A little long, but please read. Need the advice..
Having a moral dilemma with wanting to get pregnant. My husband and I recently got married (less than a year now) but we've been together for 8 years now. He's always said he doesn't "care" to have kids, but would always say too "when or if we have kids....". He's also known that I am dead set on having them and recently asked me why it was such a big deal to me and told me that we will have them eventually just doesn't feel the rush. He is 34 and I am 32. I can't really say that I want them RIGHT NOW but deep down inside wouldn't mind if I got pregnant any time now. He's not being very clear on the "eventually" part either. I really don't want to wait another 2-3 years.
My dilemma - I stopped BC about 6 months ago and haven't told him. I kinda think he knows since he never sees me take them anymore, but thats just an assumption, and we've never talked about it. Before you get judgy about me not telling him...YET, I have to say why. The main reason is because we rarely have sex, I mean maybe once a month if I'm lucky. He's "working" on that issue. So me getting pregnant would have to be some good timing and because I'm not really trying right now, I don't pay attention to the timing. Another reason is because I found out I have CIN3 cells and recently had to have the LEEP which means my cervix is not in the best working condition and the likelihood of conceiving right now I don't think is very high. Another reason why I haven't told him is because he told someone in front of me that if we have kids I'm going to have to get him drunk and make it happen because he doesn't really want to know. It was a joke, but knowing our situation, its stayed in my mind, that that is probably going to be the way it happens. I don't think he'll ever "try" to have them. On the other hand, I'm afraid that if I do get pregnant sometime soon by some miracle lol, he is going to be upset and I'd be worried about losing his trust. I guess my dilemma boils down to if I do tell him I'm off BC, he will stop having sex all together or he will start pulling out (up until about the last 5 months, he's always pulled out and randomly stopped doing that) and I risk the chance of never getting prego, but if I don't tell him, the trust might be gone, but I'll at least have a baby.
Thank you for reading and your advice!