Okay so I started this thread because I needed it.
My mom just lost it on me this morning because I am having a GR "party" at my grandparents' house and inviting DH's family who live close by. My mother lives another state away. My grandmother is in a hospital bed, my FIL is recovering from surgery, etc.
She left when I was four and was not a major part of my life, but every major life event has to be about her or I get turned into some selfish monster according to her that doesn't include her or doesn't make her feel special enough. She ruined my wedding and bridal shower by acting like I wasn't giving her enough attention. She flipped out on my best friend/MOH. She called me on my wedding night to tell me I was a bitch. Posted on FB that my wedding was a joke. I didn't speak to her for months and months after that. She eventually wore me down by calling me over and over and over and texting me and threatening to come to my house. I gave in, and have tried to have some semblance of a relationship with her. I haven't forgotten though.
Since I got pregnant I've been on eggshells trying not to set her off so I could just enjoy this pregnancy I've been tying to have for four years and not have to deal with some kind of crazy shenanigans. Well, this morning I told her I would facetime her at the doctor so she could know first and find out when I find out. That wasn't good enough apparently, she disregarded that. I've gotten text message after text message and phone calls and voice mails and it's not even 8:30 am yet where I am. I am currently so stressed out, on the verge of tears.
I just wanted to cut a cake with my family to tell them what the baby was. The only way my grandmother could be there would be for me to do it at her house. My grandmother was the one who stepped in and became a mom to me growing up.
What was I supposed to do? Drive to Florida and cut a cake with just her? I live in another state from my family too. It's hard on me to drive and ride like that already, last time I did it a couple of weeks ago I swelled all the way up to my knees and felt like garbage for two days.
I have waited so long for this baby and I'm still so scared that something will happen even though we're halfway. Every day it's on my mind. I don't need this too. She's been sending me all kinds of crazy texts, threatening to call 911, telling me "she was so excited and I had to go and do this," don't I know what this means to her, this was my true intention to leave her out again, she is the grandmother, etc.
I mean I don't think I've done anything wrong, have I? I just want to have a peaceful pregnancy and enjoy what I have while I continue to pray and pray that the pregnancy continues. As long as it took me to get pregnant this might be the only child we have! Why can't I just enjoy milestones in my life without living in fear of something like this going down every time?
My QA team is my TW today. When I request something that I need in order to do my job, give it to me in a timely matter and don't make me wait 4+ days!
ETA (because I just saw your post) - @caseyewhitaker this journey is NOT about your mom. It's about you and your DH. She doesn't have the right to know anything about this pregnancy you have wanted for 4 years. Don't let her guilt you into giving up information. Just because she is your mom doesn't mean she has a right to you and yours.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
@caseyewhitaker I am SO sorry your mom is putting you through all that. You should NOT feel guilty in the slightest. If anything, be relieved that she can't be there and turn your phone off if you need a break from the harassment. Only speak with her when she's calmed down and plans to be a grown up about the whole thing. That is ridiculous. My ragey baby hormones make me wanna smack her on your behalf. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.
I've been really good with no TWs for the past few weeks since starting my new job. But I'm here for love, support, and throat punches for all of yours, ladies.
@caseyewhitaker that sounds horrible And I am so very sorry that she is putting you in such a position. You don't deserve it. Maybe a few days of no communication will help her come back down to earth and give you time to enjoy yourself.
@caseyewhitaker that whole situation just sounds like it SUCKS- I'm sorry!! I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she appears to be someone who will NEVER be satisfied- No matter what you do. I have a good relationship with my parents and they will know the genders of our babies when we decide to tell them- and not until then! You do not need to bend over backwards for her- your only responsibility is to yourself and baby. She is making it about her (like you said) and it's just simply NOT- in any way, shape,or form!
@caseyewhitaker Block her number and her FB. Seriously. This pregnancy journey is not about her. Your wedding was not about her. It's stressing me out just reading your plight! You don't owe her a damn thing, and you should definitely NOT feel guilty for not including her considering how she treats you and others. Block her and enjoy the silence and your journey with supportive people!!
@caseyewhitaker Oh, and I wanted to recommend the book "Codepdent No More " by Melody Beattie. It has really helped me step away from that fear and stop trying to control other people's emotions (aka walking on eggshells to not make people angry). I still struggle with it, and it's been a great resource for me. Many good vibes your way!
@caseyewhitaker Block her number and her FB. Seriously. This pregnancy journey is not about her. Your wedding was not about her. It's stressing me out just reading your plight! You don't owe her a damn thing, and you should definitely NOT feel guilty for not including her considering how she treats you and others. Block her and enjoy the silence and your journey with supportive people!!
THIS. This was my exact thought as I read your post @caseyewhitaker! Block and ignore everywhere you need to to get some peace. Sending hugs and good vibes.
My TW is my DH. My friend is being very kind and generous and hosting a coed baby shower. The weekend that works best for her (it's in between semesters for her MBA program) is also the same weekend as a childbirth class I wanted to take in September. No big deal, I'm just going to do the childbirth class in October. Now he's whining because he thinks the Orioles will make the playoffs and our childbirth class will be during a game. So I told him ok, if the shower is over it'll be 10/22 - which is probably super close to the World Series, so what do you want to do.
Blah he's just bitching and I'm irritated because my friend is doing a very nice thing. I finally told him I'm going to register for the class when it's best for me and he can choose whether or not to come.
@caseyewhitaker So sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like no matter what you do, it won't be enough for her. You deserve to be spending this time celebrating your growing family and enjoying all the fun moments along the way. I agree that blocking her might be the right choice for now. It does baby no good for you to be this stressed out! Sending good thoughts your way. I hope you are able to enjoy your gender reveal with family that supports you!
@karmba Oh yeah, that would not fly with me. You can record the damn game. That's what DVR is made for. Baby wins, hands down. I'll be irritated at him with you if it helps.
@karmba Oh yeah, that would not fly with me. You can record the damn game. That's what DVR is made for. Baby wins, hands down. I'll be irritated at him with you if it helps.
It does help! To be fair - he's whining because if it's a home game we'll have tickets. But still, I really have no sympathy.
@karmba - and if they do make it you can totally sell the tickets and make a killing. And DH and I might be interested in buying them (we're local to the B-more area)
The maternity store in my town. I finally went to it, all excited to buy some new clothes that I could actually try on rather than size guessing online. Turns out it's stupid expensive - as in $50 is their clearance price for a shirt. Who has that kind of $ for clothes they'll only wear for a few months?!?
@caseyewhitaker Block her number and her FB. Seriously. This pregnancy journey is not about her. Your wedding was not about her. It's stressing me out just reading your plight! You don't owe her a damn thing, and you should definitely NOT feel guilty for not including her considering how she treats you and others. Block her and enjoy the silence and your journey with supportive people!!
THIS +1...every word.
@caseyewhitaker I am so sorry for what you are going through. You do not need that negativity in you or your little family's life.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
The maternity store in my town. I finally went to it, all excited to buy some new clothes that I could actually try on rather than size guessing online. Turns out it's stupid expensive - as in $50 is their clearance price for a shirt. Who has that kind of $ for clothes they'll only wear for a few months?!?
Check out consignment stores. Youth Ranch, DI, Goodwill, Salvation Army, ext. They typically have some lightly used maternity clothes that a cheap.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
This is one of the only times I'm glad I'm the sports fan in my relationship! That is frustrating, and (as another Bmore area resident) I can understand the excitement about the *possibility* of a deep playoff run... but the chances of that actually happening aren't statistically in the team's favor. (I say this as a DC sports fan, so... grain of salt.) Have him watch the Good Will Hunting clip where Robin Williams explains how he met his wife - the things that matter aren't always sports!
Also @caseyewhitaker - you did nothing wrong! I agree with what everyone else has said. You shouldn't have to worry about living up to impossible standards, and I think facetiming from the sono was incredibly thoughtful. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that behavior. ((hugs))
Very rarely can I complaine about FI but he's irritating me today. Our lease was up in January. I didn't want to move with a newborn so I talked to the landlord (who has not always been the best) and he agreed to let us out of our lease early with no penalties. I thought that was super nice of him since he had to obligation to do that.
Now the real estate company has put lock boxes on our house so they can start showings since we move out in a month. FI hates it. He doesn't want anyone having access to our house.
I asked the agent to give us as much notice as possible before a showing since we work from home and have a dog. I want to be out of her way. She called this morning asking if we can do a showing tonight at 7:30. FI says no. We need at least 24 hours notice since "it's the law". He's technically right, but this guy did us a huge favor. I don't want to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. 8 hours is plenty of time to tidy up. And we'll just take the dog to park or something while they're here.
So FI is pouting and being a grouch now because he doesn't want people in our house. And he's the one that really wanted to move! This is what comes with that. What did you expect?! Ugg.
The maternity store in my town. I finally went to it, all excited to buy some new clothes that I could actually try on rather than size guessing online. Turns out it's stupid expensive - as in $50 is their clearance price for a shirt. Who has that kind of $ for clothes they'll only wear for a few months?!?
Can this be mine too? I'll also add that I let my sister borrow my maternity clothes and got a bunch back with stains or small holes, so I'm STILL having to buy new clothes. If it helps, I found some really great flowy tunics on Amazon that will work for after baby as well if you'd like the link. They're great with leggings or skinny jeans
Ezra James 08/22/2013 Nora Grace Due 12/26/2016
Two Angel Babies 07/03/2012 08/08/2015
"If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown, my promise to you is you're never alone. You are my angel, my darling, my star...and my love will find you, wherever you are."
@caseyewhitaker. I'm with @dmontgo on this one. I have crazy peeps that I've had to block and even though I still get the voicemail from the number, I delete that shit immediately. It's just not worth the stress. Eventually she'll get the picture. Or end up on the other end of a restraining order. I'm sorry you're having to deal with her craziness.
@caseyewhitaker You definitely don't need all that stress! It's not good for you or baby; I wouldn't even entertain her AW-ness. This pregnancy is about you and your DH, you should only involve other people in it when it benefits all of you and doesn't hurt you or baby. Doesn't sound like she has the ability to be supportive, unfortunately.
@caseyewhitaker your mom sounds horrible! i'm so sorry you are having to deal with her.
@karmba. Boys suck sometimes. I remember having to go to Bradley classes on Sunday nights and DH would get all fired up that he would miss his precious Red Zone. He would keep his phone next to him during class so he could check in on his fantasy football scores. They just don't get priorities do they?
I have many TW today! First is this stuffy nose and sore throat that hit me like a ton of bricks today. And my birthday is tomorrow This cold is courtesy of my MIL, who is TW number 2 for being so damn passive aggressive and trying to turn DH into her surrogate husband and driving us bananas in her demands. Long story short, she never truly grieved her husband after his death 3 yrs ago and after we all moved in together she started expecting us to "take care of her" with the same capacity that he did. She plays the victim card every chance she can get and is so completely lazy and tries to use money to manipulate. She confronted me on Sunday and I finally blew up at her and called her out on her bs (which DH confronted her about all the same things just the week before). So today DH shoves a card in front if my face and tells me to just sign it, then gives me attitude for questioning it, it was an apology card, which at first I thought was from "us" so I signed it but apparently he didn't! Yeah I stand by everything I said, I'm not sorry, she is "threatening" to move out and I want her to but DH is all, don't leave. I just want to be a wife and a mom and not have to do everything (vacations, going out to dinner, seriously everything she has to tag along) with this manipulative woman.
So sorry @caseyewhitaker - you don't deserve to have to have a mother like that in your life. @dmontgo 's advice
August is my TW. I think I legit convinced myself we were gonna skip from July to September. But here I am. 2 days in. I guess this is just going to happen...
It only took until the end of the day for me to have a TW: My urologist. I've previously mentioned my super fun 'pregnancy symptom' of kidney stones during pregnancies and breastfeeding. So I went for a check in with the urologist to see how the stones have been managed (I have ~4 in my right kidney and ~3 in my left...though my left spits out a lot of "gravel" resulting in fairly ongoing pain on that side at times). I have a 2:30 appointment for an ultrasound followed by a 3pm appointment with the physician. I get there at 2:10, and I waited about 45 minutes to see the ultrasound technician. I was fine with this part of the exam, because she was sweet enough to swing the wand down and give me a look at the Parasite. Such a sweet profile!
After the scans, I head back to the physician and wait. And wait. And wait. I'm the last person in the entire huge waiting room. At 4:30 I go to the front desk and ask if I've been forgotten. She says, "Oh you'll be seen next." And I was like, "DUH I'm the only freaking person in the waiting room!" SO I go back and wait more. At 5, most of the staff seem to have left, and I still haven't even been taken back to a room. I'm near pregnant-lady hysterics. So I go to the front desk and break down in a crying mess about how I've been there three hours and they are 2 hours late for my appointment. I'm pregnant. I have to pee but was holding it for their damned sample. And I'm hungry. And now I'm facing an hour+ commute back home in traffic. They finally take me back in the next 5 minutes, though the lady taking me back is a complete b!tch, trying to argue with me on how it's not their fault. I was like 3 hours late?! It's someone's fault here. I'm sorry if it's the doctor, but this is ridiculous (this is also a somewhat regular issue with this practice. I typically wait 2-3 hours...I'm just not pregnant and angry most of the time).
The doctor finally comes back and claims that they "worked me in"...Um I made an appointment over two months ago. How is that working me in?! Also when she goes out to check my scans, I hear her having a 5+ minute conversation in the hall about weekend plans. Just no respect for my time. I've worked in a clinic. I get how backed up it can get, and I know the reasons behind it. There's no reason this should happen so regularly. It's frustrating though because I honestly really like the doctor, and she works with my mom, who is a surgical technician, at times, so it's easy to get messages to her that way. I have to figure out if I want to trade her personality and convenience for someone who doesn't make me wait but who I might need to see more often. Ugh.
And on top of everything, one of the stones on my problem side (ol' lefty) has grown from 4mm to 1.3 cm! That is an un-passible stone. So now I'm trying to figure out how I might be able to schedule a lithotripsy surgery in the week between my delivery and the end of the year (assuming baby comes on time) so I don't have to pay another deductible. I'm still paying off the surgery from last year to blast other stones. This is a really not fun problem to have.
@LinziLoo09 Okay, that wait time is absolutely RIDICULOUS!!! I would have been livid too. Disrespectful of your time is putting it lightly. Also I hope things work out for you with the surgery this year... what a pain to have one more thing to deal with.
Re: TW Tuesday 8*2
Disclaimer: I'm in Eruope so things are different here than in the states.
My mom just lost it on me this morning because I am having a GR "party" at my grandparents' house and inviting DH's family who live close by. My mother lives another state away. My grandmother is in a hospital bed, my FIL is recovering from surgery, etc.
She left when I was four and was not a major part of my life, but every major life event has to be about her or I get turned into some selfish monster according to her that doesn't include her or doesn't make her feel special enough. She ruined my wedding and bridal shower by acting like I wasn't giving her enough attention. She flipped out on my best friend/MOH. She called me on my wedding night to tell me I was a bitch. Posted on FB that my wedding was a joke. I didn't speak to her for months and months after that. She eventually wore me down by calling me over and over and over and texting me and threatening to come to my house. I gave in, and have tried to have some semblance of a relationship with her. I haven't forgotten though.
Since I got pregnant I've been on eggshells trying not to set her off so I could just enjoy this pregnancy I've been tying to have for four years and not have to deal with some kind of crazy shenanigans. Well, this morning I told her I would facetime her at the doctor so she could know first and find out when I find out. That wasn't good enough apparently, she disregarded that. I've gotten text message after text message and phone calls and voice mails and it's not even 8:30 am yet where I am. I am currently so stressed out, on the verge of tears.
I just wanted to cut a cake with my family to tell them what the baby was. The only way my grandmother could be there would be for me to do it at her house. My grandmother was the one who stepped in and became a mom to me growing up.
What was I supposed to do? Drive to Florida and cut a cake with just her? I live in another state from my family too. It's hard on me to drive and ride like that already, last time I did it a couple of weeks ago I swelled all the way up to my knees and felt like garbage for two days.
I have waited so long for this baby and I'm still so scared that something will happen even though we're halfway. Every day it's on my mind. I don't need this too. She's been sending me all kinds of crazy texts, threatening to call 911, telling me "she was so excited and I had to go and do this," don't I know what this means to her, this was my true intention to leave her out again, she is the grandmother, etc.
I mean I don't think I've done anything wrong, have I? I just want to have a peaceful pregnancy and enjoy what I have while I continue to pray and pray that the pregnancy continues. As long as it took me to get pregnant this might be the only child we have! Why can't I just enjoy milestones in my life without living in fear of something like this going down every time?
ETA (because I just saw your post) - @caseyewhitaker this journey is NOT about your mom. It's about you and your DH. She doesn't have the right to know anything about this pregnancy you have wanted for 4 years. Don't let her guilt you into giving up information. Just because she is your mom doesn't mean she has a right to you and yours.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
I've been really good with no TWs for the past few weeks since starting my new job. But I'm here for love, support, and throat punches for all of yours, ladies.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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no communication will help her come back down to earth and give you time to enjoy yourself.
Blah he's just bitching and I'm irritated because my friend is doing a very nice thing. I finally told him I'm going to register for the class when it's best for me and he can choose whether or not to come.
@caseyewhitaker I am so sorry for what you are going through. You do not need that negativity in you or your little family's life.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
p.s. Go O's!
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Also @caseyewhitaker - you did nothing wrong! I agree with what everyone else has said. You shouldn't have to worry about living up to impossible standards, and I think facetiming from the sono was incredibly thoughtful. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that behavior. ((hugs))
Now the real estate company has put lock boxes on our house so they can start showings since we move out in a month. FI hates it. He doesn't want anyone having access to our house.
I asked the agent to give us as much notice as possible before a showing since we work from home and have a dog. I want to be out of her way. She called this morning asking if we can do a showing tonight at 7:30. FI says no. We need at least 24 hours notice since "it's the law". He's technically right, but this guy did us a huge favor. I don't want to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. 8 hours is plenty of time to tidy up. And we'll just take the dog to park or something while they're here.
So FI is pouting and being a grouch now because he doesn't want people in our house. And he's the one that really wanted to move! This is what comes with that. What did you expect?! Ugg.
Can this be mine too? I'll also add that I let my sister borrow my maternity clothes and got a bunch back with stains or small holes, so I'm STILL having to buy new clothes. If it helps, I found some really great flowy tunics on Amazon that will work for after baby as well if you'd like the link. They're great with leggings or skinny jeans
Nora Grace Due 12/26/2016
Two Angel Babies
07/03/2012
08/08/2015
"If you're still my small babe
or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you
is you're never alone.
You are my angel, my darling,
my star...and my love will find you,
wherever you are."
DH: 36⎹ Me: 36
@karmba. Boys suck sometimes. I remember having to go to Bradley classes on Sunday nights and DH would get all fired up that he would miss his precious Red Zone. He would keep his phone next to him during class so he could check in on his fantasy football scores. They just don't get priorities do they?
I have many TW today! First is this stuffy nose and sore throat that hit me like a ton of bricks today. And my birthday is tomorrow
My Wedding Bio!
August is my TW. I think I legit convinced myself we were gonna skip from July to September. But here I am. 2 days in. I guess this is just going to happen...
After the scans, I head back to the physician and wait. And wait. And wait. I'm the last person in the entire huge waiting room. At 4:30 I go to the front desk and ask if I've been forgotten. She says, "Oh you'll be seen next." And I was like, "DUH I'm the only freaking person in the waiting room!" SO I go back and wait more. At 5, most of the staff seem to have left, and I still haven't even been taken back to a room. I'm near pregnant-lady hysterics. So I go to the front desk and break down in a crying mess about how I've been there three hours and they are 2 hours late for my appointment. I'm pregnant. I have to pee but was holding it for their damned sample. And I'm hungry. And now I'm facing an hour+ commute back home in traffic. They finally take me back in the next 5 minutes, though the lady taking me back is a complete b!tch, trying to argue with me on how it's not their fault. I was like 3 hours late?! It's someone's fault here. I'm sorry if it's the doctor, but this is ridiculous (this is also a somewhat regular issue with this practice. I typically wait 2-3 hours...I'm just not pregnant and angry most of the time).
And on top of everything, one of the stones on my problem side (ol' lefty) has grown from 4mm to 1.3 cm! That is an un-passible stone. So now I'm trying to figure out how I might be able to schedule a lithotripsy surgery in the week between my delivery and the end of the year (assuming baby comes on time) so I don't have to pay another deductible. I'm still paying off the surgery from last year to blast other stones. This is a really not fun problem to have.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
SaveSaveSaveSave
Okay, that wait time is absolutely RIDICULOUS!!! I would have been livid too. Disrespectful of your time is putting it lightly. Also I hope things work out for you with the surgery this year... what a pain to have one more thing to deal with.