May 2016 Moms

Friend miscarried

One of my best friends just had a miscarriage and I really want to get/do something for her but don't know what is helpful at this time. Any mama's who have had a miscarriage have any thoughts about what would have been helpful? 

Re: Friend miscarried

  • Oh no, I'm so sorry for your friend :( I haven't miscarried, but my first thought is food. Maybe make her a meal or two and bring them to her, or even schedule a night after Pollie goes down and do a girls night. Pedis and then dinner after? If it was me, I would probably need an excuse to get out of the house. I think anything that you do for her will be very much appreciated. 
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  • When I miscarried I didn't want to do anything but Netflix and couch.  I had a friend mail me some magazines, a bag of brookside chocolate cranberries, and a card by surprise. The friend had also miscarried before too so her words were genuine and encouraging. If you send a card I'd browse online for something appropriate to write if you haven't experienced a miscarriage yourself. 
    Me: 29  DH: 31, married 6/21/14, TTC since 7/14
    BFP #1 EDD 7/17/15, MMC 1/9/15 @8w
    BFP #2 4/3/15= ectopic treated with methotrexate 5/1, YET ruptured 5/18/15= One Tube Wonder!
    2 Cycles of Femara, Ovidrel, & Progesterone= BFP #3 DS born 5/17/16
    TTC #2 March 2017 (initially med free) 
    BFP #4 8/14/17 *natural cycle* EDD= 4/25/18, MC @5-6w D&C 9/22/17
    BFP #5 12/29/17 w/ Femara/Ovidrel/Progesterone/Synthroid, EDD= 9/11/18 found out 1/18 ITS di/di TWINS!!!
    DS and DD born 8/21/18 
  • kp90kp90 member
    I also didn't want to do anything but stay in the house/bed. Your friend may be different but just being there for her would be a big help and don't talk about the MC unless she begins the conversation. Maybe just a girls night in with some dinner or wine so she can relax and try to take her mind off things. I would leave your LO at home or with someone though. I know when I miscarried it was too hard for me to look at babies. Just caused more pain. 
  • In terms of what to say, I think sometimes people mean SO well but say the wrong thing. Things like "it wasn't meant to be," "at least it happened early," etc. are not a good choice for obvious reasons, but very well meaning people said them to me so I figured I'd share. "I'm sorry" and "I'm here for you" are a safe bet. 
    Me 27 | DH 28
    DS October 2014
    #2 May 2016
  • Thanks guys, these are great ideas! 
  • Little late, but just be there for her. As a pp said, when I miscarried I felt extremely alone and upset. I didn't understand why I lost my baby. Letting her know you are there for her in whatever way she needs is beyond value as she goes through this difficult time. 
  • When I miscarried my friends were fantastic and all got together and we sat in the backyard and drank, and gossiped and laughed. It was exactly what I needed after days of crying.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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