Keeping cameras and social media out of the hospital room

emk20102012 · July 2016

Curious to see if anyone has had an experience with family members who are pushy and take pictures and post them on social media before the new mom and dad have had a chance too. We have a family member who has no respect and posts info/pictures on social media that a)is not her news to share and b)should not be shared in the first place. She has a photography business so she feels that gives her the right to take pictures wherever she wants, of whomever she wants and post them wherever she wants-most often without family permission. Every part of me wants to look at her one day and say "Please do not bring your camera to the hospital or if you come to visit the baby at another time. If you do, I will ask you to leave." because I think that might be the only way to get through to her. I hate to have to be rude or blunt, but seriously, that's MY child!!! And I'm pretty sure that after going through labor, posting on Facebook is going to be the last thing on my mind for a while. Anybody have any similar experiences? How did you handle it?

blaf322 · July 2016

I would hope that if she comes to visit and you nicely ask her to refrain from posting anything on social media until you have had a chance to make the post, that she would respect that. You could also just not tell her you've had the baby until you're home.

kmvisioli · July 2016

My sister is like that, posting things "on my behalf" or over-sharing pictures of my DS every time she visits. She posted 50+ pictures of my wedding before the day was even over! She happened to be at the hospital when DS was born and posted when he was born, but I specifically requested she not post any photos until we did, which she respected.

Definitely just be blunt with her that you would like to be the first ones to share the news or any pictures. You may be happy to have someone come take some nice quality photos of you guys, but just be sure she knows to send them to you and not to Facebook.

waterfall213 · July 2016

I'm blunt with my family. I tell them nothing on Facebook until I say so. My baby, my news to share when I'm ready.

samkins · July 2016

I already know I'm going to have to be very clear with my mom about posting newborn pics. Just be honest and to the point, it's your kid!

LauraPCOS · July 2016

I agree with everyone else, be blunt. No need to beat around the bush, her go ahead and post, you get mad and her going "well I didn't know you didn't want me to". Be upfront in the beginning, say it to everyone, and hopefully everyone respects it.

sadeathe · July 2016

I agree - be blunt. It'd probably be good to share your preferences with everyone who will be there so she doesn't feel singled out.

nlane0723 · July 2016

Be blunt. I would be homicidal if someone announced the birth of my child before me.

Michi1382 · July 2016

I'm very blunt with my family because if you aren't completely clear and straight with them, they tend to not "hear" what you're saying. Tell her straight that she cannot post pictures of the baby before you do and that her camera is not allowed when she comes or she can't visit. Period.

cassieleeanne · July 2016

My step mom announced the sex of our baby before we even got to. I am glad we only have a small amount of mutual friends but pissed me off. We are choosing not to have people at the hospital so we won't have to worry about that.

ibabyloveb87 · July 2016

I would agree with being up front about it with everyone and not just her. Also, I'm glad this was brought up so I can add it to my "birth plan" which is less how I'm giving birth and more rules for family/friends on how I want them to handle themselves.

jbal918 · July 2016

I asked for no social media at our wedding until we posted anything and people acted like what I was asking! Same thing is going to apply to the baby. I feel that's it's our news to share and no one else's. Once we share, then people can.

Oh, and only family and super close friends (I have a list of 3 and hubby has 2) can come to the hospital. The rest can wait lol

*edited to add

UponAStar16 · July 2016

My plan is to tell whoever does a visit who is on FB, not to post pictures, and honestly if I had a family member who did not respect boundaries they just wouldn't be visiting me at the hospital...although even with that, there is still the issue of afterwards that you'd need to address like at what point (if any) is she allowed to post anything. It would really piss me off if I were you and I thought my family member was crossing my boundaries with my baby to promote her business...esp with lax privacy settings. If I do decide to let people post pics, those people would be ones who know to keep their settings on only friends anyway

Mintz1982 · July 2016

We are myself and DH only kind of people and we have a plan for our announcement since we are team Green lol I usually deliver outside of visiting hrs so it give me time to get our joke plan In play. My family are not cell phone people so I don't think they will post before us but I'm sure if I asked they would all keep it under wraps till I announce. We plan on posting one black and white picture of just our babies feet and just putting "it has arrived". We sre mean.

missmaehurt · July 2016

I would definitely be blunt with her. I don't know if your hospital will do it, but our midwives said that they would keep visitors out if it was requested by the baby's parents.

MrsHudson2014 · July 2016

My hospital will only let in who we tell them we want to visit...maybe narrow your list down a bit and make sure those you are inviting know that you want to be the first the share the news.

I've already had offers for newborn shoots from a close friend, but he would never post on my behalf, he would send the images directly to me first.

UponAStar16 · July 2016

Not sure if this is standard, but on our maternity tour they said the nurses will also gladly kick anyone out who you want out

queen_frostine · July 2016

I'm not letting anyone who isn't super close (grandparents, my brother maybe) visit in the hospital. I say be very blunt and possibly limit visitors. If you feel like people are going to want to visit badly, you could set up a group or individual visit for a specific number of days after. Or if you really want to be diplomatic, you can ask her to take specific pictures of the baby then - but you certainly are well within your rights to be very blunt. Heck, I might not tell her when the baby is there, and when she complains, tell her why!

ibabyloveb87 · July 2016

@UponAStar16 That's why I'm ok with anyone and everyone coming to visit in the hospital (with a heads up of course). It's way less awkward to have a nurse kick someone out of there than having to kick someone out of my house myself! Gonna let them be the "bad guys".

mrszoess · July 2016

my idea to combat this is for my dh or mom to take pics of other people holding the baby and then hold pics hostage. anyone who is close enough to
visir at the hospital knows better than to cross me by now, I'm super type a.

emk20102012 · July 2016

Thanks ladies! It really irritates me that this even has to be a discussion-its just so disrespectful to spread other peoples news!

mrszoess · July 2016

sometimes people think your news is their news by association. unless they birth the baby its never their news

NoraAurora · July 2016

Reason #293 why H and myself will be the only ones representing our families in the delivery room.

vcabbyw · July 2016

I don't know who this person is to you. But people like that won't be given even the possibility of seeing me in the hospital.

I dont play around.

Edit: I will say though, somehow my FIL is the inappropriate over sharer of the family. Or he invites people to my personal functions. A few intense conversations of "Don't do this (or that) or you won't be involved or notified next time." Did the trick. Trust me, they won't get why they are being rude. Even my MIL defends him by saying "oh he's just excited." That's why I didn't mind being blunt. He's got it now, but I still give nice reminders from time to time...

sportiegrl1213 · July 2016

I would lose my shit if anyone posts anything before we do. I have his outfit for his announcement. It will be done as soon as we can do it. But until then, NO ONE posts anything. I will definitely be making that crystal clear to everyone who walks into that room.

blessyourheartmama · July 2016

I would definitely speak with that person, and all others, to let them know your wishes ahead of time. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting all visitors know your expectations. Make it extremely clear to everyone, even those you don't expect might would share your news ahead of you.

My FIL shared with a random acquaintance in the grocery store the very hour after we told him at 8 weeks we were pregnant AND expecting twins, even though I specifically asked him not to tell anyone. That acquaintance told her mom. They both go to our church, and were worried when I missed the next Sunday.

I told MIL, she by default, and he lost all future privileges of knowing about any news in advance in the future.

FemShep · July 2016

This is a great opportunity to have a discussion about what family members/friends can post to social media about your child in general, away from the excitement of the birth.

For example, many people would prefer that other people not post pictures of their child on social media at all, so that the parents can closely monitor who can see the pictures and other information (name, place of birth, etc). Other people are much more liberal about what can be posted on social media. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, but this is definitely a better time to lay out your expectations and rules than, say, after the proud grandparent or aunt or uncle snaps a picture when baby is an hour old.

Here's an interesting article from PBS about the pros and cons of posting about your kids on social media, as well as how to protect them from dangers like identity theft: https://www.pbs.org/parents/childrenandmedia/article-revealing-too-much-about-kids-online.html

KarenBM13 · July 2016

@femshep That is a really good point. My H and I discussed it after I read a similar article to the PBS one you posted and we are going to send a mass email announcement to our close friends/family after the birth. In that email we are going to request that people be thoughtful about what they put online, as we want to maintain some control over our child's internet presence. Because it is our first, I am just not sure what I am going to be comfortable with and it is so much harder to try to reign people in after the fact, so I figure if we put it in people's minds with the initial announcement, they will err on the side of caution and not start putting up entire albums.

spacemountaineer · July 2016

*Lurking from March 2016*

What I did before I was admitted to hospital was I changed the privacy settings on my facebook account. Basically, any posts that happened on my wall I had to approve before other people could see if (or I just changed it to where I was the only one who could see it). So if someone wrote on my wall "congratulations on your new baby" I would have to approve it before others could see it. Also if people posted pictures of my baby and tagged me in it, none of my friends (who weren't common friends with the person posting it) could see it. Not 100% fool proof. Honestly, the only people we told while we were in the hospital were our immediate family. We announced it on facebook after we came home from the hospital. I did that because I wanted to be resting and spending time with my baby and not have my phone be blowing up with text messages and alerts (the other option is to just put your phone on do not disturb if you're like me). I was like you though, I had to be firm with my MIL about announcing anything baby related on facebook (that we were expecting, what the sex of the baby was, etc). This was my news and I would announce things to my social media world when I was ready.

gatorMom2014 · July 2016

So before I had my first I thought I wasn't going to post any pics of him online...then he was born and I couldn't help it! I had to post pictures of the cutest baby ever, right?? Haha.

None of our family live in our state, so we didn't have to worry about visitors posting.

Just set the rules you need to not stress out. You can even say, hey I know this might sound crazy, but this is what I need to not be stressed in the hospital. No more explanation needed.

FutureLove86 · July 2016

With my daughter..we just made it very clear to everyone..there were to be no pictures of her posted online to social media period. If someone took a picture of her I was clear to remind them...we are not posting pictures of her to any forms of social media. I did not post a "birth announcement" until she was 2 weeks old and it included no pictures. I did not put any photo/video of her online until she was 6-7mo. and our families did not have any issues abiding by our rules.

At 6-7mo I finally felt comfortable to post and I did...I am still wary of my mom posting (not sharing) on her page because she's got Facebook game friends...though..

Two other things...no family members except DH and myself held her the entire time she was in the hospital (NICU baby-27 days) and we only allowed grandparents to even see her but her incubator was always shut when we had someone in. I also did not let my daughter stay the night away from home until after she was 1...except one time when DH needed help from his mom when she was 3 months and I was not able to be around her..He was single daddy for 3 weeks while I was going through medical treatment and he worked and was the only parent at night so he needed some sleep and his mom told him to leave her there one night...so he left her at bedtime and went home to sleep...and I know a ton of people that send their kids to grandmas for overnights regularly before they're 6 months..so maybe I am an exception...and have weird rules.

PrimRoseMama · July 2016

You can be a little BSC IMHO and have a phone basket by the door. You can make it right next to the hand washing station when the potential offender comes in to visit. Let them know that you aren't allowing photos or social media posts at this time. Please deposit their phone by the sink in the basket, wash their hands and come see the baby!

You can kind of bum-rush them with it if you have to. If they protest you can be like, "ahh I know it difficult but time is a awastin'. We will have plenty of photos to share here soon!". Odds are they will be so into seeing the baby that they won't be too worried about planting their phone by the door.

You can also conspire with your nurses to say its policy that third parties aren't allowed to take photos in patient's rooms (HIPPA). Its a white lie, but it can get you over the hump if you need to. Sometimes honesty is the best policy, but in this case being honest won't matter because they don't care about YOUR reasons.

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Keeping cameras and social media out of the hospital room

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