My sister isn't coming to my baby shower

Merebear22 · July 2016

I have had a lot of people asking about my shower and finally my mom said October 1st at her house.This is super far out, I have several out of town people even local friends who have been excitedly asking about when my shower is, if I have a host, etc. I know I am incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful community so excited to celebrate my baby.

About two weeks ago, I walk into my mom's kitchen to her yelling, "your sister isn't coming to your baby shower. Don't get upset she has something she'd rather do and it's more fun than a baby shower." I found out her sorority is hosting their father's day weekend that weekend and not only is she not going to be there but she;s taking my dad. Who while we are looking a ladies event literally came with me to my last ultrasound. I really wanted he and my husband to come at some point to see out of town friends and family.

I'm really upset. I have vented to several friends who think my sister is being selfish and someone who isn't my mom (she's the favorite kid) should talk to her. Especially since her other more fun thing is a whole weekend with most of the events on Sunday.

Any thoughts? Am I way to hormonal to see the logic or is my sister not being very sisterly and should suck it up and take a few hours out her Saturday morning?

YogaSandy · July 2016

Your sister is not required to come to your shower. She has plans that are important to her. If it is important to you that she be there (and she wants to be there), consider speaking to your mom about an alternate date. Although, I'm not sure that is proper etiquette. My mom would have switched the date once she knew it conflicted with a VIP's schedule.

bbiutmcph · July 2016

I mean we don't know your relationship with your sister. Are you guys close? Do you usually share in important parts of each other's lives. Are you interested in her big moments?

It sounds that she has something that's very important to her the same day. A big event in her life, it's hard to see it as that because your lives are obviously in different stages. When I was in my sorority our events were pretty much my big life events too. Once I passed that stage hearing about them seems very childish but at the time they are not. Reading between the lines it sounds like there might be deeper issues with your sister seeing you call her the favorite child. I do not think you should have anyone talk to her. If anything you should tell her you are sad she will miss this. But venting to numerous people and having others mention it is only going to create drama.

I also dont don't think you should be that upset your dad would go to an event where he is the special guest. Yes it's unfortunate it's the same time as your shower but it's a shower. It's not a wedding not a birth of a child, not major surgery etc. It's a shower which in reality is kinda boring and nothing major he will miss. It's not a coed event so it's great your H would want to show up but your dad really isn't probably that excited to stop and see great aunt Sally and ooh and ahh over receiving blankets.

If it's truly bothering you you can mention your disappointment but again it's a shower. While we like to think our pregnancies are exciting for everyone in our families and social circle, in reality they aren't. And people have their own life events.

BumpasaurusRex · July 2016

bbiutmcph said:

I mean we don't know your relationship with your sister. Are you guys close? Do you usually share in important parts of each other's lives. Are you interested in her big moments?

It sounds that she has something that's very important to her the same day. A big event in her life, it's hard to see it as that because your lives are obviously in different stages. When I was in my sorority our events were pretty much my big life events too. Once I passed that stage hearing about them seems very childish but at the time they are not. Reading between the lines it sounds like there might be deeper issues with your sister seeing you call her the favorite child. I do not think you should have anyone talk to her. If anything you should tell her you are sad she will miss this. But venting to numerous people and having others mention it is only going to create drama.

I also dont don't think you should be that upset your dad would go to an event where he is the special guest. Yes it's unfortunate it's the same time as your shower but it's a shower. It's not a wedding not a birth of a child, not major surgery etc. It's a shower which in reality is kinda boring and nothing major he will miss. It's not a coed event so it's great your H would want to show up but your dad really isn't probably that excited to stop and see great aunt Sally and ooh and ahh over receiving blankets.

If it's truly bothering you you can mention your disappointment but again it's a shower. While we like to think our pregnancies are exciting for everyone in our families and social circle, in reality they aren't. And people have their own life events.

All of this.

FemShep · July 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

bbiutmcph said:

I mean we don't know your relationship with your sister. Are you guys close? Do you usually share in important parts of each other's lives. Are you interested in her big moments?

It sounds that she has something that's very important to her the same day. A big event in her life, it's hard to see it as that because your lives are obviously in different stages. When I was in my sorority our events were pretty much my big life events too. Once I passed that stage hearing about them seems very childish but at the time they are not. Reading between the lines it sounds like there might be deeper issues with your sister seeing you call her the favorite child. I do not think you should have anyone talk to her. If anything you should tell her you are sad she will miss this. But venting to numerous people and having others mention it is only going to create drama.

I also dont don't think you should be that upset your dad would go to an event where he is the special guest. Yes it's unfortunate it's the same time as your shower but it's a shower. It's not a wedding not a birth of a child, not major surgery etc. It's a shower which in reality is kinda boring and nothing major he will miss. It's not a coed event so it's great your H would want to show up but your dad really isn't probably that excited to stop and see great aunt Sally and ooh and ahh over receiving blankets.

If it's truly bothering you you can mention your disappointment but again it's a shower. While we like to think our pregnancies are exciting for everyone in our families and social circle, in reality they aren't. And people have their own life events.

All of this.

++1. If it's that important to you that your sister attend, change the date. Your sister doesn't have that flexibility with her sorority event.

neverblushed · July 2016

I know this is answered already, but I want to chime in on this. Is it rude of your sister to blow off your shower in favor of a sorority event? Yes, sort of.

But I can see her side of the issue as well. If she's a younger college student and new to her sorority, she may feel under pretty intense social pressure to attend events like this. If she's in her last year, she may have a leadership role in planning this event. Or, she may be counting down and savoring all the "last times" for each event she'll attend this year. She may feel that this event is equal in importance to your baby shower. After all, if she doesn't come to your shower, the shower will still happen. You'll still have a baby shower. If she does come to your shower, she is completely giving up an event that is important to her. She won't have the father-daughter day.

It's awesome that you have so many people who are excited about your shower. They are probably in a different stage of life than your sister is. When I was in college, I would certainly have regarded attending a shower as a sacrifice on my part, rather than an enjoyable event. Just because she doesn't want to go to the shower doesn't mean your sister isn't excited for the baby -- in her mind, those are probably 2 totally different things.

It's good you vented your frustration here and to friends and got a different perspective before you reacted to her in anger. This is certainly a moment to "be the bigger person." If you don't, you'll just come off looking spoiled and whiny, and that's not what you're all about, right?

honeybunches24 · July 2016

I agree with previous posters. There seems to be underlying issues with your sister that are coming up in this situation.

Is it possible to change the date or time at all? Maybe she is hurt that no one checked her schedule before picking a date, especially if this event was already booked way in advance.

Also, I didn't attend my sister's bridal shower because I lived far away and it still happened without me. I am sure she missed me but life happens. Your sister will be there when the baby is born and all his/her life! This is just one day

DrillSergeantCat · July 2016

Just remember that an invitation is not a summons or a subpoena.

cinderin · July 2016

she's college age and in a sorority. her life is about her.

have fun at your shower.

do you really want to force someone to be there who doesn't want to? how is that a fun party?

Lizbeth86 · August 2016

I think your sister is going to regret missing your shower. After she graduates college many of her current friends will not be such a big part of her life, but family always will be.
Some day she is going to be expecting her first child and leading up to her shower she'll be thinking about yours and regret missing it, especially because you'll probably be helping plan and celebrate hers.
I think only an unrelated third party could tell her this and get through to her now, but her friends are probably equally young and you probably can't make that happen without her figuring it out and feeling manipulated.So it may just be a lesson she'll learn the hard way.

My sister isn't coming to my baby shower

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