Need Advice on TTC!

tahnaprice · July 2016

Hello all! This is my first time on this site. I would love some feedback from anyone willing!

I am currently indecisive on when exactly to start TTC. I work at a tax office and have to somewhat plan around that season. Originally, my DH and I had decided to start trying during my cycle in August--which, If I were to get pregnant on the first try, would put me at 37 weeks pregnant on the busiest time at my job. So I guess my question is, should I wait another month to start trying even though it might take me longer to actually get pregnant OR should I go ahead and just chance it knowing that if I do get pregnant right away, I'll be really far along.
I'm just really unsure of how likely it is to go into labor at 37 weeks so I know that should play a role in the decision as well. Any help/ advice is appreciated. I am leaning towards just going ahead and TTC like we had planned in two weeks but I just want some feedback or reassurance from this community.

Thank you in advance!

LadyMillil · July 2016

tahnaprice said:

Hello all! This is my first time on this site. I would love some feedback from anyone willing!

I am currently indecisive on when exactly to start TTC. I work at a tax office and have to somewhat plan around that season. Originally, my DH and I had decided to start trying during my cycle in August--which, If I were to get pregnant on the first try, would put me at 37 weeks pregnant on the busiest time at my job. So I guess my question is, should I wait another month to start trying even though it might take me longer to actually get pregnant OR should I go ahead and just chance it knowing that if I do get pregnant right away, I'll be really far along.
I'm just really unsure of how likely it is to go into labor at 37 weeks so I know that should play a role in the decision as well. Any help/ advice is appreciated. I am leaning towards just going ahead and TTC like we had planned in two weeks but I just want some feedback or reassurance from this community.

Thank you in advance!

Welcome

I've never been pregnant so I can't comment about going into labour at 37 weeks, but I would think at 37 weeks you're going to be pretty big and uncomfortable and there are so many complications that could arise, that you really need to consider if you also want to be at the busiest part of your job at the same time. If you had a complication and couldn't work would that impact your job? I would personally wait the extra month just to make things a little easier during your busiest time of year.

laurad75 · July 2016

Welcome @tahnaprice. There is really no way of knowing how many cycles it will take you to conceive and unfortunately no one here has a crystal ball although we all wish we did. If you are ready to grow your family than yes, you should start TTC and you should look at around at some of the threads here to get an idea of the conversations we have and we what we talk about. I highly encourage you to read the newbie guide at the top of the page and 'lurk' around. If you decide you are ready to TTC I hope you stay here and enjoy our community.

NamelessAria · July 2016

As to the whole "when to start TTC" thing: that's a very personal decision. You're just going to have to do what is best for you and your family.

I know sometimes when I'm struggling to make a decision I'll ask myself "if the worst case scenario for each played out which would I regret more? If the best case scenario played out for each which would make me happier?"

So I guess for you worst case for starting to TTC in August would be that you're 37 weeks pregnant during the busiest time of year for your job. And best case would be you take awhile to get pregnant and by starting sooner it happens 1 month sooner. Which since it can take a perfectly healthy couple with no fertility issues up to a year to get pregnant who knows, that could put you getting pregnant next July and being out on maternity leave during the busy tax season instead of getting pregnant next August and being stuck being 37 weeks during the busy season the following year.

And best case would be you TTC in August, it takes awhile and you got started a year sooner. See above. Best case for waiting for be you get pregnant the first month TTC in September.

I know I'm glad I didn't wait. If anything I wish I'd started sooner. I'm 18 months into TTC with 11 of those being "actively" TTC (temping, charting, OPKs and all that jazz). Who knows maybe if I'd started 6 months sooner I'd be pregnant now instead of having to wait another 6 months, for example. But that's me. And there is no reason to assume that you'll have any issues with IF.

Also, just a heads up, this question may not go over well here so just prepare for that. It doesn't mean that you're not welcome here or that the community hates you. It's a wonderful group of ladies and I assure that you no one is like "ugh not a another new person! Can't she just... leave?" But a lot of ladies here have been TTC for a long time, are dealing with IF or have been through loss(es). Or some combination of things. Like I'm dealing with IF and I've been through 4 losses. So for a lot of us (most of us?) we'd just love to be pregnant and we could literally not care any less how much it inconvenienced us being pregnant during xyz. We'd take a super inconvenient pregnancy if it meant finally having a take-home baby.

So if you get some questionable replies I'd ask that you try to not take it personally and just realize that a lot of the ladies here are probably having a really hard time right now.

tahnaprice · July 2016

Thank you

I didn't weigh out beforehand how everyone on here would see this post, especially those who have been TTC for a while, like yourself. I will probably need to take it down because I would feel terrible if someone were to be hurt or offended by it. I appreciate your candidness on how to look at TTC. It really resonated with me. Best of luck to you--sending you all good vibes

laurad75 · July 2016

Don't take it down. Your response that you understand is perfect. Just take some time to read to the newbie posts and lurk around. We are glad you are here.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/ASd0Ukj0y3qMM/giphy.gif

PurpleRains · July 2016

@tahnaprice I echo @laurad75 in that I would prefer you not take it down because your response was so spot on by trying to understand how the post could be taken. To be frank, I'm having an awful TTC day and when I first saw this, my immediate reaction was "UGH." However, you were so kind to read the responses and reply honestly and beautifully. Thank you for being a good human - I hope you enjoy our community.

saralee797-2 · July 2016

Personally, I would consider your age (are you over 30, over 35?) and that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant. Your job is never guaranteed. Even in your worst case, I bet you are a strong woman and could make it work. I worried A LOT about the circumstances IF I got pregnant in the beginning - like my brother's wedding or starting this new job and getting KU right away and how my new boss would view me. Now I realize that none of that matters and I would much rather have a take home baby. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

laurad75 · July 2016

@Saralee797 makes a good point. We waited several months to actively try until after our wedding and I wish we didn't.

alysapuggles · July 2016

I agree with what everyone else has said. There is no "right" answer. For me personally, at my age (35), I would just start trying and if I happened to conceive right away, I would just have a plan in place to deal with the work inconvenience. That would allow many months to figure it out and mentally prepare. And as a recent newbie myself, I will say the newbie resources really are great and very helpful! This has been a very welcoming place

delujm0 · July 2016

I got pregnant at a pretty inopportune time...I was 38.5 weeks pregnant when I was supposed to be the MOH in my only sister's wedding, a 10 hour drive (and it had to be a drive, because you're not supposed to fly after 37 weeks) away. I wanted to take that month off, but DH said we should take our chances. I'm so happy we took our chances. I did make it to the wedding (I had to do a lot of prep work, like lining up a doctor in the town the wedding was in, just in case) and everything went fine. It was not a comfortable car ride, but I really wanted to be there. I didn't deliver until 8 days after we got back.

If I couldn't have made it, my sister would have been disappointed, but she would have understood. Just like your job will understand if you have to work remotely for a few weeks or you go into labor early. I used to be in public accounting, so I understand tax season concerns. But they don't outweigh family planning. While it would be nice of you to wait it out so that you don't wind up super pregnant during a busy time at work, your employer will be able to work around it. I didn't deliver until 39+6, and the statistics say that a majority of women deliver later than their due date for their first pregnancy, but I know several people who have given birth at 37 weeks, so it's not out of the question. by the time you get to 37 weeks, the doctor views it as an "any time now" situation.

If it helps, I wasn't uncomfortable at work at all - I have a desk job. I delivered on a Sunday and I was very literally in the office the whole week preceding that. If I hadn't delivered when I did, I was planning to start working from home on Monday for the remainder of the pregnancy. it helped that the hospital is actually closer to the office than it is to my house, though I would have been a little embarrassed if my water had broken at my desk or something (again...for 90% of women, water doesn't break until they have already been in labor for several hours, so this was hugely unlikely, but I was still a little worried about it...haha).

tahnaprice · July 2016

Thank you all for the amazing comments! I feel so much better knowing I am not alone in this decision to start right away. You've all made my day

Breesy14 · July 2016

I agree with all that the PPs said but wanted to add one thing: you are in charge. If you are nervous about being super pregnant at an inconvenient time, then wait a month. I am of the mindset that if I'm trying to get pregnant on purpose, then I might as well control the factors that I actually can control. DD for a convenient due date is one of them. I didn't TTC a few months ago because my due date would have been around Christmas. I did not prefer that, so we took a break that month. I have been trying for 5 cycles now, and would not make that decision again because I'd rather just get my take home baby!

@NamelessAria - well said! Also I love dr who! David tenant was my fave dr.

Becky012016 · July 2016

I'm in the 'why wait' camp. With DS we got lucky and it only took 1 month. We thought it would be a hugely inconvenient time to have him when we did but it worked out great. We also have a friend couple that kept putting off ttc for other people's happiness (weddings, get togethers, and something else that I can't remember). <TW> It ended up taking them about half a year to get pregnant and it ended in a loss. <TW> So what I'm saying is, make the choice for you and your husband and to hell with the rest. Be selfish and put your wants first.
FWIW I had DS at 39 weeks with a medical induction. My biggest concern at 37 weeks was how many Christmas cookies I could eat at one time.

izza2 · July 2016

You've had a lot of great replies to this so far, but I'll share my two-cents as well.

I can see both sides of the decision, and either way, it can and will suck at some point.
If you decide to start trying in August, and end up getting lucky your first cycle, you'll be at 37 weeks at peak-season and likely be uncomfortable. However, you'll also be at 37 weeks with your beloved child, and excited about the prospect of having your LO in your arms in a few weeks!
If you decide to wait, you could get KU that first cycle you do try, or you could be like many ladies and take a few cycles (up to a year if you don't experience IF) to get pregnant, and end up wondering how different it might have been if you had tried during August. But, you also wouldn't be 37 weeks pregnant at peak-season.

Both sides have pros and cons. Ultimately, it's always up to you and your partner. But, keep in mind that you only have a 20% chance of conception each month. You can be lucky your first cycle trying, but the odds are stacked against you that you wouldn't be. It can take a healthy couple up to a year, with good timing, to get pregnant. So even if you wait and start later, you may end up still TTC in August of next year, and then you have to wonder whether you'll take that month off or just keep trying (which I hope isn't your case! But, unfortunately, it is the reality).

When you do decide - imagine how it would be if you did get pregnant right away. Would it be absolutely so unbearable that you would regret starting right away, and wish you would have waited another cycle? Would you be so happy to be pregnant that you may grumble about how difficult things are, but still be glad you didn't wait?

All in all - I hope you can come to a decision that you're comfortable with, and I wish you luck on your TTC journey.

kiwi2628 · July 2016

Honestly? I would probably wait (and am for similar reasons). I know it can take up to a year for a healthy couple, but 60% of couples get pregnant within 3 months (stats below from an article, my doctor has told me similar stats), so while it could take longer, for many women it doesnt, and if you are fairly regular with normal length cycles, I would wait one extra month. Now if you are older or have abnormal cycles, I might not, but for me, my career is SUPER important to me and enough to wait one month to preserve it.

30 percent get pregnant within the first cycle (about one month)
59 percent get pregnant within three cycles (about three months)
80 percent get pregnant within six cycles (about six months)
85 percent get pregnant within 12 cycles (about one year)

whenwillieversleep · July 2016

All I can say is I WISH I started TTC sooner.

mrsdaddario · July 2016

whenwillieversleep said:

All I can say is I WISH I started TTC sooner.

Ditto

PurpleRains · July 2016

mrsdaddario said:

whenwillieversleep said:

All I can say is I WISH I started TTC sooner.

Ditto

Double ditto

LadyMillil · July 2016

I had to postpone TTC for 6 months for health reasons, and when I got the all-clear health wise, career wise it made sense to wait 1 more month before starting TTC. Even though it's been 19 failed cycles and an IF diagnosis for me, I don't regret waiting that extra month to get started because career wise it was the right decision for me and has had a very positive impact on my career. I would wait that extra month again, even with my TTC struggles. only you can decide what is best for you personally and career wise, and there is no wrong decision.

Marley629 · July 2016

I echo the ladies who say they wish they started sooner.

[Deleted User] · July 2016

Welcome!

Personally, I wish we had started sooner, but it was important to us to wait till after the wedding, so really, I can't exactly turn back the clock and make it so DH and I met 5-10 years sooner! Even if we had, I doubt it would have worked out at the time... lol

So ultimately it's really a personal decision, and one month here or there is not such a big deal, imho, in the grand scheme of things.

J1D · July 2016

In an ideal world where all the things happen in a 100% predicable manor I would say wait 1 month to time everything better.
But in this world where everything happens when it happens there's no way to know if you'll get pregnant right away (took me almost a year) or when you'll go into labor (I was induced at 38 weeks for severe preeclampsia) or how you'll feel at any point during your pregnancy (I was miserable and in physical pain but healthy enough the whole time until I developed pre-e, 2 of my good friends worked their regular schedule up until the delivered at 39 and 40 weeks, my other friend had complications and delivered all her babies spontaneously at 37 weeks, another friend had hyperpuke-y can't remember what it's actually called and lost her job in the first trimester from missing too much work, ect so on and so forth...) it's just so unpredictable how it will all go that you really can't plan all that much.
Please forgive my horrible run on confusing sentence!

TL;DR: conception, pregnancy, and labor and delivery are unpredictable so don't get too hung up on planning around any of it happening a certain way at a certain time.

NYTino24 · July 2016

I personally wouldn't wait, but I'm also 33. DH wanted to wait until this year to marry and TTC instead of last year, and now we have Zika to worry about. You never know what may come up, even when you think you have the best timing.

BigBadWolf12 · July 2016

Nothing new to add about HOW or what decision to make, but if you do end up delaying ttc, I would suggest taking pre natal vitamins and starting to take your basal body temperature in August anyways if you haven't started already. We started ttc as soon as we could based on jobs, so i don't wish I had started ttc sooner, but I do wish I had started temping right away.

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