Telling a friend who is trying

Re: Telling a friend who is trying

• Wholesome member

  July 2016

  Hi!  We had a really good discussion about this kind of thing a bit ago.  I apologize for not being able to paste the link here but if you search for "how to tell a friend who is struggling with infertility" it should pop right up for you.  ...and as a person who spent quite a while trying to have baby number 1, thank you for being concerned about your friend.

  
  

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• Wholesome member

  July 2016

  Wait a minute.  I was just revisiting that thread and saw that you posted in it as well.  

  
  

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• EH112212 member

  July 2016

  thanks,  I completely forgot about that discussion. preggo brain at its finest :-p

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• ThePax89 member

  July 2016

  Very courteous to send a text first. I dealt with loss and would certainly appreciate that. 

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• katesmama0706 member

  July 2016

  It sounds like you got some feedback on another thread too? That thread had some great ideas. I went through this with my SIL last time around, she was dealing with a year+ of infertility and multiple losses and I was so worried about telling her when we announced to the family so my husband called her husband so the news came from a safe person on her own terms and she could react however she needed to. In your situation I'd definitely text her and let her know before you tell everyone else so she can feel whatever she needs to feel then be happy for you when you tell everyone else. 

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• Teach123 member

  July 2016

  We have close friends who have been dealing with infertility for about 10 years. There has been at least one miscarriage that I know of, and I'm sure a lot more that they just stopped talking about because it was too painful.  Last pregnancy my husband told her husband, and I just let that be enough. I think she was hurt or thought I was avoiding her though, so this time I plan to send her a personal message letting her know we are expecting. I'll just make it short and sweet. I don't think telling her in person or in a group announcement setting would be a good situation.

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• gapeachrn member

  July 2016

  I have a friend that has been trying for YEARS and is now in the process of starting IVF. She knew of my previous losses so I think it slightly helped the situation. In the end, she was happy for us. It's a hard situation to be on the other side seeing all of the announcements. Just give her time!

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• LynnNJ member

  July 2016

  Definitely give her a heads up before sharing with everyone at work. I remember reading about similar situations in the infertility board from the other person's point of view. This may give you some insight on the best approach as well as how to approach the friendship moving forward. Mentioning that you know she is going through a difficult time in this area, but you wanted to make sure she knew about this before it is announced may show sensitivity toward her feelings. You can also mention that you'll leave the ball in her court as far as how much she wants to hear about your pregnancy, but that you are thinking about her. Although I was actually really happy to hear about other people getting pregnant while I was going through my own situation,  there were some things that annoyed me that people said. From what I read in other threads, many people dealing with infertility have people spring the news of a friend's pregnancy in ways that are insensitive or upsetting and it can create some distance. I am sure your friend will be happy for you. Just make sure you acknowledge her feelings about not wanting to say abutting to upset her.

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• sagoon member

  July 2016

  I think giving her a heads up is a great idea.  It allows her to gather her emotions end prepare herself instead of being totally blindsided at work.  I would appreciate it if I were in her place.
  

  
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