My confession is that I'm having a major freakout about the impending birth of DS2 this morning. I want him out of body ASAP but I'm just wondering how the hell am I going to do it all? How am I going to be able to give DS1 the attention that he needs after DS2 is born? DH will only be taking a few days off of work once DS2 is born (thanks, 'merica!) so after that I'll be totally on my own and probably still trying to recover and take care of the newborn all by myself. All of our family members are on the other side of the country (not like they give a damn anyways) so I can't rely on anyone to help. Also I haven't heard so much as a peep from supposed "good" friends in quite some time. I'm wondering how I'll keep my sanity on little/no sleep for MONTHS. With DS1 my life was a complete clusterfuck in those first few months. I have my bottle of Zoloft ready this time at least. I already feel like I failed at this motherhood thing and DS2 is not even born yet. Not off to a good start. Plus, DH and I were fighting a lot earlier in my pregnancy -- while things with DH have improved drastically over the past few months, I'm worried that the added stress of a newborn will send us right back to where we came from. They say it takes a village, but where the hell is mine??
@rnyland1 all the hugs! I'm a FTM so no perspective on adding another baby to the family. Are you able to connect with other moms locally? I know in my community there are quite a few playgroups, as well as other meetings for moms (la leche league, baby wearing, etc). I'm sorry you're feeling stressed and like a failure already, but I think just the fact that you know this will be a big change and are trying to figure out what to do now shows what a great mom and wife you are! If you thought it would be easy breezy and weren't worried I would be more concerned I think.
@rnyland1 I've had that freak out once or twice this pregnancy. We have a lot in common. While my family isn't far away, the majority of them don't care. But you'll manage. Everything seems darker when you over think it... it's just the way the mind works. But you'll be strong and do what's best and get through it, even if, looking back, you wonder how in the hell did I do this! And we can be your village here! I know it's not the same as hands on help, but at least you can vent here and feel supported
thanks @megstervt@samantha1206@schaze I'm glad I have this group! Shiz is getting real for sure it's hard not to feel overwhelmed! We really are just days away from meeting our LO's (and many of you already have!). Crazy how this pregnancy flew by.
@rnyland1 sending creepy internet hugs your way. Please don't beat yourself up and worry that you are failing DS2. Someone once told me that just the act of worrying about being a good mother is a giant step in the direction of being a great mother because you are concerned about the well being of your child. I would look around for some local mommy groups to build your village and like the others have said, we can be your virtual village. Hang in there mama, you've got this!
@rnyland1 I know exactly how you feel. I'm also deathly terrified that I'm doing a disservice to DD because of having the new baby. She's been our whole world since the day she was born. I'm even more nervous for how she is going to handle DH and the new baby together. DD and DH spend a lot of time together when I'm out of town for work. It's really hard when they say it takes a village. Our families aren't close either- my parents are 6-7 hours away while his are 16. Turns out date nights out since DD was born have been pretty non-existent, but we've learned how to improvise. I know we can do this. If anything else, we'll have each other to lean on when times are tough. So many hugs to you!!
I bawled my eyes out the night before my induction because I was upset about DS not being an only child anymore and afraid he would hate us, but of course, that's not what has happened. He had a somewhat bratty and defiant first week home with her, but has shown nothing but love and affection toward her. Now a few weeks out, his behavior has normalized a bit. We still try to make one on one time with him. Things are not the same, of course, but they aren't as drastically different or difficult as I thought they would be. (I should mention though that DH and I are both teachers and off for the summer.)
@rnyland1 so sorry you're feeling that way, but like others have said you have support here and definitely try to find some mommy groups to help! I have a similar situation, although not technically my children, my SO has two from a previous marriage. He doesn't get much time off of work and he works evenings so his girls are with me (they are with us half time). They are 7 and 3.5. They are really good girls, but I worry about them feeling like they are getting enough attention when baby comes. I've had to explain to my SO that he needs to do things with just them so they still get the time they deserve. He and I also had issues towards the beginning of this pregnancy and still have some so that doesn't help. My family lives on the east coast and I'm on the west. I'm definitely lucky enough to have a great group of friends who say (now) they are willing to help with whatever I need. I hope you have an easy transition when little one arrives and definitely try to get out once you can in order to be with other adults for support!
One of my work colleagues decided to throw me a baby shower today, we work in a nursing home and she decided to have it there. She got to include all the residents and we had little games which I thought was fantastic. FFFC:My main reason for taking pictures was to just post them on Facebook and Snapchat for my so called friends to see. They have been crappy since Ive been pregnant and I want them to feel guilty for not wanting to be part of this time with me. I'm so grateful that I have these amazing ladies in work that have supported me so much and just wanted to share that!
@rnyland1 so many hugs! You are in now way a failure know you have all of us for support and don't feel guilty about asking for help and support from others as needed. You can do this!
My FFFC: before I got pregnant and even before 36 weeks I was a judgmental asshole when I would hear or read people saying they were done being pregnant and wanted the baby out for their own comfort. I used to think "how selfish, those last couple weeks are so important" I'm here to admit I was wrong. I get it now. I won't do anything drastic, but I 100% understand the feeling of being done and why women say it and feel it. I'm incredibly thankful I and LO don't have complications which is allowing him to say in and grow, but honestly if he came today I wouldn't be sad.
@megstervt AMEN!!!!! I feel like the last week or so I've been dying for him to come out. I am in awe of everyone who is overdue or closer to their due date and still managing. My knees hurt, my vag hurts, I just hurt. Hot mess. I got like 2 weeks left and every single day I say, "well... Today isn't a bad day to be born, come on baby!!!!"
My confession is that if you've called/emailed/texted asking if the baby is here and we're not close, I'm not responding. I can understand my mom and my MIL asking every day but randos that I don't talk to? No thanks. You'll find out when you find out.
@megstervt I feel you on that one! I AM SO READY. not even at my due day and every day I say "Come on Lukas!" and nearly cried when the doctor told me yesterday no progress. I feel guilty because a lot of the ladies here are so overdue and I'm still griping.
Husband thinks all those stupid onesies with dorky sayings are adorable. I detest them like many of you. Therefore I thought it in Elliott's best interest to hide said onesies until he grows out of them. They're hidden under the bed in the guest room. I am clearly 12 years old.
Thinking of you, @rnyland1. How you're feeling is already totally normal, but the fact that you have a smaller support system locally makes it even harder. But you got through it once and you'll do it again.
Does DS1 go to daycare or school? In many ways I think that a newborn might be easier than my nutty toddler (who I love, but come on, toddlerhood is tough). So you might actually find a little relief in caring for a tiny person who can't talk back!
Just try to remember you know what you're doing, you're already an awesome mom, and you've got this. Also, your only job is to take care of your kids, so don't let other things distract you. Much of the housework and other things can wait. And get as much sleep as you can when baby is asleep and do other things that make you happy/give you a break whenever you can! And Zoloft -- if that helps, it's good that you're ready with it!
@rnyland1 I totally wept (like for real) the night before I went into labor with my 2nd because I also felt guilty knowing that my DDs world was about to be rocked. I'm now onto my 3rd and have a better perspective. While the beginning is definitely hard because of lack of sleep, you can include your first in helping with the baby and they LOVE that job. And don't feel guilty having him watch a little extra TV or whatever else works while you get through the adjustment period! It's healthy for our kids to learn to play by themselves and soon enough your kids will be each other's playmates and best friends! That is the best! You've got this!
FFFC: I'm already ready for my LO to be out of the newborn stage. I love her to pieces but the sleep deprivation and breastfeeding are really overwhelming.
@MamaBish My dad gave me a book for Christmas. Something about The Things Kids Should Know About God or something. I am not a religious person. At all. And this book was basically telling children that they are sinners and will be punished. It made me really uncomfortable. I don't know if my dad knew how intense it was, but I hid it somewhere. I explained that I would not be showing it to my child... Ever.
Confession: I feel like a selfish brat but I'm really hurt and bothered by the fact that no one from DH's side of the family has called or messaged me and have barely messaged DH this whole pregnancy. The first visit was 2 weeks ago and I saw them all of 3 hours in the 4 days day they were here. But that's it. My parents have been super involved and my mom has flown out twice to visit and she's flying out to help us once LO is here. His family is within a few hours driving distance and mines on the other side of the country. I hurt for my DH too. I know this can't be easy on him either.
FFFC: I am not a baby person, and will take being 8 or 9 months pregnant for as long as possible over the exhaustion and work of having a newborn. We wanted this baby, but because we know eventually it will turn into a person capable of carrying conversation, going to the bathroom on his or her own, etc. I cried so much when DD was little. Soo not ready for that again and due date is in 3 weeks. Yikes.
FFFC2: I prefer less visitors and wish we didn't have so much family all right here. Everyone has their own advice, wants to hold baby when I want to hold my own baby, makes me feel the need to keep my house clean when people are constantly rolling in and out....have I mentioned I'm not ready for this?
Re: fffc
My confession is that I'm having a major freakout about the impending birth of DS2 this morning. I want him out of body ASAP but I'm just wondering how the hell am I going to do it all? How am I going to be able to give DS1 the attention that he needs after DS2 is born? DH will only be taking a few days off of work once DS2 is born (thanks, 'merica!) so after that I'll be totally on my own and probably still trying to recover and take care of the newborn all by myself. All of our family members are on the other side of the country (not like they give a damn anyways) so I can't rely on anyone to help. Also I haven't heard so much as a peep from supposed "good" friends in quite some time. I'm wondering how I'll keep my sanity on little/no sleep for MONTHS. With DS1 my life was a complete clusterfuck in those first few months. I have my bottle of Zoloft ready this time at least. I already feel like I failed at this motherhood thing and DS2 is not even born yet. Not off to a good start. Plus, DH and I were fighting a lot earlier in my pregnancy -- while things with DH have improved drastically over the past few months, I'm worried that the added stress of a newborn will send us right back to where we came from. They say it takes a village, but where the hell is mine??
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
I have a similar situation, although not technically my children, my SO has two from a previous marriage. He doesn't get much time off of work and he works evenings so his girls are with me (they are with us half time). They are 7 and 3.5. They are really good girls, but I worry about them feeling like they are getting enough attention when baby comes. I've had to explain to my SO that he needs to do things with just them so they still get the time they deserve.
He and I also had issues towards the beginning of this pregnancy and still have some so that doesn't help. My family lives on the east coast and I'm on the west. I'm definitely lucky enough to have a great group of friends who say (now) they are willing to help with whatever I need.
I hope you have an easy transition when little one arrives and definitely try to get out once you can in order to be with other adults for support!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
My FFFC: before I got pregnant and even before 36 weeks I was a judgmental asshole when I would hear or read people saying they were done being pregnant and wanted the baby out for their own comfort. I used to think "how selfish, those last couple weeks are so important" I'm here to admit I was wrong. I get it now. I won't do anything drastic, but I 100% understand the feeling of being done and why women say it and feel it. I'm incredibly thankful I and LO don't have complications which is allowing him to say in and grow, but honestly if he came today I wouldn't be sad.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
@megstervt AMEN!!!!! I feel like the last week or so I've been dying for him to come out. I am in awe of everyone who is overdue or closer to their due date and still managing. My knees hurt, my vag hurts, I just hurt. Hot mess. I got like 2 weeks left and every single day I say, "well... Today isn't a bad day to be born, come on baby!!!!"
My confession is that if you've called/emailed/texted asking if the baby is here and we're not close, I'm not responding. I can understand my mom and my MIL asking every day but randos that I don't talk to? No thanks. You'll find out when you find out.
July16 JULY siggy challenge
Does DS1 go to daycare or school? In many ways I think that a newborn might be easier than my nutty toddler (who I love, but come on, toddlerhood is tough). So you might actually find a little relief in caring for a tiny person who can't talk back!
Just try to remember you know what you're doing, you're already an awesome mom, and you've got this. Also, your only job is to take care of your kids, so don't let other things distract you. Much of the housework and other things can wait. And get as much sleep as you can when baby is asleep and do other things that make you happy/give you a break whenever you can! And Zoloft -- if that helps, it's good that you're ready with it!
me! LOL!
take being 8 or 9 months pregnant for as long as possible over the exhaustion and work of having a newborn. We wanted this baby, but because we know eventually it will turn into a person capable of carrying conversation, going to the bathroom on his or her own, etc. I cried so much when DD was little. Soo not ready for that again and due date is in 3 weeks. Yikes.
FFFC2: I prefer less visitors and wish we didn't have so much family all right here. Everyone has their own advice, wants to hold baby when I want to hold my
own baby, makes me feel the need to keep
my house clean when people are constantly rolling in and out....have I mentioned I'm not ready for this?