LOs and Social Media

megstervt · July 2016

I know this was discussed briefly in the UO thread and I think it's been mentioned before, but I wanted to start a dedicated thread about social media and children. I thought it might be helpful to have a place where people can share what they've decided for their family and get advice from others if/when issues arise. Have you and/or your partner made a decision about sharing info and pictures on social media? What types of apps or services do you use to share? Any issues with friends and family around this decision? How have you handled that?

megstervt · July 2016

I feel pretty strongly about not sharing pictures of LOs face on social media and won't post a picture of him here on my birth announcement. DH does not feel as strongly about this, but is willing to go along with it because he knows it's important to me. We've considered doing a private facebook or instagram page to share pictures with friends and family, but I'm not 100% confident in the privacy settings. I'm also looking into the Notabli app and smugmug.com as I have friends who use them for this reason and are happy with the services.

For us, I think the bigger issue will be others sharing pictures on their pages. DH and I are both very non-confrontational so it feels uncomfortable asking people to take down pictures they may have taken and shared. DH is especially concerned about this because he doesn't feel as strongly about the whole issue and thinks it's going to awkward to tell his family not to post pictures when it happens.

At this point I think we've decided to create some sort of private site to share pictures with those close to us, spread the word that we've chosen to have a "Facebook free baby" and deal with individual pictures as it occurs. I think it's easier to start by not sharing and change our minds then begin by sharing and trying to stop it later on.

deuxbouledogues · July 2016

We have pix of Elliott here, on FB, and on Instagram. I personally am not worried but I am also thoughtful about what pictures I choose to put up. I definitely agree that no one should be posting or sharing pix on social media without an OK by mom and dad.

rnyland1 · July 2016

I'm with @theshannondee on this one. We post pics on social media. But not excessively...I also won't post any nude pictures of DS1 or any pictures of him on the potty, etc. The line has to be drawn somewhere.

TiffRox81 · July 2016

We've shared a few since she's been born. She's my profile photo on FB and I posted one of her on the 4th. My FB is very private and my friends are all just friends and family. I plan to limit my posting of her to occasional at best but a lot of that has to do with how crazy moms drive me who post every freaking day about their kid. At the end of the day, as cute and special as she is to us, I know that's not the case for everyone, lol.

megstervt · July 2016

thanks guys. I think for me the hesitation comes from people being able to save and share pictures and not having control over that. I used to never give much thought to privacy in that sense on the internet. I mean, my picture here is DH and I so clearly I'm not that concerned about it for me, but it somehow feels different for my kiddo. Much of my family and friends live far away so I'm trying to find the balance of sharing with them (but not oversharing!) but also protecting my child's privacy.

abpl2014 · July 2016

We have posted Henry's pictures on here,FB, and Instagram. Like @TiffRox81 said I will not be one of those moms that post every little thing their child does! A few updates for family and friends every once and awhile will be good for us!

babycakesday · July 2016

My husband and I have been having this conversation lately. My FIL is a big poster on facebook, like everything we do and where we go has to be catalogued on FB. I don't want pictures of my kid all over the internet especially when I don't know what kind of privacy settings or who half of these friends are. I know my parents and his parents and siblings will want to post some pictures, but I would like some control over what gets posted. Especially because my family lives half way across the country so FB and the internet is the easiest way to keep them involved. It's absolutely crazy to think that when we were kids our parents never had these concerns, but now it's such a huge security issue.

arhodes6 · July 2016

@megstervt my DH and I aren't very confrontational either but we had an issue last night that made me ragey. My mom asked me to share a few pics with her so I did not thinking she would put them on FB. Later we saw she put a huge post with all the pics I shared with her and asked for prayers for us because we are still in the hospital ( DS has jaundice and needs the billi lights). Those pics we took for us and didn't want them on social media. And one of them I was breast feeding in! I called her to tell her she shouldn't have posted that and that they needed to come down because those weren't hers to share. I also freaked out that she would post a pic of me in my bra only. She said she didn't notice that I was in my Bra and no shirt and only saw how cute the baby was.

Needless to say, she will not be receiving pics from me anymore unless she agrees they will not go on social media.

adough27 · July 2016

DH and I are going to share pictures on FB sparingly, we already use FB so sparingly, that we naturally would not have that many posts. Although we have had trouble with our friends and family sharing our pregnancy on FB. We made it clear that we were not doing a pregnancy announcement, and people still posted pictures of our showers and congratulatory comments. If people continue to not respect our wishes, then they will be blocked, we don't have time for family and friends that will not respect our privacy.

megstervt · July 2016

@arhodes6 ack! I don't think we have anyone that would post a picture of me like that, but that would send me over the edge too! There is a big part of me that feels bad because I know my mom is SO excited about this child and wants to share him with her friends. I know she would respect my wishes, but be disappointed in the decision and that's almost worse then her just going against my wishes.

setosh · July 2016

I'm not really concerned about posting pictures of the LO on FB. Both sets of LO's grandparents barely post on there and don't have Instagram. My boyfriend and I rarely post on FB or IG. Of course I wouldn't post nude pictures and all of our accounts are private. We almost never share our locations. I don't think anyone cares enough to steal my pictures and claim that he is someone else's baby, but people can be crazy.

crixiegirl · July 2016

My SO and I are not posting anything on social media. No announcements were made on social media either of the pregnancy. People we want to know, know. There are family issues on my side that we are also trying to avoid so that is another reason we aren't posting on social media.
I've thought about a private page or Instagram and for now we are saying no. I have a shared Google photos folder for now that I'm putting things in and after that it will be Snapchat. Snapchat will only be sent directly to people and not put on the story feature. We even had a sign at our baby shower to not post anything on social media, but that was more to avoid the family issues. That request will still stand when LO is here.
I don't like confrontation, but I have no problem telling people what I want when it comes to my kids and if that isn't respected then we will definitely have a problem and they will know about it.
I think everyone is entitled to feel how they want about it, but it comes down to what mom and dad agree on and that should be respected. If people want to share with certain friends or what not then they can text or email a pic to those people, not blast it out for the world to see IMO.

ktomorrow · July 2016

DH researched social media privacy and we plan to use Flickr for more comprehensive family/friends photo shares. We aren't going to quibble about a few pics on FB or IG but will discourage mass uploads.

kellz14 · July 2016

@ktomorrow What is it about Flickr that made you feel it was better for privacy? Other than it's not as much of a social media site like FB or IG? I work in IT and am a big privacy nerd so I'm into this stuff...

deuxbouledogues · July 2016

@megstervt I think the most important thing is trusting your gut and if you don't want a single pic out there, don't feel obliged! I don't think you will ever regret not posting enough on social media. Especially if you have concerns about family reposting. Do what is right for your family and your comfort.

megstervt · July 2016

Has anyone used Notabli? It was recommended by another mom in a facebook group I'm a part of. A quick glance at the app makes it seem pretty cool and seems to have a lot of the features we want (and want to avoid).

LF93 · July 2016

I'm going to announce on Facebook and have no problem showing a couple of pictures of LO online but I'm going to tell my family not to share just random pictures. I don't mind if they are in the picture with LO but not to have it just as the baby (all those creeps that steal pictures) and 100% I'm not going to be a mom that shares 124232 pictures a day of baby doing nothing! Those people drive me crazy!

ktomorrow · July 2016

@kellz14 we and our families are not tech savvy. We like that Flickr is common and familiar, allows us to prevent downloads by viewers, and avoids confusing fam the way posting pics to our limited and private fb account would. (B/c then fam thinks they can share our posts and are hurt when our privacy settings on the photos prevent their friends from seeing them).

babycakesday · July 2016

Our friends use google photos to share and keep all of their photos together. I can post to them, but I just checked and I can also download the photos. I might look into some of these other places to see if maybe we can find a different way to share pictures.

aimz2377 · July 2016

TiffRox81 said:

We've shared a few since she's been born. She's my profile photo on FB and I posted one of her on the 4th. My FB is very private and my friends are all just friends and family. I plan to limit my posting of her to occasional at best but a lot of that has to do with how crazy moms drive me who post every freaking day about their kid. At the end of the day, as cute and special as she is to us, I know that's not the case for everyone, lol.

All of this, exactly.

coffeeandcupcakes · July 2016

@babycakesday Do we have the same FIL?

Mine posts on FB constantly all day long. When we shared with our parents we were pregnant the second thing we had to tell them was that we were not sharing on social media about my pregnancy or the child at all. He was very put off by this but at least has honored our request. We did remind everyone again that once that baby is born no pictures are to be posted on the internet, and we will probably have to remind again when they see the baby for the first time.

For us we decided we didn't want to share because of security issues as well as feeling like our child should be the one who decides if he wants all these public images of him out there for the world to see. There are many pictures of myself that friends have posted that I would rather not be public. Even though I might not be tagged in them they can still be found and shared. It seems so far away and who knows what the future holds, but what if my child wants to run for public office or have some sort of high profile job? I'd rather give him a clean slate to work with vs. someone being able to dig up pictures of him with avocado smashed all over his face. Now when he becomes a teenager and decides he wants to post then fine.. his decision.

Also- I will say that not announcing I'm pregnant on social media has helped keep the "have you had that baby yet" questions to a minimum. Plus they are coming from good friends and family, not acquaintances on facebook!

whataboutscience · July 2016

We have no problem sharing pictures on FB with friends or having family do the same. We do not allow nude/diaper/underwear pictures and have been clear with the one set of grandparents that babysit regularly and like to share what they've been up to with DD. At the hospital when she was born, they got a shot of her in a diaper. I asked them to please delete it and they were very understanding.

Racso12 · July 2016

For now we are using the photo sharing feature on the iPhone. My husband created an album and invited the grandparents, aunts and uncles to join. It's a really nice feature. Anyone can add pictures to the album and people can like and comment on pictures as well. I think there is a way you can change the settings so only certain people can add pictures, like if we wanted only me and my husband adding to the album.

[Deleted User] · July 2016

@megstervt we use notabli just between us. I absolutely love it! For family, we have a private folder in Google Drive.

We are not ones to post on FB much, and we had a talk with our families about not posting too much of E. My SIL won't listen and posts so many pics. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do about it.

DachshundMomma · July 2016

Brought this conversation up with DH. That went over like a lead balloon.

Being a military family we don't see much of anyone so a lot of times Facebook is how we see pictures and keep updated. I don't understand why having them sent privately in a message and being able to control who sees and shares them is a big deal. We can control our privacy settings, but not those of our family/friends. He and I both have family members that share way too much on Facebook and social media and don't seem to fully understand Internet security.

I have a feeling this will be an ongoing topic of conversation.

megstervt · July 2016

@schaze we downloaded Notabli tonight and so far I'm liking it! I love that DH can upload and be an admin, so it feels more like "our" thing rather than separate accounts. I do wish we could prevent others from saving pictures, but I appreciate they can't directly share to other social media. We're planning on sending a message to family after he's here letting them know about the app and our decision to only have pics there. Right now it's feeling like a good compromise for everyone.

eymi · July 2016

I've spent so much time thinking about this issue and it's refreshing to see that it's on so many of your minds too. My mom has over 600 "friends" on fb from games she plays and constantly uploads pictures of my nephews. I've talked to her about my privacy concerns but I just don't know if she gets it. She doesn't know most of those people! And I know it's summer but I cringe every time I see a picture of the boys (4 and 5) without a shirt. Maybe it's a little overprotective but if they were my kids I wouldn't even want those on my page where I know the security settings are tight! I'm very nonconfrontational but I'm bracing myself for the struggle. I've also been putting off the "please don't post any updates or announcements until after we do" reminder, but with a week until my due date, I guess I should get on that.

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