Mental Health Check in/Intro

ballofmeat · April 2016

I have seen these on a couple of the other BMBs and really think they are a great idea. I think we still live in a society where mental health is not treated as a legitimate health problem or considered something that isn't real.

Would any of you other ladies be interested in a weekly check in that anyone can start? Dealing with depression or anxiety or any other mental health issue while pregnant is challenging. I know I would love a place where I can openly talk about it. My hope is this thread would be extremely sensitive to everyone's unique situations.

If if anyone is interested and feels comfortable sharing I would love to start off with some introductions.

mouse1029 · April 2016

Sounds good to me. No dx here, but terrible pregnancy anxiety. My first was born with duodenal atresia. We knew from 20 weeks, and she had surgery at 1 day old. We lost our second baby when I was 7 weeks pregnant and now this baby girl looks to have duodenal atresia as well. We started seeing it at 12 weeks. I know all the risks and issues that we are looking out for and what to expect for the surgery and Nicu stay. I'm not sure if it's better or worse knowing. My anxiety is terrible and I find myself short of breath if I think about it. Going to try acupuncture to relax a bit.

ballofmeat · April 2016

For me I think I have always struggled with anxiety and depression since I was little. My younger brother also suffers from severe depression. My health really came to a head about six to seven years ago when I was in a previously abusive marriage. And then I lost my grandmother who was a second mom to me.

I really struggled for a year or two during this time until I had an amazing friend recognize my panic attacks, days I didn't get out of bed, and severe weight loss that everyone else was too afraid to comment on. She got me in to see a counselor at first and then I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed medications so I could sleep at night once again. I am so grateful for this friend who stepped up and pushed me to get the help I needed.

After that I was finally able to get my life back on track and I met my now husband who is such a great support. He doesn't fully understand my struggles, but he tries. I am pregnant with our first child which was a surprise for us because of my reproductive health issues and because my husband is in remission for testicular cancer.

Right now I see a counselor weekly and went off my medications for the first time when I found out I was pregnant. I think the first trimester was extremely hard being sick and adjusting to life without medication. The second trimester I take it day by day. I find that keeping my mind busy and hands busy helps. That is why our nursery is basically done!

I can't wait to connect with some of you other ladies on here because depression can make you feel so alone.

jamiesc58 · April 2016

I would be interested. I am on a low dose of meds for general anxiety disorder. It started when I became a mom. All of the "fears" we have all talked about and shared with each other were so real. When my first dd was a newborn, I hardly slept for fear that she would stop breathing in her sleep, choke on spit up as babies have to sleep on their backs, or just randomly have some sort of emergency issue that I needed to be up for. I was also so worried that something would happen to me and I wouldn't be there to take care of her. I was having panic attacks all the time. It got to the point where I didn't want to leave my house, especially with the baby, as I didn't want something to go wrong. I went to the doctor and got on meds. I also got into counseling. I have learned so much about anxiety and self relaxation so it has gotten a lot better. I still have days where I have freak out moments but they are less and (knock on wood) I have not had a panic attack for a while. It is so hard for other people to understand because when they look at me, I seem fine. I have always tried to hide this and smile on the outside no matter what I was feeling like on the inside. The way we were raised made me feel really horrible to be told I needed pills. I felt like I was doing something wrong/bad or that I was being punished. I have since learned that it isn't my fault and there is help out there. I now try really hard to live for today and try not to worry about the future. I love my children more than life itself and it won't do them any good it I am constantly worried.

ballofmeat · April 2016

@jamiesc58 This really speaks to me! I have those same fears about bringing our first baby home. I am so glad you were able to get help and are doing better. One of my really close friends bought me a SIDS monitor already because although she doesn't have children yet or suffer from mental health issues, she totally gets me and understands my struggles and saw this as something that would help. God bless her!

I agree with people looking at someone with anxiety and thinking they look just fine. If they could only see what was going on on this inside right? And I also agree it's hard not to feel guilty about something is wrong with yourself because you have to take medication.

I think it is great advice to live in today and not worry about tomorrow. That is one of the number one things my counselor repeats to me over and over.

ballofmeat · April 2016

@mouse1029 I'm so so sorry about your loss. And I can't imagine having two little ones with health problems. I think that would give every mama out there anxiety.

I haven't tried acupuncture yet to relax, but I have heard really good benefits about it. I'd love to hear about it if you go. And also keep us updated on your pregnancy and how your little ones are doing.

mouse1029 · April 2016

@midwestbaby thank you! I have used acupuncture before and my MFM is supportive of me trying it. My DD is perfectly healthy and has had no complications so we are very thankful. However with her we were told it was a fluke and not genetic, but now that we have a second baby with the same condition, it's a lot harder not to blame myself and we are exploring the genetic side of things.

i think this will be a great thread and it's so nice to see that you all have support offline too. The hand holding definitely makes the hard days better.

ballofmeat · April 2016

@mouse1029 It is so odd that they said it wasn't genetic and now have a second baby with the same condition. Don't blame yourself, you could have never known that it would happen twice. Your children will have something in common to relate And bond over as they grow up. I am SO glad your DD is healthy now.

1faceinacrowd · April 2016

I think this is a great idea.
I've struggled with anxiety issues for as long as I can remember and at around the age of 12, I started dealing with that anxiety by restricting my food intake. I developed disordered eating habits that my parents completely ignored and was finally diagnosed with Anorexia (purging type) at age 18 after being hospitalized for medical side effects of my disorder. I went into intensive outpatient treatment and ended up pregnant about a year later, which was the final "push" I needed in order to completely stop some of the disordered behaviors. I still struggle with the anxiety, especially around my body and weight, and I have had several relapses since completing treatment six years ago.
For me, being pregnant is the easy part. It's easier for me to convince myself not to listen to the "negative thoughts" or to give in to the desire to restrict my intake when I'm pregnant, because I think about the growing baby in my belly. But I remember how much I struggled after I had my daughter and I'm terrified of how I'll handle the postpartum period after this one. I am in a much more supportive and loving relationship this time around and I think that will help, but I still can't help but to worry about how I'll handle the rapid post-pregnancy weight loss (or how I'll deal with it if the weight loss is much slower this time around, which is completely possible). Weight loss is almost like an addiction for me, and it's something I allow myself to focus on in order to manage my anxiety (though I'm completely aware that this isn't a healthy way to manage anything) and I remember seeing the weight just fall off, and wanting to lose more and more after my daughter was born. I'm not looking forward to that struggle this time around at all.

ballofmeat · April 2016

@1faceinacrowd I feel for you. Body image and eating disorders are so hard. I think it is great though that you recognize he pattern and that it's unhealthy.

Have you thought about seeing a professional during this pregnancy and postpartum? It might help you get prepared and equipped For when the next transition hits.

1faceinacrowd · April 2016

@midwestbaby At this point, I'm just using my techniques that I learned during my first round of treatment/therapy. I'm hoping that it doesn't get to the point of needing professional help again, but if it does, I'm definitely not afraid to go back. So far during the pregnancy I've been okay.

AliKay20 · April 2016

@midwestbaby you read my mind!! I contemplated starting this thread--it's a great idea!!! *high five*

I haven't felt such highs and lows since I became pregnant. It's definitely heightened my awareness to depression in general but esp. during and post pregnancy.

I've never seen a counselor/therapist but I think it may help other than my DH who tries to understand. I had him read this NYT article I came across on someone's FB feed:

https://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2016/03/31/depression-pregnancy/?referer=

I read through it and realized I may be going through some level of depression with this sudden change and all. People tend to chuck this into the "crazy pregnancy hormones" bucket but I think it's worthwhile to take a deeper look and make sure there's enough support for people feeling this way.

Jaspertheyoungturnip · April 2016

I think this is a wonderful idea. I know the PGAL check-ins are so helpful to me, but my depression and anxiety have manifested themselves in a very different way from that. NOT to say that depression and anxiety are worse to deal with than being PGAL, because both are extremely hard, together and by themselves. I am also lucky to be with a wonderful man that, as much as he doesn't understand what it feels like, tries very hard to be supportive and help me in any way he can - however, he hasn't quite learned how to deal with the "you can't do anything to help me right now" times, it makes him very stressed to not be able to help.
I haven't been able to take any medications because all of the ones (four of them) that my psychiatrist prescribed are very risky for pregnancy, specifically my anti-anxiety.
I'm sure a thread like this would provide overwhelming support and I'm totally in favor. When should we start?? (:

ballofmeat · April 2016

Knottie1442786653 said:

I think this is a wonderful idea. I know the PGAL check-ins are so helpful to me, but my depression and anxiety have manifested themselves in a very different way from that. NOT to say that depression and anxiety are worse to deal with than being PGAL, because both are extremely hard, together and by themselves. I am also lucky to be with a wonderful man that, as much as he doesn't understand what it feels like, tries very hard to be supportive and help me in any way he can - however, he hasn't quite learned how to deal with the "you can't do anything to help me right now" times, it makes him very stressed to not be able to help.
I haven't been able to take any medications because all of the ones (four of them) that my psychiatrist prescribed are very risky for pregnancy, specifically my anti-anxiety.
I'm sure a thread like this would provide overwhelming support and I'm totally in favor. When should we start?? (:

I think that is the biggest struggle for my DH too, is how to just be there to listen. I think men in general want to fix things and patch them up right away. As more time goes by, he seems to understand that this isn't something that will ever completely go away, but a continual thing that I need to work on and need support for when I am having a rough day, week, month or year.

What day of the week do we want to start this thread? Do we want to do a weekly check in? I was thinking maybe mid-week each week because that is when some of the stress can start to build up. Maybe the same day as HDBD?

ballofmeat · April 2016

@AliKay20
That article was a great reminder read for me.

JournoGrl23 · April 2016

I think this is a great idea! It would be amazing to talk to other people who are going through similar things.

I was actually diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder at a very young age. Turns out it runs in my family and generations of us have it. But my mom was going to nursing school when I was born and had just finished her mental health rotation when I was a toddler. She noticed I was doing weird compulsions and assumed I had OCD, but didn't know what to do about it. Back then I don't think there were many options. I finally sought help for it in college and was formally diagnosed with OCD. My mom never talked to me about it so I never knew what it was until college. Since I was seeing a college counselor, I didn't get much help at the time, but it was nice to know I actually had a mental disorder and wasn't just weird and crazy. After I graduated I sought out a therapist who specializes in OCD. She confirmed my OCD diagnosis and told me I have a severe level of General Anxiety Disorder, which was probably a manifestation of going two decades without treatment or help for the OCD. She was amazing, though, and helped me stop doing my compulsions. I finally have them under control and feel stronger and proud of myself for overcoming this. I still feel the urge sometimes but am able to prevent myself from following through.

Now, however, my anxiety is out of control. I've continued seeing my therapist for the anxiety, but other than medication, nothing seems to work for me. I had to go off the meds when I got pregnant and am working really hard to stay med free until I give birth. That combined with my PGAL brain (that weekly thread has helped me tremendously!) have my anxiety out of control this pregnancy and has also led to depression. My OB told me that puts me at a greater risk for PP depression, so I'm really worried about that too. I feel like I worry about things that are ridiculous since I'm not at risk for them. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to worry about a lot of the pregnancy complications I worry about. But I can't control it.

I look forward to this being a weekly thread so we can all support each other!

Jaspertheyoungturnip · April 2016

Or maybe Tuesdays? Mondays can be really hard, and use Tuesdays as a way to de-stress before we continue our weeks

JournoGrl23 · April 2016

I like the idea of Tuesday's or Wednesday's for this thread. I'd even be happy with Thursday or Friday as my anxiety actually worsens with the weekend approaching and knowing I can't get in contact with my OB Friday through Sunday.

jamiesc58 · April 2016

I would second Thursdays as the weekly check in day.

ballofmeat · April 2016

So Tuesday's it is then!

ballofmeat · April 2016

@JournoGrl23 I am right there with you. I worry about things in this pregnancy that haven't even happened or could happen. It's so easy to let your mind wander especially when adjusting to pregnancy hormones and life without medication. I'm thinking about going back on meds after I give birth, but I was looking want to breastfeed, so I'm torn.

mouse1029 · April 2016

@JournoGrl23 @midwestbaby I'm pro breast feeding, but don't feel bad for one second if you choose to go back on your meds and not bf. The best thing for baby is a healthy mama. However, talk to your doctors. I was never on meds, but I know bfing actually helped me when I felt helpless that my baby was in the Nicu. Pumping for her was the only thing I could do and I know it made a huge difference.

Car0liiine · April 2016

Yes yes yes to this thread! I made a half hearted attempt to start one at the very beginning.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and moderate anxiety (mostly social) when I was in high school. I recognized it in myself soon after puberty but it took a long time to get my parents to get me professional help so didn't see a doctor until I was maybe 16. I struggled to find the right meds and things got really bad my sophomore year of college.
I went from all As and B's to sleeping up to 18 hrs a day, being too scared to return to class after missing, was drinking and smoking pot and trying a little of whatever I came across just to escape reality.
One night after smoking a lot and drinking liquor straight from the handle, I woke up in a friend's bed naked and there was blood on the sheets and walls and carpet. I didn't remember a thing. He told me we had had sex. I could feel I had big tears inside my vagina but was too embarrassed to go to a doctor. I was a virgin at the time and was planning on waiting until marriage. I remember I apologized to him because I was embarrassed, then went outside and burned myself with a cigarette over and over. I was so mad at myself.
The next day my parents showed up out of nowhere and without explaining anything moved me out of my dorm and back home with them. I find out that my "friends" who had stopped speaking to me had taken it upon themselves to drive to my hometown and go to my parents house and tell them I was doing drugs. ( They never talked to me so all they new for sure was that I occasionally smoked pot, they just lived the drama.)
After coming home, my worst nightmare came true and my parents found out about the rape ( although I did not consider it rape until many months of therapy later.) I was mortified. I felt completely out of control. None of my friends were there for me, I felt completely betrayed by my roommates/group of girl friends, and living at home was terrible because I did not get along with my parents at all.
Anywho, believe it or not there's a lot more to the story but I was later diagnosed with PTSD from that whole ordeal. It took me a very long time to finish college add I kept having to drop out, take medical leave etc. I met my wonderful husband and I always say he saved me. He is the best support. He takes care of me. He knows the signs of depression coming on and he understands that I don't have the energy/willpower to do the simplest things sometimes.
I finally found medicine that works and although I wanted to try and go off of it when I found out I was pregnant, my doctors have convinced me it's better for me and the baby to stay on the meds. I have some guilt about that but just have to tell myself that I'm following doctor's orders.
(Sorry for the book!)

jaceru · April 2016

I think this is a great idea! I have a diagnosis of depression in remission as well as generalized anxiety disorder. I have been off my meds for a while and feel like I was managing pretty well, however the anxiety has come back since getting pregnant. My husband is as supportive as can be, however he can become overwhelmed with my constant worrying and doesn't always understand.

I am also a psychiatrist so I can perhaps provide a different perspective if needed

JournoGrl23 · April 2016

@midwestbaby and @mouse1029 I didn't think of BFing. I was planning to do that. I didn't think the meds would interfere with that, but now I definitely need to talk to my doctor at my next appointment. She wants me to see my therapist for the remainder of this pregnancy and afterward, as well as go back on my med right after birth so we can combat PP depression. But I do really want to BF.

ballofmeat · April 2016

@Car0liiine Wow! That sounds like a traumatic history! I'm so sorry for your very tough past.

I think with medicine and pregnancy you have to weigh the pros and cons. For some women I think the pros most definitely outweigh the cons to take it. I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but don't beat yourself up too much because you are doing what is best for your situation and health. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

Mfuller76 · April 2016

I think this thread is a great idea and I'd love to be a part of it. I was diagnosed with depression/dysthymia, general anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder in 2006 although in retrospect, I started struggling with them as a teenager. Now that I'm older and more settled, I'm much better at managing it with exercise, relaxation techniques (thank you hypnotherapy!) and therapy when I need it. I still have bad days though and PPD scares me.

Car0liiine · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 I dunno what your current/previous medication was, but I would suggest you do some research and ask your doctor about Zoloft. Doctors choose it for breastfeeding moms because very little is passed through the milk.
That's also the antidepressant that my ob has me on, she said the practice has prescribed it for pregnant women a lot without problems. They all seem to think it's nothing to be concerned about so that was a relief.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

@Car0liiine My medication is Lexipro, which is still too new to know if if causes problems or not. My OB did recommend Zoloft so I could go on it now, but I tried it before and had horrible side effects. It made me really sick for the few days I was on it, so it wasn't a good fit for me. I wish it was as I'd really like some relief from my anxiety.

Car0liiine · May 2016

Aw boo. I would add that Zoloft was the first thing I was prescribed as a teen. It made me feel kinda jacked at first but didn't do enough for my depression. I was on Celexa that was the first thing that had really worked pretty well, and was worried that being on Zoloft again would be ineffective, but for whatever reason it's working for me now and no jitters.
Obviously you have you weigh the pros and cons for yourself, but it might be worth a try at a low dosage just to take the edge off. Who knows, you might not have the same experience. Hope you find something that works!

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

I was put on 5 mg of Zoloft initially and got sick from that so I think it just wasn't a good fit. It was about three years ago that I tied it. I really wish Lexipro was proven as safe. I started a low dose of that last year and felt tired for the few weeks but had no other side effects. And I actually enjoyed the tired feeling because I was able to sleep through the nights for the first time and was somewhat relaxed. I don't know how to relax and un tense my muscles. I'll talk to my doctor at my next appointment and see what she said about lexipro and BF.

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 I tried Zoloft before and it didn't work for me either. I am on a low dose of Prozac and my doctor said it is ok for me to stay on it while pregnant and bf'ing.

ballofmeat · May 2016

Yeah Zoloft made me all pukey when I tried it a few years back. I have my 24 week appointment this morning, maybe I will ask my midwife what she recommends for breastfeeding. The problem is I feel like I have tried 4 or 5 drugs and the only thing that helps me sleep at night is Xanax. I am having such a hard time sleeping these days without it. I suppose it's good prep for motherhood, but I feel like a zombie.

runsoncoffee · May 2016

I wouldn't mind joining this thread either. I have struggled on and off with PTSD/depression/anxiety since elementary school. I've gone through period of time being on medication and not being on medication. I actually felt my best when we lived in Florida and didn't have to be on any medication (thank you sunshine!!!) and my worst when we moved back north during one of the worst winters ever. Usually I hit my "low" point in March. This year I thought I escaped it, but it seems to have struck the past 3-4 weeks. I find myself telling myself I'll be a terrible mom and all sorts of other nasty things that just aren't true along with being sensitive and unnecessary crying. It's easy to blame on the pregnancy hormones, but I know that's not the full truth. My hubby is as supportive as he can be, but doesn't understand as he has never struggled with any mental health issues. I don't currently see a therapist but am very nervous about PPD. I plan to mention it to my doctor at the next appointment. It's nice to know I'm not the only one!
Also, to those talking about Zoloft, that was the first medication I was on and it worked for a while but I eventually became immune to it. It's so interesting how the body works with medications.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

jamiesc58 said:

@JournoGrl23 I tried Zoloft before and it didn't work for me either. I am on a low dose of Prozac and my doctor said it is ok for me to stay on it while pregnant and bf'ing.

I'll ask my doctor about Prozac. I've never tried that one and if that one is OK while pregnant and BF then I'd be willing to try it.

Car0liiine · May 2016

Prozac was what my gp recommended for pregnancy when I was ttc. It has been around a long time so I think it's another popular choice with physicians.

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@court5608 I totally agree with you about living in the north. I live in Michigan and I hear the term "seasonal depression" a lot. I really try not to go there but it is really hard sometimes. We get cabin fever and cranky and sick. Not good! I love that we have 4 seasons and not crazy bad weather a lot but winter sucks for anxiety and depression.

ballofmeat · May 2016

jamiesc58 said:

@court5608 I totally agree with you about living in the north. I live in Michigan and I hear the term "seasonal depression" a lot. I really try not to go there but it is really hard sometimes. We get cabin fever and cranky and sick. Not good! I love that we have 4 seasons and not crazy bad weather a lot but winter sucks for anxiety and depression.

I am in that exact same boat. Wisconsin winters suck here. Cabin fever is real.

I am jumping for joy having a baby during the nicer months, it makes me less worried about PPD and being cooped up inside for the first few months.

ReadyForaB · July 2016

I am recently facing some anxiety over a traumatic event. A few weeks ago, on our one year wedding anniversary (although we have been together for ten years) my husband suffered a sudden cardiac arrest. I was home with him, thank god, and first responders were here quickly, although he was already clinically dead about 2-3 minutes before they got here. Long story short, the EMTs and the emergency department at our local hospital were able to resuscitate him, he spent about two days in a hypothermic medically induced coma and miraculously came out with no neurological damage. We are still unsure what caused it but think it is a genetic condition that runs in his family. He is home now, but needed an ICD implant. I feel so anxious and scared that this will happened again. The ICD makes me feel a little better but I'm still scared for him to be shocked and what physiological issues that will come with that. I'm also scared because he is soposed to be taking it easy for six weeks and is trying to do things he shouldn't. He is a very active man and works hard with two jobs and constant projects around the house. I'm upset because I don't want him to be upset with not being able to do everything, which I can tell he is, but I'm also upset because I feel like this is a whole part of us that I faced alone. He doesn't remember the day it happened or the day he woke up from the coma. Although he knows how serious it was, I feel like the event hasn't impacted him as much psychologically. I think this ICD implant and its temporary restrictions is having a bigger impct on him. I've never had mental health issues before but I think I may be experiencing PTSD. Our son is due in about two weeks, so could be any day, and I'm having trouble being excited for it. I know I should thank heavens he is okay, because statistically, the odds were greatly against him. And I am so thankful for that. But there is still a piece of me that doesn't want to leave his side and just feels sad that this happened to him, to us, at such a young age. It's still fairly recent and fresh so I am hoping my anxieties fade.

gingersnap-mama · July 2016

@ReadyForaB wow what an experience to have. I'm so sorry you went through such an event just weeks prior to delivery. It is understandable that you are now working through some PTSD related to this event. You witnessed and had to go through so many emotions and uncertainties while he was recovering. It's is good that you are recognizing you're feelings regarding this but you are not alone. I would talk to your OB if you haven't already so they are aware.

ReadyForaB · July 2016

@jkershaw2013 thank you. I actually called my OB in hysterics while he was in the coma bc I was fearful my stress was harming our son. He assured me it was unlikely I would do him any harm and gave me what to look for for early labor in case the stress put me into it, which it thankfully did not.

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