May 2016 Moms
missnc77
member
Options
SAHM vs. Back To Work
missnc77
member
As many of us are crossing the halfway point of the 12 weeks of FMLA, I'm curious if anyone has different feelings from how they originally felt about staying home or going back to work.
Where were you/Where are you?
Feelings/Thoughts?
Where were you/Where are you?
Feelings/Thoughts?
Re: SAHM vs. Back To Work
Feelings/Thoughts? The nap/eat/play/nap/eat/play routine is so mind numbing by the end of the week, and I like bringing in an income. We can survive on my husband's income, and I know a ton of SAHMs, so I could do playdates, but working feels good. But at the same time, as my ML gets closer to ending, I have this since of dread that I'm letting her down. I trust the daycare to take care of her, and I am even optimistic that by them being more experienced and getting her into a day routine, it will also help us at home. However, conversations like that on the FB group about caretakers not being able to pace bottle feed make me feel like our breastfeeding relationship will get ruined by bottles, potential overfeeding and me not being able to replace what I pump, etc. make me nervous. Also fitting in working out will likely take away even more time during the week that I get to spend with her. But not having my paycheck and having to stay at home is terrifying. I'm leaving the door open after I go back to work, though. If it doesn't feel good, and we can't get into a good routine, I am open to leaving.
I always was planning on going back to work and still am
Feelings/Thoughts?
I'm completely dreading going back to work. My husband has three more years for his doctorate so we can't afford for me not to go back. I love spending my days with my little girl and hate that I'll be going back to work when she'll start to be more interactive. I'm also nervous as my work is with abused children, I always have been able to be empathetic with the parents and try to see things from their perspective but now after having a baby I'm afraid the work may be too emotionally draining now. I'm hopeful I'll still love the work I do but at the same time I know it'll be harder hearing the kids stories of what they've been through
Where were you/Where are you?
I will be moving when this baby is 3ish months old, or else I'd go back to my teaching job in September. Things are totally up in the air as to whether I'll look for a job right away when we move, stay home for a while, or maybe just pick up some days as a sub to keep my sanity.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I really wish I had a firm plan, I think I'd feel better knowing there's an end in sight to being a full time SAHM. It is not my favorite gig. We moved when my son was 3 months old also, so I was in the exact same position as this time. I started looking for work at 8 months last time because teaching and pumping are borderline incompatible (except for @kbrands7 who I'm convinced must be superhuman) so it was easier just to teach a half day program, pump over lunch, and wean the one feeding he was missing in the morning. I was SOOO ready to be back at work by 8 months, so we'll see how long I last with this one. My pay is so measly that it will basically just cover childcare for the 2 kids, so I'd really only be going back for my personal sanity and to keep my career trajectory going.
I crunched the numbers a few months ago to see if we can swing me staying home and we can not. So I knew I had to go back. August 8 is my first day back.
Feelings/Thoughts?
Im dreading it
and lets face it, staying at home cuddling a baby and watching bravo all day really isn't that bad! I really could do it every day.
Where were you/Where are you?
I planned on going back and I will be going back.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I wish that I had it in me to be a SAHM, but I just don't. I love being able to have 11.5 weeks off with my child (most at my job only get around 6-8 depending on how much PTO they had), but I cannot do this daily. Not only do we need me to work financially, but I need that constant adult interaction and I enjoy my job. I know it'll be very hard to leave her in 5 weeks, but I'm already stir crazy - I was itching to get out of the house around 2-3 weeks and have made plans daily since. I applaud women who are SAHM's because it is a lot of freaking hard work - and I sadly just don't think I'm built to do it... I am a control freak though and will also want to make sure she is ok at all times and getting fed right/tended to like I do for her. Luckily, we found an in home place less than a mile from our home that we absolutely adore so it makes me feel a little better that I'll have more say when dealing with one caregiver versus multiple at a large daycare.
Talk to me in 5 weeks though when I'm crying about going back
I'll go back, but not right away. Thankfully, I'm able to extend my leave unpaid and just pay insurance out of pocket but they'll hold my job until next school year.
Feelings/Thoughts?
When I realized that I'd be able to swing staying home for a bit this time, I was so relieved I cried. I loved being able to stay home with DS1 for my 2 summer months off last year and I really desperately wanted more time with DS1 before he starts preschool and with DS2 to hopefully have a more straightforward breastfeeding relationship and have more time to bond since I don't plan to bedshare with him like I eventually did with DS1.
I absolutely hated going back so soon with DS1 because I wasn't ready to leave him yet, and as @Bellodomani said, teaching and pumping aren't very compatible. It was hellishly tiring making it all work and I got walked in on a lot despite a locking door and a do not disturb sign, which was at first embarassing, then frustrating. I constantly felt crunched for time. I didn't really get the relief of adult interaction or downtime because that's not how my work day was structured and any a potential adult interaction time (before work, lunch, after work) was spent pumping and working so that I could take less work home. I may look into work from home options part time to bring in a little money.
I was always returning to work and still am.
Feelings/thoughts?
I could never be a SAHM. I get bored. We're never home as it is. We constantly keep busy. I've been going to the office a couple times a week while on leave. Certain things only I can do. While I'm not eager to put Cora in daycare, I know we have no option and I like our daycare choice. Plus I need to return to work and do damage control. My income contributes to our lifestyle and we can't afford for me not to work. I think the transition will be easier for me as I've done this before with my 8 year old. My husband did mention the other day he rather have Cora in my arms than anyone else (because some of my clients have told the owner of the company to put a nursery in the office for me). I tried to explain to my hubby that I can't work with a baby in the office. If he really feels that way, then he needs to let me stay home. But we both know that isn't an option. I return July 18th. Oh but my boss did say I can bring her to work on Fridays and work as much as she allows me too. So she's going to daycare Mon-Thurs only.
It hasn't really hit me yet... LO is 5 weeks so it definitely just feels like I'm on maternity leave. And I made it really clear to MH that for the first couple months I was not going to be in "SAHM" mom mode, but more in survival mode... So I'm not doing a whole lot that makes the reality of it set in. Right now my only daily commitments are (other than feeding and watching LO of course!): making the bed, laundry, cleaning the cat litter, and tummy time with LO. If I do those four things then I consider it a successful day! Bonus points if I: leave the house, shower, do additional chores, etc :-)
Before LO- DH and I both worked full time, and we shared the cooking and cleaning responsibilities but he has always done more than me in all aspects of life. He is very clean/organized/etc and I am not. I am definitely feeling the pressure of living up to it... It'll be my responsibility to take care of LO the majority of the time and in a month or two it'll also be my job to keep the house clean all the time and do most of the cooking, too. MH and I moved to this area about a year ago and have no family here, and for the majority of the last year I was working until 10pm and pregnant ... Not a great way to make friends. So I also need to figure out how to meet people and get involved in the community so I don't go crazy and so LO can socialize with other kids.
Basically, being a SAHM is the exact opposite of who I was before LO got here, and I am nervous and anxious about it becoming who I am and how i can be successful at it. But I'm determined to make it work!! I think it will be good for DH and I's relationship. And I also grew up with a single Mom who always had 2-3 jobs which included overnights 3 nights a week. She never was involved in my school stuff or the community, we never ate dinner together, and I really just didn't get to see her a lot. She's an amazing Mom and my best friend but I've always said I wanted to do things differently if I had the opportunity and I do! So I really want to make it work!!
ETA... Thus far I feel really weird about calling myself a SAHM. Mostly because I haven't told my job yet because I'm taking my maternity leave and want my short term disability for 8 weeks!! But also because it just feels like there's a stigma attached to it... I'm wondering if people will judge me and think I have this easy gig when we all know it's a crazy hard job!! I haven't gotten Comfortable "owning" being a SAHM yet!
I have mixed feelings about it. I love spending time with my baby but I miss being around adults. She will be in childcare where I work so I'll be able to be around her, which eases my mind. I don't know that I could be a SAHM at this point. One day, we would like to homeschool our children but right now it's best for LO and our family if I go back. I think it will really help in establishing a solid routine. I am dreading it though.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
While I was on ML I couldn't wait to get back to work, I figured it would be a much needed break and I kind of missed it. But.....last week was hard. The grass is always greener is so true. It's hard emotionally and physically. I wouldn't call what I get "sleep" but more like a widespread string of naps, and it's exhausting. I am EBF so I do all the MOTN feedings, then get up for the day at 7am and I hate it, I'm just not a morning person. I had a headache everyday last week from being so tired and I felt like a total mombie. I also had a sad/guilty feeling while pumping at work, I went from having baby breastfeeding all the time, to spending most of my day pumping and it made me sad. The first thing I did every day when I got home was BF.
Hopefully this week will be easier. The lack of sleep is the worst, and missing LO seems normal, it sucks that I come home just in time for the witching hour. I really wish I could be a SAHM for a couple more months, but it's just not possible
I was intending to find a way to work part time or from home. I'm fortunate that my school is going to keep me on as a part time sub a few days a week and guarantee work for me. (If they don't need a sub they'll find something else for me to do).
Feelings/Thoughts?
I'm thrilled. I feel like I get the best of both worlds. My mom will be watching him while I'm at work, so no worries there! I'm happy to stay at my school because I've been there for 5 years and I love it. And I won't have any gaps in my work history and I'll stay in my field.
Financially it's a little scary, as we're taking quite a cut, but DH is looking for another job, so hopefully he finds something that pays more to relieve a bit of that. It should work out, though...
For me, there are days I run out the door in the morning but I rush home faster. There are days that absolutely suck. I lock my door, FaceTime my mom and cry. There are days I stay home just for a mental day, and treat my daughter and wonder how anyone has the energy. It takes a village.
I had always planned to go back and I am. I actually did extend my leave from 10 to 12 weeks though, which I'm glad I did. Physically and emotionally, it's much needed.
Feelings/Thoughts?
DH and I really like our lifestyle and the only way to maintain that is for me to work. Sure we could live off of DH's income, but it would be tight. On top of the fact that I like my job and bringing in an income. I will say, it took 6 weeks for me to really enjoy being a mom. I had baby blues from working out breastfeeding issues and accepting this little person I created that is controlling my life.
Now that I'm less than 5 weeks away from sending LO to daycare, I just want to cry. I'm going to miss my monkey so much. I think about his feelings and how his first day will be. That's one of reasons I opted for 2 extra weeks. Starting July 18th, I'm doing a week of half days with him then gradually do the full 8 hours. That's to help him (and me) adjust to being without each other until the first day I go back to work (August 1st). I don't want his first day to be a full 8 hours, although we'll be paying full price for the week. Honestly, I don't care because it's for the sake of my sanity.
I've been taking loads of pictures and taking advantage of cuddles as much as I can!
I work from home and am hopefully able to stay in this job for the next couple of years. DS is not going to be put in daycare for the time being, as my hours are flexi and DH also works from home.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I started working a week PP, and even though it's not full time for the moment, my days can get pretty intense. Running a house, having a NB, working (albeit from home) and being adament to have lots of time with DH pretty much takes up most of my day.
I am not sure at what stage I will be sending DS to nursery/kindergarden.
I don't think I will be able to give up working though, maybe with the second one, should we decide on having another. I feel like my current situation is very much a case of me and DH landing with our arses in butter because we are so lucky. Definitely the best of both worlds.
*And now the Hannah Montana song is stuck in my head. Nice...
I had planned on going back to work and started back last Thursday.
Feelings/Thoughts:
I like my job, but I wish I could be a SAHM. I always knew it would be hard going back to work and it truly was! I work midnight shift and my DH is home for the summer right now(he's a teacher) so he is home with LO. I have only been sleeping 4 hours when I get home in the mornings, because I want to maximise the amount of time with my son. So Im exhausted all the time. When DH goes back to work, my cousin will be watching LO.
I make more money than my DH, and my job has excellent benefits (lots of vacation time, a pension, company pays for my entire health insurance premium). We crunched numbers and it would be possible for me to stay home, but we would have to completely change our lifestyle and the budget would be super tight. So Im back at work, and I know I can provide more for LO with my income, but then I wonder if Im being materialistic and selfish by working instead of sacrificing to be able to stay home with him. It sucks and breaks my heart to leave him. Luckily he is asleep and I can pick him up whenever I want during the day when he goes to my cousin's house. Night shift allows me to have more time with him during the day as opposed to a normal day schedule. However, I still daydream about being able to stay home. I am envious of people who are able to stay home without having to make a huge lifestyle change (we would literally go from having lots of disposable income to barely making ends meet).
Where were you/where are you?
Early in pregnancy, I was working a job that I loved at a library in my area. I had hyperemesis so bad that I eventually had to quit three months into it. Before that happened, I had initially been planning to go back to work, but after quitting DH suggested I try the SAHM thing out for awhile before I start looking for another job. I'm glad he did and am very grateful that we are able to have one of us stay at home.
Feelings/Thoughts:
Motherhood is simultaneously the best and most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me, and there are definitely some days that I miss working and being around other adults on a regular basis, and in charge of things that I used to get actual recognition for. Money is also tighter than it used to be but what I was making would barely cover child care anyway, so I have zero regrets on that end. I'm mostly just really grateful to have the opportunity to stay home for the time being.
I do think that when LO/the youngest of any future children we have start school, I will start looking into rejoining the workforce. I don't think my library days are over yet...
Originally the plan was for me to become a SAHM but I'm in the process of interviewing with an organization I love.
Feelings/Thoughts?
The organization I'm interviewing with approached me about the job opening. I was not looking and thought I would stay home. The position that's open would be a great career growth opportunity within an organization I'm already passionate about. I'd also have quite a bit of job flexibility where I could work from home a few days/ week, bring LO to work with me, and flexible schedule hours.
The first time I was away from LO was going to the interview. When I came home I was so excited to see her and play with her. Usually I'm exhausted by the afternoon and a little checked out during our interactions. I realized then that I need to spend time away from her so that our relationship is kept fresh and fun. I don't like the tired and annoying feeling I get in the evening from being with a baby all day.
DD: 05/14/16
I am honestly ecstatic to be able to stay home. I didn't know how I would handle being with a baby all day, and so far I love it. And frankly I hate my job and was seriously dreading going back. I make good money, but it's a miserable work environment. There is very little cordial interaction with my coworkers and I get no positive recognition for what I do. And because of the length of my commute, I would be away from my baby for at least 10 hours a day. With the cost of childcare, I would be doing all of this for about $100 profit or maybe less per week. Forget that.
I always said I wanted to stay home with my kids while they are babies, and I am so, so happy that it looks like I'll get the chance!
I always planned to go back to work, although if it were up to DH, I would be a SAHM. I planned to take 6 months of unpaid leave from my job, i work for the city so they don't offer any real maternity leave, once your vacation time is exhausted you're not getting any income. DH can support us on his salary, but it would be tight and just wind up adding additional stress.
Feelings/Thoughts?
What can I say- I just don't feel cut out to be a SAHM. I love my LO and it sickens me to have to leave him with someone but besides the financial burden of me staying home, I just can't see myself doing this every single day. I've been working and making my own money since I was 15, so to just stop all that now is very hard for me. I'm sure it will be difficult going back to work and my tune might change some as the date nears closer, but to be honest, I would go back tomorrow if I could.
I was going to go back to work. I am now quitting my job and starting another job where I can work only two 6-hour shifts a week at instead of 50-60 hour weeks.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I have mixed feelings. I have always enjoyed my career, but the hours (nights) aren't super easy to find daycare for. We planned on using a nanny since DH also works nights, but after the first couple of weeks home I realized I wanted to spend more time with LO than I thought I would be able to if I went back to work.
Monetarily it is completely feasible for me to stay home, but I'm not sure that is the best option either. I've always been financially independent and to not have my own income to spend sucks. DH would gladly buy me anything I needed but I really enjoy making, saving, and spending my own money.
So, after talking to the company I work for, I've decided to leave which will be a big step backwards professionally, but I think it will be best since I'll get to spend time with LO. I'll also be picking up a couple of shifts bartending in my old hood where the money is great and the shifts are short. It's nice to be able to fall back on and should almost be the same pay I was receiving while working full-time before. This means that DH will take care of LO one day and we will only have to hire a sitter for one day week, which will be great! Also, it will be good to have some adult time where I'm not just staring at a baby all day. Really hoping I can find balance in all of this!
Since DS1 was born I've worked a few hours a week and I'll continue that just for the adult interaction and mental stimulation. I've always imagined being home with my kids and I'm just grateful we are in a position that allows for it without compromising our lifestyle. If for some reason that changes I can easily increase my hours since it's my family's business. I realize I'm lucky to have a unique situation that gives me the best of both worlds.
I planned to return to work, and already am back at work full time.
Feelings/thoughts?
With this maternity leave, although short (less than 6 weeks), I struggled with the decision more than I did with the previous ML. I worked from home during ML and I enjoyed it. We built a house last year and I purposefully put an office in it so that I could work from home more. Part of going back to work was hard because my other boys are home on summer break from school. I loved having everyone home with me. But it's hard to balance home life and work life from home. I do need time in the office to get things done. But I am thinking of approaching my work to figure out a schedule where I can work remotely 1/3 - 1/2 the time. I feel lucky that my type of job could allow me to entertain the idea.
Little brother was born October 1, 2012.
I planned to stay home but was considering working toward the end of the pregnancy / I am now staying at home.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I initially wanted to be a SAHM and MH wanted this as well but somewhere along the line I thought I might go crazy if I stayed home with baby all day. Now at 2 months old I can't imagine leaving her. I can't even imagine when I will feel ok leaving her with her sisters for a few hours. We plan to start trying for a second within a year so any work related decisions will be waiting till after #2 is born (assuming it happens) I may do some part time school courses I have been meaning to get into though.
I was planing on returning to work after ML, but now DH has an opportunity at his company to re-locate to a small town. He would get a pay increase and we would have less expenses which is amazing! However, there aren't any job opportunities for me there. We have not committed 100% yet, but it's very likely. I like my job but it's not a dream job.
Feelings/Thoughts?
I'm excited to stay with my son and give him quality time to help him learn and grow. Our ideal situation would be for me to SAH for 3-5 years to raise DS and potentially baby #2 then move back to a city so I could go back to work. What's holding up our decision is that I'm scared I'll have a hard time finding work after 3-5 years off and will be majorly stagnated. I'm only 2 years out of my masters program so I don't have a ton of experience in my field yet. I understand I might have to take a lesser-paying job and work my way back up, but I'm terrified I'll be so un-competitive.
Anyone have thoughts or stories about re-entering the workforce? I need your input mamas!
Last week was my first week back. I'm working on Wednesdays and Thursdays doing X-ray for my two favorite doctors in my favorite department of the hospital so it was really good. I missed LO but it felt really good to be back doing a job that I really like. My mom watches LO on Wednesdays and my MIL watches him on Thursdays so it has worked out well so far.
I work from home but my company will not allow me to have LO with me while working. So, I'll be all alone at home doing a dead end job that I don't enjoy. When I get back, I'm planning to try moving up into another role internally. If that doesn't work, I'll begin to look externally.
I'm hopeful that finding a position that is challenging will make leaving LO in day care easier.
At the start of the 2nd trimester, we decided to move across the country from MA to Texas (previously lived here). While it would be tight but feasible for me to stay home, we agreed I should find a new teaching job in Texas so I would make friends & not be too bored or get depressed. I have an ew job.
Feelings/Thoughts?
Turns out, I love being home with baby. I go back to work on Friday at the new teaching job and baby (10 weeks) starts daycare for two half days on Wednesday, then full-time on Friday. I cannot stop crying. I don't think I made the wrong choice but my heart is breaking to know I won't be able to be there when she cries, that I will be apart from her so many hours of each day, and that she might miss me and think I've left her for good.. It is so much harder than I ever imagined. I've told myself it is only for a year and if it is absolutely hell, I can quit (which would actually be a massive problem & likely get my teaching license suspended if I quit mid-year because that's a thing public schools in TX can choose to do).
When we have baby #2, I'll likely stay home because my salary wouldn't be too much more than daycare costs, and I cannot wait for that already.
I always planned to return to work full time; I have now started a new job that does not require travel like my last one did and has better work-life balance.
Feelings/Thoughts?
Initially, I was all "this is NOT going to work." I have cried for hours every single night this week. However, I am thinking that, ultimately, I will adjust and this will be a good fit for me. I'm struggling a lot with missing so much time with my baby, but this is a really good job at a really nice place, and I think it will soon be the new normal and I'll adjust. After all, I cried for weeks after she was born too... I wanted to go back to work immediately then lol.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020