12 week check - grumpy midwife!

nicjanbump · July 2016

hi. Just been to hospital for my 12 week check, bloods and scan. Scan was gorgeous, saw baby kicking arms and legs around and everything looked perfect!

the midwife I saw afterwards was horrible though! I saw a midwife at 10 weeks and we discussed my BMI (I am obese and have PCOS). She was very positive and said I was in good health, have had 2 brilliant pregnancies and text book deliveries before so they will monitor me closely but she couldn't see any problems because of my BMI so just enjoy the pregnancy. However, the one today was just horrid, made me feel so guilty for getting pregnant! Told me I didn't look like i had PCOS and she would want me to lose 3 stone before I give birth!!! Seriously, I couldn't lose 3 stone in 6 months when not pregnancy, never mind when the only thing that stops my morning sickness is eating!

she just made me feel awful and ruined what should have been lovely :-(. She also said I need 75mg aspirin every day because of my BMI, didn't do this with my previous 2. Anyone else taking aspirin?

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

Sorry this midwife was a jerk! I take 81mg of aspirin daily.

nicjanbump · July 2016

Sorry 3 stone is 42 lbs.

guess I better go buy some aspirin! I shouldn't let her bother me but she was just so judgemental. My PCOS is awful, suffer with weight issues and awful facial hair and she just acted as though I was making it up.

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

That's really odd she says you don't look like you have PCOS - those are both classic physical signs.

Carly79 · July 2016

@nicjanbump do some research and maybe talk to other providers. First of all, everything I've read is that you should not try to lose weight during pregnancy, you should eat healthy, be active, and try to limit your weight gain but not actively work to lose weight. Also, from what I understand, the baby asprin has ben shown in a few studies to possibly reduce risk of preeclampsia. I personally don't agree with a provider telling a person to take a baby asprin based solely on their BMI without any other risk factors. That's me, I'm not a doctor but my opinion. Are you able to request to not see that midwife again? I am overweight and my BMI is high. My OB looks at all my tests and such and based on what she is seeing, does not have any concerns. I did have an additional scan early on because of my BMI (their protocol but who am I to argue with an extra scan) and may have to do the gestational diabetes test early but I don't mind those things as they are checks to make sure there aren't problems, not assuming I have a problem simply based on my BMI. I take issue with looking at BMI alone as so many other things can play a factor in a healthy pregnancy. Please don't let a terrible experience today get you down. If you aren't comfortable with the asprin talk to some of the other midwifes at the practice to see if they have different thoughts.

nicjanbump · July 2016

Thanks Carly. The midwife I saw at my doctors surgery a few weeks ago was brilliant and very supportive so I am going to see if I can speak to her on Monday and get some advice about the aspirin.
Yes I will definitely ask not to see this one again! She was just rude and judgemental and condescending when there was no need to be.
thanks for the support xx

mommy2ane · July 2016

I hope you get to talk to that first midwife or a more supportive one! It sounds like the second lady needed to learn some bedside manners.

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

May I ask what your weight and height is?

Sometimes we (pregnant women) become very sensitive. She may have been trying to offer some advice but maybe her tone or facial reaction made her advice come off as pessimism.

The doctor and midwives are here to help us. But they are people and sometimes have bad days and take it out unnecessarily.

cjs260 · July 2016

Knottie1443924966 said:

May I ask what your weight and height is?

*snip*

Why would you need to know this? @nicjanbump came her to complain about a bad experience and ask if anyone with a high BMI takes aspirin. After seeing the way you have dealt with women discussing weight in the past, I'm not comfortable with where this may be heading.

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

@cjs260 what are you saying? Are you suggesting that I am not here to help her?

I was asking about her weight and height to get a good idea of how to appropriately respond with the best advice as this is a place where we are coming to help and receive advice from others.

I am very much so sick of how you attack people who don't follow your rules on a board that is all of ours and where and when we should post. Or if someone says something about gender instead of sex.

Don't assume. You are incorrect. I have had enough of your negative attitude.

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

@nicjanbump I hope you know I answered your question with an additional question from a place of love and I never intended to offend you.

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

@nicjanbump I hope you know I answered your question with an additional question from a place of love and I never intended to offend you.

cjs260 · July 2016

Knottie1443924966 said:

@cjs260 what are you saying? Are you suggesting that I am not here to help her?

I was asking about her weight and height to get a good idea of how to appropriately respond with the best advice as this is a place where we are coming to help and receive advice from others.

I am very much so sick of how you attack people who don't follow your rules on a board that is all of ours and where and when we should post. Or if someone says something about gender instead of sex.

Don't assume. You are incorrect. I have had enough of your negative attitude.

There is no need to know someone's weight/height to give them advice, unless you are their heathcare professional. She did not ask for any advice or support that needed knowledge of her height and weight. There's a good reason why many scientific studies are calling for a replacement measurement for BMI - because there's not a lot it can tell you about a person's actual health. There are many other avenues of advice and support you could have offered. I am not asking you to follow rules, and if you spent more time on the board on other posts than those that are of interest to you, you would see that I spend the vast majority of my time here being supportive to other women, even when their question doesn't apply to me. I could not in good conscious sit back and let someone be fat shamed then be told it was from a place of love/caring about their health, and I will not apologize to you for that.

I will also not apologize for standing up for scientific fact when it comes to gender vs. sex. Maybe if you knew, maybe even had a friend that was, a transgendered individual, you would see how they are mocked, persecuted, ridiculed, feared, and discriminated against daily. Maybe then you would understand that the difference between biological sex and gender is very real, and something that I am passionate to help society at large grasp.

I also want you to know that I've seen your posts wondering if my kids will be bullies because I'm a "mean girl". I have never responded to you because I'm not low enough to bring someone else's children into an Internet argument, and honestly I really didn't have the patience at the time to type out your username. But I'll make an exception today. I pray that your future children have BMIs in the normal range, with no health problems (including diseases like PCOS or depression) to fight against, and that they are cis-gendered and straight, so that they will never be bullied by anybody.

@nicjanbump I'm so very sorry this exploded off your thread. Please don't let this scare you off, you've found a greatly helpful group of supportive and fun women. I am not currently taking aspirin, so I don't have any advice there. I'm also sorry that you were made to feel like your PCOS is not an issue. I know that is an extremely difficult disease to battle with limited medical assistance to be offered. Are you strictly limited to a midwife or can you see an OB as well? Like others have said, I would definitely request the other midwife, but maybe an OB would be able to assist with some PCOS issues if any were to arise during your pregnancy. Again, I'm sorry that this all happened on your thread, and I hope you stick around. We have a Plus Size Mommas check in, and a group of PCOS cysters here, too. Best of luck!

nicjanbump · July 2016

Hey don't worry, all support and advice appreciated and no offence taken!

My BMI is 42 , and has been for years , my weight is very stable I just find it impossible to drop any. As I said my last 2 pregnancies were perfect and I have had 2 textbook, problem free deliveries. All my blood work has been spot on, my blood pressure is always perfect, I have no health problems at all and look after myself, eat a good diet etc, only drink in moderation (when not pregnant!) and don't smoke. I know a lot of smaller people who are probably less healthy but this woman yesterday acted as though I was a disgrace to have got pregnancy at this size.

not feeing so mad now anyway, going to speak to the midwife Monday and will decide about aspirin then. I didn't take it with my previous 2.

someone asked about seeing an OB, I am in the UK so think that's the equivalent of a consultant here. I do have a consultant check in 4 weeks when I will be 16 weeks along X

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

Ah - I feel I should clarify - I have a "normal range" BMI and I do have PCOS But I take the aspirin daily because I have two prior miscarriages and it's thought to help with any possible clotting issues that may have caused them. The general consensus about baby aspirin is that it can help with clotting issues (some doctors don't think it does) but it won't do any harm. I assume the midwife suggested aspirin because being overweight is a risk factor for high cholesterol which can cause blood clots and thus a heart attack - but If you don't have any Heath issues and your blood work is all normal and you have had two perfectly normal pregnancies with the same BMI - and taking aspirin makes you nervous I would definitely seek a second opinion. Sorry again that's midwife was such a tart and I'm glad you aren't feeling quite so angry now. I would hate for you to not enjoy your pregnancy because she was so insensitive.

cjs260 · July 2016

@nicjanbump Interesting about the OB! My BMI is 38, and on my first appt, the OB after looking at my chart said "Oh! You don't look like you weigh that much". I jokingly asked her if she could follow me around all day and remind me that!

But I'm not a believer that weight/BMI is the sole indicator of health, else I wouldn't be able to squat more than my body weight (prepregnancy), have normal cholesterol, normal insulin levels, my resting heart rate is in the 60s, and my blood pressure is always normal. I say, you keep doing what you're doing, until a doctor tells you otherwise. And can I just add that I'm already super self conscious about gaining pregnancy weight, though I haven't gained a pound, and I can't imagine what having a midwife/OB say anything like what happened to you, and I'm sorry you had to endure that.

nicjanbump · July 2016

Lovely to have support on here. If I do ever have to see her again (hopefully won't!) I will be better prepared with responses, I was just so shocked I couldn't think what to say and just sat there!

i actually work in the hospital I will be giving birth in (nothing medical, I am an IT geek!) so will ask around about her too X

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

@nicjanbump hey hun I found this article for you.

It was the best one I could find based on what you told me about your situation. And I'm happy that you're not upset anymore.
Harnessing negative feelings or stress about a situation is more harmful to you and the baby then most people are aware of. Remember when someone acts out its a mirror image of their own insecurities. If this midwife was out of line she could be facing deep rooted issues of her own and acting out onto other people like yourself only makes her temporarily feel better. I wouldn't bother asking around about her. Instead feel sorry for her that she had to lash out at you. Plus asking about it keeps the drama alive. Let it go

https://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2014/04/07/panel-urges-low-dose-aspirin-to-reduce-preeclampsia-risk/?referer=

nicjanbump · July 2016

Thanks so much, I will have a read of that tonight once my two are in bed so I don't get interrupted every 7 seconds ! Xxxxx

MaryNog · July 2016

@nicjanbump omg I'm so so sorry about how that woman treated you! Unfortunately I have no advice to offer, except to hope that you never have to see her again. Any chance of speaking to a supervisor about the midwife's behavior?
sometimes I honestly can't understand how people can be so thoughtless, especially when caring for others...

xinran · July 2016

@nicjanbump - I'm in the UK have pcos and a highish bmi, weight lifting does not help with that. I have seen a midwife and a consultant (unrelated issue) but neither of them suggested aspirin or weight loss or seemed to have any concerns. Don't know if that helps at all?

BrennansMom2012 · July 2016

Although I have zero advice on aspirin I do have to say that I've worked very hard at losing 60lbs over the last 3 years. That being said, I looked at the BMI chart at my last visit and I'm still freaking obese because of my short height! I feel and look great...well I did until my acne exploded, and I've gained 10 lbs because all I want to eat are carbs. But it's my last pregnancy, I'm gonna live it up a bit. Lol

Karma goes around and I hope the midwife gets a little from how careless she treated you.

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