraid of hurting the feelings of random drive bys that we don't consider how we've made the people who post and contribute here regularly feel.
I know you might not all understand or agree with me. And even though many of you are new, I think you guys are fantastic. And I stick around because I feel like this board is important, and I enjoy getting to know you all. But I need you to know where these ladies are coming from. And in fairness, they know it hurts some of us who are old regs that are still here. They're defending us. And I appreciate it. And them
@MonaLisaRalphio I'm Not trying to start a fight. I was expressing What I thought was going on and if you want to tell people what you are thinking, My opinion is go for it. People here are saying they don't get what the comments are about so I took a stab at it. It has just come up quite a bit recently and everyone keeps dodging it.
The board is different. I was extremely active starting in June 2015-November-ish 2015 and then I stopped TB altogether in January 2016 and came back in June this year. I think changes are inevitable with changes in personalities but in comparison to when I was first bumping there's a lot less snark and a whole lot less flaming in general.
As far as whether the change is good, bad or indifferent I'd say is very individual. I disagree that it's all sunshine and rainbows like on other sites, though.
Edited for clarity and edited again for accuracy. (I was going to say we were crossing a line by legitimizing certain TOU breaking posts but on re-reading I realized I had mis-remembered it)
Me: 29, DH: 32
Married: July 22, 2008 Fur babies: Phoenix and Yeti (both cats).
TTC#1 since: May 2015 September 2016- Infertility Testing dx: Low Progesterone, Vitamin D Deficiency, Borderline PCOS Treatment: October 2016-January 2017- Metformin, Clomid/Letrozole, hcg trigger, progesterone IUI- 2/17/2017 BFP 3/2/2017!
This place used to feel like refuge for us. It was organized in a way that made us feel safe. Meaning we didn't have to worry about seeing things we didn't want to in places we didn't want to see them. We knew how to interact and where to interact, and we all formed genuine relationships with one another. And we kept it this way by making sure we allllll not only sought out advice but offered it.
*snip*
(Genuine Q, not trying to start anything or be snarky) what do you mean by this paragraph? I thought with the new check-ins and format it was supposed to help with this issue of being blindsided by things you weren't expecting in a particular thread. Is it a TW issue for dailys or the drive by pee sticks? Am I completely off here?
@AliciaGoose I appreciate your thoughts and feelings about this all. I didn't intend to cause a rift between old regs, regs who are still here, and the newbs. I just wanted to kind of understand what the big difference was between now and a couple of months ago. Other than the snark for the drive bys (which I personally loved to read, but never participated in), are there any other major community changes? Has the atmosphere in the WTO/TWW changed significantly? Are there not as many random GTKY type threads? Again, just trying to get a grasp on what has changed. It actually makes me a bit sad that you do not feel as comfortable here as you used to be.
And yes, @MonaLisaRalphio, go ahead and share your input. Or maybe, it might be better for a private message if everyone else doesn't want to read it....???
Alright ladies. As a recent graduate, I feel I'm able to comment in a way that is reflective of both old and new board etiquette and why a lot of grads (and non-grads) are having issues with the way this board is currently functioning. So you all know, I have been active in TTGP since November 2015 although I took a few months off here and there in compliance with my loss and a short physical and mental break that was needed after my RE visit.
When I first joined this board, I knew some information that I'd picked up from online articles and snippets of books, but not nearly as much as these ladies had to offer. I will admit, when I first came onto this board, I was a bit intimidated. I had two days to wait after signing up to lurk before I could post, made sure I read all of the guides and rules, and jumped in as soon as my two days were up. I have never been flamed by the community in any way, shape or form because I respected that I was coming into a community of established individuals. By following the expectations of the board, I was welcomed with open arms and given unbelievable support to my question and concerns (despite some of them probably being pretty stupid). Those that didn't follow those guidelines, did not receive that same support. We strictly believed in the 'you must give support to receive it' philosophy. I participated daily and responded to those in the WTO and TWW threads as best I could, and it turn received that same level of respect and empathy. For those that disregarded the TOU and the culture of the board, they were not openly accepted at first. They got flamed and were told to read the rules, lurk and then join in the boards when they were ready. If they chose to apologize and own up to their mistake, they were given the opportunity to join the board. Many of our regular members were rebounded individuals from TOU violations. We did not think every drive by poster was to be showered in support and did not tolerate constant violations. People learned from their mistakes and the board stayed clean.
Now, the 'veterans' including myself, feel like this voting system was extremely skewed by a number of people who were not and continue not to be active members of the community. In addition, those who are claiming that the level of snark needed to come down, were often those who participated in the same behavior. We find this extremely hypocritical of the purpose of reforming this board. In addition, I feel like the expectation was to be a little more relaxed when addressing TOU violations, but not this board acts as though no derogatory comment is allowed at all. The less that these violations are view as so, and the 'nicer' this community acts towards those violation, the more it encourages them. Previous violations were examples of what not to do in the community. If every new member sees individual intros and HPT threads with no negative feedback, they'll assume that their allowed to do so with no repercussions. I'm not saying everyone in the community needs to be rude but there is nothing wrong with a snarky GIF here or there as long as the point of 'Read the Newbie Thread. Lurk. Repeat' is addressed as well. The snark was never meant to chase people away (unless they were disrespectful to the community). All of those who have owned up to their mistakes have been given the opportunity to fix the error and join this group of wonderful women.
We have all worked very hard to make this board the backbone of support that it is, or we feel it was. We have regular members who feel excluded because they aren't ecstatic about SS or testing on the same day as others. It infuriates me to see that there are people that I started with who no longer feel comfortable participating because they have a unique situation. One member even commented that those people should leave this community for 'Infertility' or 'TTCAL'. We may not be all rainbows and sunshine, but we have experience. We have struggled infertility, losses, surgeries, illnesses, etc. and found no other comfort than being a part of this board. We just want all of you new ladies to have the same great experience that we all had on this board. Seeing it cluttered like that of a second rate community really upsets us. Yes, we were strict and snarky but we had a true sense of community and anyone who truly wished to participate was supported wholeheartedly. I understand that communities change and new members join and old members leave but there is still a level of pride that we take in what this board was.
Also, a quick note about BFP posts: Many of you ladies are newer to the TTGP community and may only be on your first few cycles. This community is happy to have newcomers all of the time but you have to respect that your optimistic view on TTC is not necessarily shared with those of us who have really struggled or are still struggling to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. I've been through a lot personally and I know a lot of women who have struggled more than I have. This process gets to a point where seeing others BFPs isn't exciting but hurtful. You may be happy for that person but there are still days where, emotionally, it's just too much. This is why there is a separate thread for it now and why people are so strict about enforcing it. I've been the optimist who was over the moon excited for every BFP on this board, but in time it became more difficult to see them and I took months off from this wonderful group of ladies because I couldn't handle it. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Please respect those who may be in a more difficult situation.
@AliciaGoose (and everyone else) I don't think that what I said came across the way that I meant it. In fact, going back and reading it now, I look really high and mighty. I want to delete it, but I don't believe in doing that crap.
I was a serial lurker on this board from June 2015-December 2015 with occasional, but minimal, participation. I took a break from TB for my own mental health and came back in June. I have been trying to participate more because I do feel that this community is important and special. Part of what makes it special is that we don't sugar coat things. If people mess up and don't follow the rules, we let them know. If people post shit that they peed on, we let them know that it is not only disgusting, but absolutely not okay. I think all of that is really good and really important. This community is my refuge. DH and I don't talk a ton about TTC because it has been going on for the last year and, quite frankly, the guy is talked out. So I come here.
I know the names of a lot of the old regs. I never built relationships with them (though I wish I did) and, because of that, I'm hesitant to even say anything about this. So, I'll preface this part by saying that I respect all the old regs and I loved the community the way it was last year, too. Buuuuut, I think we made this community more inclusive. We don't just instantly flame people who make newb posts (although flaming certainly has it's time and place) and we try to encourage people to look around, read more, and join us. There was definitely some of that in the past, but I know that I was always terrified to start a new thread because I didn't want to say anything wrong.
I love this community. I have since I found it. I am a little resentful that I'm still here but that has nothing to do with anyone here. I think the women here are great and knowledgable and funny and wicked smart and I just want this community to keep growing and building on what we have here.
I'm not a writer, so this may be a little wonky, but I hope that I get my point across.
Me: 32 years old
DH: 33 years old
Married in May 16, 2015
TTC #1 (on and off) since September 2015 DS1 Due 6.7.2021
For those that disregarded the TOU and the culture of the board, they were not openly accepted at first. They got flamed and were told to read the rules, lurk and then join in the boards when they were ready. If they chose to apologize and own up to their mistake, they were given the opportunity to join the board. Many of our regular members were rebounded individuals from TOU violations. We did not think every drive by poster was to be showered in support and did not tolerate constant violations. People learned from their mistakes and the board stayed clean.
Nah, I disagree with this. There is no increase or decrease because the people making those ignorant posts are new and don't learn from other people's past mistakes. Drive-by's, HPTs and "Am I totes preggers" posts come in waves but they aren't more or less of a problem than they used to be.
Me: 29, DH: 32
Married: July 22, 2008 Fur babies: Phoenix and Yeti (both cats).
TTC#1 since: May 2015 September 2016- Infertility Testing dx: Low Progesterone, Vitamin D Deficiency, Borderline PCOS Treatment: October 2016-January 2017- Metformin, Clomid/Letrozole, hcg trigger, progesterone IUI- 2/17/2017 BFP 3/2/2017!
I was an incredibly regular poster here until recently, now turned occasional lurker, and @alicagoose, @linzrunz and @neikoka summed up all of my feelings perfectly. I'm sorry if some of you are looking at my username like 'who the hell is this', because some of you seem awesome, but the changes here came at a time that I was starting to feel more and more pessimistic about my TTC journey, and like @Neikoda discussed, those feelings didn't seem to fit in with the sunshine and rainbows and optimism of those on their first couple of cycles. I don't begrudge ANYONE the opportunity to feel like TTC is this super fun journey that they get to be on for a couple of months before their inevitable BFP, but it's not where I am.
My major problem comes with this board being treated like a bottomless well of support for people who show up, create their own thread to ask a question, get a ton of support and great answers and then disappear forever. I'm not here to provide a service. I'm here to participate in a community where I've gotten to know people and give support before I receive , and it's feeling less and less like that lately.
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
My major problem comes with this board being treated like a bottomless well of support for people who show up, create their own thread to ask a question, get a ton of support and great answers and then disappear forever. I'm not here to provide a service. I'm here to participate in a community where I've gotten to know people and give support before I receive , and it's feeling less and less like that lately.
@MelissaM090 I love you. Seriously. This times a million.
Married 07.21.07 DS#1 01.23.09 DS#2 08.01.11 TTC#3 08.31.15 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17 Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19 Left tube removed dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis BC: February-October 2019 TTA: November-December 2019 NTNP: January 2020!
I know a few of you asked me questions, but @Neikoda, @linzrunz and @MelissaM090 basically answered them for me and summed up my additional feelings perfectly. And also I have to COMPLETELY disagree with the fact that drive bys aren't more frequent. This place is LITTERED with them. The board is almost unrecognizable sometimes. And it seems ridiculous that we all follow rules to help support one another, and yet when some speshul snowflayke shows up with their own AW post we all rush to their aid as if it's the most important question we've been asked all day. And 99% of the time, these people don't come back or even try to actively participate on the board and offer that support back. I'm not saying we should be nasty and kick them out. But what we found doesn't seem like balance. It seems like we do all of the giving and they so all of the taking.
Let me preface this whole post by saying that I'm brand new here. I mean I feel like people will see this and be like... But I do have something to say on the topic of regs and newbies. When I first made my Bump account, I closed my computer and completely forgot it existed. Then maybe a month ago, I was fairly emotional and slightly bored and thought I'd check it out. I forgot I even had an account until I went to register and it told me I did. I spent my first week on this board lurking, and that was the week I think you guys had made a poll in regards to community changes. As I read through some disagreements in that thread, I became a little hesitant because I was just thinking "oh boy the last thing I need is drama," but I joined in anyways and I'm glad I did.
The ladies here, both old and new, have been nothing but welcoming and gracious. I've been a "regular" on other internet forums before, some regarding topics that are arguably as sensitive as TTGP, and I can say that I understand that the bonds you can form in these communities run deep. When I see mention of the "new board" vs the "old board," I can see how it might be viewed as unwelcoming/intimidating. But I have always just chalked it up to a change in the overall board culture and have not taken it personally. From what I've seen none of the comments in question have alluded to any one person in particular and I think that we would all agree that an active board requires new people to occasionally join in. I have not seen any serious flaming go down, with the exception of some drive-by posters.
I do think that @RedBreast35 made a good point in saying that it takes time and effort to build rapport with people in a community (which includes quality posts), and in a sea of new faces I believe that the close knit feeling some of the regs have mentioned is bound to be diminished, at least in the beginning. And as someone who has been TTC for some time, I can absolutely see why veterans would not want to be bombarded by peppy attitudes towards TTC, knowing that everyday is an uphill battle in itself. I know that I've had moments when posting when I have to take a step back and consider how it will look/sound to those having a bad day...I've even wondered what I would do if I did get my BFP this month, because while I would want so much to thank the women here, I would also worry about how that would look to regulars who just don't want to see it within the grad thread(which I can respect). While I cannot speak for the regulars, I would assume that they simply want that same level of consideration from all members, old or new, and as a newbie I don't at all disagree with them on that point.
*edited because I can't write today and am a disgrace to English teachers everywhere *
I don't begrudge ANYONE the opportunity to feel like TTC is this super fun journey that they get to be on for a couple of months before their inevitable BFP, but it's not where I am.
So to me, the question is, "How can this board be a place for people who are in all different places in their TTC journey (but regardless have a desire to connect and build a community)--from those who are in their first few cycles to those who've gone through a lot while TTC over months or years?"
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I guess I am an oldie here? I intro'd in October-ish of last year and am still around. At the time it was a community that fit me and what I needed. It was structured and close knit. It was honest and no bullshit and realistic. It was welcoming if you followed the guidelines and didn't treat the members like your personal google. And when people did do that, they were chastised by the community. And they went all GBCB and left in a huff and that's ok Because they weren't a good fit anyways.
Now I feel like maybe it isn't the best fit for me anymore and that's fine. The board isn't the complete opposite that it once was, but there are things that I don't care for. My biggest peeve is that we seem to be trending toward letting outsiders treat us like Google. If someone participating in the threads asks a question, I don't mind sharing an answer because they are apart of the community. But when a random person comes in and wants answers, I feel that they should have to participate first.
To make a comparison (it's cliche but I actually had to do this on Sunday lol).. If one of my neighbors comes to the door and asks for a cup of sugar (I was making fancy Jell-O shots and ran out lol) I have no problem giving it to them because I know them and I (mostly) trust them (depending on which neighbor it is lol). But if someone I don't know comes to my door and demands I give them a cup of sugar (and even then gets angry because I don't give in to their demands even though I have sugar) I'm gonna say no and close my door and promptly lock it. I don't know them, I don't have a history with them. Same thing here... We aren't google, We are a community. This isn't a place to just come and randomly get answered. There are other places in the big ole Internet for that but this wasn't one of them.
Bottom line line is that if the community as a whole seems to want to change then that's fine. There is nothing that says I have to keep participating anymore. It isn't bad, it's just different and it may not be the best fit for me personally.
And just to add... I made water lemon mojito Jell-O shots this weekend and they were yummy:)
My major problem comes with this board being treated like a bottomless well of support for people who show up, create their own thread to ask a question, get a ton of support and great answers and then disappear forever. I'm not here to provide a service. I'm here to participate in a community where I've gotten to know people and give support before I receive , and it's feeling less and less like that lately.
@MelissaM090 I love you. Seriously. This times a million.
@MelissaM090 yes. I just got super philosophical in a long post about a cup of sugar trying to convey what you said there while I was typing said post lol
@yaeger07 Honestly, I'm not sure. But before the massive 'board culture' thread, it never seemed to be a problem. But I think @AliciaGoose nailed it when she said 'We're so afraid of hurting the feelings of random drive bys that we don't consider how we've made the people who post and contribute here regularly feel.' I felt like that thread focused so much on how to include newbies that it (possibly accidentally) alienated those of us who posted ALL THE TIME, and didn't feel like the board really needed to be fixed anyway. Plenty of new people came in - we were all new at one point, obviously. The ones who were a good fit stayed. Now it's not about 'fit', it's about supporting every drive-by newbie, whether or not they deserve it.
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
This is reminding me of a post maybe a month or so ago where "regular" was discussed and it turned into more of a pain olymics type of thing. Some felt that a member shouldn't post a BFP if they haven't been trying for X number of months and others felt length of time didn't matter but quality of posts did. As a newb I've been trying to make an effort to connect and do more than just check-in most days. I also know that pain of loss or the pain of 'why me' never goes away in life. It just becomes easier to ignore. There will be days that are harder than others but what makes this community great is that if you're having a bad day, the women here will respond with support. Always.
Just to add to what is a (very) heated discussion, I second all those guys that have said it's not the same and it's worse for it. I (think?) I am an old reg. Now I only lurk. I don't feel comfortable here. People are way to freaking sunshine and rainbows. And I get it. When you're just starting out, everything really is sunshine and rainbows. But it doesn't stay that way for long. It gets tiring and really, really freaking hard. So the snark was good, especially when you get to the "this is hard" point and you see your umptteenth BFP from someone who posted once, three weeks ago. Might I also add, that all the snark was indeed justified. It was never out of bounds mean. And the few times a reg did post something that was out of bounds mean, they were not supported, they were told off with snark too. At one point, yes that was me. And as much as I hate to refer it (because I would really prefer if everyone forgot) I was a major bitch in May and flipped my shit at someone. At that time, I was in the wrong and even my besties, those regs you are referring to, jumped on my case and told me I was out of line. None of the regs are mean people. None of them snark with the intention of scaring people away. In fact, I stayed because of the snark and the intensity of support. Even after I was called out and was embarrassed to hell, I appreciate the realism. I appreciated them sticking up for what was right, even though I was a friend. Really, TB was awesome. These ladies were all fiercely protective of TTGP-and I'm not talking about the board. All that snark was to protect TTGP members. Because, sorry, it might not affect you to see random freaking BFP, but to someone who has tried and failed for TWO ENTIRE YEARS, yeah, that freaking sucks. So when those ladies stepped up to tell someone off, it wasn't because they're mean. It's to protect people like me. I can sit here and scroll through threads, whether it's WTO, TWW, or the random weekly threads and honestly don't see any deep, meaningful conversations. Do you guys even know each other here? There is hardly any real conversations going on! How can you give someone real support, when you don't even know them all that well? The ladies that were active when I was actually engaged in conversations. They included others. I just don't see that here. No one posts opinions. You are ALLOWED to get into debates. You are ALLOWED to disagree. I don't see that anymore. I just see everyone agreeing as if to appease everyone else. And that sucks. I'm not saying all this to be mean, I just think that this place has changed from a place of support and friendship and science, to a place to just pass time while waiting for a BFP. And that's really disappointing.
Editing to add that what the others have said is true, and I am adding my support to the idea that I am not Google. And don't ask me for sugar if I don't know you, because... no. Creepy.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Yes!!! They're so getting made this weekend. And I will toast to all of us! But it'll be like a "one for all" shot because I'm a lightweight. I can't hang with the big kids.
Married 07.21.07 DS#1 01.23.09 DS#2 08.01.11 TTC#3 08.31.15 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17 Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17 Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19 Left tube removed dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis BC: February-October 2019 TTA: November-December 2019 NTNP: January 2020!
@RedBreast35 Let me just start by saying that I'm not trying to start a fight, either. I stayed out of the discussions about changes to board policies (even though I think some of the decisions yall made are insane), because that's not my lane right now. But since you've asked for my opinion, here it is:
I think you guys have let way too much slide around here. I think that the reason you're getting drive-bys and AW posts is because people come in here, see that they're treated with kid gloves, and they feel free to let their freak flags fly. Do any of you remember six months or so ago, when some of us were jokingly complaining that we had no drive-bys to flame for weeks at a time? It's because we had that shit on lock. People would come by here, take one look at the board, and go, "oh, nope, maybe not a good idea." And so we were free to form real relationships with each other and talk about things that were important to us because we weren't busy shutting down every little symptom spotting special snowflake who rolled on into town. We didn't have negativity floating around every day because if someone happened to pop in with something inappropriate, those of us who were having a hard day could rely on another regular or two to "girl bye" that nonsense before it got out of hand. Today, you've got five AW posts on the front page, and who has time for community in an environment like that? How can you stop rolling your eyes for long enough to look one another in the face?
If you go back a couple of years through the posts on TTGP, you'll get to a point where you no longer recognize the names, but you'll notice a consistent pattern of real connection between women who are ballsy, straightforward, and knowledgeable. These women connected with one another for a reason: because every other corner of the internet spews rainbow unicorn farts indiscriminately all over the place, and the women who built TTGP were sick of all the shit. The culture of TTGP is informed, yes, by the personalities of the people who participate at any given time, but it's also based on a shared history of women who wanted an alternative to Glow and Babycenter and Whattoexpect and all the other hearts and flowers nonsense that you can find just about everywhere else. There are plenty more out there who are looking for a no-nonsense community, and there are plenty yet to come. You all got here because you lurked for a minute, liked what you saw, and jumped in. People worked hard to build this environment for us, and we kept it together for you, and now it's your responsibility to take care of this community for everyone who comes after you.
Raise your hand if you were scared shitless of posting in TTGP for the first time. I know there are a lot of hands raised. I've got two hands high up in the air (I'm typing with my nose). I was in awe of the regulars here when I was a newbie. I remember seeing other boards talk shit about TTGP, saying that the women here were "mean," and that they were "bullies." That's not what I saw. I saw my people here. So I did what I was asked to do: I lurked, I read all the rules, and then I jumped in. Just like most of you did. That was back when you were supposed to make your own AW intro post, and let me tell you: that was terrifying. I recently looked at my first post ever, and it's MORTIFYING. But I figured things out, and I learned how things work here, and I made some incredible friends in the process. All I'm asking, and all I think my friends are asking, is that you offer future TTGP members the same opportunity that someone gave us, and that we gave you.
I totally understand the whiplash response of feeling offended that those of us who are currently KU would come back and express disappointment at the way things are going around here. I actually, really do. But don't for one second think that we're doing it because we feel superior. I came here every day for the better part of a year before I got KU. I was here long enough to know that only nine months of trying makes me lucky AF. I was here long enough to dread reading the monthly grad check-in because people who weren't even here when I started TTC were checking in for their fourth or fifth or sixth time. I cried my eyes out the day I noticed that the woman who announced first BFP I ever saw here had given birth, while I was still "stuck" here. But you know what kept me going? This community right here. To know that I could count on the love and support of this group, without having to wade through a bunch of nonsense, was everything to me.
I want this place, which has meant so much to me and to so many others, to thrive. I hate seeing you all walk on eggshells for fear of offending some drive-by or some particularly vocal members of the community. I hate that I can practically see your grimaces as you act as a human Google for yet another special snowflake. I hate knowing that some long-time regulars worry about checking in here for fear that they're going to see something that makes a tough day even harder. This stuff goes against the ethos of the community that many people worked very hard to build, and which many of us worked very hard to maintain.
So, with all that said, here's my olive branch: it's not uncommon, or even unhealthy to reach a crossroads every now and then. If you want to see a fun social experiment, lurk the early BMBs and watch them struggle to organize and form community. But what works for every single BMB is to adopt consistent practices no matter who's involved in the group. Every single BMB struggles with a handful of people who are not interested in following the accepted practices, and eventually, every BMB comes to the same conclusion: that the rules are in place because they work. And BMB rules are all but identical to TTGP's traditional rules. Boards that go rogue on the rules fall apart - just ask Nov 16.
Just don't let this place fall apart. That's honestly all I'm asking.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
This whole discussion of how the board has changed is difficult for me. I totally understand how the new people would look at it and say "it seems like all that really changed is those ladies left and we joined. So.. we're the problem? WTF?" I can also see how someone might would think the only real change is that the community as a whole has gotten a little nicer to the random drive-by posters. And if you believed that is all that changed I can totally see how you'd wonder WTF people are complaining about when they refer to the board changing in a negative way.
This is just my input as someone who lurked for a bit then has actively participated from last August (or September? I forget). Back when I joined there was this really strong sense of community. It felt like everyone knew each other and it sorta seemed like trying to sit with a new group of people at lunch back in school or something. It was a little scary for me to hop in and start participating because I didn't know anyone, no one knew me and I hadn't really struggled at all compared to most of the ladies posting at the time. This board was my first "real" look at what TTC is. I don't mean the TTC you see on some boards with high turnover rates where it seems like everyone get their BFP within a couple of cycles and the tone is generally one of excitement and joy. And like @MelissaM090 said, I certainly don't begrudge anyone that. TTC is freaking hard and I'm happy that the new ladies get to enjoy some time where they're happy and excited before the full emotional burden of TTC falls on their shoulders. Life is hard enough without feeling like some internet stranger is trying to steal your joy. So to the new people: I'm not trying to take your joy. I want you to have your joy. Honestly, hold onto that for as long as you can! But that isn't the board tone I joined into last year. The board tone I joined into was one of ladies who had struggled and were still struggling. It was a tone of the subdued, cautious hope that comes from having struggled with TTC/IF/loss(es). And it was what showed me the "hidden" side of TTC that's underneath the rainbows, the glitter, the joy, excitement and optimism. It was sobering and inspiring.
I remember when I got my first BFP I announced it in TWW (as was customary at the time) but I felt guilty about it because I'd only been TTC for 9 months with no losses and no IF. I felt so bad for the ladies who would read my announcement and who would be hurt by it as they sat there and wondered how this new lady had her BFP already while they're still here TTC. And when I had my first loss I came back knowing I'd be welcome because I certainly wouldn't be the only lady there who was TTCAL and I wouldn't, by any means, by the only one there who was struggling. My joy, excitement and optimism over TTC was completely and utterly stolen by my loss. And suddenly I understood the community in a way I hadn't really understood it before. And I felt I belonged in a way I hadn't really felt I belonged before. The community rallied around me with so much support and so many well-wishes. It made an incredibly difficult time a little easier.
And then the months went on. And more and more of those ladies finally got their BFPs (and good for them! I'm happy for all of them and wish them only the best!) and left for their BMBs. And more and more new ladies joined who were newer to TTC. And gradually the tone of the board shifted. There was no one member who changed the board but rather the steady exchange of "old regs" for "new regs" and collectively different set of attitudes, experiences and personalities that went with that shift in board population.
So now here I am on a board that is filled with a lot more (as a percentage) ladies who are new(er) to TTC. And in all the time that the shift in board population has happened I've been TTC longer. I've struggled more. I've started to feel more and more broken both physically and emotionally. I am now a person who has been TTC for 19 months with several losses on a board where the general tone just doesn't fit with how I'm feeling. And the "average" experience ladies here have had with TTC doesn't match my own at all. And I just feel less and less like I "belong" here now. I feel more and more like I'm that bitter, storm cloud raining on the board when I post. And no one person has made me feel that way. It isn't anyone's fault. But it is what it is. To me, that's the change I've seen in the board. And for me it is not a change I especially love. Is that change bad? I don't know. I guess it depends on who you are and how you view the whole situation.
And like someone else mentioned the board is starting to feel a little more like some strange mix of Google, Facebook and the TTGP board I know and love.
I don't want to make any of the new ladies feel bad. I don't want to make anyone feel unwelcome. But I also think to try to boil down the discussion of "the board has changed" into there just being less snark is naive at best and malicious at worst. I feel to say "Oh you feel less welcome on the board? Is it because us new people are nicer than some of you "old regs" used to be? The problem is just that we're not snarky enough for you? WTF?" is dismissive of someone else's feelings, thoughts and experiences just because you haven't personally felt what they've felt or seen what they've seen. And I feel like trying to make it about snark sorta demonizes the "old regs" a bit while marginalizing and dismissing their thoughts, feelings and opinions.
Also, to say that the ladies who have been through hell TTC asking for a little extra consideration just us trying to have a pain Olympics is... hard for me to read.
But I'm just speaking for myself
Also, I'm so sorry this turned into a Tolkien length novel. Edited to correct some typos.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@MonaLisaRalphio and @NamelessAria, in my opinion are two of the most respected posters we've had here, previously and currently, who've both stated their opinions beautifully and eloquently.
Is this subject still a 'WTF?' or has it been sufficiently explained?
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
@MonaLisaRalphio and @NamelessAria, in my opinion are two of the most respected posters we've had here, previously and currently, who've both stated their opinions beautifully and eloquently.
Is this subject still a 'WTF?' or has it been sufficiently explained?
As always, I'm in awe of you ladies You all are the reason why I take up arms about this stuff to begin with. I will never be able to do it as well as you, but I'll always try.
About me: TTC#1: October 2015 dx: PCOS & MFI IUI #1 w/Femara + Ovidrel June 2016 ~ BFP July 2016: Blighted Ovum IUI #2 w/Femara + Ovidrel September 2016 ~BFN IUI #3 w/Femara + Ovidrel October 2016 ~BFN IUI #4 w/Femara + Ovidrel November 2016 ~BFN IVF with ICSI January 2017 ~BFN FET February 2017 ~BFN IVF with ICSI March 2017 ~BFP--Twins Due 12/8/17 Team Blue X 2!
I can sit here and scroll through threads, whether it's WTO, TWW, or the random weekly threads and honestly don't see any deep, meaningful conversations. Do you guys even know each other here? There is hardly any real conversations going on! How can you give someone real support, when you don't even know them all that well? The ladies that were active when I was actually engaged in conversations. They included others. I just don't see that here. No one posts opinions. You are ALLOWED to get into debates. You are ALLOWED to disagree. I don't see that anymore. I just see everyone agreeing as if to appease everyone else. And that sucks.
To this, I actually somewhat agree. And I think this happened with the big board culture post. Many people complained that there was too much non-TTC related conversation going on. But honestly, how can you really get to know someone if you only discuss one topic of your life with them? I think that we (as a community) have overly focused on the TTC aspect of this group, which of course is why this board is around in the first place. But I want to know other things about your life too (in a non creepy way of course).
@MonaLisaRalphio Thank you so much for your explanation. Honestly, I got a little teary-eyed towards the middle-end of it when you talked about your experiences here. And I actually could really feel your deep connection to how this board used to be. Thank you.
@NamelessAria Your response, as always, is so great. You are one probably one of the first screen names that I remembered when I first started using TB and I look up to you greatly because your responses are always informative and insightful.
I'm kind of glad that all the old regs have spoken up (whether they are still here or not). These recent changes came about 2 months after I decided to join TB regularly and I didn't think anything was "wrong" with the community. I'm all for the snark, because (let's be honest) its entertaining. I just hope that this community continues to be just that, a community. Where people get to know each other, learn, thrive, grow, etc.
Re: WTF Wednesday
I've only been around for a few months, so I don't know how it used to be and can't compare. I like it here, though.
@swanbrooner Um, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I don't really know what they're referring to because I've been lurking here since December and recognize a lot of their names, and don't notice many huge changes. Except -- when there are random posts that violate TOU, I think the responses are much gentler than they used to be. But that's it.
@swanbrooner I agree. I don't get what they are even referring to. Yes, we are typically nicer now, but we haven't changed that much... It kind of makes me sad that they react that way.
I don't really have my own WTF today. Actually a pretty good day! I'm home "sick," preparing for a job interview by watching Bones and putting away laundry.
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
But I'm also going to try to explain what I actually think about the other stuff brought up (@swanbrooner @hartmich @KirstinH88 and @Maggie1202), but it's going to be hard. Because words are hard.
But here goes...
I've been around since January, posting since April and, while I get mildly insulted (for lack of a better word?) when old regs allude to the change in the board, I guess I also see where they're coming from. This community is built on the personalities of its members, and it seems like there were a lot more old regs with more flavor in past months. I am, by no means, one of those old regs or a poster who exhibits a huge amount of personality, so I guess that's partly why I feel slightly insulted when those comments are posted. Because I'm part of the change they don't like seeing.
Yes, there are a ton of newbs and we tend not to flame the more innocent mistakes anymore, but I don't think that's what the comments are really getting at. People are coming in and posting in WTO and TWW, but a lot of people (me included) aren't coming back, commenting back and forth, and growing the relationships a lot the ladies used to have on here. Although there are certainly some of you who are really great about this- and I think you're the ones who feel uncomfortable when you see the comments about the change in the board.
Then, there's the other side of me that gets annoyed because they're coming back and posting on the grad thread because they're pregnant. I'm still stuck here, not pregnant, in an apparently lame community, while they're off on their BMBs and coming back to criticize. I know that's a little snippy, but the passive aggressive nature of the comments is I think what really gets to me. At least @MonaLisaRalphio just came out and said it.
FWIW, I miss the old regs too. But I still like being here.
*steps off soap box*
@RedBreast35 I mean, do you guys really want to know what our (edited because I don't want to speak for other people) my concerns are? Because you know I'll tell you.
Married 07.21.07
DS#1 01.23.09
DS#2 08.01.11
TTC#3 08.31.15
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17
Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19
Left tube removed
dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis
BC: February-October 2019
TTA: November-December 2019
NTNP: January 2020!
This place used to feel like refuge for us. It was organized in a way that made us feel safe. Meaning we didn't have to worry about seeing things we didn't want to in places we didn't want to see them. We knew how to interact and where to interact, and we all formed genuine relationships with one another. And we kept it this way by making sure we allllll not only sought out advice but offered it.
And we banded together when someone came in here and broke a rule. Because we were honestly friends who bonded over a common desire to make this community a place we enjoyed participating in. And that often meant telling people who didn't do their part to read the rules before they joined that their posts weren't appreciated. Did people get turned off by the board because of it? Absolutely they did. But it's because those people weren't the right fit.
Now I come here everyday and see that the number of drive bys has increased substantially. And no one can actually say how they feel because everything is sunshine and rainbows. We're so afraid of hurting the feelings of random drive bys that we don't consider how we've made the people who post and contribute here regularly feel.
I know you might not all understand or agree with me. And even though many of you are new, I think you guys are fantastic. And I stick around because I feel like this board is important, and I enjoy getting to know you all. But I need you to know where these ladies are coming from. And in fairness, they know it hurts some of us who are old regs that are still here. They're defending us. And I appreciate it. And them
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
As far as whether the change is good, bad or indifferent I'd say is very individual. I disagree that it's all sunshine and rainbows like on other sites, though.
Edited for clarity and edited again for accuracy. (I was going to say we were crossing a line by legitimizing certain TOU breaking posts but on re-reading I realized I had mis-remembered it)
Fur babies: Phoenix and Yeti (both cats).
September 2016- Infertility Testing
dx: Low Progesterone, Vitamin D Deficiency, Borderline PCOS
Treatment:
October 2016-January 2017- Metformin, Clomid/Letrozole, hcg trigger, progesterone
IUI- 2/17/2017 BFP 3/2/2017!
And yes, @MonaLisaRalphio, go ahead and share your input. Or maybe, it might be better for a private message if everyone else doesn't want to read it....???
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Alright ladies. As a recent graduate, I feel I'm able to comment in a way that is reflective of both old and new board etiquette and why a lot of grads (and non-grads) are having issues with the way this board is currently functioning. So you all know, I have been active in TTGP since November 2015 although I took a few months off here and there in compliance with my loss and a short physical and mental break that was needed after my RE visit.
When I first joined this board, I knew some information that I'd picked up from online articles and snippets of books, but not nearly as much as these ladies had to offer. I will admit, when I first came onto this board, I was a bit intimidated. I had two days to wait after signing up to lurk before I could post, made sure I read all of the guides and rules, and jumped in as soon as my two days were up. I have never been flamed by the community in any way, shape or form because I respected that I was coming into a community of established individuals. By following the expectations of the board, I was welcomed with open arms and given unbelievable support to my question and concerns (despite some of them probably being pretty stupid). Those that didn't follow those guidelines, did not receive that same support. We strictly believed in the 'you must give support to receive it' philosophy. I participated daily and responded to those in the WTO and TWW threads as best I could, and it turn received that same level of respect and empathy. For those that disregarded the TOU and the culture of the board, they were not openly accepted at first. They got flamed and were told to read the rules, lurk and then join in the boards when they were ready. If they chose to apologize and own up to their mistake, they were given the opportunity to join the board. Many of our regular members were rebounded individuals from TOU violations. We did not think every drive by poster was to be showered in support and did not tolerate constant violations. People learned from their mistakes and the board stayed clean.
Now, the 'veterans' including myself, feel like this voting system was extremely skewed by a number of people who were not and continue not to be active members of the community. In addition, those who are claiming that the level of snark needed to come down, were often those who participated in the same behavior. We find this extremely hypocritical of the purpose of reforming this board. In addition, I feel like the expectation was to be a little more relaxed when addressing TOU violations, but not this board acts as though no derogatory comment is allowed at all. The less that these violations are view as so, and the 'nicer' this community acts towards those violation, the more it encourages them. Previous violations were examples of what not to do in the community. If every new member sees individual intros and HPT threads with no negative feedback, they'll assume that their allowed to do so with no repercussions. I'm not saying everyone in the community needs to be rude but there is nothing wrong with a snarky GIF here or there as long as the point of 'Read the Newbie Thread. Lurk. Repeat' is addressed as well. The snark was never meant to chase people away (unless they were disrespectful to the community). All of those who have owned up to their mistakes have been given the opportunity to fix the error and join this group of wonderful women.
We have all worked very hard to make this board the backbone of support that it is, or we feel it was. We have regular members who feel excluded because they aren't ecstatic about SS or testing on the same day as others. It infuriates me to see that there are people that I started with who no longer feel comfortable participating because they have a unique situation. One member even commented that those people should leave this community for 'Infertility' or 'TTCAL'. We may not be all rainbows and sunshine, but we have experience. We have struggled infertility, losses, surgeries, illnesses, etc. and found no other comfort than being a part of this board. We just want all of you new ladies to have the same great experience that we all had on this board. Seeing it cluttered like that of a second rate community really upsets us. Yes, we were strict and snarky but we had a true sense of community and anyone who truly wished to participate was supported wholeheartedly. I understand that communities change and new members join and old members leave but there is still a level of pride that we take in what this board was.
Also, a quick note about BFP posts:
Many of you ladies are newer to the TTGP community and may only be on your first few cycles. This community is happy to have newcomers all of the time but you have to respect that your optimistic view on TTC is not necessarily shared with those of us who have really struggled or are still struggling to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. I've been through a lot personally and I know a lot of women who have struggled more than I have. This process gets to a point where seeing others BFPs isn't exciting but hurtful. You may be happy for that person but there are still days where, emotionally, it's just too much. This is why there is a separate thread for it now and why people are so strict about enforcing it. I've been the optimist who was over the moon excited for every BFP on this board, but in time it became more difficult to see them and I took months off from this wonderful group of ladies because I couldn't handle it. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Please respect those who may be in a more difficult situation.
Previously nweg...7878
I was a serial lurker on this board from June 2015-December 2015 with occasional, but minimal, participation. I took a break from TB for my own mental health and came back in June. I have been trying to participate more because I do feel that this community is important and special. Part of what makes it special is that we don't sugar coat things. If people mess up and don't follow the rules, we let them know. If people post shit that they peed on, we let them know that it is not only disgusting, but absolutely not okay. I think all of that is really good and really important. This community is my refuge. DH and I don't talk a ton about TTC because it has been going on for the last year and, quite frankly, the guy is talked out. So I come here.
I know the names of a lot of the old regs. I never built relationships with them (though I wish I did) and, because of that, I'm hesitant to even say anything about this. So, I'll preface this part by saying that I respect all the old regs and I loved the community the way it was last year, too. Buuuuut, I think we made this community more inclusive. We don't just instantly flame people who make newb posts (although flaming certainly has it's time and place) and we try to encourage people to look around, read more, and join us. There was definitely some of that in the past, but I know that I was always terrified to start a new thread because I didn't want to say anything wrong.
I love this community. I have since I found it. I am a little resentful that I'm still here but that has nothing to do with anyone here. I think the women here are great and knowledgable and funny and wicked smart and I just want this community to keep growing and building on what we have here.
I'm not a writer, so this may be a little wonky, but I hope that I get my point across.
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
Fur babies: Phoenix and Yeti (both cats).
September 2016- Infertility Testing
dx: Low Progesterone, Vitamin D Deficiency, Borderline PCOS
Treatment:
October 2016-January 2017- Metformin, Clomid/Letrozole, hcg trigger, progesterone
IUI- 2/17/2017 BFP 3/2/2017!
My major problem comes with this board being treated like a bottomless well of support for people who show up, create their own thread to ask a question, get a ton of support and great answers and then disappear forever. I'm not here to provide a service. I'm here to participate in a community where I've gotten to know people and give support before I receive , and it's feeling less and less like that lately.
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
@MelissaM090 I love you. Seriously. This times a million.
Married 07.21.07
DS#1 01.23.09
DS#2 08.01.11
TTC#3 08.31.15
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17
Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19
Left tube removed
dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis
BC: February-October 2019
TTA: November-December 2019
NTNP: January 2020!
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
But I do have something to say on the topic of regs and newbies. When I first made my Bump account, I closed my computer and completely forgot it existed. Then maybe a month ago, I was fairly emotional and slightly bored and thought I'd check it out. I forgot I even had an account until I went to register and it told me I did. I spent my first week on this board lurking, and that was the week I think you guys had made a poll in regards to community changes. As I read through some disagreements in that thread, I became a little hesitant because I was just thinking "oh boy the last thing I need is drama," but I joined in anyways and I'm glad I did.
The ladies here, both old and new, have been nothing but welcoming and gracious. I've been a "regular" on other internet forums before, some regarding topics that are arguably as sensitive as TTGP, and I can say that I understand that the bonds you can form in these communities run deep. When I see mention of the "new board" vs the "old board," I can see how it might be viewed as unwelcoming/intimidating. But I have always just chalked it up to a change in the overall board culture and have not taken it personally. From what I've seen none of the comments in question have alluded to any one person in particular and I think that we would all agree that an active board requires new people to occasionally join in. I have not seen any serious flaming go down, with the exception of some drive-by posters.
I do think that @RedBreast35 made a good point in saying that it takes time and effort to build rapport with people in a community (which includes quality posts), and in a sea of new faces I believe that the close knit feeling some of the regs have mentioned is bound to be diminished, at least in the beginning. And as someone who has been TTC for some time, I can absolutely see why veterans would not want to be bombarded by peppy attitudes towards TTC, knowing that everyday is an uphill battle in itself. I know that I've had moments when posting when I have to take a step back and consider how it will look/sound to those having a bad day...I've even wondered what I would do if I did get my BFP this month, because while I would want so much to thank the women here, I would also worry about how that would look to regulars who just don't want to see it within the grad thread(which I can respect). While I cannot speak for the regulars, I would assume that they simply want that same level of consideration from all members, old or new, and as a newbie I don't at all disagree with them on that point.
*edited because I can't write today and am a disgrace to English teachers everywhere
MelissaM090 said: So to me, the question is, "How can this board be a place for people who are in all different places in their TTC journey (but regardless have a desire to connect and build a community)--from those who are in their first few cycles to those who've gone through a lot while TTC over months or years?"
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I am going to try to explain my point of view...
I guess I am an oldie here? I intro'd in October-ish of last year and am still around. At the time it was a community that fit me and what I needed. It was structured and close knit. It was honest and no bullshit and realistic. It was welcoming if you followed the guidelines and didn't treat the members like your personal google. And when people did do that, they were chastised by the community. And they went all GBCB and left in a huff and that's ok Because they weren't a good fit anyways.
Now I feel like maybe it isn't the best fit for me anymore and that's fine. The board isn't the complete opposite that it once was, but there are things that I don't care for. My biggest peeve is that we seem to be trending toward letting outsiders treat us like Google. If someone participating in the threads asks a question, I don't mind sharing an answer because they are apart of the community. But when a random person comes in and wants answers, I feel that they should have to participate first.
To make a comparison (it's cliche but I actually had to do this on Sunday lol).. If one of my neighbors comes to the door and asks for a cup of sugar (I was making fancy Jell-O shots and ran out lol) I have no problem giving it to them because I know them and I (mostly) trust them (depending on which neighbor it is lol). But if someone I don't know comes to my door and demands I give them a cup of sugar (and even then gets angry because I don't give in to their demands even though I have sugar) I'm gonna say no and close my door and promptly lock it. I don't know them, I don't have a history with them. Same thing here... We aren't google, We are a community. This isn't a place to just come and randomly get answered. There are other places in the big ole Internet for that but this wasn't one of them.
Bottom line line is that if the community as a whole seems to want to change then that's fine. There is nothing that says I have to keep participating anymore. It isn't bad, it's just different and it may not be the best fit for me personally.
And just to add... I made water lemon mojito Jell-O shots this weekend and they were yummy:)
@yaeger07 Honestly, I'm not sure. But before the massive 'board culture' thread, it never seemed to be a problem. But I think @AliciaGoose nailed it when she said 'We're so afraid of hurting the feelings of random drive bys that we don't consider how we've made the people who post and contribute here regularly feel.' I felt like that thread focused so much on how to include newbies that it (possibly accidentally) alienated those of us who posted ALL THE TIME, and didn't feel like the board really needed to be fixed anyway. Plenty of new people came in - we were all new at one point, obviously. The ones who were a good fit stayed. Now it's not about 'fit', it's about supporting every drive-by newbie, whether or not they deserve it.
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
Married 07.21.07
DS#1 01.23.09
DS#2 08.01.11
TTC#3 08.31.15
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17
Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19
Left tube removed
dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis
BC: February-October 2019
TTA: November-December 2019
NTNP: January 2020!
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
Might I also add, that all the snark was indeed justified. It was never out of bounds mean. And the few times a reg did post something that was out of bounds mean, they were not supported, they were told off with snark too. At one point, yes that was me. And as much as I hate to refer it (because I would really prefer if everyone forgot) I was a major bitch in May and flipped my shit at someone. At that time, I was in the wrong and even my besties, those regs you are referring to, jumped on my case and told me I was out of line. None of the regs are mean people. None of them snark with the intention of scaring people away. In fact, I stayed because of the snark and the intensity of support. Even after I was called out and was embarrassed to hell, I appreciate the realism. I appreciated them sticking up for what was right, even though I was a friend.
Really, TB was awesome. These ladies were all fiercely protective of TTGP-and I'm not talking about the board. All that snark was to protect TTGP members. Because, sorry, it might not affect you to see random freaking BFP, but to someone who has tried and failed for TWO ENTIRE YEARS, yeah, that freaking sucks. So when those ladies stepped up to tell someone off, it wasn't because they're mean. It's to protect people like me.
I can sit here and scroll through threads, whether it's WTO, TWW, or the random weekly threads and honestly don't see any deep, meaningful conversations. Do you guys even know each other here? There is hardly any real conversations going on! How can you give someone real support, when you don't even know them all that well? The ladies that were active when I was actually engaged in conversations. They included others. I just don't see that here. No one posts opinions. You are ALLOWED to get into debates. You are ALLOWED to disagree. I don't see that anymore. I just see everyone agreeing as if to appease everyone else. And that sucks.
I'm not saying all this to be mean, I just think that this place has changed from a place of support and friendship and science, to a place to just pass time while waiting for a BFP. And that's really disappointing.
Editing to add that what the others have said is true, and I am adding my support to the idea that I am not Google. And don't ask me for sugar if I don't know you, because... no. Creepy.
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
here is the recipe
https://www.thatssomichelle.com/2013/08/watermelon-mojito-jello-shots-step-by.html
Married 07.21.07
DS#1 01.23.09
DS#2 08.01.11
TTC#3 08.31.15
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17
Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19
Left tube removed
dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis
BC: February-October 2019
TTA: November-December 2019
NTNP: January 2020!
ETA punctuation
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
I think you guys have let way too much slide around here. I think that the reason you're getting drive-bys and AW posts is because people come in here, see that they're treated with kid gloves, and they feel free to let their freak flags fly. Do any of you remember six months or so ago, when some of us were jokingly complaining that we had no drive-bys to flame for weeks at a time? It's because we had that shit on lock. People would come by here, take one look at the board, and go, "oh, nope, maybe not a good idea." And so we were free to form real relationships with each other and talk about things that were important to us because we weren't busy shutting down every little symptom spotting special snowflake who rolled on into town. We didn't have negativity floating around every day because if someone happened to pop in with something inappropriate, those of us who were having a hard day could rely on another regular or two to "girl bye" that nonsense before it got out of hand. Today, you've got five AW posts on the front page, and who has time for community in an environment like that? How can you stop rolling your eyes for long enough to look one another in the face?
If you go back a couple of years through the posts on TTGP, you'll get to a point where you no longer recognize the names, but you'll notice a consistent pattern of real connection between women who are ballsy, straightforward, and knowledgeable. These women connected with one another for a reason: because every other corner of the internet spews rainbow unicorn farts indiscriminately all over the place, and the women who built TTGP were sick of all the shit. The culture of TTGP is informed, yes, by the personalities of the people who participate at any given time, but it's also based on a shared history of women who wanted an alternative to Glow and Babycenter and Whattoexpect and all the other hearts and flowers nonsense that you can find just about everywhere else. There are plenty more out there who are looking for a no-nonsense community, and there are plenty yet to come. You all got here because you lurked for a minute, liked what you saw, and jumped in. People worked hard to build this environment for us, and we kept it together for you, and now it's your responsibility to take care of this community for everyone who comes after you.
Raise your hand if you were scared shitless of posting in TTGP for the first time. I know there are a lot of hands raised. I've got two hands high up in the air (I'm typing with my nose). I was in awe of the regulars here when I was a newbie. I remember seeing other boards talk shit about TTGP, saying that the women here were "mean," and that they were "bullies." That's not what I saw. I saw my people here. So I did what I was asked to do: I lurked, I read all the rules, and then I jumped in. Just like most of you did. That was back when you were supposed to make your own AW intro post, and let me tell you: that was terrifying. I recently looked at my first post ever, and it's MORTIFYING. But I figured things out, and I learned how things work here, and I made some incredible friends in the process. All I'm asking, and all I think my friends are asking, is that you offer future TTGP members the same opportunity that someone gave us, and that we gave you.
I totally understand the whiplash response of feeling offended that those of us who are currently KU would come back and express disappointment at the way things are going around here. I actually, really do. But don't for one second think that we're doing it because we feel superior. I came here every day for the better part of a year before I got KU. I was here long enough to know that only nine months of trying makes me lucky AF. I was here long enough to dread reading the monthly grad check-in because people who weren't even here when I started TTC were checking in for their fourth or fifth or sixth time. I cried my eyes out the day I noticed that the woman who announced first BFP I ever saw here had given birth, while I was still "stuck" here. But you know what kept me going? This community right here. To know that I could count on the love and support of this group, without having to wade through a bunch of nonsense, was everything to me.
I want this place, which has meant so much to me and to so many others, to thrive. I hate seeing you all walk on eggshells for fear of offending some drive-by or some particularly vocal members of the community. I hate that I can practically see your grimaces as you act as a human Google for yet another special snowflake. I hate knowing that some long-time regulars worry about checking in here for fear that they're going to see something that makes a tough day even harder. This stuff goes against the ethos of the community that many people worked very hard to build, and which many of us worked very hard to maintain.
So, with all that said, here's my olive branch: it's not uncommon, or even unhealthy to reach a crossroads every now and then. If you want to see a fun social experiment, lurk the early BMBs and watch them struggle to organize and form community. But what works for every single BMB is to adopt consistent practices no matter who's involved in the group. Every single BMB struggles with a handful of people who are not interested in following the accepted practices, and eventually, every BMB comes to the same conclusion: that the rules are in place because they work. And BMB rules are all but identical to TTGP's traditional rules. Boards that go rogue on the rules fall apart - just ask Nov 16.
Just don't let this place fall apart. That's honestly all I'm asking.
(edited to fix typo)
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
This is just my input as someone who lurked for a bit then has actively participated from last August (or September? I forget). Back when I joined there was this really strong sense of community. It felt like everyone knew each other and it sorta seemed like trying to sit with a new group of people at lunch back in school or something. It was a little scary for me to hop in and start participating because I didn't know anyone, no one knew me and I hadn't really struggled at all compared to most of the ladies posting at the time. This board was my first "real" look at what TTC is. I don't mean the TTC you see on some boards with high turnover rates where it seems like everyone get their BFP within a couple of cycles and the tone is generally one of excitement and joy. And like @MelissaM090 said, I certainly don't begrudge anyone that. TTC is freaking hard and I'm happy that the new ladies get to enjoy some time where they're happy and excited before the full emotional burden of TTC falls on their shoulders. Life is hard enough without feeling like some internet stranger is trying to steal your joy. So to the new people: I'm not trying to take your joy. I want you to have your joy. Honestly, hold onto that for as long as you can! But that isn't the board tone I joined into last year. The board tone I joined into was one of ladies who had struggled and were still struggling. It was a tone of the subdued, cautious hope that comes from having struggled with TTC/IF/loss(es). And it was what showed me the "hidden" side of TTC that's underneath the rainbows, the glitter, the joy, excitement and optimism. It was sobering and inspiring.
I remember when I got my first BFP I announced it in TWW (as was customary at the time) but I felt guilty about it because I'd only been TTC for 9 months with no losses and no IF. I felt so bad for the ladies who would read my announcement and who would be hurt by it as they sat there and wondered how this new lady had her BFP already while they're still here TTC. And when I had my first loss I came back knowing I'd be welcome because I certainly wouldn't be the only lady there who was TTCAL and I wouldn't, by any means, by the only one there who was struggling. My joy, excitement and optimism over TTC was completely and utterly stolen by my loss. And suddenly I understood the community in a way I hadn't really understood it before. And I felt I belonged in a way I hadn't really felt I belonged before. The community rallied around me with so much support and so many well-wishes. It made an incredibly difficult time a little easier.
And then the months went on. And more and more of those ladies finally got their BFPs (and good for them! I'm happy for all of them and wish them only the best!) and left for their BMBs. And more and more new ladies joined who were newer to TTC. And gradually the tone of the board shifted. There was no one member who changed the board but rather the steady exchange of "old regs" for "new regs" and collectively different set of attitudes, experiences and personalities that went with that shift in board population.
So now here I am on a board that is filled with a lot more (as a percentage) ladies who are new(er) to TTC. And in all the time that the shift in board population has happened I've been TTC longer. I've struggled more. I've started to feel more and more broken both physically and emotionally. I am now a person who has been TTC for 19 months with several losses on a board where the general tone just doesn't fit with how I'm feeling. And the "average" experience ladies here have had with TTC doesn't match my own at all. And I just feel less and less like I "belong" here now. I feel more and more like I'm that bitter, storm cloud raining on the board when I post. And no one person has made me feel that way. It isn't anyone's fault. But it is what it is. To me, that's the change I've seen in the board. And for me it is not a change I especially love. Is that change bad? I don't know. I guess it depends on who you are and how you view the whole situation.
And like someone else mentioned the board is starting to feel a little more like some strange mix of Google, Facebook and the TTGP board I know and love.
I don't want to make any of the new ladies feel bad. I don't want to make anyone feel unwelcome. But I also think to try to boil down the discussion of "the board has changed" into there just being less snark is naive at best and malicious at worst. I feel to say "Oh you feel less welcome on the board? Is it because us new people are nicer than some of you "old regs" used to be? The problem is just that we're not snarky enough for you? WTF?" is dismissive of someone else's feelings, thoughts and experiences just because you haven't personally felt what they've felt or seen what they've seen. And I feel like trying to make it about snark sorta demonizes the "old regs" a bit while marginalizing and dismissing their thoughts, feelings and opinions.
Also, to say that the ladies who have been through hell TTC asking for a little extra consideration just us trying to have a pain Olympics is... hard for me to read.
But I'm just speaking for myself
Also, I'm so sorry this turned into a Tolkien length novel.
Edited to correct some typos.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
@MonaLisaRalphio and @NamelessAria, in my opinion are two of the most respected posters we've had here, previously and currently, who've both stated their opinions beautifully and eloquently.
Is this subject still a 'WTF?' or has it been sufficiently explained?
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
As always, I'm in awe of you ladies
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
TTC#1: October 2015
dx: PCOS & MFI
IUI #1 w/Femara + Ovidrel June 2016 ~ BFP
July 2016: Blighted Ovum
IUI #2 w/Femara + Ovidrel September 2016 ~BFN
IUI #3 w/Femara + Ovidrel October 2016 ~BFN
IUI #4 w/Femara + Ovidrel November 2016 ~BFN
IVF with ICSI January 2017 ~BFN
FET February 2017 ~BFN
IVF with ICSI March 2017 ~BFP--Twins Due 12/8/17
Team Blue X 2!
@MonaLisaRalphio Thank you so much for your explanation. Honestly, I got a little teary-eyed towards the middle-end of it when you talked about your experiences here. And I actually could really feel your deep connection to how this board used to be. Thank you.
@NamelessAria Your response, as always, is so great. You are one probably one of the first screen names that I remembered when I first started using TB and I look up to you greatly because your responses are always informative and insightful.
I'm kind of glad that all the old regs have spoken up (whether they are still here or not). These recent changes came about 2 months after I decided to join TB regularly and I didn't think anything was "wrong" with the community. I'm all for the snark, because (let's be honest) its entertaining. I just hope that this community continues to be just that, a community. Where people get to know each other, learn, thrive, grow, etc.
ETA: Let's move on to other WTF topics!!!!
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17