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September 2015 Moms
kmcshane0211
member
Would you put a whole blueberry in your LOs mouth?!
kmcshane0211
member
A whole freakin' blueberry?!
We've been letting baby girl self-feed since 6 months. In the last month Shes really taken off with it, largely I believe bc we just stuck with it, never pressure her, rarely spoon-feed (nothing wrong with it at all it's just not what we do). Now that she had her pincer grasp, we offer small pieces and she eats quite a bit at some meals and a lot at others! Meals when she doesn't eat a lot, I don't stress bc I know she'll just drink more milk. No big deal.
Insert my sneaky, boundary-crossing, pushy, know-it-all MIL. (She has lovely qualities too! But it's like when she has her mind set on something she turns it on.)
Shes on board with BLW for the most part but just isn't laid back or patient enough to really let my baby girl lead. Whenever we're together she's constantly tapping her tray, moving the food toward her, and other methods of trying to "entice" her. Never mind the fact she's actually just distracting her from doing her thing so it looks like she doesn't eat food when she's around MIL.
I got over the fact that when I left to use the bathroom I heard her say "get the spoon!", As she then proceeded to start spoon feeding my baby girl when she knows we rarely do it. (Not a good look MIL. Sneaky.) But she then shoved an entire blueberry in her mouth. Like, popped it in there. Can anyone else's baby SAFELY CHEW AND SWALLOW A WHOLE FREAKING BLUEBERRY?!?? We've been cutting them in quarters and halves if their squishy. Even still, I don't stick it in her mouth. She picks it up or I hold it in front of her and she'll take it off my finger.
What puzzles me most is that she's a nurse and constantly uses her title to try and gain power bc she "knows". She is the queen of safety yet she keeps pushing us to give LO bigger pieces. That's another matter but a whole blueberry??? She was being sneaky when she did it too. Turned her back to me, popped it in and said "oops". I saw the whole thing.
I've really REALLY toned down my reactions to others' nonsense with my daughter bc I realized this would just be one very loooong life of being defensive if every comment bothered me. But this makes no sense to me.
Am I way off base here? How big are the pieces you offer?
We've been letting baby girl self-feed since 6 months. In the last month Shes really taken off with it, largely I believe bc we just stuck with it, never pressure her, rarely spoon-feed (nothing wrong with it at all it's just not what we do). Now that she had her pincer grasp, we offer small pieces and she eats quite a bit at some meals and a lot at others! Meals when she doesn't eat a lot, I don't stress bc I know she'll just drink more milk. No big deal.
Insert my sneaky, boundary-crossing, pushy, know-it-all MIL. (She has lovely qualities too! But it's like when she has her mind set on something she turns it on.)
Shes on board with BLW for the most part but just isn't laid back or patient enough to really let my baby girl lead. Whenever we're together she's constantly tapping her tray, moving the food toward her, and other methods of trying to "entice" her. Never mind the fact she's actually just distracting her from doing her thing so it looks like she doesn't eat food when she's around MIL.
I got over the fact that when I left to use the bathroom I heard her say "get the spoon!", As she then proceeded to start spoon feeding my baby girl when she knows we rarely do it. (Not a good look MIL. Sneaky.) But she then shoved an entire blueberry in her mouth. Like, popped it in there. Can anyone else's baby SAFELY CHEW AND SWALLOW A WHOLE FREAKING BLUEBERRY?!?? We've been cutting them in quarters and halves if their squishy. Even still, I don't stick it in her mouth. She picks it up or I hold it in front of her and she'll take it off my finger.
What puzzles me most is that she's a nurse and constantly uses her title to try and gain power bc she "knows". She is the queen of safety yet she keeps pushing us to give LO bigger pieces. That's another matter but a whole blueberry??? She was being sneaky when she did it too. Turned her back to me, popped it in and said "oops". I saw the whole thing.
I've really REALLY toned down my reactions to others' nonsense with my daughter bc I realized this would just be one very loooong life of being defensive if every comment bothered me. But this makes no sense to me.
Am I way off base here? How big are the pieces you offer?
Re: Would you put a whole blueberry in your LOs mouth?!
I also agree with @dmbfan46835...
Secondary and most annoying is definitely that she has major boundary issues. She always has. She's the kind of woman who has an opinion on everything. For example, when we moved into our home years ago there were discussions on where we should put our couch. Really? Who effing cares?! Go eat a sandwhich and relax. Lol... She's been saying we need to give bigger pieces and I'm certain this was her way to "show us" that she's ready. Not her place.
Specific to BLW which I really really believe in, it's her pushing food on LO that just gets me. She's trying to shove crap into her mouth constantly.
This is morning I texted her an informational pamphlet on BLW, including the "don'ts". I'm done tip-toeing around and actually feel better after having done so. My husband is good at speaking up but just doesn't see it in the moment like I do. I'll continue to pick my battles, but I think I'll have to be more assertive in the spot.
Thank you loves!
It's just frustrating bc I feel like I have to amp up my energy when I go there bc I know I'll have to assert myself. You can't relax when you're around her; it leads to her walking all over you.
But nobody should be presenting food without your okay.
But it what about those family who do? What have you said that makes sense/works?
MIL seems to think it's free reign. Baby makes a peep and it's, "oh are you hungry?" {gets the blueberries} and pops one in her mouth. This is in the middle of her playing/walking around. Personally, I just don't think kids need to eat that often and never mind that that approach is nowhere near our preferred method of baby self-regulating by self-leading. She's like that with her other two grandkids and the parents never say anything. But they live out of state and see them less often but I'm thinking now that it's more necessary for us to set our own rules since we see her much more often.
clearly, I've got to get a backbone here. I just HATE dealing with this crap. She's so pushy it makes me uncomfortable to push back. It's so awkward and takes so much energy. Thanks for letting me think/talk it through here. This is helping!
My LO has been eating blueberries for months.
All of your responses have been so helpful to remind me that so many people would feel how I felt. When I feel frustrated by it, I tend to slide back into telling myself it's "my issue". Well, partly it is bc some people may be able to just brush it off. But she truly does have boundary issues. And I think now that it's in regards to MY CHILD it's driving me crazy when I don't speak up.
I will talk with my husband about tactful but assertive ways to speak up in these sorts of situations. She is NOT the type of woman who will respond well to very direct and hard boundaries. I will need to be more savvy if I want to continue to foster a healthy relationship with my daughter and her grandmother. Thanks again, everyone.
anyway, MIL came over during our dinner time last night to drop something off and she did the tapping on the tray! Annoying! I thought of your post. Then she kept adjusting his bib. So he would stop eating because she was interrupting him and then she would tap again at the tray again. If she just left him alone, he would have happily ate! He started fussing and then FIL reached from behind him to squeeze his shoulders. LO didn't know what was going on and screamed louder!!! DH finally told them that they are just making him fuss / making the situation worse. Crying babies make them leave anyway so they left. I don't want to create issues either because they will be around for awhile but I did not need a stressful dinner after working all day. But the tapping!!! Oh the tapping. In hindsight, I wish I just slid the baby chair closer to my chair and told her to just sit and chat with us so he could eat.
Regardless of the safety of whole blueberries I'd be pissed if anyone was trying to be sneaky with my DS knowing that something wasn't ok with me or my DS. That's just disrespectful and a pain. I'm sorry she sounds awful. Definitely set boundaries before your daughter is old enough to pick up on more stuff.
Ultimately you don't want her disrespecting or disagreeing with you in front of LO because it sets a bad example
Best of luck!
Truth be told, she might do okay w/ whole blueberries at this point; it should definitely be your choice, though.
Kind of a side story: We're way too relaxed with five kids--we give George a partially eaten, full-sized apple to gnaw on sometimes (because he loves it so much with all the teeth coming in), in addition to whole Goldfish crackers. We watch him like a hawk, though. The other day he started choking on a cracker and I took him out of the high chair and started doing back blows (while the neighbor kids who were playing at our house looked at me like I was insane), and the Goldfish came out and he was totally fine (thank God). It was scary, but it's kind of something that they have to go through, you know? The learning-to-chew and swallow process is often really messy and terrifying for the parents.
George (3)
It's helpful to hear that too from someone who has five children, so clearly you've been through all this before! Thanks again
George (3)
Thanks everyone!
I know this post is a month old now, I'm just here to commiserate, offer my own little berry-related vent, and tell you that, like many of the other mums on this thread, we crush blueberries before offering them.
Begin vent (read: stop reading here if you dislike long responses): On our last weekend stay at the in-laws', little man had a bit of a diaper rash. The first morning, MIL very kindly asked if he had eaten raspberries yet and whether or not he could try them. Pleasantly surprised, I went on to explain that we'd better hold off on giving him any since, if he reacted to them, I wouldn't be able to tell because of the existing diaper rash. She graciously agreed. That afternoon, as I was about to put him down for his nap, I noticed bright red smudges all around his mouth. He had been playing with her right before nap time while I got the room ready. So I went downstairs to wipe off his mouth and, while doing so, I asked her point-blank what the stains were from. She said, "Raspberries." I lost my mind. I have a lot of patience, but when I finally run out, I can get scary. Bottle, bottle, bottle, BURST. And that's exactly what happened. I was shaking as I held my baby and tried to explain in broken Czech that it's not the one or two raspberries I'm mad about, it's the lack of respect for me as a mom. Words just kept pouring out and then I stormed upstairs and read while baby slept so that I could cool down and gain control of my emotions.
When I came down later, I calmly told her that I had done some thinking. Things between us could either get better or worse. It was up to us to decide. My choice was for them to get better. If that was also her wish, we would have to try on both sides to be more respectful of one another. She got teary and agreed. They're here visiting us this weekend and so far, it's been okay, but not without incident. Like you, I'm trying to pick my battles and speak up when necessary. I'm also trying to be brave about nipping things in the bud which, until now, I have been terrible at doing for fear of hurting other people's feelings. But I'm to the point now that I just don't care, not with her. I know that's sad and I don't like it, but that's the way it is.
Long story short, I totally get where you're coming from. I think it's smart that you and your husband have talked about it, see eye to eye, and have set better boundaries for yourselves. You're going to be happier for it in the long run. These pushy, know-it-all, do-what-I-want personalities are not easy to deal with and, sadly, unlikely to change. I'm sorry that a kind person like you gets walked all over every time you see her. If it gives you any peace at all, we are in a very similar situation. Best of luck to you! I hope your efforts pay off.
Yes. We have SUCH similar babies and situations. It's so helpful to hear from someone who gets it.
My husband and I are actually in marriage counseling (it's going so well and we're coming out of this adjustment period stronger than ever. Yay!) and we told our counselor about our stresses with MIL. She basically said "yea, she sounds super controlling and disrespectful of you both. So, why do you spend so much time together?" Crickets. We've now realized we have MUCH more power in the situation and have ZERO obligation to someone who is going to take advantage/be obtrusive/controlling and cause us stress. So, for now we are limiting contact and have sort of vowed that if we are together and she starts at it, we are just going to leave. This helps us greatly too when my husband's brother, wife and kids are in town bc that SIL is such a pot stirrer and when she's around she causes so much stress/trouble in a very sneaky way...mainly by throwing out comments or bringing up issues that we all know stress MIL (often throwing me under the bus) in front of MIL which causes her to get anxious and amp up her controlling behaviors. It's a flippin' MESS. It's obnoxious to be around when you can see it all unfold but feel like you don't want to cause more drama by calling it out. Of course, by calling out all their crappy behaviors *I* would be deemed the "dramatic" one. No thanks.
So, when they're in town we are totally going to limit time as well.
and re: you're MIL: Why even ask? My MIL would have flat out lied, even though the red juice and empty raspberry container would be on the counter. Omg. "raspberries". Rude! Good for you for being so assertive. I envy your courage and strength.