Feeling not so pretty...

BabyBugutsky · July 2016

I feel bad for even thinking about myself with baby around but is anyone else still struggling to bounce back after baby? I had to have a c-section and baby boy stretched out my stomach pretty good. I have deep purple stretch marks that I've been told will never go away without cosmetic surgery. I've tried bio oil and everything else and nothing is working.

My tummy is so flabby still. I'm working out and I'm on a strict diet to get rid of it. But it's been a slow process. I have my first large family gathering in a month when my cousin gets married and I'm terrified. I feel like I won't feel pretty and I'll just hide all day/night.

My hubby tells me I'm pretty but I feel like he's just saying it because he has to. I've been dealing with postpartum depression and I think I'm just being hard on myself but I can't help it

What did you do to lose your baby weight? Is recovering from a c-section harder than a natural birth? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

sugarmagn0lia · July 2016

Girl, never feel bad about thinking of yourself too. You're a mom now, but you're still a person! Especially if you've struggled with PPD, let yourself think of you too.
All that said, I think it's tough for a lot of us to adjust to post-baby changes. To be frank with you, for me it's my breasts. I had one of our preemies, and he'll be a year on the 21st (side note: so crazy!), and he's just now winding down on breastfeeding. I honestly feel like it's just taken all the life away from the boobs I once loved! Plus, I have (now faded) stretchmarks there.
I wish I had more great advice to give you, but mostly I can just offer support and understanding. Once baby is mobile it'll become a lot easier to be mobile and find more activity to just work in. I'm personally hoping baby eating what I eat will inspire me to cut out the garbage I eat ha! If you want to work out, there's always great at-home workouts to find to work in during baby's nap time or after bed. My best advice: cut yourself some slack! Buy some clothes you love that you feel great in at whatever size you're at instead of the size you want to be at. Do something that makes you feel good; a manicure, a massage, whatever it is. Just try to remember to give yourself some love.

missliz53 · July 2016

I'm right there with you. At 10 months pp from a c-section I think I am just starting to get my stomach muscles back. I feel like it's taken them that long to heal. And my stomach is way different then pre-baby, so is the rest of my body and it's hard coming to terms with this new shape, especially because I had a bigger bone structure to begin with and now my rib cage and hips and breasts are bigger than before and they were big enough to start with.

I haven't been through a vaginal birth, so I don't know what recovery time is there and I'm sure it depends on a lot of factors. But keep in mind, that with a c-section, they cut through your abdominal muscles and it takes a long time for those to heal and from what I've heard, they may not be quite the same as they were before.

I'm still working on losing my baby weight and I have a lovely set of stretch mark too, but I'm trying to think of them as my Tiger stripes.

You have a beautiful, strong body that grew and carried your baby for 9 months and that's something to be proud of. And you are going to raise a wonderful son who respects women for who they are, not what they look like, and that's something to be proud of.

BabyBugutsky · July 2016

@sugarmagn0lia thank you for the support I honestly feel like I shouldn't complain or think about myself. My boobs are also not the same! They are 3 sizes bigger and so saggy! I only breast fed for max 3 weeks as LO has a lactose sensitivity but they are not like they once were. Its like my entire body just sags now and i feel so un pretty. I know it's crazy how time flies! A year already wow! I am doing some at home work outs and my LO is already eating and it's definitely helping me cut out the junk food and not healthy stuff. My PPD has really been a struggle and I feel like I'm failing as a mom, wife everything.

@missliz53 thank you for your support. Your words made me cry! Maybe I'm just expecting too much from my body right now. I am strong and my son is an amazing kid already. He will brighten up even my darkest days. I'm so lucky I get to call him my son. I still don't have any feeling in my c-section scar area do you?

sugarmagn0lia · July 2016

It's so hard as mom's to let ourselves think of ourselves, but it really is important. I always think of the old SNL "Mom Jeans" skit. "They say 'I'm not a woman anymore. I'm a mom.'" Lol.
What on earth TB? Erased 2/3 of my message!
Anyway. I don't remember everything I said, but the long and the short of it was essentially that PPD is a bear, but you at least seem to recognize that's where the feelings are coming from. I'm 100% confident that you aren't failing. You made a human from scratch, and you did a damn fine job of it! You're doing great momma.

Sorry I couldn't remember what I said better

Edited because The Bump totally failed me on that one.

jlemons-2 · July 2016

I feel the same way. I just started trying to change that attitude over the last two weeks. I quit my job and I'm back to looking for a new one. When I go to interviews I just don't feel confident anymore

BabyBugutsky · July 2016

sugarmagn0lia said:

It's so hard as mom's to let ourselves think of ourselves, but it really is important. I always think of the old SNL "Mom Jeans" skit. "They say 'I'm not a woman anymore. I'm a mom.'" Lol.
What on earth TB? Erased 2/3 of my message!
Anyway. I don't remember everything I said, but the long and the short of it was essentially that PPD is a bear, but you at least seem to recognize that's where the feelings are coming from. I'm 100% confident that you aren't failing. You made a human from scratch, and you did a damn fine job of it! You're doing great momma.

Sorry I couldn't remember what I said better Edited because The Bump totally failed me on that one.

It did it to me too I had to redo my entire reply earlier!

It just did it right now! So annoying to have to re write everything.

Thank you again. I'm hoping things get better. I'm proud of my son and that I carried him. It was an amazing time and I wish I could just constantly be happy but it's been a real struggle. I'll get over the hump eventually it will just take time.

BabyBugutsky · July 2016

@jclemon best of luck with the interviews! I hope you find an amazing job you love. I've changed my attitude and lifestyle around the last few weeks as well. It's definitely helped. Kick but in your interviews!

ABombard12 · July 2016

I feel the same way that everyone has posted on here. I have slowly come into a flow with getting dressed for work (limited to a lot of maternity clothes still ) but none the less have mastered it a little. But then the weekend hits and my C-section shelf of a stomach with no muscles (not that I had much before) doesn't fit in anything, I'm still nursing and my chest doesn't fit in most things unless I want to have a uni-chest... I just tried that stitchfix to try to help me out because NONE of my clothes fit me and I keep telling myself oh just wait they will again... I am beginning to think they wont and I need to invest in some more clothes that actually fit and I think maybe that may help me feel better. I still cant even get my wedding band on... engagement ring finally got that over my knuckle but cannot fit the band Do I get it fixed or do I continue to keep hoping it will go back to the way I was? And having my DH see me naked... I keep yelling at him because I feel like he is staring at my stretch marks and my overhanging flesh over my C-section scar.. he also tells me I look great but how do you feel sexy again? How do you feel like your back together? When does that happen? Does it? I love my little man and when its just us in the house in my sweats and t-shirts I am happy and do not care... but I guess its probably not the best to stay inside the house in pjs ALL the time playing ha and my poor DH.... he goes to even touch near my stomach and I pull away because I don't want him feeling that mush.. Ugh Does it ever get better?! Will I get some structure back at some point? (End rant... sorry! Just happy to have others who seem to feel the same way and its not just me who at 10 months postpartum am still not back to normal)...

jlemons-2 · July 2016

BabyBugutsky said:

@jclemon best of luck with the interviews! I hope you find an amazing job you love. I've changed my attitude and lifestyle around the last few weeks as well. It's definitely helped. Kick but in your interviews!

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm hoping to get something soon!

BabyBugutsky · July 2016

@ABombard12 I'm planning on buying some new clothes soon too. All my monwy goes to bills or baby I don't leave any for myself. I need to now though. I'm sure that will make a difference in how I feel. You are not alone in the struggle! I'm right there with you. I just keep saying it will get better. *hugs*

ABombard12 · July 2016

@babybugutsky Same here! My DH just yelled at me because I don't take the time (umm not sure where he thinks the time would be found) to go shopping and if i go i end up shopping for baby. It will get better... I just keep waiting....

lmbrandt · July 2016

I hear ya, this recovery emotionally and physically has been far more difficult than I had ever imagined! I had a vaginal delivery, and my belly is still so loose, I feel like any muscles I had in there are completely gone. I do have to admit that I am not great at keeping a good exercise schedule or routine, but I REALLY need to. I always feel so much better about myself after working out!

Not only is my body still so out of shape, but I lost a TON of hair a few months postpartum. Well all that has started to grow back now and is probably about an inch long, and surrounds my face and sticks straight out. It's horrible! It decided to grow in super coarse too, so nothing I do helps it! Thankfully tomorrow I am going to get my hair cut and colored. Looks like I'll be getting some bangs, and hopefully a new messy, long bob...fingers crossed it turns out!

My husband always tells me to take time for myself too. But it's hard! I'm a stay at home mom currently, and by the time he gets home from work I want to spend time with him too, not run off to the gym. It feels like we have such limited time together anyway!

I told myself I wasn't going to buy any new clothes until I fully lost all the weight, but that just wasn't realistic. So I did go out and get a few things that fit now, that definitely does help a little!

Hang in there, you're not alone!!

lonziem · July 2016

I feel ya! I was in such good shape before I had a baby! I was a size 4.. Now I'm a 12 and a 32G... My boobs are so floppy I don't know what to do with them. I'm still pretty active, running 4-5 days a week and doing weights on the others days but I've lost six pounds since the initial 20 pound when I had her

it's so frustrating working so had and having no changes. I was even dieting for awhile but have up because it made no difference. I'm hoping after I'm doing breastfeeding it'll be easier. I hate putting on pants, I feel like nothing looks good. My husband still says I look good but I don't feel good. It's not easy!!

tlc11934 · July 2016

Ok, take a deep breath and do something for you. The baby needs a happy mommy and it's ok to put yourself first sometimes. I was in a funk and only spending money on the kids, being down about my wardrobe and my body. Then I said "f it, I have to do something." I had only lost 13 of my 35lbs (and baby girl was 9lbs 1oz).

I started isagenix three weeks ago and have lost 12.4lbs and 6.5 inches! My clothes are big so I had to go shopping. It was a nice feeling.

Im not trying to brag, just motivate you. Do you work? Go shop on your lunch break. Home with the LO - let your H watch the baby on a Sat morning. Go shopping by yourself or with a girlfriend.

And I'm sure you ARE beautiful. We tend to not give ourselves credit as women. Stop it! Sending hugs.

missliz53 · July 2016

@BabyBugutsky

My scar is definitely still a little numb. I had to rub my hernia scar to compare the two, lol.

One thing that I've found that has really helped my is getting back into my dance class. I'm a belly dancer and there are women of all different shapes and sizes in
my class and they all look beautiful dancing. It helps remind me not to be so hard on myself and gives me the added incentive to work out at home so I can build my stomach muscles up
again.

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com · July 2016

I recommend things that play up assets and hide trouble spots. For sexy time with the hubs go onto Amazon and they have awesome cheap sexy outfits that show and cover different areas - it ends up looking super sexy and you'll feel way more comfortable being naked in front of hubby, plus he will be blown away you thought of him in this way. I find it can work wonders to get your hair colored cut and styled, pedicure, new makeup. Loose cute dresses that hide trouble areas since they are free flowing. Pair them with super cute sandals. I guess my point is to focus on your great areas and things you can control. For the longest time I didn't get my hair done or anything and I felt awwwwwful. Amazing what a few hours can do to improve my looks and mood and self esteem. All that aside, we are way harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Men think we are gorgeous and all they want is sexy time with us, some scars, sagging, stretch marks doesn't turn them off in the slightest! It really doesn't! They just want to touch us and see us - so don't think for a moment you should be insecure about those things!! Seriously, we are beautiful women, flaunt whatcha got!!!!

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