Baby Shower Etiquette

thenali · July 2016

I searched and it doesn't look like this has been asked before, so new thread time! I (combined with DH through his work) am having what seems to be six baby showers including all family, work and friend ones which I'm over the moon happy and grateful for. The only issue is that each has a set number of people who can be invited and there are a whole bunch of other people who want to attend a shower for me and I can't just invite them. Is anyone else going through the same thing? I want to respect the individual hosts' numbers because I completely understand that there is a cost that goes into organizing these things and that cost just goes up with more people. Is anyone thinking of alternative gatherings for everyone else? Or are the rest of you just able to invite whoever you want regardless of the numbers? Really, it just seems like around seven more people who I want to extend invitations to but can't...

MrsMaryK2016 · July 2016

I can't imagine having 6 baby showers. I'm pretty sure I don't know enough people to have that many lol.

I know I'm for sure having one that my SIL is throwing and I got to invite whomever I wanted to that one (it's only 16 people on my list so not a ton) and then probably a "surprise" work one. I wasn't given a cap on who I could invite to my big one but regardless I chose to keep my list to just close friends and family. It would be awkward to invite people I don't regularly see or talk to or who are just acquaintances.

thenali · July 2016

MrsMaryK2016 said:

I can't imagine having 6 baby showers. I'm pretty sure I don't know enough people to have that many lol.

I know I'm for sure having one that my SIL is throwing and I got to invite whomever I wanted to that one (it's only 16 people on my list so not a ton) and then probably a "surprise" work one. I wasn't given a cap on who I could invite to my big one but regardless I chose to keep my list to just close friends and family. It would be awkward to invite people I don't regularly see or talk to or who are just acquaintances.

I'm quite shocked I'm having 6 myself! Again, super thankful but shocked lol

Your point about the awkwardness makes complete sense. My issue is that the 7-ish extra people I want to invite are people who have been offering help/hand-me-downs and are people that I do see pretty regularly. They just don't all fall into the same friendship groups which is unfortunate.

MrsMaryK2016 · July 2016

@thenali Then that's a tough situation. Could you invite one to each of your showers? Just ask the host if you can add one more person? Chances are everyone on your list won't attend anyway so it should hopefully work out to be below the host's cap. Good luck!

summerpsl · July 2016

I'm having two showers. I grew up in Ohio and now live in NC. My good friend is throwing the shower in NC and she asked me for a list of people. There will be a ton of different types/categories of people there. If someone doesn't like the host or someone else going, I think it's petty. They can just send something or not come. I've been to so many showers over the past years, I'll send an invitation to those people even though I might not talk to them on a daily basis.

@thenali I would try to invite them to one. That way they don't feel left out. Especially if they have already offered to help or hand-me-downs.

thenali · July 2016

@summerpsl @MrsMaryK2016 I'm debating inviting them to each individually, but I'm struggling with the fact that each of these are for such different types of people from different points in my life. There's the work ones for both DH and I separately which is just coworkers, another one that is held by MIL which is VERY traditional and old school for mostly older women who are all East Indian, one held by former coworkers of mine which is just for former coworkers, DH's diaper party which is just dudes drinking beer and getting diaper presents, and the one my best friends are throwing which is for my close friends. I was hoping to invite more people to the one my best friends are throwing because it could involve the most amount of people/variety of people, but I've been told that I can't invite anyone else to it because of the budget. I even offered to help pitch in on the cost but that was rejected. Therein lies my dilemma...

summerpsl · July 2016

@thenali bummer about the budget. Maybe ask if cost can be cut somewhere else? I would hate for it to take away something great but the shower is for you, don't forget!! Unless it's a full dinner, I wouldn't think a few extra people would matter. Hope things work out in your favor!!

thenali · July 2016

Thanks @summerpsl you're right - I have to suck it up and talk to them about it. I feel guilty because it's something that's being planned for me, but I do have to remember it is my shower and I really do want these other people there.

BmcD2016 · July 2016

Better yet, just throw yourself a 7th baby shower and invite those other ladies.

MrsMaryK2016 · July 2016

BmcD2016 said:

Better yet, just throw yourself a 7th baby shower and invite those other ladies.

I don't agree with throwing your own shower but if you really just want to include them in something since they've been so nice and helpful you could just take them to lunch on you. That way there's no gifts expected (they've already given clothes, etc. anyway) and you can still thank them.

Kittens22 · July 2016

Agreed with taking the extras out to lunch! Or you can throw a BBQ (at a park or beach if your house can't accommodate), or have a backyard party/get-together. You could also invite the hostesses of your other showers if you wanted to thank them somehow.

You could even host a nice breakfast for them with mimosas and pastries as a lower budget option. Or host them with fruit& iced tea in the afternoon.

LikeICantEven · July 2016

You are honestly trying to say here that out of the 6 supposed showers being thrown for you - that you can't direct certain people to 1 of the 6?

LikeICantEven · July 2016

I'm legitimately asking you, you remind me of this type of person at 38 seconds:

https://youtu.be/Vp-LcKd-NV4?t=38s

I just think your issue can be solved by talking to all of these generous people willing to throw you a shower. It's not unusual to ask the MamaToBe who she'd like to invite.

thenali · July 2016

@LikeICantEven as much I wish I even had 11 towels alone to put into categories, alas I have two: damp stanky and spare in the linen closet.

Unfortunately that is exactly what I'm saying. However I really do appreciate the advice and will reach out to my wonderful best friends who are throwing me my "friend shower" to hopefully scale the budget down a bit so I can invite some more ladies. I did ask to invite more people already but my friend said no because of the budget. As for the rest of the showers, it wouldn't really be appropriate to invite them to mine or DH's work ones, former coworkers who are doing a brunch at a restaurant and are their own group of people, awesome old Indian ladies singing at my belly one, or DH's diaper party dude one.

A lunch/backyard bbq for all of them including the hostesses is a wonderful idea too! Thanks for the ideas ladies

DunkinDecaf · July 2016

MrsMaryK2016 said:

BmcD2016 said:

Better yet, just throw yourself a 7th baby shower and invite those other ladies.

I don't agree with throwing your own shower but if you really just want to include them in something since they've been so nice and helpful you could just take them to lunch on you. That way there's no gifts expected (they've already given clothes, etc. anyway) and you can still thank them.

I'm pretty sure she was kidding.

monkey41 · July 2016

Why not invite those people over after the baby arrives for a sip n see?

thenali · July 2016

That's actually a fantastic idea @monkey41 ! Thanks

jenesiso · July 2016

I don't even have 7 close friends let alone 7 extra people to fit into some spare shower lol...good luck with that!

ElleDGee · July 2016

Have a BaByQ. A co-ed gathering to celebrate the upcoming baby.
Have people bring their own chairs and drinks, ask certain people to bring certain dishes (like a potluck) do some lawn games - more like an adult summer party gathering than anything. But including men and women make it less conspicuous, but you can still add on the invitation where you're registered. You don't have to worry about decorations, favors or prizes - and it's certainly cost effective to "throw yourself".

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