Sleep- I'm doing everything wrong

beanie1977 · April 2016

1. He has a sleep association with his bottle
2. He cries when I set him down every time
3. Still uses a swaddle
4. Out of desperation I bring him to bed
5. Worse, some nights he just sleeps in my arms in the rocker

Im not ready to sleep train (any kind of CIO) so I don't know how to change these things. I've read tons of books, blogs and articles. I technically know what I should do. Not sure how I will do it.

NurseRieger · April 2016

What are you hoping to change? Transition to crib? Fall asleep on his own? I would ditch the swaddle 1st thing, and continue the bottle at bedtime and cosleeping for a while. Then I would work on crib transitioning once he's use to being unswaddled. Do you use the crib for naps? I Co sleep out of desperation too, falls asleep after bottle while being rocked. I'm not against CIO but it just doesn't work for my lil guy. Some babies just need more help with sleep than others.

jham201 · April 2016

I started with a routine (nursing, burping, diaper, sleep sack, story, rocking, crib) and got a sound machine with a projector. Sometimes she just stares at the images and colors on the ceiling as she falls asleep. I do let her cry (but only for 10-15 minutes at a time then I go back in to check on her). My LO is a tummy sleeper now that she is rolling herself into that position and starting to crawl. This has helped her sleep a great deal, even though I was nervous about it for the first several nights. She curls into a little ball of baby, pushes herself against the side of the crib, and seems very comfortable like that. If she is really having a hard time, I pat her diaper until she falls asleep, which also works really well for her. I just got to a point where I would comfort her but I kept putting her into the crib until eventually she slept. She knew I was there even if she wasn't happy about what I was doing. Took a few rough nights.

You just have to find something that works for you and you feel comfortable with, these are just mine. There is no one answer for all babies. Try a strategy and stick with it for a few days before giving up. I think the consistency helps and you don't need to do it all at once. Good Luck!!!!!

SmrBrd2012 · April 2016

There are no-cry sleep training options. I'd recommend reading the books that describe them, if you haven't already. They generally have background info on pretty everything you described above. It's pretty normal for them to cry when you put them down in the crib. The putting them down drowsy but awake never really worked for me since it would instantly fully wake him up if I put him down. Routine is definitely important. I know it's tempting to keep using the swaddle, but if he knows how to roll over, it can be dangerous. Transition to an arms out swaddle if you haven't already. If you don't swaddle, does he roll over to his belly? Once my LO figured out how to do that, sleep training was a breeze (we did do CIO though). My LO still has a sleep association with his bottles but he sleeps fine at night so I don't think that is a big deal at this point.

buckwheatpancakes · May 2016

How old is your baby?

amp61470 · May 2016

I started moving little man to his pack and play from the bed for his naps. He slept with me at night, but when he started rolling enough to roll off the bed I started using the pack n play in our room at night. This worked well. He's been in his own room in his crib for a few weeks with no problems.
He used to only fall asleep in my arms and then I'd put him in the pnp when I knew he was out cold. Gradually I decreased how long I waited to put him down. Now in the crib I can put him in awake. He has certain things like a stuffed animal and a seahorse that plays music that has been there every step of the way. He barely even fuses when I put him down.

ABombard12 · May 2016

@beanie1977 I also do 'everything wrong' if you want to label that way However I feel as though I do 'everything right' that fits with our family and it sounds like you are as well. I was stressing over sleep training, etc. for a while and realized ya know what...so long as we are both getting sleep and are safe... I don't really care. He wont be this young for ever and I will take in all the snuggles I can for now Although, don't get me wrong there are nights where out of desperation he does end up in bed with me or passed out in the rocker...it happens.

I started him in his crib and what I found has helped lately is rolling up towels and have them under the fitted sheet to close in the bed a bit and almost like I am still there. I nurse him to sleep (again something I 'am doing wrong' but I don't mind and I love our time before bed nursing soooo I'm going to keep doing it ha hwo knows maybe ill pay for it later but I wont regret it ). But laying him in the crib is def tricky. If I lay him down now with the towels under the fitted his butt needs to be touching one side and his head on the other and him all the way at the bottom of the crib so his feet touch the bumper ('bad thing'). Kinda of made my own DockATot under the sheets I guess? Maybe your LO just needs to feel that small space for comfort..i also ('bad thing') lay a blanket on his bottom half -- I think this also helps with feeling like I am still rocking him.

My LO doesn't sleep through the night (breastfed) but is up maybe twice a night to nurse. Not sure if I have become numb to it but it doesn't bother me too much - it beats every hour on the hour like he used to do

TwizBeans · May 2016

If you aren't ready to sleep train, then are you just venting? Because that's ok too.

I don't know how old your baby is but if you are posting on the 6-9 month board then you need to ditch the swaddle. Otherwise just give the rest time. This is a tough age for sleep and you aren't doing anything "wrong". There isn't a right or wrong way to do anything with kids.

Give yourself a break and know that this is only temporary.

KateLouise · May 2016

I'm on my 3rd baby and I do everything "wrong" too. I nurse baby to sleep, and he sleeps in my bed from whenever he wakes nearest to a convenient bed time for me.

but my older 2 (who I was equally as slack with, and who are 4 and 6 yrs) sleep just fine.

So I personally don't fight it. Do his habits bother you, or do you feel like you "should" change it. If YOU want things to change then there are non CIO methods. If things don't actually bother you, then I say do't worry about it and do what works.

I do agree with pp that you might want to look at the swaddle thing though. I assume baby is rolling? Wich can be a hazard when swaddled.
Best wishes.

missliz53 · May 2016

Definately ditch the swaddle. Halo makes sleep sacks up to a 24 month size that are basically a wearable blanket. DD loves to be wrapped in a blanket so for us, this was a good sleep alternative.

I'm not sure if this is a vent or you are asking for advice, but do whatever is working for you. There are no CIO sleep solutions, although there is usually a little bit of fussing or crying involved when you lay them down, but you aren't leaving them to cry and you are actively soothing them, just not holding or rocking them.

I read one sleep experts blog and she said that sleep crutches are only a problem if they are a problem for you. I thought this was excellent advice. So if you are happy rocking/feeding and cuddling baby to sleep at night then there's no reason to change anything. But if you are rocking baby for 2 hours every night and you would really like to have some time to yourself or only have to rock for 15 mn then that's when you want to consider sleep training and making changes.

AmoLovesAud · May 2016

I'm gonna throw my venting in this post, in the hopes that maybe someone can help. Sorry it's kind of a novel:

LO wakes up well over 6 times a night. Last night it was 11. It's not every night, but it's at least half the time since about 3.5 months (when, I'm assuming, the 4 month sleep regression started. She's 6 months now), but it's also been virtually every night for the last 3 weeks, since she started antibiotics for a cough she has had for months. Her doc suspects a sinus infection causing the cough, the first round of antiobiotics cleared her sinuses but didn't touch the cough, we're on a second round now, if it's not improving in the next 2 days we'll go in and discuss other possibilities.

Anyway. She's not waking up coughing (though maybe her throat and/or stomach is bothering her?), she just wakes up crying. Anywhere from 20 to 50 minutes after falling asleep. If she's hungry, which happens once a night always around 2 or 3, she's actually pleasent, just chirps to herself until I wake up and get her (or she'll cry after about 20 minutes, but we room share so the chirps wake me up. Also if she's had a particularly bad night she will wake up crying at that point, too, probably bc she's so darn tired and doesn't want to get up.) So these other wake ups are not hunger. She's usually back asleep within seconds of waking, sometimes with a pat and shush, sometimes a quick pick up and rock. But if you just leave her to cry, it quickly escalates and within minutes she's very angry and overtired and I have to comfort nurse her back down.

We room share, she sleeps in a pnp next to my side of the bed. We have a bedtime routine that ends in nursing to sleep. I don't want to change either of these things, but I'm worried they're contributing to the frequent wake ups. And like I mentioned earlier, before the antibiotics she slept well about half the time, only waking for the 3am feeding but otherwise sleeping 7p-6a. So I feel like that is proof she can self soothe, just not consistently and not lately. DH and I have talked about some no cry sleep training, but a) I want to wait for the cough to be resolved, and b) I will be gone for 3 nights for a work trip next month, and I'm not sure DH is up for continuing any methods I would maybe have started by then (I do all the nighttime parenting. He has to sleep for work, so I'm thinking he'll just do whatever is necessary so he can get some sleep). In the meantime, I feel like I'm at my limit. I'm pretty much not sleeping at all (can't exactly get to sleep and rest much in 20 mins to an hour, even if I zonk the second I hit the pillow). Kind of extra sucks bc if I have coffee in the day, kiddo is too wired to take naps! So I'm pretty much running on adrenaline and a prayer, right now.

TwizBeans · May 2016

AmoLovesAud said:

Anyway. She's not waking up coughing (though maybe her throat and/or stomach is bothering her?), she just wakes up crying. Anywhere from 20 to 50 minutes after falling asleep. If she's hungry, which happens once a night always around 2 or 3, she's actually pleasent, just chirps to herself until I wake up and get her (or she'll cry after about 20 minutes, but we room share so the chirps wake me up.

We room share, she sleeps in a pnp next to my side of the bed. We have a bedtime routine that ends in nursing to sleep. I don't want to change either of these things, but I'm worried they're contributing to the frequent wake ups.

Hi there. I'll chime in.

First off, make sure nothing is medically wrong before making any changes. Follow up with the doctor and make sure she isn't having any issues in that area.

Regarding the first bolded. Both of my kids did that. Like clockwork, every night, they would wake about an hour after going to sleep, crying. So I stopped going in. Took about 10 minutes of crying but I did not go in. I knew they weren't hungry, didn't need anything per se, just having trouble transitioning to the next sleep cycle. If I kept going in, they would need that night after night. After 2 nights they stopped waking up crying an hour going to bed.

Regarding the second bolded statement; I DO think her being in your room contributes to the frequent wake up's. She knows you are right there AND you will get her up and nurse her so of course she wakes a lot! You can still nurse her in the night from her own room BUT if you don't want to change those things then don't. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to but just know that it could be part of the problem.

Anything you do will take 100% consistency and you sticking to a plan.

amp61470 · May 2016

My LOL was sleeping in his pnp for about a month and would occasionally wake up. I transitioned him to his crib in his room about a month ago. He is so much more comfortable and sleeps so soundly. He has more room and a much softer bed. He naps in there now too, he refused to nap in the pnp. I know you don't want to move him but it might help his sleeping.

Ceridwen77 · May 2016

I also didn't want to move DD out of our room but we recently did. We started by putting her down in her crib and then at her first wake up (2-3hrs) I'd bring her back in our room. Then after a few days id wait until the second wake up and so on until she was transitioned to be fully in her crib. This had to be done because she is close to the 15lb weight limit for the PNP bassinet and I don't really want her sleeping so close to the floor.

good luck and I hope everything is ok with her cough.

chimirossi · July 2016

If you're not ready to sleep train, then you're not ready. It's all much scarier for you than baby. They will adjust. I would start going through your list slowly and getting rid of each sleep association as you can. The bottle would be the last to go. I still nurse my LO to sleep, and that doesn't bother me at this point. We ditched the swaddle first and use a sleep sack instead. It works great and keeps baby feeling secure. These are totally safe to use for a long time instead of a blanket.

AmoLovesAud · August 2016

Came in to update. Things have improved somewhat. We buit a crib in our room, so LO is no longer being lowered to the floor or sleeping on the thin plastic pnp mat. We put her down in the crib awake, one of us holds her hand and hums a lullaby until she falls asleep, which can take awhile, but it's far and away better than what we were doing (nursing + holding till sleep, then transfer). She can go 4-5 hour stretches but teeth/growth spurts/milestones make it more like every 3 hours. But once in awhile we get a break and have a 'good' night or 2. I also do the same for naps, which means I get a little time to myself/opportunity for a nap almost every day, which is doing amazing things to my sanity. She's still in our room and will be till she's a year, I think. She still nurses 1-3 times a night and at 8.5 months, maybe it's just habit, but my gut says she still needs it, and it feels goofy to run up and down the hall all night long.

I guess I just wanted to put it out there that it does get better, even if you're a big chicken and unwilling to sleep train. What we did was transition to falling-asleep-without-being-held by first laying her on our bed and tightly snuggled her till she fell asleep, then slowly backed away over the nights till we were only holding her hand, which is why we still do it in the crib. It's not ideal and it wasn't instant, but it resulted in hardly any tears, so, yay. We also caved and coslept for a few weeks bc OMG TIRED, but we didn't want to make a long term habit, nor did we want her in our bed when she starts crawling and potentially falling off the edge (sleep number, can't put it on the floor). Again, not ideal, but it helped us emotionally prep for the crib move.

Sleep- I'm doing everything wrong

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