RE nurses

BrightenMySky · July 2016

I wanted to get some feedback about interactions with people at the RE office. I just had an IVF orientation with the nurse who will be my main contact if we go forward, and I really did not like her. Condescending, didn't seem to remember any details about my history or our prior conversation, etc. I really like my RE, and I wouldn't look for another clinic if I cannot switch nurses, and I also don't want to seem (be?) high maintenance. But at the same time, I think her mannerisms are going to increase anxiety for me. FWIW, I have interacted with 3 other nurses at the clinic during my IUI cycles, and like 2 of them a lot, did not care for 1 (found that she got very defensive when asked a question).

Any advice? Has anyone asked to switch nurses? Did it go well or hurt your relationships with the RE and other nurses?

mtpbadger · July 2016

I switched nurses after my first IUI. Like you, I found my initial nurse to be anxiety inducing, caused me to question everything, I felt stupid asking questions and like it was inconveniencing her to answer and like I should have known everything already. I switched and am sooooo glad I spoke up bc my nurse now is amazing. At my clinic I deal mostly with the nurse and not the RE on a day to day basis so it was worth it for me.

dragonfaerie · July 2016

I ended up switching IVF nurses because my first one was very condescending and told me I needed to "calm down" when I got upset about their lack of communication. When my DH called to tell the nurse manager how upset I was, she recommended we switch. It was a great move and I was SO happy. I never had any negative feedback from anyone else about it, and it was never brought up again. You will likely end up interacting more with your nurse than the doctor, so it's well worth a move to be comfortable.

suchaglencoco · July 2016

Children, bfp and loss mentioned***

The first few times I interacted with our main nurse, I hated her. She seemed condescending towards us, acted like it wasn't a big deal we were needing fertility treatments and actually made me cry once. Then we saw her more and more over a year's time and I realized how hard it is on some of the nurses. They see these couples or women at their lowest point, wanting a family and needing help. They live the rollercoaster ride along with you.
When our iuis were unsuccessful, I could tell from her voice how disappointed she was as well. When we got our first bfp from a beta, she was so excited she nearly jumped when I came in for the 2nd test. When a short time later, we were told our twins no longer had heartbeats and I would sadly miscarry, she turned to face the wall and cried. When our fet was successful, she was excited for us again and when these twins stuck, she cried when we had our last appointment and "graduated" to a regular ob. I cried when our twins were healthy enough to visit that office and the nurse (and our re) held each of them and got all misty eyed.

I think some nurses do suck and shouldn't be allowed to deal in this specialty with women who need support and are already at the end of their rope. But I think others, the good ones, try to distance themselves from being hurt along with the patients. But I'm so glad we stuck it out with ours.

rmarble23 · July 2016

switch nurses! i love my nurse, she is stretched thin but i love her compared to the other one in my office but she is my lifeline i have spoken with my RE once during my ivf cycle and then an appointment when the first attempt failed but my nurse i speak to almost daily during the process and she is genuinely rooting for me and that is what i personally need on my side

AandDM2014 · July 2016

At my clinic I don't have a choice of nurse. Each nurse works for the doctor you see (there are I think 5 doctors at my clinic), so that is who you communicate with, unless your nurse(s) isn't there and you need urgent info. My doc actually has two, and I usually just deal with one of them, because only one of them answers the emails, which I often send instead of calling. Neither of mine remember my medication instructions, which is fine because I know they have a lot of patients. I just remind them about my preferences when it comes up. They are both very nice, as are all the nurses I've dealt with. I say, if you can switch, do it!

BrightenMySky · July 2016

Thank you all for the opinions and support. I think I will at least ask my RE if there is an option to switch. As DH pointed out (and he wasn't a fan of her and is usually pretty tolerant and less judgy than I am), I have been seeing this RE for a year and haven't complained yet about anyone, so making a reasonable inquiry isn't out of line.

bai-by2019 · July 2016

@BrightenMySky
I think it's really important to have a team working WITH you. All of this stuff is really hard and I'm sure it's hard on them too. I liked the point that @suchaglencoco made because it's an interesting perspective that I wouldn't have thought of, but I think you should go with a different nurse if you can. Your nurse/doctor can really make or break your experience when you're in a really tough spot. I think you can ask for a new nurse in a manner that is professional and you won't hurt your relationship with other nurses. And honestly, if I were the doctor of the office, I would want to know if one of my nurses wasn't interacting with my patients in the way I would want them to. I know the nurses are human, but it's like folks that work in weddings and funerals...you kind of have to be "on" all the time. You're dealing with a special circumstance that requires extra TLC and not the time to put up a wall or be rude or short. I think about the nurses that care for sick kids...would you be ok with a nurse treating your kid like crap because she didn't want to "connect" with them because it was hard for the nurse to watch them suffer and it was a self-preserving behavior? Of course not. If a nurse can't handle working with sick kids or couples dealing with infertility that require a certain soft-skill set, they should try to find something that will make them (and their patients) happy.

Morale of the story: you deserve the best, compassionate, informative care you can get. You are paying a boatload of money for a service. You deserve the best and there's nothing wrong with asking for someone else that you will work well with. XOXO Please let us know what you decide to do and how it went.

Hang in there!

sleepyrn · July 2016

I'd say ask to switch nurses. This is your "go to" person during this process and if you need help/support they should not be someone you fear or don't want to ask questions to.

As a nurse myself, there are some patients that drive me up a wall with constant questions, or acting like they already know everything because Dr.Google told them so, but you have to be polite and try to comfort people (then go in private and scream or squeeze your stress ball). The nurse should never make you feel bad for asking about your body, and the process you are going through. I don't specialize in RE issues, so I had a lot of questions, and never once did my nurse make me feel bad for asking about something. I think the only time I may have irritated her was during the injection class when I told her I really didn't need the full hour, but she still smiled and moved on.

What I'm trying to say is you are paying a lot for this process, its very emotional and physically draining, and you should get the support you need. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself.

BrightenMySky · July 2016

I just wanted to update. We were on vacation and I sort of put things on the back burner. I spoke with the same nurse yesterday now that we're back, and everything I felt previously was confirmed. The icing was that I told her that the RE told me something, she acted like she didn't believe me ("did you actually talk to him about that?"), and then when I said our convo was actually over email and I could forward it to her, she asked me to do so, rather than just believing me at that point.

My DH is going to call our RE today and see if switching nurses is an option. If it's not, they'll talk about how we can minimize my interaction with this particular nurse--for example, if my DH can become her primary contact rather than me.

suchaglencoco · July 2016

@BrightenMySky, ugh, that's realllllly awful. I'm sorry. I'm glad your husband is taking care of it for you, you have enough to do during this process. And I hope they take your complaints seriously, that's uncalled for.

BrightenMySky · July 2016

DH just called me with an update, the RE is reassigning this nurse so I'll have someone else. I feel so relieved. Thank you all for your support.

LeanneB82 · July 2016

What a relieve for you @BrightenMySky! Our clinic only has one IVF nurse coordinator for all 5 doctors so you talk to her all the time. The other nurses rotate and one in particular drives me crazy. It's not that she's condescending or anything, but she's overly cheerful and just not that wonderful to be around when you get bad news.

mtpbadger · July 2016

@brightenmysky I'm so glad your DH called and you got reassigned! Hopefully this will make this awful process just a little less awful

bai-by2019 · July 2016

@BrightenMySky Sounds like you have a great hubby! I'm SO glad you got a new nurse!!!

BrightenMySky · July 2016

So the nurse did call me later yesterday afternoon. It was ok, just frustrating to have to deal with her again, especially given that RE already said he was switching me and DH asked that if she needed to call, she call him not me. But oh well. And @Bai-by2016 I am really grateful for DH

bpfeiff1984 · July 2016

My first REs office was horrible. The nurses were condescending as was my RE. I made a switch in the middle of my second IUI cycle and I've never been happier. My new RE is amazing and the nurses are just as great. Knowing how stressful this is, I would definitely ask to switch. You need to be happy with your nurse and feel as though they care about your success as much as you do. Good luck!

katymarie101 · July 2016

I'm so glad you got to switch. I'm lucky you could say my nurse is my DH Masonic Brothers wife and we had a friendship before she was my nurse.

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