Scaring myself with the loss of symptoms TW UPDATE

GoldenTMama · June 2016

****TW - Previous loss mentioned****

I'm 5w1d today and I woke up a little less tired than I have been and my breasts are less sore and heavy. I am starting to freak myself out. I don't have a doctor's appointment until 7/13, but I'm so afraid that I'm losing the symptoms because I am losing this pregnancy. We have had 3 losses and I don't know how we would handle a 4th. I have kept myself pretty positive so far, but today the fear is taking over. With my first pregnancy we didn't learn of the loss until we went in for my first appointment and ultrasound at nearly 9weeks. There was no heartbeat and the baby measured only 7w2d. That's when I realized that around 7 weeks I had started to feel better, no sickness, more energy. It was my first pregnancy and, honestly, MC hadn't even crossed my mind. I was completely blindsided. Now, I notice everything and I have been doing a pretty good job of not freaking out about little things. But today is really really rough. I'm so scared. Today marks exactly 3weeks from when I O'ed, so I want to go home and take a weeks-estimator hpt to see if it says 3+ weeks, but I should probably give it another day or two. I just hate that there is nothing I can do...

I'm sorry for the sad pity-party that this post is, but I just don't know who else to tell about my fears. Thanks.

--UPDATE--

I got my test results today, my HCG level was 29,983. The doctor called me today to let me know that these results looked good and that my levels were progressing enough for her. Now I have my first ultrasound in 1 week! I'm so excited!

I still have the fear in the back of my mind (this ultrasound will be at 7w1d, and our first baby stopped growing at 7w1d), but I am still excited that things are looking good so far.

purplefan1 · June 2016

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed. The best advice can get is to just breathe and take it one minute at a time.

GoldenTMama · June 2016

Thank you @June2016BabyW I do need to just breath and try to get on with my day. There is nothing I can do (especially at work) that will change what is happening if anything is even happening. All I can change is my actions and state of mind.

Spartanrd4 · June 2016

Sometimes having symptoms doesn't always mean that everything is going great with the pregnancy unfortunately. I had a missed miscarriage so I still had all my symptoms but the baby was gone and my body didn't realize it. I know it is hard but every day you just have to keep saying- I am pregnant today, until you know that you are not. I am only 4 weeks but I am just really trying to stay positive at this point- that this pregnancy is different.

GoldenTMama · June 2016

Thank you @Spartanrd4

ceclarlinetlo · June 2016

I'm so sorry you are feeling anxious. Those first few weeks are so hard. Do you think you could call your on office and explain what's going on and ask for some beta draws? My office doesn't usually do them but I asked for peace of mind and they had no problem with it.

tennisbabymama · June 2016

Agree with PP to go ahead and ask for some beta draws. I did that with my pregnancy after my loss and it helped a lot to ease my fears in the weeks before my first appointment. Also, I'm not sure if this is an option for you but my doctor offered an ultrasound for pregnancies after a loss at 6 weeks. It wouldn't hurt just to ask if there's anything they can do to help you ease fears. Thoughts and prayers for you!

GoldenTMama · June 2016

Thank you @ceclarlinetlo and @tennisbabymama

I just called my OB and she is out of the office this month, but one of her colleagues will see me on friday for an "office visit." I told them I am nervous since I have had 3 early losses, so hopefully when I go in for the office visit they will draw some beta. Because this particular doctor hasn't seen me before the scheduler was giving me a some push back when I asked how i would get the second test done on a sunday. I'm a little frustrated but at least I can go in and see a doctor this week.

lickastick · June 2016

Sorry pgal is such a stress fest! You can actually get your own betas drawn yourself through requestatest.com. Its $40 and you get the results the same day if you want immediate numbers (get quantitative.) I did that early on since I didn't have an appointment untill 11weeks. I'm almost 30weeks now and things are going well. Good luck mama!

GoldenTMama · June 2016

@createillumination Wow! I had not heard of requestatest.com before. Thanks!

carrieandr · July 2016

I was convinced that I was losing this pregnancy three times. First around 4 wks because my symptoms went away, then around 5 wks because I had cramps and cervical pressure/pinching, then at 10 wks because I was spotting. Multiple losses can really mess with your head. Try not to read too much into it for now. Fingers crossed for you!

GoldenTMama · July 2016

Thank you @CarrieandRoy

bdesterhouse · July 2016

I requested to know my HCG levels two weeks before my appt to calm my nerves. The nurse was more than understanding. If your doc office aren't showing empathy to your situation then I would find an OB's office that is more understanding. I lost my daughter at 32 weeks, and my OB even said she expects me to be nervous and is more than understanding. I'm so sorry for all your losses, just try and relax because getting worked up doesn't help the baby either. I'm measuring two weeks behind what we thought I should be, and thought it was strange that my symptoms were being so wonky. Every pregnancy is so different. This is my third and already it's been an entirely different experience than with my other two. I'll be praying it is all okay and this will be your miracle baby. Please keep us updated. Please do not lose hope. After five miscarriages on the 6th try my in laws I had my husband. Positive thoughts, prayers, and vibes being sent your way.

tinypikachu · July 2016

Were you able to see the doctor on Friday? I'm crossing my fingers that you did and everything has continued to go well!

GoldenTMama · July 2016

Thank you @bdesterhouse and @AlwaysAuntNeverMom

I was able to see my OB's partner, since my OB is out until August. I didn't like her as much as my regular OB, when I told her that I O'ed 14 days after my miscarriage (I usually O on CD12) she just said, "are you sure you were pregnant?" Ugh, yes, I know that people doesn't always O so close to their normal date or even at all the first cycle after a MC, but it was my 3rd MC and I triggered 4 HPTs (3 different brands) over the span of 3 days. I was pregnant. She was making me feel stupid and that's not what I went in there for. Anyway, she ordered the blood tests for me and I took my first on Friday. My HCG level was 12,190. I think that's pretty good for 5w3d. I took my 2nd test today (6w0d), so I should get those results tomorrow or Thursday.

My symptoms are still coming and going, but thanks to you all of you on TheBump, i'm able to be more calm about it and just think positively because, like you all say, every pregnancy is different and we just need to stay positive. Thanks everyone for the support! I hope to keep giving more positive updates!

tinypikachu · July 2016

@GoldenTMama those are great numbers! I'm crossing my fingers that they keep going up. I felt my symptoms come and go in the beginning too and freaked myself out because of the previous loss. One day around 5 weeks, I just felt like I had no breast tenderness and no symptoms at all. I would get headaches and be soooo thankful for them but would panic when they'd go away. A few days later, my breast tenderness came back with a vengeance!

GoldenTMama · July 2016

--UPDATE--

I got my test results today, my HCG level was 29,983. The doctor called me today to let me know that these results looked good and that my levels were progressing enough for her. Now I have my first ultrasound in 1 week! I'm so excited!

I still have the fear in the back of my mind (this ultrasound will be at 7w1d, and our first baby stopped growing at 7w1d), but I am still excited that things are looking good so far.

PattersRN · July 2016

@GoldenTMama. Hooray! Glad your numbers are looking good. I know it's hard not to shake the fear, every bit of good news helps!

carrieandr · July 2016

@GoldenTMama - I'm so glad your numbers are climbing! And don't take that OB's comment too personally. It took 2 months after my MMC/d&e for my hcg to drop, so some people do get false positives soon after. I'm sure she didn't think you were stupid.

I hope things continue to go well!

bntfroggie · July 2016

@GoldenTMama how did your ultrasound go? I'm so happy to log on and see that you are now on this board.

GoldenTMama · July 2016

@bntfroggie Thank you for checking in with me! I am happy to announce that we had our first successful ultrasound ever! Measured right on schedule and we got to hear the heart beat! We over-the-moon happy.

How is your little one?

carrieandr · July 2016

Awesome! That's great news!

GoldenTMama · July 2016

Thank you @CarrieandRoy

bntfroggie · July 2016

@GoldenTMama She is doing great!! 15 wks last Saturday. It really is fun. I hope you don't mind that I'm attaching a picture. Sorry the picture is huge I can't figure out how to shrink it. I'm thinking of you!!

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/12/80zzx9apimxa.jpg

GoldenTMama · July 2016

@bntfroggie She is beautiful! I'm so glad that you shared a photo! She looks like such a happy little baby. I'm so happy for you and your HD. I can't wait to join you in parenthood. Thank you for your thoughts!

GoldenTMama · July 2016

Another update! I get to have another U/S at 9weeks +2days!

My OB is the best and can apparently read my mind. I was freaking myself out this weekend because it felt like my symptoms were gone (got a little bit of them back today) and was wondering if I should call and try to get my U/S pushed up. My OB has been out of the office for the past month and she is coming back early (this week instead of next month). When she saw my name in the appointment book she decided to give me a call to congratulate me and to ask me if I wanted to come in early for another U/S this week. I of course sad YES! She knew that I wouldn't get piece of mind until I was able to see a healthy baby past our first M/C (at 7 weeks). I love her so much and am so excited and nervous about having the U/S. FX everything looks good at the U/S on Thursday!

carrieandr · July 2016

Good luck @GoldenTMama! I'm glad you get to have some peace of mind soon. There's nothing like having a good u/s past your loss milestone.

GoldenTMama · July 2016

We had another successful appointment! OB eyeballed the size at 9weeks (the appointment was really to just settle my nerves and see the heart beat again, not for dating purposes) and we saw a strong heart beat! We are so over-the-moon happy again! I know we still have nearly a month to go before we are out of the 1st trimester, but I finally feel like I can breath.

bntfroggie · July 2016

Horray!!

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