When to tell the boss... — The Bump
Pregnant after IF

When to tell the boss...

Obviously this is WAY early, but it's weighing on my mind so I thought I would get it out there.

I transitioned to a new position (new office, new supervisor, new title, same company) about a month ago, and before I even got the job I mentioned to the supervisor that I didn't want to leave him high and dry because DH and I were TTC and I didn't want to quit on him 6 months from now or something. He hired me anyway, and now I'm due at the end of January. Tentatively, I'm thinking I will just not come back after Christmas. As soon as I tell him that I'm pregnant, he's probably going to immediately remember our conversation and that I'm likely to quit once baby comes. Legally he can't fire me for being pregnant, so I'm safe there, but I want to tell him my plans ASAP (without shooting myself in the foot.) I'll at least wait until 12 weeks to tell him that I'm pregnant, but should I wait a little longer since I'll eventually be telling him that I'm not coming back? I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn't.

What are your plans for telling work?

---Trigger warning---

Me: 31 DH: 27
TTC since April 2013
Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
IVF round 1: January 2016
ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
EDD: January 27, 2017
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: When to tell the boss...

  • My work already knows that I am pregnant. They all knew why I was leaving for 3 weeks travelling to Prague and they actually asked me point blank when I returned. I didn't mind. I am an open book about this whole process.

    As far as telling them that I am not coming back... I haven't quite figured out when I might do that. I can use FMLA and apply for the voluntarily leave transfer program where other people in my government organization can donate leave once I run out of my accrued sick leave and annual leave. My dilemma is potentially applying for that knowing that I don't plan to return. It feels dishonest but also having a pay check a little longer sure would be nice.

    I really am no help but I think that giving a 1-2 month notice would be nice.

    ***TW****MC mentioned & BFP mentioned***


    me 38 DH 39.  
    TTC#1 since July 2014
    AMH 0.1, DOR, Poor responder
    Moved to Prague, Czech Republic for IVF
    2 Natural IVF cycles, 3 full IVF cycles, 4 transfers, 1 BFP - heard heartbeat at 6w5d
    Diagnosed MMC at 9w1d on 11/30/15
    Headed back home to Colorado 12/12/15

    DE attempt in Czech Republic!! 

    March trip to Prague canceled due to Pancreatitis. :sob:
    Headed to Prague April 30
    3 different donors resulted in 1 PGS tested embryo and 1 fresh embryo
    2 embryo's transferred (from 2 different donors) on 5/10/16
    BFP on 5/15/16 at 5dp5dt
    Beta 1 = 81 at 8dp5dt, Beta 2 = 295 at 10dp5dt, Beta 3 = 891 at 12dt5dt. Beta 4 = 2114 at 14dp5dt, Beta 5 = 4916 at 16dp5dt, Beta 6 = 13252 at 19dp5dt
    Heartbeat at 6w5d 133BPM <3
    We are having a GIRL!!! Due Jan 26, 2017


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    My blog: www.wearethehammitts.blogspot.com

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  • Thanks @susykat77 There was a big company transition and we are still trying to fill one of the other admin positions, so I definitely want to give them as much time as possible to place me without it being "we found your replacement, bye!"

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
    susykat77
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  • @dragonfaerie I think given your unique situation, I would wait longer to tell them. I can't remember if you're having a singleton or twins, but if you're just having one, you probably won't be showing enough for people to be able to tell until about 17 or 18 weeks. I'd probably tell them then. If they ask you point blank if you're planning on returning, I wouldn't lie to them. But, I wouldn't offer up that information until 3 or 2 months before your due date (adjusting accordingly if you're having twins). While they can't fire you because you are pregnant, they could probably develop other reasons, especially when the third tri insomnia, fatigue, and pregnancy brain set in. And, FYI, the pregnancy brain struggle is real (it's been hitting me hard the last few days).
    Married to DH 10/6/12
    TTC since 5/14
    Unexplained with (controlled) hypothyroidism and suspected ovulatory dysfunction (but, I do ovulate on my own)
    Clomid 50 mg 3/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
    Clomid 50 mg + metformin 4/15 (unmonitored) - BFN 
    First RE appt. 5/15; Natural cycle 5/15 monitored with 2 mature follicles and Pregnyl Trigger (full dose) + prometrium - BFN
    6/15 HSG - clear tubes & normal uterus; great PCT test results
    TI - 100 mg Clomid + prometrium (AM & PM) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 6-7/15 (monitored) --> no additional response and thinned lining - BFN
    TI - Injectables (follistim + Gonal-F, Ganirelix, & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 9/15 --> 3-7 mature follicles (3 definites and 4+ that could have matured due to trigger) @ O -->BFN + 5 large cysts
    BC for 2 weeks due to cysts
    TI - Injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & full dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 10/15 --> 1 mature follicle --> BFN 
    TI - Last attempt at injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + crinone (AM only) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 11/15 --> 3-4 mature follicles --> BFP!! 11/27/15 @ 13dpo (shockingly, actually waited until then to test)

    Beta #1 @ 16dpo (11/30/15) = 1,075
    Beta #2 @ 19dpo (12/3/15) = 3,150
    One baby: Saw heartbeat @ 5w5d (114 bpm; baby measuring 2.3mm)

    "Great Things are Happening"
  • I know this is a really hard decision . I agree with @riveridgional . I think you can wait awhile but still give them plenty of time to find a replacement . I wouldn't want to risk telling too early .

    I was going to wait until about 20 weeks but I got so sick and had bleeding   so I had to tell my boss at 6-7 weeks because I was missing so much work . She was cool about it but I have been worried that they are going to try to replace me early . Right now I'm still being assigned new cases so I'll take that as a good sign . 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • My boss knew a few days after I knew. He knew about my IVF due to travelling to Denmark,I told them when I started the process. He asked if it was ok to ask once in a while how I was doing, and I didn't mind that at all.
    The leaving the company part I did not directly tell my boss, when we got a reminder of severance pay if we would leave the company came when I was on sick leave and right after sick leave I had a week vacation.
    My boss got called the day before I came back at work. We spoke openly about the reason for me wanting to leave (living closer to family) and work has managed to bend the rules and give me my final day after my maternity leave so I wouldn't miss out on extra payments. (holiday pay, insurance, pension, ..) which is awesome.
    But to be fair I do live in a country that is extremely nice to its momma's so that made it less stressfull for me to tell anything.

    **********************************************************************************************************************************

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  • Thank you guys, I appreciate all of the feedback!
    I will definitely wait as long as I can to tell him, and then go from there about letting him know I'm not coming back.

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • ZoeFerZoeFer
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I told my supervisor very early but my situation is very different than yours.
    It really depends on your body, but i started to show at 14-15 weeks for sure, it was especially too obvious for people that knew I was TTC. So you might not be able to hide it after 12-13 weeks , depending on your body.
    The only comment i want to make is that i think you don't have to tell them you are not planning to go back to work at this point. You can discuss your plans with HR and supervisor later. 

  • My supervisor knew about the whole thing. I told her from the start. Which was a good thing because she went through ivf herself for a number of years. However, my store manager doesn't know and the two of us have this sick joke we will play on him. Lol. We are each other's right hand but TBH he's going to be lost without. He has mild panic attacks when they talk about moving me up to a new store. So the joke is that I am going to pull my supervisor and manager aside and tell them I am quitting...in 6months. I'll let that sit and see if it sinks into him that I'm pregnant. Lol. Horrible person but we prank each other all the time.
  • @Foxy8609 That's funny, and I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your boss. :) My old boss I would have happily told by now, but with this transition I just don't want to say anything until I have to. I'm thinking that in a few weeks I won't be able to hide it anymore and it will be time.

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
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