UO (7/28) - Page 3 — The Bump
February 2017 Moms

UO (7/28)


Re: UO (7/28)

  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2016
    I agree with @MonaLisaRalphio. I fully plan to teach my kids a ton about budgeting, the value of a dollar, etc.  At the same time, I will save all I can to help them through school provided they get good grades and live a responsible lifestyle. It's my dream that they never take out any student loans at all, though with the careers we chose that will mean state school or scholarships. Which isn't a bad thing!

    My parents did the same for me. I was expected to help with scholarships, work for "fun" money, etc. and for us, that's the right balance. It will be support for their hard work, not a blank check to party or anything like that. There is a big middle ground here. I'd provide similar support to trade school or other solid career plans, but H and I are both pretty bookish so college is what I most envision for our offspring. 

    Edit: What I won't do is Parent Plus or similar loan programs, or jeopardize our retirement. I'm hoping starting a 529 very early will help get a decent chunk put aside to at least help. 

  • @MonaLisaRalphio that was my same predicament, yet my younger half sister was the opposite-given too much help, and she continues to flounder. My degree has taken forever, because I refuse to get myself further into debt.. which is a double edged sword.

    I do want my kids to have to finance some of it themselves, but as long as they're contributing & showing initiative, I will help and don't want them to be over burdened with debt upon graduation. Something we've considered is having them take out a joint loan for tuition, and upon completion of a successful semester, paying it off for them. I think students should definitely have a job in college, but more of a part time gig that won't distract as opposed to the 30+ hours you & I both worked. H & I have played with the ideas of what we will pay for and what we will expect from them, but that's still at least 16 years off for us to iron out the kinks.

    There's a fine line between helping & hindering. I know everyone here wants to see their child succeed, but I also know people go about parenting in various different styles based upon their experiences. I can confidently say, that I will definitely not follow in my parents footsteps. My education is a very painful subject between us because of their selfishness.

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  • If we are in the position to be able to help out, we totally will. We won't be footing the whole bill though. 
    We have a "fund" that we are starting for the kids. Like a "welcome to adulthood fund" and I think we will see where they choose to use that money...then our help will be decided case by case. Like if one kid uses that money for school and needs more help, cool, we can help. But if they blow it partying, then we won't. 
    Although like my GF said, it's easy to say what we will or won't do in 20 years! 
    This. Like I said, I'm not funding a Van Wilder. 

  • angeltennis3angeltennis3
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    edited July 2016
    Somewhat related to financially supporting or assisting kids in college....I will 100% support my kids in whatever future they want to find for themselves, as long as they have the dedication and work hard to achieve that dream. 

    I will not finance a college education where there is little to no job market for them after college unless they have proved they are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make that career path work. 

    ETA: by 100% support I mean provide what financial support we can afford and backing them with morale support all the way. 
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  • I think paying for your child's education and fully supporting then doesn't mean you aren't teaching them the value of money or hard work. You can do both. That being said I don't think you need to pay even if you can. I would but unfortunately right now I can not.

    I will let my kids stay home and live free of rent and bills as long as they are in school. I will help with expenses while at school but they will still need a student loan. If my youngest wants to live away I will help in any way I can. (I have some time for that one)

  • SweetTSweetT
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    My parents nearly got really screwed by helping me with college, I'm forever grateful to them for helping but things could have been really really bad and I'm so glad that things worked out because I would have never been able to forgive myself. I will definitely have to consider how much I will help because while I want to do as much as I can for my kids we can't help them at all if we can't take care of ourselves.
  • blush64blush64
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2016
    @ohstars I have to kind of agree. I dislike saying I am team Taylor but I dislike Kanye and Kim more than I dislike her. I don't think I am with her against Calvin Harris. 

  • My parents paid for my college but I had to keep a certain GPA and that is what I plan on doing with my kid. They keep a high GPA we will pay for it, but if  they slack off, nope, not paying for partying. 

    Also the problem with not helping your kid with college, grants and need scholarships are giving out based on your parents income. So I had friends screwed because their parents made over 100,000 a year but would not help them on college so they could not get any help from the govt because their parents made too much money. 

    But yeah really we just need to make college more affordable, not free, but making it so people are not paying it off 30 years later still....that would really solve the problem. 

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  • Annnnnnd I'm so excited/positive for babies, but I also feel like I just re-upped my contract. 
    This. This, exactly. I mean... it's a rewarding job, I'm happy to renew the contract once more, but. But it also kind of sucks. After this, I'm done. And I only have one! I just don't like the basic mom version of myself that I have the time/energy to be with a baby/toddler. And every time one of us produces a new one, that mama is signing up to start from scratch all over again.

    So I'm excited, but... fuuuuuuck. I'm also done. I'm almost 35 and would eventually like to have fun again.

    @Gingersnap - I choose to focus on the "mostly" part of the "platonic friend" and disregard the rest. 
  • @Gingersnap My idea is pretty similar, my DH and I will save what we can for our child, and so long as they don't spend it frivolously if they need financial help later on we'll give it to them.  My parents were like that with me, if they saw I was making wise decisions in my life and I needed a little extra financial push to get what I needed they would help me. I do plan to teach my kids a little better about finances and money management than I was taught though; I had to fly by the seat of my pants more or less, and essentially all I did was learn what NOT to do from my father's financial habits. 

    When it comes to my own personal UO though... I hate ice cream with my cake. I can't stand the consistency of the cake when the ice cream starts to melt and puddle underneath it. Actually I suppose I can say I don't really like anything ala mode.

  • Warning, my post is long...

    I paid for my college degree, and didn't expect my parents to help me. My dad could have easily paid for my college degree, but he physically works hard for the money he makes and I don't blame him for buying things that make him happy. Watching him work for everything they have has instilled working hard for what I have in me. I think it also helps that I don't live in an area of the us that it costs an arm and a leg to live in. 

    My  husbands parents worked three jobs to payoff their house while my husband was growing up, he is a licensed union worker. 

    Our ur parents have helped us in other ways. My in laws watch our son for free basically whenever we need. My father is a licensed contractor and has helped us remodel our basement saving us thousands of dollars. 
    My parents surprised me with a car when I was 17, it was $700 and was the best present ever. I was extremely grateful. 

    Kids who who don't get financial help for college, possibly get help in other ways they aren't realizing and then there are some who don't get any help at all. 

    My  husband and I are split on what level of help we want to provide. My husband has bought all of his cars, so he feels our kids should do the same. I don't feel that way. Then we can't use the cas as leverage if they are falling behind in school like my parents did. 

    We still haven't agreed about college, because I went and my husband didn't. In our state, they have what's called a Nest college savings that we opened up for our son. It allows you to put money away for specifically your kids college education and you can write off your taxes what you put in that savings (there is a max amount each year). We also have a savings account setup in our sons name that I put $10 per paycheck into. So in a sense we are helping him with college if he chooses to use the money towards that. Luckily there is still time to get stuff worked out and decided. 

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  • My mom started a 529 for DS when he was born and she, her dad, and a couple of other people contribute to it regularly. For ex. for his birthday, she'll get him a small gift and make a deposit. And DS, at 7, is already so thankful for college money. He also has a savings account and when he's gifted cash, he usually determines how much to put in his piggy bank, his savings account, and his college account. I'm certainly not going to take out student loans on his behalf, but if we can get him through college debt free, we certainly will. My parents did it for me and my siblings, and we turned out alright. 
  • Why am I posting at 3:30a, you ask? Bc I woke up to pee and now I'm wide awake  :s
  • I got home super later, so I wasn't able to jump into the conversation.  But my 2 cents: 

    If we can afford to pay for college (or at least help), we will.  But the child needs to be practical about it - try to get scholarships, keep a certain GPA, have a plan for how their degree will help them get a certain job (ie: they can't just major in something that sounds like fun with no plan as to how that helps them get a job post-college).  We also plan to teach our kids money skills and make them have a job.  

    DH's parents paid for college, whereas my parents did not.  And I was one of those people who was told they didn't qualify for financial aid because my parents made too much.  It didn't matter that they weren't paying for it.  As a result, I left school with massive student loans (despite working through college) and there was a period of time where I literally couldn't afford food.  I'm still paying those student loans.  

    And do I think I have a better work ethic or better understanding of a dollar than my husband, absolutely not.  Would I do my life differently by staying at home or going to a different college? Absolutely not.  I learned so much in college and living on my own in a big city, I do not believe I would be the same person I am today.  Perhaps it would have all worked out if I had made different choices.  I'll never know for sure.   

    So if we can help them, while still giving them the life skills to be successful, we will.  I'd hate to unnecessarily put my child a step behind and into debt as they are starting their own adult lives.  

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  • kswiger06kswiger06
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2016
    Wrong thread for my comment
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  • @ohstars totally agree on the "team taylor" .. also I LOVE Netflix, coffee, and beer :)

    We will also be paying for our children's college education (books, room and board and a limited spending money budget) as well as their first vehicle, car insurance and cell phone. My parents did this for me and my siblings (I also was one of the kids who couldn't get a loan because they made too much). I feel as if my experience not only made me SO grateful for my parents but realizing how hard they worked and the value of responsible money management. My "JOB" in high school and college was to be involved (I played year round sports, was on different committees and councils in my school) and to maintain a certain gpa. I also convinced my parents to allow me to get a serving job during the summer, because let's face it- I was a 17 year old girl who wanted to blow money on clothes and shoes, etc and my parents were not going to fund that!

    Side note- we never got an allowance. It was expected that you did the dishes, mow the lawn, help with other household chores, etc.

  • I didn't get an allowance, and it was my job to do dishes and a couple other things. 
    Mid i wanted extra cash, I would "earn" it by doing extra stuff like washing cars, cleaning family members houses, babysitting etc. 
    It didn't even cross my mind that we will probably make too much for our kids to get financial aid, so that puts a different spin on things. 
  • As I've mentioned previously in another thread, we do not plan on paying for college completely.  

    Every scenario is different so I don't want to make a blanket statement to implies if your college is paid for by your parents, you won't be taught to appreciate the value of things.  Because it's not true in all cases and vice versa.  

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  • My Mom is terrible at money management and doesn't have dollar to her name. She taught me all her bad habits and I learned about money the hard way, by effing up my credit by 20 years old. 
    We will likely start an allowance soon, in order to teach DD about finances and responsibility from a young age. 

  • My parents supported me until I was about 14. After that they said go get a job! So I did. I worked at Wendy's from 14-18. They didn't have a lot of money ever and now that I'm an adult I realize it was because of some poor decisions on my dads part. They did help fund a year abroad for me but I had won a huge scholarship to offset the cost so they gave some spending money which I was so thankful for. When I graduated high school I just joined the military to get the scholarship for school. After my years of struggling to have some money for school clothes/sports/dr copays etc I learned a lot about money and how I wanted my kids to have it. We will not totally pay for their college unless we are loaded and they are great haha but we will help. We started an account for ds when he was born and we chip in twice a month. I want to start a 529 thingy too (or whatever that's called I need research) we will do the same for baby 2. Just to help would make me feel really good. It sucked when I wanted to go on a field trip in high school but I couldn't bc I had no money and my parents couldn't give me even $5. Whatever the parent can and can't do as long as it's with love I think that's all that matters. I know my parents loved me they didn't not give me money bc they didn't want to they just couldn't. 
    Now for an UO... I'm on the fifth book of Harry Potter and man I forgot what a whiny teenage boy he was haha! I guess it didn't phase me when I originally read it because I was probably a whiny teenage girl at the time. Oh goodness...
  • I like the financial support discussion. We've been wavering on the plan so far. We do absolutely have 18 years to figure it all out, but the 529 would start next year, so the plan needs to be there at least :) Plus, we're nerds. I have our annual savings goals through 2025, no kidding. We're running about 2 months behind right now  :<

    Husband's parents supported their 4 children extensively. Paid for college tuition, paid for board, paid for cell phone plans and car insurance into the mid twenties. They were not in the financial position to do this. FIL is retiring in debt this year, and they will likely begin needing financial support in 10 years or if health issues arise. My parents had financial troubles throughout my teens. They were not in a position to support me, so they didn't. I appreciate that, and the fact that they were open enough that I learned from their mistakes, instead of making the same ones.

    DH and I are planning to retire by 50, and we're on track for that. We live on less than 40% of our take-home pay. If we changed our financial goals, we could produce trust fund kids.
    Principle wise, we're right there with @GlitterDragon. We don't want to support adult children. We want them to be financially wise enough to plan and succeed when they start out.  A loan for a college degree is an investment, the ROI analysis needs to be something they are capable of.

    But... I can absolutely see @MonaLisaRalphio 's point. It would be demoralizing to fall in a debt hole and struggle to get back out, knowing that the only reason your parents didn't make it effortless is their principles. I really like @kirstynikole 's "Welcome to Adulthood Fund". If they use it all on college, cool. If they made it through with leftovers, get a job, and have a down payment on a house, awesome. Maybe we could match the interest on the fund after they're 18 to encourage them to strategize. I like it. DH likes it. You guys are awesome; we have a plan now.
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