sleep training again, still not working..

LoveLee85 · July 2016

okay. I'm doing all naps and bedtime in Ferber. Checking every 5, 10, 15, 20 min. NOTHING is working. This IS day one. I have tried this method 2 other times, and it got worse with each passing day. He just stands on the crib rails and cries. We are almost 11 months of zero sleep in this house UNLESS he is co sleeping....then I don't sleep because of him in bed. I have tried other ways of sleep training. Nothing works. When I go in and check I repeat the following:
no talking.
wipe is face off.
lay him down.
cover him in blanket.
rub his back or tummy.
walk out.

I am consistent.

I HAVE to start sleeping. I need to be myself again. I need to save my marriage(haven't snuggled my own DH in almost a year), I have gained weight from stress and am just all around miserable.

At at what point do I quit because it isn't working? He won't even transfer to a crib because he wants to physically be snuggling mommy. I'm a mess, he's a mess. I just want to feel any emotion other than crabby, exhausted and miserable. It's so bad, I honestly don't want more children because I can't sign up for this again, knowing how miserable it is.

dmbfan46835 · July 2016

At the risk if sounding like a bad mom, here goes....

the first night we hardcore decided to do Ferber, I muted the monitor and just watched him. We did intervals. And the last I remember was looking at the clock at the 45 minute mark and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I woke up 6 hours later (insert embarrassed face here). I have no idea how long he cried for. No idea how dramatic he was. But I swear the second night was easier and the third night even easier. That first night sets the tone. Now I still feed him before bed and hold him til he falls asleep, but he's thru the night til about 6-7 am consistently now. And I like those pre-bed snuggles so I'm gonna keep doing it.

So I guess my message here is, he cried. He lost his shit. To what extent I don't really know thank goodness. But he is fine. He is happy. He sleeps better than he ever did before so he is healthier. And DH and I finally feel like we have our sanity back. It's AMAZING.

Obv you can't just leave him in there to cry. It's heartbreaking. I'm the asshole that did it on accident and still feel bad. But it worked. You can get thru this. It's what is best for you, DH and your little one to keep trying to find a solution.

RobsMrs77 · July 2016

Want to reach out and give you a massive hug. I can so sympathise with you love. It sounds like our house. Unfortunately giving up will only result in you having your baby in bed with you until he's a toddler, and possibly longer. I've spoken in depth to my health visitor about this, and she's advised to do the same as what you're doing, only doing it for longer i.e a week!
So far I've not managed a week as it was disturbing my other son who had school the next day, also I was on my knees with exhaustion. Now it's the holidays so I'm going to try my hardest to nail it. She did advise that I'd be even more sleep deprived than I am already (just what I wanted to hear) but with persistence it will work. It certainly doesn't feel like that when I'm up for the 6th time, and it's only 3am!!
What happens when he's asleep with you? will he go in his cot then when in a deep sleep? or does he wake as soon as you put him down? I can get away with an hour or so if I do this, but it pisses me off, as I know that what I'm doing isn't right. I also give Jake a 4oz bottle when he wakes, I find that helps knock him out for a bit. I nurse him in bed, and then pop him back in his cot once he's nodded off again. I've been told at his age he should be able to go all night without a bottle, but like you I'm trying my hardest and at the end of my tether.

Please don't let this put you off having anymore babies love. Believe me, they're not all like this when it comes to sleeping. Our first born was a fab sleeper. Slept through from 3/4 months in his cot. No problem with teething. In fact, I wondered what everyone was taking about saying the first year was the hardest. Now I get it! All I can say is hang in there mama. You're not alone! a d you're doing your best! Also try to nap when you can. Leave your baby with daddy or a family
member whilst you catch up on some sleep. It will make you feel better mentally and physically. I went through a depressed stage too over it, however I lost weight, which is the only bloody good thing to come out of it.

Keep your chin up sweetheart. I'm always here if you want to get it all out. We could thrash it out together. Big hugs from across the pond.

RobsMrs77 · July 2016

@dmbfan46835 dont feel bad! It worked! I'm jealous, lol.

Yiggle09 · July 2016

One: how is the gallbladder? Two: we sleep trained at 4.5 months so my suggestions may not even be helpful but here goes. We noticed he was eating less and less from the bottle at wake times which signaled us that he didnt need to eat just was waking from routine possibly talked it over with pediatrician at his 4 m visit. The first night we did not do anything he woke up cried for over 20 mins but below 30 I watched on the monitor as my husband rubbed my back and then he went back to sleep. He woke 2 more times the first night once for 15 then ten. Next night he woke twice very briefly and the next he woke once and that was the last time he has woken up in the night since december. He is happy, healthy but I believe his self soothing has been directed to a toy or thin swaddle cloth that he can bite on while hes asleep. He never took a paci had latch issues and couldnt even keep that in if he wanted to so I guess Ill take a blanket in the mouth over waking up a whole bunch. Now we had a little set back with naps and going to sleep when he learned to pull up and stand but didnt know how to sit back down. We would go up after ten minutes lay him back down and walk out. We did this twice third time we left him. If he cried for another 20 we would take him out and bring him down stairs and try again when he started getting nap cranky again. Eventually he learned to stay laying or sit back down.

yellow1daisy · July 2016

I'm normally disturbed by CIO methods and try not to comment on them any more. But our babies are getting older and having read your previous pleas for help I can see you are at your breaking point and I feel for you.

My baby girl is a decent sleeper. On nights where she doesn't want to go back down in her crib, I don't give in. I will hold her until she gets sleepy and then put her back down. She starts to cry, I try to pat her butt and sing to her and if that doesn't work within a minute or 2, I pick her back up and try again. I keep repeating this until she sleeps in her crib. Even if it takes hours. Yes it's exhausting and the next day I'm a zombie but I feel it has helped her understand nighttime sleep is crib only and not to know that there's even another option. But then again, we never bed shared. She was in a Moses basket next to our bed before she went to her own room around 5.5 months. So I don't know how helpful this suggestion would be to you.

The key seems to be not putting her down fully asleep. If she's tired enough, she opens her eyes a bit, snuggles up next to her bumpers and goes to sleep. We have short fluffy bumpers---got them a month or so ago and they've made a big difference in her comfort in the crib. So I just cuddle and bounce her, occasionally nurse her until sleepY, then she's put down. It takes a while for her to give up and just go to sleep. But I feel better not letting her go crazy crying her eyes out.

i will occasionally give her a big bottle in her crib and just wait until she finishes it (watching with the monitor), and many times she will drink it, throw it aside and sleep, when she doesn't, I use the above method.

I've never read any sleep training books, CIO or no cry solutions, so I'm definitely no expert. And I'm aware all children are different and what works for one may not work for another. Just thought I'd share in case it helps.

Good luck. Hope you start resting soon. It's tough going parenting on little sleep.

vibarra27 · July 2016

Have u asked the doc to see if anything might be wrong(God forbid).?

I lay my boys down in seperate rooms, give them a bottle on their boopy pillow & walk out. I dont walk in unless they cry & all i do is make sure theyre not hurt & walk back out. I check on them every 10 min with out them seeing me. &. Sometimes they are in the room babbling & standing in the crib. The longest its taken them to fall asleep is 30 min but because DH is in the room talking & playing with them

but its usually 5-10min. If after theyve had their 8oz bottle & they cry i give them water, walk out & they fall back asleep. I dont talk to them nor take them out. Just give them what they need(bottle,blanket fix them in the crib) & out i go.

Maybe hes hot? Here in Denver its been hot @ night so leaving them in a onesie, having the fan on them& giving them a bottle with water has been my savior. Maybe try intervals. Leave him be for 15 min in the crib. The next 20 or 25. Then half an hout. Leave him longer & longer until it works.
Just dont give in momma. I could not imagine not cuddling with hubby for so long! Good luck.

ElleMF728 · July 2016

Here is the thing. I know that you have tried this method before. The problem is that every time you attempt and then go back to doing what you were before you are teaching LO to cry longer and harder. Stick it out, it will be worth it.

@dmbfan46835 don't feel too bad, I've done this too. I always shut the monitor off when I go into to the nursery and I've woken up once or twice having forgotten to turn it back on. I don't think DS cried but I still felt bad

Kelliek327 · July 2016

Ferber says that often night 2 is worse than night 1, so it's not abnormal for it to get a little worse before it gets better. Staying consistent is key so that you aren't teaching baby that you will give in if he or she cries longer each time.

Also, not sure if it makes a big difference but Ferber says to do they same time intervals each night, increasing each day. So, for example, night 1 check on baby every 5 minutes. Then, night 2 check on baby every 7 minutes, etc. until you get to 20 mins on night 6 or 7. Usually by that point they are asleep well before 20 minutes anyway.

If if you are on Facebook, there is a great group called Respectful Sleep Training/learning that has lots of great files and mamas going through the same thing as you. It's a great place to get info, advice, and encouragement. I learned in there that if the baby is standing in the crib, it is recommended to only lay them down one time. After that, it is up to them to learn to lay down on their own. Otherwise, it can become a game to them and they will cry and stand up to get you to come back in to lay them down.

LoveLee85 · July 2016

Thanks everyone. I'm just so beyond defeated. I feel like I have the same post about every 8 weeks about how I'm going out of my mind with no sleep.

Here's my biggest issue: when he co-sleeps, I don't sleep. He flips and flops and cries out of he isn't touching me in some way. I'm awake every 15 minutes from something and worried he I'll fall off the bed!! I'm a light sleeper. My DH sleeps deep. Our son sleeps I between us. We even moved the crib into our bedroom around 7 months to see if he would transfer or sleep in there with us. Nope. Didn't help. I just thought we would be past this at almost a year old?!
My DH works nonstop so I can stay home with LO(daycare would take 3/4 of my paycheck). So, it's me. Help isn't here. I would be golden if I could actually sleep at night. Sadly, I hardly eat anything and still am gaining for the first time in my entire life!! Lost all of what little baby weight I had...then around December it all started creeping back. So frustrating.
Our LO will sleep all night in our bed, but I don't. I can only truly get sleep if he's not laying next to me.
I was soooooooo against any form of CIO until a few months ago. I still hate it and cave and give up. But this time he isn't teething...so it should be doable. But he just stands up and screams. And for heavens sake he's almost a year old!! I love him more than anything and would never do anything that would hurt him. I have so many friends that swear by CIO and say once LO sleeps, I will feel like a new woman.

My LO also never took a pacifier...haven't even tried one since 4 months old. He doesn't self sooth at all. Probably my fault for running to save him at every whimper! What do I do?? I feel like it's all my fault and I'm so annoyed with myself. I thought about buying one of those turtles that are soft and project stars at the ceiling/plays soft music. I always use a noise maker!

Livvyloo87 · July 2016

Ok, it sounds like co sleeping isn't for you. I don't blame you, I wouldn't sleep well either. So you need to teach your babe how to sleep in the cot on their own. There are gentle methods and rip the bandaid off methods.

Gentle - pick up put down, sssshhh pat the bum until they sleep. These will take longer and are more physically exhausting for you. My friend had success with the standing by just going in laying her son down over and over until he went to sleep. The first night she did it over 50 times. It gradually got better and now he doesn't stand at all when it's nap time.

With a faster approach that will involve crying, I personally found my babe got more worked up when I checked on her. So, I just didn't but looked at the monitor. One night she cried on and off for 1.5 hours. It is very common for it to get worse 3/4 nights in. You have to be soooo consistent - every single time you have to do the same method. If you let them cry for 30 mins and then go in, the 30mins is wasted.

Finally, what is your day nap schedule like? Is there enough time between last nap and bedtime or is there too much time? Does your babe nap at the same times each day. There are common sleep windows for putting babe down around 9/9:30 and 1/1:30 then between 6/7. This is when their bodies start to naturally prepare for sleep.

Also, have you heard of a lulla doll? It mimics your heartbeat and breathing and people have had excellent results transitioning to a cot using them.

dmbfan46835 · July 2016

Check this thing out https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/news/a39563/lulla-doll-helps-kids-sleep/
its supposed to be the miracle sleep toy.

also, I bought a dock a tot https://dockatot.com/collections/dockatot-grand and I love it. You could put LO in it in your bed, then use it to transition him to his crib. And then eventually his big boy bed. I love it. DS snuggles up on the sides and doesn't flail around in his crib. It cradles him.

Bellarose212 · July 2016

I was in your exact shoes up until a week ago. Literally. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and I was losing my shit. My son was always a terrible sleeper and I was generally getting about 5 hours of sleep a night. It all came to a head 2 weeks ago when we had family staying with us (in our tiny NYC apartment). LO was moved out of his room and into ours and that was by far the worst week for sleep. Any "training" that we had done previously went out the window. My husband and I were getting 3 hours of sleep a night. We were so exhausted and desparate to get him to sleep that we started doing all of the bad habits that we had vowed never to do again (i.e. rocking him, giving him a bottle to help him sleep, etc.). We would rock him FOR HOURS and everytime he fell asleep in our arms, we'd put him down and he'd start screaming. I literally started to see shit from lack of sleep. I was also too tired to think clearly and make a plan of action.

Im telling you all of this because I was in your shoes and it's awful and I want to help you! We were so desparate that we finally decided to hire a sleep consultant. We didn't think it would really work because we'd attempted to do Ferber in the past and just like you, it never worked. I have to say that this was the best money ever spent and I only wish we'd done it sooner. Just having someone there with us to walk us through it all was all we really needed. Because honestly we have the tools, but it's scary to hear your baby crying and to think its never going to stop. And I probably would have run in to save my baby from crying if she wasn't there to tell me it's gonna be ok.

Since the sleep consultant came, my son has been sleeping 12 hours a night AND taking two naps a day. I can't even express how crazy this is after believing that he was a horrible sleeper. I can walk you through everything that she taught us if you want. It worked for us immediately. The night she left he fell asleep at 8 and slept until 7. Then everyday after he's slept from 7-7. Just let me know if you want me to tell you how she did it and I'm happy to go through it!

J1D · July 2016

Have you tried putting the crib right next to your bed or a bed next to the crib in the nursery?
Cause then you can stick your arm in the crib to soothe baby while he cries himself to sleep. Then once he gets to where he'll sleep on the crib with your arm in it you can scoot the crib away father and father and eventually have him sleep in his crib in his own room by himself.
It'll take time but maybe it's the more gentle transition your kiddo needs.

Does your baby spend much time in his crib? I slowly introduced my baby to the crib by leaving him there briefly when he was wide awake and happy and I was right there doing something near him. Then I'd leave him for longer and longer, then we started naps in the crib and then we moved to nighttime sleeping in the crib.

I see that someone else suggested the doc a tot. Maybe that could be your first transitional move. Baby would still be in bed with you, just not touching you. Then once he learns that's ok you can try moving him to the crib or if you can put your mattress on the floor and his crib mattress on the floor next to you, you can start scooting the doc a tot with him asleep in it on to his mattress. Basically getting him to sleep without touching you and then his own space and then later work on the crib.

My baby initially wouldn't sleep without being on me, so we started with him on me, then him next to me, then him in bed but not touching me at all, then bassinet next to the bed and then into the crib.

ElleMF728 · July 2016

CIO usually gets more difficult as babies get older, not less. Can you imagine trying to sleep train a 2 year old who is no longer in a crib, super mobile and loud?! Gentle methods are also easier when you have a young baby. Its hard to pat a baby's bum in his crib when he refuses to stay laying down

I'm not sure about the slow move away because we were never really co-sleepers.

Here's the thing. I don't know one set of parents who has a sweet newborn baby and says "I'm so excited to listen to my baby cry in his crib, I just can't wait to CIO!". As you have seen on this board and maybe other places, sleep training is usually the result of desperation. Moms and Dads who have gone 8,9,12 months without decent sleep. Babies are unique, some sort out sleep on their own, some only need a little help to figure it out but some need serious training. Kind of like how some toddlers sail through terrible twos with few issues and some are little nightmares.

I'm part of an amazing sleep group but I can give you the general "rules" for setting up a successful CIO with LO.

1. Good naps-work on bedtime first, then worry about naps. An overtired baby will struggle harder so do whatever you can to ensure decent naps.
2. An appropriate amount of wake time before bed. In general for babies this age its about 4 hours. Baby should be tired enough but not overtired.
3. White noise and monitor
4. No feeds or coming out of the crib until after midnight. Any "MOTN" soothing that occurs too close to bedtime can essentially reset all your hard work. After midnight all bets are off and there should be no issues if you want to continue nursing/feeding etc. I still feed DS2 some nights and he falls asleep on the bottle around 4 or 5 am. You don't need to put them down awake MOTN, bedtime is enough.

I know that it is so, so hard. I never wanted to hear my baby cry, I was like you! I ran to DS2 any time I heard a whimper and TBH I probably would have postponed sleep trying as well if I hadn't been so exhausted and emotional around 8 months (Surprise pregnant!). However, I'm so happy I did. My days are so much less stressful, bedtime is relaxing and enjoyable in a house with a brand new 3 year old and a one year old- and I can do it for both of them easily by myself if I need to! It's so worth it, you seem so exhausted and stressed

booksandcleverness81 · July 2016

@Bellarose212 if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to hear what your sleep coach did. I feel like I've been reading sleep advice on here for at least 6 months and it seems like many of us still have bad sleepers. I'd be interested to see how what she did compares. You know, always looking for that "magic sleep secret" that maybe no one has mentioned before

Knottie1454948744 · July 2016

I'm interested too. I have been getting 4/5 hours of sleep since baby girl was 4 months old. We are getting desperate!!! I appreciate everyone's suggestions.

LoveLee85 · July 2016

I'll try to answer a few of the questions on here all together!! He use to play nicely in his crib. Ever since I tried CIO he flips out any time of day in his crib. Even with toys and lights on with me standing there. Full blown melt downs.

I tried the crib next to the bed, it wasn't helpful.

Naps are OK. Two, 2 hour naps most days. I rely heavily on the MammaRoo, not going to lie. Or, he's sleepy enough to fall asleep on me and I lay him down somewhere other than he crib now(because after CIO he instantly wakes and freaks...then he won't fall back to sleep for the nap. Bedtime is my issue.

I would LOVE and be grateful for anything that sleep coach said or did... @Bellarose212

LoveLee85 · July 2016

I just want to say a big thank you to every drop of support this board gives, all the advice, comments, and the air hugs! I am grateful for all of it.

Should I put his crib back in his room?? Or is it okay in our bedroom?

yellow1daisy · July 2016

Is he maybe getting too much day sleep? My daughter is a terrible napper and only takes 1 40-60 minute nap a day either in her car seat or while I bounce or nurse her (sometimes both). But come bedtime she's happy to see her crib to rest most nights. She sleeps 12-13 hours to make up for it a bit I think. Maybe try not letting him sleep so much during the day and see if that makes a difference at bedtime?

Again, I'm no expert and this could be terrible advice but 4 hours of daytime sleep seems like a lot to me.

RobsMrs77 · July 2016

booksandcleverness81 said:

@Bellarose212 if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to hear what your sleep coach did. I feel like I've been reading sleep advice on here for at least 6 months and it seems like many of us still have bad sleepers. I'd be interested to see how what she did compares. You know, always looking for that "magic sleep secret" that maybe no one has mentioned before

Me too!

LoveLee85 · July 2016

yellow1daisy said:

Is he maybe getting too much day sleep? My daughter is a terrible napper and only takes 1 40-60 minute nap a day either in her car seat or while I bounce or nurse her (sometimes both). But come bedtime she's happy to see her crib to rest most nights. She sleeps 12-13 hours to make up for it a bit I think. Maybe try not letting him sleep so much during the day and see if that makes a difference at bedtime?

Again, I'm no expert and this could be terrible advice but 4 hours of daytime sleep seems like a lot to me.

I know...I just always hear: never wake a sleeping baby. Lol. I don't know what to do. He doesn't sleep 12 hours at night though. He normally sleeps from 9-6. Not always but normally 8 or 9 hour at night.

rachelkawesome · July 2016

Gosh, I'm so sorry you're having these issues! A lot of people are offering good ideas. I would just be as consistent as possible with Ferber. Is your DH around for bedtime? Can he switch his schedule for a week so that He can put your LO down? Ferber worked better for my family when my husband was the one doing the checks. Another idea: can you give your LO a piece of your clothing to cuddle with in the crib, so he smells you at night? Good luck, hang in there!

mrsbacz · July 2016

I still rock to sleep, and I found it much easier to transition my son into the crib if I rock him wrapped in a soft blanket and put him down with it still underneath him. I figure it's warm and he doesn't get startled by the cold sheet. You can sleep with that blanket first so it smells like you when you put him down with it.

I also read somewhere that a mom recorded herself "shh-ing" over white noise and played that all night for her baby. That way when the baby woke he heard mom and thought she was in the room.

And I've seen online, not sure if it was a pajama or a sleep sack, but it had something sewn in over the chest area so it's a bit heavier and baby thinks your hand is on his chest. If your baby is a stomach sleeper, I saw on Pinterest to fill a winter glove with rice or beans or something and sew it shut really well, and place on baby's back after you put him down so he feels the weight and thinks it's your hand.

Maybe a combination of the shh-ing white noise, your scent on the blanket, and the weighted glove would make baby think you're still there. And if effective, you could slowly drop one item at a time. It sounds like such a big science haha but every baby is different and what works for one baby may not work for another. Personally, CIO or Ferber does not work for my son. He will cry until he's purple and tear-streaked for any amount of time, and fall asleep instantly the second I pick him up from the crib. So I rock him to sleep, put him down with the blanket and some white noise, and sometimes we're lucky enough to make it to morning. Sometimes not!

I really hope I helped and I hope you find something to work for your family.

Bellarose212 · July 2016

Here's what we did. I'm sorry this is so long, but I want to be as detailed as possible. I hope this helps! The goal is to take away all sleep aids so he learns to fall asleep on his own. Sounds like you're sometimes using the mamaroo or sleeping with him. So he likes motion and sleeping with you! So he probably doesn't know how to sleep without those. I know your little guy doesn't use a paci, but ours was a paci-holic! The sleep trainer gave us the option to train him with or without the paci, but strongly urged is to get rid of it. I probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for her support, but we chose to get rid of it. The first night is brutal, but you have to be strong and not rescue him! Someone else already mentioned that you should start with nights and not naps. That's what we did.

So tomorrow- wake him up at 7am and don't let him nap after 4pm. Definitely wake him for 4:30 the latest and do whatever it takes to get him to nap. Mamaroo or sleeping on you- just make sure he's well rested for when you start the first night or it will be much worse.

Bedtime: Aim for 7pm. Bath at 6:15-6:30. Overnight diaper and pj's at 6:30. Bottle at 6:45 (don't let him fall asleep during his bottle). Read one book of your choice and one book that you consistently read every night. Make that the last book. We do Goodnight Moon. When you finish reading, turn on the sound machine and take him to the lights and say goodnight to the lights. Then kiss him, tell him you love him and that its time to close his eyes and go to sleep. Lay him down and quickly walk out. He's going to flip out and stand up, but shut the door and leave the room. Start your timer (I use the one on the iPhone in the clocks app).

There are 3 levels of crying. Level 1 is just fussing on and off. Level 2 is when he's crying hard and consistently. Level 3 is the worst screams and cries you've ever heard come out of him. You are going to set the timer and let him cry at level 2 and 3 for 5 minutes. If he moves to level 1 crying, reset the timer. Once he reaches 5 minutes of level 2 and 3 crying, you go in for a check. You go in the room (never turn the lights on) and gently lay him down, tell him you love him, kiss him and tell him it's time to close his eyes and go to sleep. Then quickly leave the room. (When they get really upset, they will probably poop. Every time you go in for a check, smell his butt to see if he pooped. If he did, you will need to change him or else he will never fall asleep. Use the flashlight on your phone and change him in his crib. Never pick him up or take him out of his crib.)

If he's crying start your timer for level two or three crying. He must be crying for 5 minutes straight before you go in. (It's always 5 minutes on the first night.) When you go in lay him down. Pat him for five seconds and leave. If he stands up and doesn't let you pat him then just leave right away. If he does let you pat him then only pat him for about five seconds and then leave. He's going to keep standing up, but that's to be expected. When you go in for checks, gently lay him down. He will keep popping up, but the goal is to show him what he's supposed to be doing.

The first night was torture. I didn't think he would ever go to sleep and I wouldn't have kept trying if the sleep trainer wasn't there to stop me from rescuing him. I had to reframe my way of thinking about it and instead of thinking that my poor baby was crying, scared and suffering, I had to think that we are doing this to help him learn to put himself to sleep. It took him an hour and 40 minutes, but he finally fell asleep.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night, you do the same thing except you are setting the timer for 10 minutes. If he wakes up before 6am, treat it like its the middle of the night. Anything after 6am is appropriate and you should get him to start his day.

Another really important piece to all of this is keeping a consistent routine/schedule. I was never the schedule type before all of this and I'd let him sleep late if he wanted to because I was so desperate to sleep myself! But I'm learning that he does really well with a set schedule. Here's what the sleep trainer gave us. Once he starts to get used to sleeping, you'll figure out when he naturally wakes up and change this schedule around a little. But in the beginning make sure you are consistently waking him up by 7am.

645 wake up, change diaper

7 bottle 1

8 breakfast

945 nap 1

Wake him by 1130

11/1130 bottle 2

12:30-1 lunch

230/3 nap 2 (this may be earlier if nap 1 is really short)

Wake by 4

4pm bottle 3

5 dinner

6:15 bath

6:45 bottle

Book

7 in crib

For the first 2-3 days you will do whatever it takes to get him to nap, but don't put him in his crib. Use the stroller, mamaroo, or hold him. After 3 nights of this you will be ready to start working on naps in the crib. Always start with the first nap of the day. (Don't use the stroller for morning nap and then try for the second nap in the crib- the first time in the crib for naps should always be the first nap.)

The first night, our little guy slept until 5am and then went back to sleep after one check! The second night he slept 12 hours straight and has done this every single night since. I'm amazed at how well it worked and still in shock. One of the biggest changes that we've noticed is how happy he is! He was always so fussy from being chronically overtired, but now he is a joy to be with. And he's learning things so quickly now! He started clapping and saying mama within the same day! It's amazing to finally get sleep myself and I really hope that you will get there.

Bellarose212 · July 2016

Oh one more thing I forgot... The sleep trainer told us to never let him play in the crib. She said its only for sleeping and will be very confusing if you let him play in there.

jen83mn · July 2016

LoveLee85 said:

Thanks everyone. I'm just so beyond defeated. I feel like I have the same post about every 8 weeks about how I'm going out of my mind with no sleep.

Here's my biggest issue: when he co-sleeps, I don't sleep. He flips and flops and cries out of he isn't touching me in some way. I'm awake every 15 minutes from something and worried he I'll fall off the bed!! I'm a light sleeper. My DH sleeps deep. Our son sleeps I between us. We even moved the crib into our bedroom around 7 months to see if he would transfer or sleep in there with us. Nope. Didn't help. I just thought we would be past this at almost a year old?!
My DH works nonstop so I can stay home with LO(daycare would take 3/4 of my paycheck). So, it's me. Help isn't here. I would be golden if I could actually sleep at night. Sadly, I hardly eat anything and still am gaining for the first time in my entire life!! Lost all of what little baby weight I had...then around December it all started creeping back. So frustrating.
Our LO will sleep all night in our bed, but I don't. I can only truly get sleep if he's not laying next to me.
I was soooooooo against any form of CIO until a few months ago. I still hate it and cave and give up. But this time he isn't teething...so it should be doable. But he just stands up and screams. And for heavens sake he's almost a year old!! I love him more than anything and would never do anything that would hurt him. I have so many friends that swear by CIO and say once LO sleeps, I will feel like a new woman.

My LO also never took a pacifier...haven't even tried one since 4 months old. He doesn't self sooth at all. Probably my fault for running to save him at every whimper! What do I do?? I feel like it's all my fault and I'm so annoyed with myself. I thought about buying one of those turtles that are soft and project stars at the ceiling/plays soft music. I always use a noise maker!

Just a comment on your star projector/music toy: We have one for LO and turn it on when we lay him down for all naps and bedtime. It plays for 45 minutes, then shuts off. He loves it and it's a good distraction, and tells him it's bedtime. Worth trying anyways if it would help calm him down! We also have a small 6x6 inch soft taggies blanket in his crib for him to cuddle with and a small stuffed animal. He usually plays with them before he falls asleep.

Our LO has always been a good sleeper, but for the first almost 10 months, we would lay him down completely asleep. Then that stopped working, and we had to figure out the drowsy but awake thing, which did involve some crying. I've never been a fan of CIO, but we basically did the Ferber method and went in to check on him in 10 minute intervals, but he always fell asleep within 15-20 minutes. It worked, and within a few days he was falling asleep on his own without even crying, but I know I would have had a really hard time staying strong if he put up more of a fight, so I can totally understand why you're having a tough time!

If your husband is able to help, I found that my LO would fall asleep faster when DH laid him down for bed and went in to check on him because LO is a huge momma's boy and more clingy with me. If he's able to help, even for the first few days, it's worth trying! I also had to find something to distract myself in those minutes when LO was crying so I didn't go crazy just staring at the monitor.

Hope you can find something that works! Hugs!

jwebbbber45678 · July 2016

We have been bed sharing and are also attempting to get him in the crib. We put the mattress on the floor and put the crib next to it without the front gate so it's almost like the same bed. I let him fall asleep next to me on the big bed then quietly scoot into his crib. Then at night I can still cuddle him and breast feed him while he's in the crib. It's been working really well because in the last few weeks I noticed that he's starting to prefer the crib because he has so much more room than the bed. Sometimes he wakes up the middle of the night

, crawls over and breastfeeds then lays back in the crib. He's never been sleeping better since we did this. The goal is to eventually put the front of the crib back on and keep the bed right next to it, then when he's comfortable with that, we'll move the bed to the other side of the room and then eventually move the bed out all together. We surrounded the bed with blankets and pillows so if he wakes up and we're not in bed next to him, he can get out of bed himself and just walk into the living room. We tried Ferber at six months and it was horrible so we're trying a new gentle method. Although there still might be some crying when we leave the room. We'll see how it goes! Here's a picture of the set up.

dmbfan46835 · July 2016

@bellarose212 your advice was so amazing and detailed! I may use some of this for nap time. Thank you for taking the time to type all of this up for everyone.

Ps- can I ask how expensive a sleep trainer is? I didn't even know this was a thing. I'd have hired one MONTHS ago!! Lol

Kelliek327 · August 2016

dmbfan46835 said:

@bellarose212 your advice was so amazing and detailed! I may use some of this for nap time. Thank you for taking the time to type all of this up for everyone.

Ps- can I ask how expensive a sleep trainer is? I didn't even know this was a thing. I'd have hired one MONTHS ago!! Lol

I think a sleep consultant is excellent if you feel like you might have trouble being consistent and need someone there to keep you accountable. However, everything she said is found in Ferbers book, which is $12 on Amazon. If you are simply looking for more detailed info on his sleep training method and tips on how to handle specific situations like teething, sickness, travel, etc. I would suggest reading the book before spending the money for a sleep consultant.

Bellarose212 · August 2016

@dmbfan46835 Oh good! I'm so glad it was helpful! I know a lot of it is similar to Ferber's method. I have read sleep training books, but I couldn't do it myself. I think I was too scared to let him cry for long and needed someone there to hold my hand through it all. I also was so out of it from lack of sleep that I just really felt that we needed someone there to help us. We live in Manhattan where everything is a fortune, but her prices are listed on the website parentingunlimited.com.

LoveLee85 · August 2016

Bellarose212 said:

@dmbfan46835 Oh good! I'm so glad it was helpful! I know a lot of it is similar to Ferber's method. I have read sleep training books, but I couldn't do it myself. I think I was too scared to let him cry for long and needed someone there to hold my hand through it all. I also was so out of it from lack of sleep that I just really felt that we needed someone there to help us. We live in Manhattan where everything is a fortune, but her prices are listed on the website parentingunlimited.com.

I live in a super small town! How cool to have stuff like this available!! I need support, also. It's easy to start to second guess yourself when your exhausted and hearing the nonstop crying...ugh.

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